Libby
Pastor Ed’s office is quiet except for the ticking of the clock on the wall and the muffled voices of other people moving about the church. The silence is almost unbearable, and it doesn’t help that the elderly man himself is sitting across from me, decked out in a priest’s outfit with an understanding expression on his face. That might be the worst part, actually. If Pastor Ed were outright angry with me, at least it would be a little easier.
Meanwhile, I’m sitting with my hands folded in my lap, and I don’t think I could feel more humiliated if I tried. This is what you get when you act impulsively, I scold myself. What did you think was going to happen when you forwarded those pictures to everyone?
Okay, fine. I wasn’t thinking. And I definitely didn’t expect Pastor Ed to ask to speak with me one-on-one after this week’s Bible study. Patrick, of course, has been avoiding church like the plague, which isn’t a surprise. The only thing people can talk about is his secret sex life, so it’s fitting that he’s not showing his face.
I swallow hard and meet the pastor’s eyes, and it’s only then that I realize the elderly man is waiting for me to say something. I clear my throat. “Sorry?” I ask, feeling pathetic. “What was the question?”
“Libby,” Pastor Ed begins in a gentle tone, “how do you feel about what happened with Patrick?”
That’s the important question, and I’m not sure how to respond. It’s true that there was some satisfaction in the revenge, but that seems to have faded over the past week, and all I’m left with now is a bad taste in my mouth. I thought that I’d feel better, but instead, I just feel guilty. That, and the fact that Frisco is all I can think about doesn’t help either, but that’s another story.
“I feel…” I look away. “Not good, I guess. Pretty bad, actually.”
“Mm-hm.” Pastor Ed nods slowly. “I’m not surprised. Revenge is always tempting in the moment, but it often leaves us lacking once it’s over.” He shifts in his chair, and I’m still surprised he isn’t telling me off for how un-Christian it was of me.
“Are you angry?” I ask meekly.
The pastor shakes his head. “No,” he replies, “but I hope you’ve realized that you shouldn’t have sent those pictures to the group. I understand that emotions were running high, but you should have come to me, or another member of the church, for guidance. Doing another bad deed will never erase the one that’s already been done.”
My shoulders slump, and I know there’s no arguing with the old pastor. That what have I done? feeling is coming back full force, and I haven’t even been able to look at my church workbook in a week. I guess that’s what happens when you do your best to ruin someone’s life.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble, and I’m surprised to realize that I mean it. “I feel horrible. I think, now that I’ve had a chance to cool off, I’m remembering that Patrick is a good guy, in spite of everything. Maybe he didn’t deserve what I did. At any rate, I shouldn’t have been the one to decide that. It is, after all, God’s decision. So what do I do now?” I ask in a small voice. “How do I make up for this? I doubt Patrick will want to talk to me, even if he didn’t press charges.” And to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk to him, either.
Pastor Ed nods slowly. “Recognition is the first step,” he responds. “As far as what you do now, that’s not for me to tell you. God will show you the way. He always does.”
I have to believe he’s right. “Thank you, Pastor,” I say, getting up from my chair. “I appreciate it.”
“You’re very welcome, Libby,” Pastor Ed replies with a smile. “We all make mistakes. It’s what we do afterwards that matters.”
I bow my head in penitence, returning his smile, and then make my way out of his office. It’s grown dark outside by the time I leave the church, and the sky is a purple-grey color and eerily ominous. What’s even weirder is the fact that I’m seeing Frisco. It’s only been a week, but I feel caught up in him in a way I never have before, unable to resist his magnetic pull. We’ve met up almost every day since that night at his place, and texted non-stop too, and I’m starting to worry that I’m getting addicted to the handsome billionaire.
Of course, I couldn’t bring myself to reveal my sin to Pastor Ed, and that only makes the guilt come roaring back. In a lot of ways, my missteps are even worse than I let on to the kindly older man. After all, who dates their ex-boyfriend’s brother? Who forwards their ex’s pics, hellbent on retribution, only to fall in love with the means of that revenge?
God, I’m so mixed up, but the thought of seeing Frisco again makes my heart skip. My step lightens and a small smile crosses my face. At least some good is coming of this because what I feel for the gorgeous CEO is real, and I can’t wait to see him again.