Discovering What’s Most Important to You

When you think about the future, what do you want to see happen? What’s important to you? What do you love and value? When you’re eighty, what will you regret not doing? Start thinking about it without editing yourself. There will be plenty of time later to make changes. Just write it down for now. Focus on the things you’re willing to work for. And as you start thinking about what your dreams are, I want you to think in three different categories: short term, long term, and shared. These three categories will help you both discover what’s most important to you and prioritize what you do when.

Short-Term Dreams

I’m all for big dreams! That said, they’re not all doable right away, so I want to encourage you to think about dreams in the short term separately from dreams in the long term. Short-term dreams are obtainable in two years or less. Anything longer, I consider a long-term dream. Short-term dreams are exciting because they’re attainable in the near future. If you’re more of a realist, you’ll likely love short-term dreams because the steps are clearly defined with less room for ambiguity. If you’re more of a dreamer, you’ll love short-term dreams because they will give you quick wins. Some examples of short-term dreams are:

1. Take your kids to experience a national park.

2. Get out of debt so you get to keep all of your income.

3. Move to a different home.

4. Stay home with your kids and homeschool them.

5. Travel to a country you’ve always wanted to explore.

6. Start painting again and sell your art.

The powerful thing about short-term dreams is that they’re like fuel. They usually cost less money to accomplish, and—because they’re quicker to achieve—they’re super motivating. You can also see pretty easily the steps involved in making short-term dreams a reality, including what sacrifices you’ll need to make. If you’re just cutting expenses for the heck of it, you can run out of steam quickly because there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. But when you’re aiming for something you care about, the hard work and sacrifices are bearable—even energizing.

Maybe you’re saving like crazy to go to the beach. You’re six months out, and you want to hit a certain number in your bank account in order to cash flow the trip. Cutting your restaurant budget in half for the next six months may not sound like a good time, but man, you’re going to eat well and have a blast at the beach! Or maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to bake beautiful tarts and pies. Signing up for a culinary class will mean devoting one night a week to learning the basics of baking. Plus, you’ll have to practice in order to get it right. (Can I volunteer as taste tester?) But it’ll be so worth it to get to serve amazing desserts to friends and family. Whatever the sacrifice is or money you need to save—when you’re doing it for something better, you have hope and motivation that keeps you driving forward.

Winston and I recently finished saving for a short-term dream. We knew we wanted to get a new car once our third baby came into the picture, and I had my eye on that new minivan I talked about earlier. That’s right! As a mom with three kids, a minivan was my dream car. I can hear the haters now—“that’s not a cool mom car!”—but let me tell you, this van has more bells and whistles than my old SUV did—and for way less! And don’t even get me started on the seats that move side to side for the kids to get in and out of quickly, plus automatic doors and more. (I could be a minivan saleswoman in a different life!) This was a short-term dream that required some discipline to save what we needed. We had to say no to some fun things in order to say yes to the van, but I’m so grateful we did because now I get to enjoy it every single day.

Long-Term Dreams

Long-term dreams take longer than two years to achieve either because they’re larger in scope (like paying off your house) or because they happen later in life (like saving for retirement). Also, long-term dreams often include what I call your “so that.” You want to build wealth so that you have the freedom to pursue the projects most important to you. You want to build wealth so that you can build a school for a village in a developing country. You want to build wealth so that you can pay for your children’s college education. Again, paying off debt isn’t the ultimate goal here. Building wealth isn’t even our end game. You want to pay off debt and build wealth so that you can live life on your own terms.

Now obviously, it usually costs a lot more to save for long-term dreams than it does for short-term dreams. If you’re a realist, long-term dreams can give you a sense of relief because time is on your side to accomplish them. All the charts and figures and plans you need to achieve a long-term dream don’t have to happen overnight. For you dreamers though, you may need to take a deep breath. Patience is key. Don’t get discouraged or worn down by the length of time it takes. If you will commit deeply to these goals, they will actually keep you motivated for the long haul. Some examples of long-term dreams are:

1. Start and grow your own business.

2. Be a significant supporter of women and children rescued from human trafficking.

3. Be financially secure so you can volunteer your time helping others.

4. Prepare and save so you can live comfortably in retirement without having to worry about money.

5. Fund someone else’s adoption.

As you consider long-term dreams, it’s important to remember that life can change a lot in just five years. I’m going to guess you had a dream five or six years ago that didn’t happen, and you’re glad it didn’t. So expect your dreams to change over time—and remember, you get to determine many of those changes!

As I’m writing this book, Winston and I are working toward a long-term dream. For years we knew we wanted to move houses when our oldest started kindergarten, and we were saving for it all along. We started looking around a while back, and a new neighborhood popped up in the exact area we were looking to move. They had a few lots available, so after a lot of conversation, Winston and I decided to build a house from scratch even though we hadn’t seriously considered it before.

We had heard a ton of horror stories about couples building houses together. So we went into the process with as much perspective and preparation as possible. As I’m writing this, we’re now just a few months from moving in, and it has seriously been one of the most fun things we’ve done as a couple. We often laugh about the fact that Winston has a thousand hobbies and I don’t have any. (Well, I always say relationships are my hobby because I love hanging out with my friends over a good meal!) But building this home together has become a favorite hobby for us over the past year.

Surprisingly, as wonderful as the house itself is and as much as I look forward to this next season of life in it, the process of real­izing this dream has been as energizing to us as the actual finished house. There’s something incredibly powerful about working toward and achieving a dream. Since I’ve been following the Baby Steps my whole life, Winston and I are on Baby Step 7 and are fully committed to building this house debt-free. Because of that, we tightened up our budget, saved every penny we could, and said no to ourselves a lot. But all of those sacrifices and staying disciplined in our spending month after month have actually been incredibly rewarding as we’ve worked toward our dream.

Shared Dreams

As you consider your dreams and what’s most important to you, I also want you to think about the people you love the most. Shared dreams are ones you save for that involve more than just you or giving generously to someone else. They’re dreams you want to accomplish with your favorite people.

Like I mentioned earlier, other than building our house, Winston and I don’t share a common hobby. You’re not going to find me taking on his love for camping in a tent in the freezing cold! And if you’re married, there’s a good chance you’re married to your opposite too. Extroverts often marry introverts. Spenders marry savers. Nerds marry free spirits.

I love New York City. I would move there tomorrow if I could. Winston, on the other hand, would move to a duck blind in Arkansas if he could. Those things aren’t going to change. I will never love the idea of living in an isolated place, and Winston would never want to live in the concrete jungle that is Manhattan. And that’s okay!

Even though our personal interests are different, we’re creating a life we love together. We’ve learned in our decade of marriage to not only support each other’s passions, but also to work together as a team. The word team here is important. If you and your spouse are only running in separate lanes that never intersect, you’re not setting your marriage up for success. Dreaming with your spouse is one of the things you can do to bring the two of you together. And as opposites, leaning on each other’s strengths will help you appreciate and respect one another more.

When Winston and I dream together, we are not timid. We have some of the best date nights imagining the future. We start the conversation big like, “In five years, if money were not a factor, what would our perfect life look like?” And we go from there. Where would we travel? How would we give outrageously? Where would our kids go to school? Where would we live? Nothing is off the table. We are like little kids creating our ideal world in our imaginations. It’s so much fun! And then as we see a dream come to life, we get to celebrate together and say, “Wow! We did that as a team!”

What’s wild is how much dreaming together with your spouse also improves your relationship and your money. When you and your spouse agree on a shared dream, you’re also agreeing on where your life—and marriage—are going. And when you agree on where your life and marriage are going, you naturally agree where your money is going. Take that in for a moment. Agreeing on a shared dream with your spouse brings so much unity to your relationship! In fact, 94 percent of people who say they have a great marriage work together on their long-term dreams.²⁸

Imagine for a minute knowing exactly where you want to go as a couple and you’re on the same page with your budget each month. It’s not a fighting match anymore. There are no passive-­aggressive moves. When you’re both pulling together in the same direction, your relationship is peaceful and you can gain an enormous amount of ground. And when you’re in a tough spot financially or personally, dreaming together is a way to stay motivated and keep growing together.

If you’re single, it might be taking a fun summer class with your mom or a dream vacation with your best friend. If you’re a single parent, a shared dream could include dreaming up a new holiday tradition with your children. You want to think through who in your life you want to build memories with and what would be a meaningful way to spend time together. Then figure out how much that experience will cost, and start saving up. Never allow your relationship status to keep you from creating a life you love. You’ll miss out on a big part of why you’re alive.

Okay, now that we’ve gone over how you dream and the different kinds of dreams, let’s keep going. There’s more you need to do to create a life you love!

What You Really Want

There are a couple of important things to keep in mind as we talk about dreams and saving for the future. The first is we need to acknowledge that not all dreams are created equally. Have you ever thought about that? In his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, Donald Miller tells the story of a man whose dream in life was to own a Volvo. This man works his whole life for this one solitary purpose, and at the end of the story, when the music should be crescendoing and all this man’s hard work valiantly realized, the now old man gets in his car and . . . wait for it . . . drives away in his Volvo.

And the audience goes: Uh, who cares? What’s meaningful about that? I guess he gets a courtesy clap for that?

You guys, I can totally appreciate a nice car, but our life has to be worth more than toiling away for a luxury vehicle. A nice car may be something we’d like (and it can be part of our dream), but our dreams should be bigger than a car. Dreams are supposed to pull us out of bed in the mornings. They’re supposed to inspire us and challenge us and make us better. Dreams are supposed to make a real difference in the world—both for us and for others.

So when we’re talking about creating a life you love, we’re talking about the pursuit of what matters. The extras (think #blessed posts on Instagram) are fun, but they’re just that—extra.

The other thing you want to remember is that your dream may not be what you initially thought it was. Here’s what I mean: Let’s say your first thought when I asked you what your dreams were was to buy a bigger house for your family. Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting more space for your people. But sometimes, it’s not actually more bedrooms that you want. What you really want is to spend more quality time with family, to gather with everyone more often for holidays, celebrations, and everyday moments—and that can be accomplished in other ways that are often less expensive.

So before you go charging off to chase your dreams, spend a little time drilling down on each one. Ask yourself why you want that particular thing. Why does it hold special meaning to you? How will this dream affect those closest to you? Questions like these help you get crystal clear about what it is you really want.

Making the Right Dreams Come True

Once you’ve defined your dreams, you need to prioritize them. Have you ever watched someone fill a bucket with different-sized rocks? What’s interesting is if you start with putting the little rocks in first, you won’t ever get the big ones to fit inside the bucket. But if you start with the big rocks, you’ll get the big ones and the little ones to fit. The same is true with your priorities. If you start with the easier shorter-term dreams, you’ll run out of money before you get to the super important ones like paying off debt and saving for retirement. That’s going to hurt you in the long run. But if you start with the biggies, the little ones will squeeze in there too.

The best way to prioritize your dreams is to follow the Baby Steps. When you’re paying off debt (Baby Step 2), keep your dreams close, but don’t spend money on them just yet. Once your fully funded emergency fund is in place (Baby Step 3), start saving for retirement (Baby Step 4) before you start saving for your dream vacay. It can take a little longer, but you can still do both. What you don’t want is to end up 65 years old without enough money to live on.

If you’re a dreamer and have all those new ideas every day or you’re a realist with a lot of dreams, you’re going to need to make some hard choices about what to save for. This is why knowing your why is so critical. Filter your new ideas through your why and your dreams to make the best decisions for you and your family. Let’s say you’ve got two competing dreams. One is to raise your kids in the cute New England town where you grew up and the other is to teach in an underprivileged school in a large city. You can’t do both at the same time so you’re going to have to make a choice. Use your other dreams to help you make the decision. If your children growing up near family is another dream you have, then you’ll need to put your teaching dream on hold until your kids are grown.

Once your dreams are prioritized and you’ve made the decision to move your family to New England, break each one down into smaller pieces and assign a dollar amount. This is where the realist in you comes into play. (Remember, we all need a little bit of dreamer and realist in us to make our dreams work.) So think about what it will take to get there: You’ll have to move, probably get a new job, and search for the perfect new home for your family.

None of that will happen without money—so you’ll have to save up for it. Assign a dollar amount to each step that has to happen in order to make that dream come true:

1. Search for a new job – $500 (to buy coffee or lunch for those helping you job search and to pay for help with your resumé)

2. Find a new house in the perfect spot – $30,000 (for down payment and closing costs)

3. Move – $6,000 (for moving expenses)

Then set a realistic timeframe for how long it will take to accomplish. That’s your plan, and if you’ll stick to it and readjust over time as needed, you’ll eventually get there.

Your dream may be smaller than a complete life-change too. Maybe you just want to have the time and money to take a pottery class or to check some destinations off your travel bucket list. It’s the same idea: Make a plan on paper first, and break it down into smaller steps. Then stay focused on saving for it to make it real.

Are you excited to start dreaming? Dreaming and saving will make all the difference in creating a life you love. And pinpointing your strength as either a realist or a dreamer will help you accelerate your dreams. When you’re tuned in to your dreams—zeroing in on the best ones that reflect your values and your why—you’ll be fired up to keep saving up. And the more you save, the more freedom you’ll have to follow your dreams. So have those dream meetings. Make a dream board. Write a letter to your future self about what your life will look like in ten years. Dig into the why behind those dreams. Do whatever it takes to discover and refine your dreams. They’ll motivate you when you’re tired, help you stay focused on saving when life distracts you, and serve as a constant guide to you on your journey.

Now It’s Your Turn

1. Are you wired as a dreamer or a realist? How do you know?

2. Write down the big dreams you have. Be sure to include at least one short-term dream, one long-term dream, and one shared dream. (You can have more!) When you’re eighty years old, what will you regret not doing? Be sure to spend some time drilling down what’s most important about each one.

3. Now that you have your dreams written down, which ones require you to make a plan and save money? Write down the steps to get there and start saving! You can do this!