Daughter, let your henna be happy
Let your talk be sweet
Call your mother come here
Let her see her daughter become bride
—Turkish folk song
What could be more special than to re-create a traditional ritual but attune it to your own beliefs or ideals? For an original and truly memorable experience, use any of the following rituals as a template for your own celebration or remembrance occasion. The power and beauty of henna is something that no one will forget, regardless of the circumstance—it could be for a betrothal or engagement, a wedding or handfasting, a baby shower, birth, milestone celebration, or even to mark the passing of a loved one. These very intimate yet universal rituals can be used by anyone of any faith or creed as a way of honoring the times that we often reflect back on.
Engagement, Wedding, or Handfasting
A very special and genuine occasion whereby two people are joined in a commitment to love, cherish, and honor each other. As we have seen in previous chapters, betrothal, wedding, or love rituals and the corresponding designs are used the world over and offer the couple and their family and friends the opportunity to do something unique and very special aside from the main event. It is a chance to have a serious yet lighthearted celebration that can be a part of the more formal wedding ceremony or as an alternative to an engagement, hen (bachelorette), or stag party.
Ideally, the henna ritual needs to be held at someone’s home, as the hennee (the person being hennaed) has to be comfortable, often for long periods.
The ideal theme for such a party would be to connect it to a region that has embraced henna as a tradition, such as India, Egypt, or the Middle East. Allow your imagination to run wild and include anything that would make it seem exotic and sumptuous.
Ancient Egypt
Prepare an Egyptian feast with a long table loaded with delicacies, wine, and beer, while the pharaoh and his queen-to-be lounge on cushions, waiting to be hennaed and fed. Burn kyphi incense for good fortune and to appease the gods, and make an offering to Hathor and Horus, the two deities that were brought together in ancient Egyptian festivals to celebrate their sacred marriage.
designs to try
Hearts
Symbols of Hathor and Horus
Sun and moon
Hieroglyphs of the two lovers’ names
Indian Dreams
Another idea would be an Indian “Bollywood” theme, with vibrant colours, costumes, and music. Indulge in delicious Indian cuisine (finger food is best) and sumptuous fruity cocktails or smoothies. Get your guests dancing while you get hennaed—after all, you need entertaining too!
designs to try
Hearts
Flowers and vines
Fruits
Hindu calligraphy of the two lovers’ names
Turkish Delight
Create an Arabian Nights-style tent theme with cushions, rugs, and lanterns, with “servants” offering delicate sweetmeats and iced mint tea. Use scented candles in sensuous fragrances such as rose and jasmine and have rose petals strewn on the floor. Play some hauntingly beautiful Arabic music, hire a belly dancer, and throw caution to the wind with some seriously exotic celebrations. Try using a design whereby you hide your lover’s name somewhere within it—and see how long it takes for them to find it!
designs to try
Hearts
Flowers
Geometric intertwined shapes
Arabic calligraphy of the two lovers’ names
Lovely examples of bump decor
Pregnancy or Baby Shower
As mentioned in previous chapters, numerous countries have used the tradition of applying henna during the last stage of pregnancy. In Morocco and India, a henna pattern applied to the belly of the woman has long been a ritual used to protect and bless both mother and child. It was believed to keep them safe from any malicious or evil spirits who may have drawn close as birth approached. The passage of birth has often been deemed to be a dangerous journey for the new infant, and the strength and power of henna’s sacred dye used in combination with protective designs was one way of guarding against malevolent influences, or djinn (see chapter 3). Henna was also regarded as being able to ease the process of birth and bring about a healthy child. It is certainly very relaxing having a design applied to your belly and all the pampering that ensues.
Modernly, women can incorporate this beautiful ritual into our own culture, using the power of henna to celebrate the marvel that is our ability to create and sustain new life inside us. A wonderful way of sharing this process would be to have a baby shower with a difference—not only does the mother-to-be get hennaed but all her friends could have an accompanying henna design to help protect and bless the mom and baby.
As pregnancy is a very special time, it is a lovely idea to make a celebration of the last weeks, for soon the harder work will come! A henna pregnancy ritual should therefore be one of calmness and serenity, with all the guests waiting on the expectant mother as if she were a queen. You can really go to town with the preparations, maybe having a theme such as a Middle Eastern harem or a garden paradise. Make sure it is wonderfully comfortable for the mom-to-be, with plenty of cushions to prop her up and make her as comfortable as possible. Add music, candles, and exotic food for a delightfully memorable evening, and make sure someone has a camera to record the event for a special entry in the baby album. Although the design should last at least 7–10 days, it is a great time to create memories that will last a lifetime, and it is something that the mom can show her daughter or son in years to come.
Use only natural henna mixed with lemon juice and sugar for this process, although a few drops of rose or orange flower water are perfectly safe to add at this stage of the pregnancy. If the pregnant woman is very anemic or has any other medical conditions, it is best to check with a midwife or doctor first. Do make sure that the person applying the henna is aware of any concerns and that they have made a gentle mixture.
designs to try
Sun: Protection, health
Eye: Protection
Spirals: Protection, spiritual awareness, and direction
Fruit: Mangoes (paisley), pomegranates, figs
Moon: Attunement with the baby through lunar/watery symbolism
Stars: To represent the divine origin of the spirit, hope, and beauty
Astrological signs: For expected month of birth
Planetary signs: To correspond with astrological signs and/or personality traits that you would like to bestow on your child
And if you know your child’s gender:
Male: Mars, Jupiter, Mercury, sun
Female: Venus, moon
Fairies: A connection to the unseen realm
Baby: Allow the artist to paint your baby onto your belly as you or they visualize them
Purification Ritual
If you feel that you need a good cleansing, then this ritual is perfect for you. Use it if you are physically under the weather, if you feel you are under attack mentally or spiritually, to generally clear your personal space and the environment, or before you embark on any spiritual work. Purification rituals have been used for thousands of years (see chapter 3) and usually involve some form of ritual washing or fumigation with incense and the creation of a talisman for wearing or carrying. With henna, you can take this one step further and apply the talisman to yourself.
You will need:
- Water (set up in the bathroom or have a
large bowl of clean, fresh water at hand) - Towels
- Body cloth
- Soap or hammam scrub
- Henna paste and applicator (make up in advance—see chapter 7)
- Incense (optional)
- Flowers (optional)
- Music (optional)
Firstly, make sure you are able to concentrate on the work at hand; it is probably best to have the house or at least the bathroom to yourself, and make sure you will not be disturbed—turn off the phone and lock the door. Purification preferably needs to be done alone, or if you are following it with the erotic ritual later in this chapter, then it is fine to do it with your partner. Create a comfortable space and ensure you have towels, soap, and your henna mix ready. Put on some music, burn some incense or throw some rose petals in the bath or bowl of water, and then relax in a seated position for ten minutes.
Concentrate fully on what it is you wish to achieve through purification—better health or a detox, ridding yourself of negative influences, or just to create a pure body, mind, and spirit. Then begin to wash yourself from head to foot; use your hand, a body cloth, or salt scrub, and work in long, sweeping strokes along your arms, body, and legs. You can wash your hair if you have time and the facilities. All the time you are washing yourself, imagine that you are rinsing away negative energies, sweeping any impurities into the bath or basin with each rinse of the cloth. When you feel that you have achieved a state of cleanliness, empty the bath or bowl of water while imagining all negativity swirling down the drain. It is a common magical practice to do a final rinse with cold water (if you can bear it) or hold your hands in a bowl or basin of cold water for a minute or two, then drain it away as before. Dry yourself thoroughly, and if you need to warm up, wrap yourself in a robe or towel.
Now you can apply your henna design on the body part you wish to decorate. For purification, the palms, soles of feet, or the belly are powerful points, and symbols should be bold or flowing to illustrate the output of energy.
designs to try
Spirals
Water: Drops, waves, or watery designs
Fire or flames: For powerful purification whereby you may need to burn away stubborn negative energies
If you would like to continue with the erotic ritual, it may be wise to wait until later to henna yourself rather than spoil the wet design during intimate moments!
Erotic Ritual
After the purification ritual, you may wish to continue on to the erotic ritual along with a partner. Make sure you are somewhere warm and comfortable where you won’t be disturbed—lock the doors, take the phone off the hook, and turn off the cell phone! Because you are using henna, make sure that the couch, floor, or bed has a protective sheet over it, but make it look like part of the theme. This is an opportunity for you both as lovers to spend some time really focusing on your intimate feelings and sharing some deep thoughts. Burn some appropriate incense or diffuse some sultry essential oils (rose, ylang-ylang, or jasmine); light candles, close the drapes, dim the lights, and turn on some slow, mellow music.
The intent of this ritual can be entirely up to you, but the essence is to bond with your partner in a sensual way. In Indian tantric practice, much emphasis is placed on creating a pleasurable and erotic environment before any actual sexual performance, and it is the perfect way to bring about a sense of mutual trust. The focus is on the breath and sensual contact with the intention of creating a spiritual union between you and your partner by circulating what Easterners call chi, or internal energy. The aim is to transcend beyond the purely physical experience of sexual activity.
Sit or stand facing each other, and look deeply into one another’s eyes while you allow your breathing to follow your partner’s. As you inhale, bring energy up from your heart, and as you exhale, lean in towards your partner and gently touch your foreheads together, letting your love flow into them. Contemplate for a few moments what this person means to you, and perhaps you can tell them exactly that. Spend some time gently stroking your partner’s arms, back, or neck, but try not to get too distracted, for you have work to do! The aim of this ritual is more to connect with your partner emotionally and spiritually than physically. When you are relaxed and feeling at one with your partner, ask them if you can now apply your chosen henna design on their body. This can be a prearranged symbol or design, or it may be something that you wish to experiment with as the moment takes you. It is a good idea to place the design in an intimate or hidden area of the body, as this is something that only you two will share. The breast, inner thigh, lower back, or the belly are perfect areas to choose. Apply the henna with intent—for love, devotion, or lust, or to honor your lover. This should be a sensual and deeply connecting experience; make sure your partner is comfortable, warm, and feeling totally loved. If they feel confident enough, allow them to return the compliment and apply a design on your body—this can be the same as the one you gave them or it could be totally different; the choice is yours as a couple.
designs to try
Hearts intertwined
Magical symbols relating to you and your partner: e.g.,
Mars (masculine), Venus (feminine)
Vines
Spirals
You will then need to cover the drying henna to preserve your design; see chapter 7 for instructions.
Celebration Henna Ritual
For Good Luck, Leaving Home,
Coming Home, Birthdays, or Anniversaries
Considering its connection with good fortune, protection, and celebration, you can use a henna theme for any party. The list is almost as large as your imagination, and it would make a very original occasion for anything from a teen birthday to a charity fundraiser. You could hire a henna artist or just experiment on each other. Teens love the chance to mix old and new designs to create their very own “temporary tattoos.”
As a fundraising idea, you could hold a henna harem; ask for a donation for every design applied, and offer special “mehndi” cakes and cookies for sale.
Making a Magical Mehndi Cake
For very special occasions, you could make an intricate magical mehndi cake that does not actually have henna in it but is made to look as if it has been hennaed. By creating a magical design on the cake with coloured frosting, it can become an edible talisman! Made with love and intention, each piece that is eaten is imbued with the energy and power connected with the iced design. This method is a very ancient one and has been used by magicians the world over to ingest magical energy via their food and drink; by focusing on the desired intent while preparing the food and beverages, the magician can put the required force into it, and every cell can then benefit from the resulting “charge.”
A collection of teen hennaed hands, above; a magical mehndi cake, right
It is a wonderful way of creating health-giving food for yourself and others. Think of all the different festival foods we eat that date back from very old traditions or religions—at Easter, we have hot cross buns (the cross can represent the goddess Eostre, the four quarters, or the cross of crucifixion) and simnel cake (the eleven marzipan balls used to decorate the top represent eleven disciples). The matzo of Passover and sol et lune bread are reputed to have evolved from alchemy with their allusion to the sun and moon.
How to Mehndi Your Cake
Make a sponge or fruit cake using your favourite recipe or store-bought mix, or buy a ready-made cake from a store. You will then need to ice it (if not already iced) to create a base for your mehndi-style design.
For the frosting, you will need:
- 1 egg white
- 2 cups or 250 grams sifted powdered frosting sugar
Start with the egg white in a bowl and gradually add the frosting sugar in small amounts, stirring all the time. Continue beating until it becomes firm and shiny and little peaks appear when you lift out the spoon. Now you have a choice—you need to have one colour to coat the surface of the cake and one for the actual mehndi design. Divide your frosting into two bowls and add food colouring as required to the paste; re-create the appearance of henna by carefully adding drops of your chosen colour(s) until you achieve the desired shade, which can range anywhere from orange to reddish brown to brownish black. You could even use melted chocolate if you are feeling decadent, or choose ready-made tubes of frosting or edible icing pens if you are feeling unconfident or pushed for time.
Leave the frosting to stand for a few minutes before using, and then pour onto the surface of the cake. The frosting will spread out slowly; use a spatula to even out the mixture until you get a perfect layer. To make the mehndi patterns, pour the frosting into a cone (just like the one used to apply henna onto the skin) or a piping bag, and decorate your cake with your chosen design.
designs to try
Sun: For health and energy
Sun and moon: For balance, male and female, weddings (sacred marriage)
Magical symbols: Planetary or alchemical
Zodiac signs: For birthdays
Two hennaed hands: For weddings/handfasting
Calligraphy: For naming ceremonies or births
Hearts: For weddings/handfasting, Valentine’s Day, or love rituals
Khamsa and hamsa hands: For protection (e.g., travel or leaving home)
Other Fun Things to Do for Henna Parties
Make cards to use as invites to your henna celebrations by tracing a hand and decorating it using pens, paints, or even henna! Why not henna your palm and print it onto the card? Some henna artists will henna anything—canvasses, lampshades, plates, candles, jewelry boxes—so let your imagination run riot and have fun with the henna, making magical designs for your home.
If you have children at the festivities, keep them occupied while the moms get hennaed by getting them to design henna “handprints.” Cut some hand shapes out of paper or card stock in advance, and get the kids to draw patterns on the templates with crayons, pens, or paint. They can then keep the “hands” as a good luck charm to stick on their wall.
Make henna cakes or cookies—have some ready-made cupcakes or hand/foot- shaped cookies (you can buy hand- or foot-shaped cookie cutters online), and get the children to mehndi the cakes with chocolate frosting. Yummy!
Passing Ritual:
For the Deceased, the Living, and the Grieving
This is a difficult and often taboo subject to deal with, but it’s one that dominates our lives, for at some point we will all lose a loved one; indeed, we will all die. In many cultures throughout the ages, death has been dealt with in different ways, with rituals, ceremonies, and blessings. The common factor is that any ceremony fulfills the needs not only of the deceased but of those left behind. On all levels—be they mental, physical, or spiritual—our species has always needed a way of dealing with the passing of life. The ancient Egyptians were strong believers in the premise of an afterlife and did everything they could to ensure a place amongst the gods. The process of mummification took up to seventy days and was accompanied by rituals, adornment of the body, and a multitude of prayers and offerings. Nowadays, we do not have the time or the resources to emulate this wonderful practice, but we can still do many things to honor our dead and send them on their way with dignity and respect.
Loss, grief, anger, sorrow, and loneliness are just a few of the emotions that can overwhelm us when a close friend or family member dies. The act of acknowledging this is vitally important and is something that is prevalent the world over in the form of a funeral. But we should not overlook the needs of the dying or deceased one; their spiritual well-being is something that many of us think of but are perhaps unsure of how to go about preserving. In almost all cultures, a ritual washing and dressing of the dead is commonplace; perhaps embalming takes place, and then a funeral of varying types. However, in the Western world we are less likely to view this as preparation for a journey into the afterlife and more as being a respectful thing to do. In Africa and India, rituals are more steeped in spiritual meaning and prepare the deceased for the next leg of their eternal journey; often the dead are decorated with henna and finely dressed as if for their wedding day. For those of us in the West who are more spiritually inclined, the lack of participation in our loved one’s path to the afterlife can be quite harrowing. The sterile confines of a hospital, the slightly better environment of the hospice, or the comfort and safety of home are the options we have if we have time to plan the remaining days. Often we do not have the choice, and so it is difficult to know what to do when faced with the inevitable. Even though to others it may seem morbid, it may be useful to talk to your family about what you would like to happen when you are dying or have died, or if your family would like something special for themselves. In the bustle of modern healthcare and under the difficult circumstances following a death, it may be almost impossible to do what we would like, but it is important that the wishes of the dying and their relatives and friends are taken into consideration. If necessary, it can be made a legal requirement that your and their wishes are carried out.
There are several ways that we can make a difference for both the living and the dead; following are two rituals that can be used before and after death.
Anointing the Dying:
The Henna Ritual of Peace
It is possible that many of our loved ones, friends, and even ourselves will succumb to a protracted or terminal illness that would involve care during our last days either within a hospice or, if we are lucky enough, in our own home. These days can be made much more pleasant if we can have time to reflect, reconcile, and gently celebrate the life of the dying one. It will not be easy, but it can be done with dignity and great love.[1]
If possible, spiritually clear the room where the ill person is lying by lighting some incense, sprinkling salt water, or placing candles in the four corners. Decorate the room with flowers, candles (if health and safety permit it), and any personal mementoes such as photos, letters, trinkets, and treasures. Play some music, sing, and spritz or diffuse some essential oils for fragrance into the air; this has often been a comfort to the dying and a requisite of death. The area needs to be imbued with the spirit of the dying person to create a strong and personal resonance. Have some henna already mixed up with essential oils of lavender, rose maroc, or jasmine added.
If the dying person is conscious, ask them if they have a favorite symbol; if not, agree on a suitable design that everyone in the room is willing to share. The henna can be applied to any part of the body, but the palm of the hand or just over the heart is especially potent. Gently apply a simple design on the loved one, all the while allowing your love and gratitude for their life to flow into the symbol; remember that this is something that they will take with them. While you are hennaing the other members of the family and friends, one by one they can go and tell their loved one how much they love them and anything else that needs to be said. Tears may well flow, but so will the love and respect that your loved one can then take with them on their journey.
designs to try
Heart
A favorite flower
The name of a special person
A spiral or circle: To represent eternity and immortality
A religious symbol of their faith
Anubis: The guardian of the underworld
Anointing the Dead:
The Henna Ritual of Transition
This is fine if the loved one has died at home, but it may not be easy if the person has died in hospital, although it is well worth asking if the staff would allow an hour or so of quiet time for the family and friends to spend with the deceased. If there is a chapel of rest, then it certainly may be possible. Many care homes ask dying people and their families to fill out a care plan, which will include any religious or personal requests; they will then allow you to lay out the deceased should you wish to do so.
In some traditions, the soul of a person is believed to remain with the body for three days after death; this is a time of transition for the departed, and performing a ritual can be useful for helping the spirit to find its way.
If the deceased has not been laid out, prepare the area by lighting some incense and candles. Fill a bowl with scented water (maybe rose or orange flower water), and, using a clean linen cloth, wash the body quietly, gently, and with deep reverence. Remember the person as they were in life and let love and respect flow from you to them in their silent and still state. Gently comb their hair, and cover them with a white cotton or linen sheet.
If you are able, invite friends and family into the room and ask them to light a candle or leave a small offering that is pertinent to the person. Have some pre-mixed henna at hand to which oils of frankincense, myrrh, and cedar have been added. If you have not had a chance to discuss the appropriate design beforehand, decide on a symbol that you would like to use—one that represents the deceased or one for protection or fortune in the afterlife. Gently apply the design to the heart or palm of the hand while everyone focuses on the spirit of the loved one, sending waves of courage, love, and blessings. When you have finished, you may also anoint the body with oils or more henna on the forehead, the heart, and the feet. Each person remaining can then have their palm or heart hennaed while incense is burned, music played quietly, or people pray, sing, or chant. The symbol is to create an everlasting bond between you and the deceased, and it also is a way of allowing the initial pain of grief to gently disperse as the henna stain fades gradually from your skin.
designs to try
Heart
Flower
Spiral
Cross
Circle(s)
Anubis: The guardian of the underworld
Magical Henna Journal
A beautiful way to make a note of your henna rituals and designs is to create a magical henna journal. You can use your creative flair to embellish an ordinary notebook or journal, or buy a specially made one (see Maison Kenzi’s henna sketchbook in the appendix). It is possible to henna cardboard or stiff paper with excellent results, and once varnished this would make a superb cover for your journal. Use it to record your designs, add photographs, make up your own rituals and recipes, and jot down your dreams and aspirations. It would also make a stunning present for a friend or loved one.
Make the magic of henna part of your life, and you will find that it attracts the power and essence of the ancient world to bestow the timeless gift of modern mystical beauty.
[1] An amazing book that covers some of these issues is Intimate Death: How the Dying Teach Us to Live by Marie de Hennezel.