Jon and I walked hand in hand through Central Park, the snow glittering under the bright sun and sky. It felt good. Not just to be with Jon, but to feel like me again. Not someone who was afraid of relationships, who’d grown apart from their family, who was always chasing a plan rather than listening to what I actually wanted, now, and who craved being alone. Not any more. I felt stronger now I was more exposed.
I looked at Jon, something I found myself doing every few minutes since he’d come back, like I was checking he was really there. This time he caught me.
‘What are you thinking?’ he asked, squeezing my hand.
That sometimes you might not get fire straight away, but actually that spark just needs a bit of stoking, but of course I didn’t say that. I’m not a total crazy. ‘That it turns out I’m not always right about everything, and Kim is not going to let me live this down. Thank you for making me believe.’
He shook his head. ‘This was all you. You said to me a week ago that you wished you’d had time to give Christmas a go. You wanted this. It’s not about me or anyone else “fixing” you, or telling you that you have to be in a relationship to be happy at Christmas. And you and I are a happy, unexpected outcome of a path you chose to follow to let people back in. Christmas was your catalyst, New York was your method, and connecting with people was your conclusion.’
‘And my new boyfriend is my very own wise man.’
‘That is true,’ he laughed, and pulled me into his coat with him.
My phone rang and I looked at the screen. ‘It’s Anne!’ This was a nice surprise. ‘Hi!’
‘Jack Frost it’s cold here!’ said Anne’s abrupt voice down the line.
‘In Miami?’
‘In New York. Brrrrrrrr, what the hell were you thinking getting stranded here, did Mum and Dad’s winter sun holidays teach you nothing about how warm Christmas should traditionally be?’
‘You’re in New York! Where?’ I stopped Jon and me in our tracks.
‘Grand Central Station, or outside Grand Central Station, more accurately. If you tell me you’ve just got on a flight I’m going to curl up in this snow and just die.’
I stood up taller, as if Anne might be able to see me better. ‘No, I’m here, staying in an apartment in the Upper East Side.’
‘Oh, OK, Bethenny Frankel, let me just sling on my Louboutins and pick up my teacup dog and I’ll head right over.’
‘You came to New York?’ I grinned up at Jon, who brushed my hair from my face with affection. My big sister came to New York, for me.
‘I’m not going to let my little sister spend Christmas alone, am I?’
‘I’m not quite alone . . . ’
‘Are all your workmates still there? They don’t count, they’re not family.’
‘Actually, most of them just got flights out, now it’s just me and Jon.’
‘Jon Jon? The one Mum’s always saying is obviously your Mr Right?’
‘Mum’s never met him!’
‘Maybe not but we can read you like a book.’
I grabbed Jon’s hand and we started speed-walking in the direction of the skyscrapers. ‘Wait right there, we’re just in Central Park, I’ll see you really soon.’
‘Do you mind?’ I asked Jon, without stopping. ‘Do you mind that she’s here? You and I are only just alone, but I haven’t seen her for so long. And she’s my family.’
‘Of course I don’t mind!’ said Jon. ‘You know I love a big, traditional family Christmas; this is as good a start as any!’
New York is a place you never have enough time in. I knew that now, and I wouldn’t dwell on the fact that I hadn’t made it home to my TV, or even that I hadn’t had the big family Christmas this year.
The Christmases of my childhood were still Christmases, even though they weren’t traditional, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly when we’d stopped thinking it was important to be together. I was determined to make that change. Next Christmas, my family were not going to know what hit them. Hint: it would likely be a party popper in their FACES.
I was grateful to my family and how they raised me, to my sisters for being the strong women they were. I was grateful to this beautiful city, and this lovely, familiar, but new man, for helping me see that there is magic in the air at this time of year, drifting in the sky with the snowflakes.
Most of all I was grateful to myself, because I felt open, and alive, and unchained to my past for the first time in years. Thank Christmas for that.