After spending two weeks without August in their home, Beth, Gerald, and Phillip were excited to see his weary frame coming up the path late one afternoon.
“Daddy!” Phillip announced when he spotted August. “Momma, Daddy’s here!”
Beth glanced out the window, and her hands automatically smoothed back her blond hair. August was home!
Gerald went dancing out the door, rushing into August’s arms. “I missed you,” he said as August whirled him around.
“And I missed you! Have you been a good boy?”
“I’ve been very helpful, just like you told me to be,” Gerald said as August put him down.
Phillip hurried to be next in August’s arms, while Beth stood to the side of the door, wishing she had the freedom her children enjoyed.
August’s eyes met hers over Phillip’s back. He noticed the softness and grinned at her, causing Beth’s heart to pound harder.
“And what about you?” Beth heard August ask Phillip. “Have you been a good boy?”
“Uh-huh. I been helping in the garden,” Phillip said, holding up his dirty hands. “See!”
His enthusiasm was contagious. “Yes, I see,” August said, inspecting Phillip’s hands. “Since you’ve both been so good, I’ll take you fishing tomorrow. That is, if your mother doesn’t mind.”
“Can we go, Momma?” Phillip and Gerald asked in unison.
“I suppose so,” Beth replied softly. “Now, why don’t you go inside and get cleaned up? It’s almost suppertime.”
The boys hesitated as they looked from August to their mother and back again. “You go ahead, boys. I’ll be here for a day or two.” At August’s reassurance, the boys disappeared into the house.
“I’ve missed you,” August said warmly. “I never knew how good I had it until I had to live out on the road. I’ve missed everything about this place.”
“Even the bugs?” Beth asked with a smile.
“The bugs are even bigger down the road. Out there we have to shoot them down rather than swat them.” August laughed and Beth joined him. When the amusement passed, silence bound them together.
“You look beautiful.” August braved the words and allowed his eyes to travel Beth’s form. The dusty rose dress she wore brought out the flush in her cheeks.
Beth didn’t know what to say. She was excited by August’s appreciation of her appearance, yet she was troubled by the warning her mind kept flashing.
“Are you hungry?” she finally questioned, growing uncomfortable in the silence.
“Yes,” August replied. “I suppose I’m keeping you from something.”
“Only dinner,” Beth answered and opened the screen door. “Come on inside. I’ll work while you tell me about the road’s progress.”
“It’s a deal,” August said, following Beth into the house and on to the kitchen.
“I took a moose roast out of the freezer several days ago, and we’ve been eating it ever since,” Beth said as she opened the oven door. “We’re having moose pie tonight.”
“Moose pie?”
Beth smiled as she took the casserole from the oven. “That’s right. It’s moose roast cut up with eggplant, onions, egg, cheese, and seasoning. It’s baked with a pie-crust topping, and that’s why we call it moose pie.”
“Sounds good,” August said, sitting down.
“I can fix up a mess of goose tongue greens, if you’ve a mind for a salad, and I have fresh sourdough bread.”
“Don’t go to any more trouble than you already have,” August said.
Before Beth could answer, a knock sounded at the front door. “I’ll be right back,” Beth said as she excused herself.
“What a surprise,” Beth said as she opened the door to Mrs. Miller. Ushering the woman inside, she asked, “What brings you here?”
“I know it’s last-minute and totally out of line, but I was wondering if I could borrow the boys to help me gather blackberries. I’ve promised the army a great deal of jam, and there’s a huge field of berries ready to pick.”
“Well, I’m not sure,” Beth said as she led the way back to the kitchen. “Mr. Eriksson is back, and the boys are very fond of him. I don’t know if we could separate them just now.”
“I understand, but I could sure use the help. I’d be happy to pay the boys,” the older woman added as she struggled to keep up with Beth.
“Oh no, you needn’t pay them,” Beth said as they entered the kitchen. In her absence, the boys had been taking turns playing with August and asking him questions.
“Boys, Mrs. Miller wants to know if you can help her pick blackberries.”
“But August just got here,” Gerald protested from August’s lap.
“And I’ll be here for a while,” August said and gave Gerald a reassuring pat. “Don’t worry about it. You go ahead and help Mrs. Miller. We can certainly catch up on our talking tomorrow while we’re fishing.”
“Well, I guess we can help,” Gerald said once he felt certain of August’s presence.
“I’m afraid the boys haven’t eaten yet, Mrs. Miller. Would you like to join us for supper?” Beth asked, proud that Gerald had put his own wants aside to help someone else.
“No thanks, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to treat the boys to a picnic. I have sandwiches and cold drinks, as well as some special cookies that they are very fond of,” Mrs. Miller answered.
“Well, what do you say, boys? You want to have a picnic with Mrs. Miller?” August questioned before Beth could ask. “I’ll bet it’ll be a load of fun.”
“Really, Daddy?” Phillip asked with wide eyes.
“Why, sure. It’s a beautiful evening, and Mrs. Miller makes mighty good cookies. I know ’cause she brought us some while we were working on the airstrip.”
“Okay,” Gerald said as he hopped down from August’s lap. “We’ll go.”
“I’m really grateful, boys,” Mrs. Miller said, motioning toward the door. “Let’s hurry so we can eat before we pick the berries.”
The boys went along with Mrs. Miller, and Beth was left to face August alone.
“I guess we’ll have more than enough supper,” Beth said as she finished putting the food on the table. She took a seat across from August and realized it was the first time they’d shared dinner alone. Always before they’d had the comfort of the boys to dispel any tension, but now they sat face-to-face, both seeming to know they were going to deal with more than supper.
“I’ll say grace,” Beth said, avoiding August’s eyes. She bowed her head without waiting to see if August would and began, “Dear Father, we thank You for this meal and the fellowship we share. Bless us now and guard us in our steps. Amen.”
August held out his hand for Beth’s plate, dished out a generous portion of the steaming casserole, and handed it back to her.
“Thank you,” Beth said. She wanted to say so much more, yet she felt a sense of quiet come over her, as if it were more important that August begin the conversation.
“This is real good,” August said with a nod of approval. “I’ve had moose steak, moose roast, moose stew, but I don’t think I’ve ever had moose pie. I’ll have to send my sister the recipe.”
“I’m glad you like it,” Beth replied between bites. Food stuck in her throat, and she remembered she hadn’t set out any beverage. “I’ll get us something to drink. What would you like?”
“It doesn’t much matter to me. Whatever you had planned is fine,” August answered.
“I have some powdered lemonade that one of the soldiers traded me for pies. I fixed a batch this morning, and it ought to be good and cold by now.”
“That sounds good.”
Beth smiled and went to fix the glasses and juice. Once this was accomplished, she sat back down to face the unnerving silence.
“I think the boys have grown a foot taller,” August said as he ate.
“Yes,” Beth replied. “I’m going to have to get them new mukluks this fall.”
“Say, I saw some dandy native-made ones just down the road. There’s a small village not far from where the highway is going through, and a bunch of us went over to check out the situation and found a wealth of handmade goods.”
“It would certainly be great to buy something without worrying about ration stamps. Is it too far to walk?” Beth questioned.
“I wouldn’t think so,” August said, trying to remember the exact distance. “But maybe you could get someone to run you over, just to be on the safe side. I’ll talk to Ralph and see if I can borrow one of the vehicles and drive you there myself.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to take you away from your work,” Beth replied.
“It wouldn’t take me away from anything,” August insisted. “I’ve been given a couple days off due to the long hours I’ve been putting in. I’ll see what I can do and let you know.”
“All right,” she reluctantly agreed.
The silence returned to hang between them like an impenetrable veil. Even August shifted uncomfortably and nervously picked at his food. Finally, he put his fork down, folded his hands, and eased back against his chair.
“I have something to say,” he began.
“I thought you might,” Beth answered and put her own fork down.
August gazed across the table, allowing himself several moments to take in the vision of Beth’s beauty. Beth’s pale blond hair was pulled back from her face, revealing high cheekbones and soft white skin. Her blue eyes seemed to grow larger under August’s stare.
“I don’t know all the sweet words or wily ways that men work with women, but what I have to say comes from the heart. While I’ve been gone I’ve done a lot of thinking.”
“I see,” Beth murmured.
“No, I don’t think you do,” August said softly. “I mostly thought of you. And, of course, the boys.” August waited for Beth to make some reply, but she only lowered her eyes.
“I guess I came to realize how important you were to me. I found myself thinking of you and how wonderful you felt in my arms. I thought of the boys and how they always treat me like their father—how Phillip even calls me ‘Daddy.’ And I had to explain to you.”
“Explain what?” Beth asked.
“I love you, Beth. I think I’ve loved you for a long time, but since I’ve never been in love, I just didn’t recognize it. I knew you were special to me and the boys were always great, but it wasn’t until I had to spend a long time away from you, from all of you, that I realized how important you were to me.”
“What exactly do you mean?”
“I want to marry you, Beth. I know you’re still mourning JB’s passing, but I can wait for you. I want to help you make a new life, and I want to be a father to your children and to have more children, together.”
Beth wasn’t surprised at August’s declaration, but neither was she prepared for the proposal. Shadows fell across the room as the sun continued its journey west, and Beth got up to turn on the lights.
August waited impatiently for her to say something, anything that might let him know how she felt. He watched Beth come back to the table and stand behind her chair.
“When I learned that JB was joining the air force, something inside me came undone. Phillip was just a baby, and Gerald wasn’t much out of diapers. I cried when JB told me that he would have to go away and that once his training was completed, he’d be sent to Europe immediately. He told me it might be years before we saw each other again, and a part of me died.” Beth drew a deep breath before continuing.
“JB had such a love of life and of God, and I knew that I couldn’t make him stay. Truly, I didn’t want to impose my will upon him, but in my heart I knew he’d never come home again. Of course, I never told JB that. I prayed about it, pouring out my heart before God, and I sought the Scriptures, hoping and praying to find something sensible to ease my worries.
“ ‘Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.’ That’s Proverbs 3:5,” Beth said.
“Yes, I know,” August replied with a nod. “Go on.”
“Well, that was the verse God led me to. I kept wanting to trust my own understanding about things. I reasoned that I had it all figured out. After all, God had sent me a wonderful Christian husband and two beautiful sons. I didn’t have any reason to believe that all wouldn’t be well, but in my heart I had a gnawing fear that wouldn’t pass. When I received notice that JB was dead and knew that my fears were fulfilled, I almost felt relieved. Does that sound strange?”
“Not really,” August said and added, “everyone deals with things the best way they can. You were anticipating the worst and the waiting is always the hardest part. When the worst that could happen finally happened, you were able to relax, knowing that things were as bad as they were going to get.”
“I suppose that’s true,” Beth said as she gripped the chair back. “I turned my heart and soul to God for comfort. There was nothing else to do and no one else to pull me through. Do you understand?” August nodded. “I hold my relationship with Him quite dear. He pulled me through losing JB and kept me sane so that my children didn’t suffer from the loss.”
“Why are you telling me all this? I already know that you still mourn JB. I wouldn’t intrude on that. I only ask to remain close at hand until those feelings pass.”
“That’s what I’m trying to say,” Beth said softly. “I’ve already buried the past and JB. He was an important part of my life, but he’s in heaven now. I don’t have to worry about JB anymore. I miss him occasionally, but those times come rarely now. I’ve been able to get on with my life, and JB’s death is no longer an issue with me. But my love of God and His Word are.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You have an obvious problem when it comes to fellowship with the Lord. Forgive me if that sounds judgmental, but even Gerald knows that you are alienated from God. He’s come to me before and asked me why you never pray and why you never talk of God the way I do or the way JB did. He was so tiny when JB went away, but he remembers his father telling him about heaven and God. Proverbs 20:11 says, ‘Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.’ It’s obvious to those around you that things are not right.” Beth saw a shadow of denial pass through August’s eyes.
“I’d love for you to talk to me about what has hurt you and turned you from God. I’d love to be able to help you through your anger and frustration, but you won’t let me. You turn away at every possible opportunity.”
“Talking won’t resolve anything,” August stated firmly.
“And marriage will?”
“I love you, Beth!” August said as he pounded his fist against the table.
“And I love you, August,” Beth whispered, ignoring the outburst. “But I can’t marry you when your heart isn’t right with God. It would always stand between us and eventually divide us. I can’t serve two masters, and I won’t give up God.”
“The verse about two masters referred to money,” August said stiffly, remembering Luke 16:13.
“The verse says, ‘No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.’ I think it works in this situation as well,” Beth said with a gentle tone.
“I can’t hold fast to raising my sons as Christians who will respect the Word and fellowship with believers when their father denies the need. I can’t love you and serve you properly as your wife, and hold onto my faith and serve God as well. Sooner or later, the two will clash, and the battleground will be our home. Would you really have the lives claimed be those of your adopted sons and wife?”
August stared in silence. Beth had forced him to face the one thing he’d refused to admit for so long. How could he explain to her that he’d faced such disappointment that he was no longer certain that he wanted God’s will?
“Look,” Beth continued, feeling suddenly strengthened, “God has a purpose in all of this, and I believe He has sent us to one another for a special reason. Maybe it’s to help each of us deal with the past and the sorrows we’ve faced. Maybe not. But I know that this problem must be dealt with before we can marry. Do you understand?”
“I don’t know,” August said as he folded his arms against his chest. “I just don’t know. It’s all well and fine to use this as a reason to turn me away, but are you sure there isn’t something more? You said you love me, was that true?”
“Yes,” Beth said, nodding. “I love you very much.”
“Then why not trust God to work everything out after we’re married?”
“Because we’re both old enough to know it doesn’t work that way. August, I would love to marry you. Believe me, I don’t like being alone, and I hate the fact that my boys have you only as a friend and not their father. I want us to be a family as much as you do, but I want us to be a family under the hand of God. If we married now, that wouldn’t be the case, would it?”
August’s dark eyes narrowed, and he clenched his jaw tightly. “If that’s the way you want it, then I’ll leave. I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you and your children.”
August turned on his heel and stormed through the house. Beth followed after him, wishing she could say something that would stop him from leaving her in anger. “I love you, August,” she whispered as he opened the screen door.
“But not enough,” August replied. He slammed the door behind him and stalked down the drive.
Tears streamed down Beth’s face as she watched the man she loved walk out of her life. “It’s not enough without God, August,” she whispered. “It would never be enough without Him.”