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READY WHEN YOU ARE

Ainsley Threadgold, aged 37, had an NDE at the age of 13. Ainsley’s experience is of particular interest to me because, initially, he had no recollection of his NDE. Remarkably, however, uncovered memories appear to have remained in his subconscious mind for over 20 years. Once these memories were recovered, he struggled to understand his experience and reached out to Gigi at the NDE support group website. Gigi connected him with Kelly and he engaged with the Positivity Power Facebook group, where he became friendly with Krista who wrote the previous chapter.

Before I begin telling my story I want to say thank you to you the reader: thank you for drawing this book and my words into your life. I want this to find you where you are. I want you to know that you are loved, loved as I know I am loved. I have lived a life of feeling completely unworthy of love, yet I have been provided with more love than I could possibly describe.

I spent many troubled years wishing to be living a different life, to be able to go back and undo life events that had caused me deep pain. I have felt the agony of losing people close to me, I have felt the sadness of having been, at times, unloved or unwanted, and I have also felt the shame of acting in a manner that has caused others to feel the same. Yet now I abound with gratitude for all of these events because they have brought me through the cosmic ocean; they have forged me and guided me to the most sublime of synchronicities, events that have found me my purpose and also found me true love.

I wake up every day with a smile in my heart, knowing that I have chosen this life, that my every step has been Divined. I am the creator and the co-creator and I have someone to share this with, someone who, like me, had an NDE, someone else who desired nothing more than to feel her purpose and to share and feel the love we all have innately inside.

In 1993, when I was 13 years old, two very distinct elements marked my life. Following years of struggling with dyslexia, dyspraxia, being bullied and subsequent weight problems, I was moved from an all-boys school to a mixed school where I finally found myself a good set of friends and a chance to be happy. During that period of my life, I also developed an unhealthy fascination with broken bones. I was obsessed with what it would be like to have them. I now realize that I had pre-cognitive awareness of events that followed and simultaneously helped to create them.

One evening my younger brother and I were out with my father helping to deliver leaflets around the village. I remember wanting to get it over with because my mum was going to cook a Chinese meal. The last memory I have was of my father driving onto a country lane where we were to deliver the last of the leaflets.

Six hours later I opened my eyes. I was greeted by a vague orange glow from lights outside a room that wasn’t my own. I looked around, and my parents and brother were sitting on some plastic chairs near to the bed. Dazed, I turned to them for answers. “What happened?” I asked. “You were run over,” they told me, “and you have a badly broken leg.” I should have been scared, I should have had a sense of fear but I felt strangely calm. I looked down and could see a temporary cast on my left leg coming up to my hip. What had happened? Why couldn’t I remember? Looking back now, I can’t help but ask myself: why wasn’t I scared or in agony?

Those were my only memories of the incident. I had no concept of how serious it was or how badly I’d been hurt. I later discovered that I had been hit by a car at around 40 miles an hour: an impact that should have been fatal! So why was I here? Why wasn’t I more injured? I shouldn’t be typing these words, I should actually be dead.

That wasn’t the only strange thing. After I left the hospital, I noticed that I couldn’t wear a watch without it stopping or breaking. My presence also seemed to affect radio signals and electrical equipment. On top of this, I had a gnawing need to know why I was here. Had I a purpose? If so, what was it?

Twenty-one years after my accident, a series of events finally led to me recovering my lost memories. At the age of 34 I developed acute sciatica. This affected the same leg I’d broken when I was run over and also the same parts of it. Being a police officer, I needed and still need to be physically fit for duty, so I sought the help of an osteopath. The subject of my accident came up in conversation with him; I was fascinated by the relationship between where my leg was affected and why it had appeared in exactly the same area that I had broken it. I also talked to the osteopath about my blank memory and the other strange after-effects. He handed me a book. It was a study of NDEs by Dr Penny Sartori. He told me that he’d had an NDE and suggested that I may have had one too, just without the recall.

The book was a revelation! For the first time, I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. I saw and could feel why I had for so long felt different. After finishing the book, I contacted the NDE UK site, which Dr Penny Sartori was associated with, for advice. I also looked into regression hypnotherapy. I felt that this would be my best chance of recovering memories that had been lost for all those years.

I found a therapist shortly afterwards. On speaking to her I knew that I had been gifted with the right person. We spoke on the phone for over an hour, her genuine enthusiasm shining through, so I booked an appointment for the following week. On the day of the appointment I went in with an open mind. I was now ready to face reliving the accident and the after-effects that had caused me so much pain. I knew that, whatever I discovered, it would lead to a great healing.

Karen, the therapist, spoke to me about the process and ensured that I understood what was going to happen. I felt safe, with an inner knowing, that she would prove to be the perfect guide. As the process started, Karen got me to visualize relaxing, then took me further into myself. In my mind’s eye, I was led to a path with a series of doors to my right-hand side. I was asked to choose a door then, when I was ready, I could step through. Once I was through, she got me to describe who I felt I was, what I was wearing and where I was in time.

As I stepped through the doorway, I found myself on the floor, half buried in a ditch at the roadside. I was 13 again and I had just been run over. I was back at the scene of my accident. I remember becoming my 13-year-old self again. Dazed and confused, I became increasingly upset. I just wanted my mum, but couldn’t get up. Why couldn’t I get up? Next, I felt the sensation of being carried into an ambulance. While inside, I felt a presence next to me; it was my mum’s dad Tom. He had died three months before I was born, but was now with me.

He held my hand and comforted me, telling me how brave I was; he also wanted me to tell my mum that he was so proud of her. Then he told me to close my eyes. As I did so, I felt myself being drawn into an ocean of clouds. Floating through these, I felt myself being pulled toward a place of pure beauty, where a man was standing dressed in a white robe. He came to greet me. Kneeling, he placed one hand on my chest and the other on my cheek. He told me that he was the carpenter and that he knew and loved me as he knew and loved everyone. He told me I had a job to do and that he would speak through me as I spoke for him. Then he sent me back, telling me that I would not remember this part or any other part until the “right time”.

I then became the scared 13-year-old boy again, screaming for his mum. Karen gently guided me away at that point and placed me in a state of calm acceptance. I had finally recovered some of my memories and knew why I was here. I knew that I had a purpose, that I actually mattered and that I was here to help. Since then I have recovered more and more of this sublime experience. This was to come in the form of unique experiences during deep meditation.

While in a meditative state, I am brought to a higher place of awareness; one that can be likened to Karen’s hypnosis sessions.

I am now aware that originally when I was run over, I was killed outright. The carpenter told me that I would be “put back in circumstances far better than those in which I left”, so that I could live the life I needed to, to come to a place where I was ready to do the work I was destined for.

He then handed me a ball of energy. This energy was everything that I had ever been, a culmination of all my past-life karma, and the life between my accident and the 21 years it would take me to remember the NDE. I saw and felt everything, all the pain I would have to release, all the tears I wouldn’t be able to cry, but that I would force others to cry for me. It was too much; I didn’t want to do it. No! How could I go through it? Then something happened that would change my mind, that would change everything. Suddenly the carpenter’s form was replaced by that of a woman. I knew her, but had never seen her before. She knelt down in front of me and spoke very softly, and her words shook me to my foundation. “Hello my love, you don’t know me yet, but you will. If you choose to come back I want you to promise me something … I want you to come and find me.” I know now who spoke these words. This woman was later to become my one true love, my twin flame. She was the reason in spirit I decided to come back; the reason I agreed to live again. To know that one day I would finally meet this woman, fall madly in love and be reminded of her part in my experience every time she spoke, by the vibrational quality of her voice, melts my heart and gives me that sense of peace I felt when I was in that Heavenly space. However, I now realize that before this could become a reality I had a responsibility to myself to heal, to start the path with new steps, conscious steps.

After a few days I heard back from the NDE UK site. This led me to the first time I shared part of my experience, and it felt right, as though my sharing would help not just me, but others too. Divine synchronicity would shine a light on me and I felt a renewed sense of wanting to serve; I offered whatever assistance I could to the group. In response, I was asked if I wanted to help run a support group near to where I lived. I said that I would love to help out wherever I could. I was then given the email address of Kelly, who was also interested in setting up a satellite group.

Connecting with Kelly was like reconnecting. I had a strong sense that we had been siblings in a past life; it felt like I’d found a long-lost sister. When we spoke, we shared our experiences and I discovered that she was linked with Dr Penny Sartori, who was the author of the book I was given by my osteopath. It struck me that the universe was already lining me up with and connecting me to the right people. As we shared our stories, Kelly told me about her vision and about Positivity Power. Her NDE had shown her that like-minded souls would come together to collaborate and effect global change. From that point on, I was sold; this was shared with me for a reason. I felt a strong connection with Kelly and we both knew that we would collaborate, that we were being guided to something greater.

Part of this guidance came in the form of being invited to re-join Facebook. Kelly convinced me to sign up again. I created a new account that would be dedicated to my spiritual growth, so I kept any Facebook friends to just those who would help me grow. I joined a number of wonderful NDE groups and shared my story. I quickly found that my words were an inspiration to those who needed them. I also discovered a passion for writing. I started to write what I Divinely felt. I let the universe write through me. Having dyslexia has made me a unique filter; my writing and my poetry are emoted from a very special place, and I place myself within the energy of the words as they flow.

One of the things I helped Kelly to do was set up a Facebook group. Thus, the Positivity Power Movement was born, a place where like-minded souls could connect and collaborate.

One of the people that Kelly invited to the group was Krista, who lived in the United States; Kelly had been introduced to Krista through Penny. Shortly afterwards, we all started to post video blogs, detailing who we were and the love we wanted to share. My second video post was born from a deep passion I felt relating to a picture I’d seen of a child with her arms held aloft in terror because she thought she was going to get shot. This was a Facebook post of a famous image a photographer had taken in a war-torn country. I felt the frailties of our race and the need to share my passion for this to change, for us all to look inside who we were; to lift our vibrational hearts to a place where love finds peace.

Krista had seen my video post while she was at work and, in her words: “Your energy and passion hit me like a freight train.” It was as if her very soul was drawn to the energy of mine. A few days later, on 1 April 2015 at 11.14 p.m. GMT, Krista and I shared our first messages. We had found each other. We had crossed the cosmic ocean on a predestined, pre-chosen path.

This was to mark the beginning of a wholly beautiful but at times painful series of changes for me. It was the start of the most profound healing journey, one I am so thankful I have not had to undertake alone. In saying this, I have had to be willing to change, to shed my old skins like peeling those of an onion, to submerge in order to emerge and re-emerge. I am now at the cusp of something amazing; my path is laid before me. It is connected and interconnected with Divine gifts; I call these gifts friends and loved ones.

As is apparent from Ainsley’s experience, NDEs are the beginning of deep self-discovery and in many cases continue to be a work in progress. The underlying message of this NDE is one of love: love for ourselves, love for others and love for life. It appears that discovering his NDE, which had been suppressed for all those years, sent Ainsley on an accelerated journey of healing. His transformation has been a very personal one and has enhanced his ability to love – himself and others.

Ainsley’s is an important account of an NDE for another reason: the fact that he had no recollection of it until he underwent hypnotic regression therapy. My first reaction to this was one of concern, as I had read some research many years earlier that warned that this type of therapy could re-induce the symptoms associated with near-death circumstances. In the specific case I read about, the person concerned had undergone hypnotic regression to the time of his NDE. During the regression, he developed symptoms of pulmonary oedema and other associated breathing problems that had occurred at the time of his hospitalization (and subsequent cardiac arrest). These symptoms eventually resolved themselves after the hypnotic regression session was terminated but there is the possibility that his condition could have further deteriorated. I have always warned against such therapy for this reason. However, in Ainsley’s case he did not develop any symptoms associated with his NDE.

The fact that Ainsley had no conscious recollection of his NDE raises the question: does everyone who loses consciousness during life-threatening circumstances have an NDE, but not all are able to recall it? Hospital research undertaken in the last decade or so shows that between 11 and 23 per cent of people who survive cardiac arrest report an NDE. Is it possible that the other 77 to 89 per cent are simply unable consciously to recall such an experience? This can only be verified or otherwise by further research.

Another point of interest relating to Ainsley and this book is the way that various synchronicities led to us all becoming connected. When Ainsley read my book The Wisdom of Near-Death Experiences, everything suddenly made sense to him. Like so many people I’ve spoken to, he describes developing electrical sensitivity after his NDE, so after reading the book he was able to “join the dots” and make further sense of his experience.

Through seeking further support and understanding, Ainsley connected with Gigi, who directed him to Kelly, both of whom I knew through my NDE work. I had already connected with Krista, who I’d also connected with Kelly. On reflection, this aspect appears to reinforce one of the messages of the NDE: that we are all interconnected.