CHAPTER FIVE

SOLITARY WITCH, GROUP WITCH, FAMILY WITCH

There is no one right way to practice Witchcraft. Some folks are solitaries, which is another word for Witches who practice on their own. Sometimes this is from personal choice, and sometimes it is because they either can’t find other people to share their practice with, or can’t find the right people. (This last one is pretty important, and trickier than you might think.)

Other folks are group Witches who belong to covens or circles or gather informally in groups that don’t go by any particular name. My first High Priestess called ours a “study group” rather than a coven, in part to indicate that it was open to anyone who was seriously interested in learning.

My own group, Blue Moon Circle, tends to use the term circle instead of coven, although the difference is really moot. (Coven has some leftover negative connotations to it which made a few of our members uncomfortable, plus we are often fairly small, and it seems a bit odd to call three women a coven. That’s just us, though, and every group can make this choice for themselves.)

Sometimes whoever leads the group chooses what to call it. Or, as in the case of one of my friends who usually practices with just one other person, they don’t call themselves anything other than “Witches.”

Even solitary Witches occasionally go to a larger public event if there is one near them, especially for the big holidays. And virtually all Witches who are part of a group of some kind also do some magical practice on their own. I certainly do.

So how do you know which path is right for you?

One might think that this is an easy question to answer based on your personality and general preferences. But that isn’t always true. I am by nature a solitary person. I live alone (if you count being in a houseful of cats as alone). Much of my job is spent on my own, although I also interact with people pretty regularly. While I am fortunate enough to have some really terrific friends, many of my daily activities are by their very nature solitary: I am a writer, a jewelry maker, a gardener … all things you mostly do off in a corner by yourself.

And yet to my complete amazement, when I discovered Witchcraft, I also discovered that despite being a solitary person, I am by preference a group Witch. Go figure. I spent about five and a half years with my first coven/study group, then there was about a nine-month gap until I started my own group in 2004. Blue Moon Circle has been an important part of my life ever since. Of course, I do plenty of magical work on my own, and even give some classes online, but for me, the center of my magical universe is that group of women who have become as close as family.

You never know what the goddess has in store for you, so I guess the lesson here is to keep an open mind!

There are different challenges no matter which path you take. In some ways, it is considerably simpler to practice on your own. Here are a few of the advantages and disadvantages of both solitary and group Witchcraft. You’ll have to decide for yourself which one will suit you best.

Solitary pros:

You never have to worry about schedules. Just do what you want whenever it is convenient.
No personality conflicts. You are your own High Priestess and there is no one to argue with about what you are doing or what the rules should be. (Except the cat, of course.)
You can work on whatever issue is your top priority at the moment. No trying to figure out what is best for a bunch of people.
You can call on whichever goddess you follow or feels right for the working at hand.
You are responsible for your own spiritual path with no input from others.

Solitary cons:

Without set times for meeting up, it is easy to put off your magical work for another time and then never get around to it. Virtually every solitary Witch I know struggles with this one.
No support from others. (Although if you have other witchy friends, that may not be strictly true. And there is also the internet.) Some people don’t have any desire for support in their spiritual lives. If you are someone who would like the support, though, this can definitely be a con.
If you’re not great at writing spells or rituals, being your own High Priestess can be a challenge. Sometimes it is easier to let someone else lead. Luckily, there are lots of books that can help fill in the gaps.
You are responsible for your spiritual path with no input from others. There is no one to share the experience with. For some people, this isn’t a con at all. For others it is.

Group pros:

A group that works well together can raise more energy than one person working alone. I have been at even small group rituals that have been amazingly powerful, and some large ones may practically blow your socks off. It can be a remarkable and world-rocking experience.
Covens can become like extended family. For those who perhaps don’t get all of what they need (or any of it) from the families they are born to, a coven can become the family you choose. Blue Moon Circle has changed a lot over the many years of its existence, and people have come and gone, but the four core members who started it are definitely family—even to the point where we take vacations together. It can be a source of stability and comfort in an otherwise unstable world. The women of Blue Moon Circle have supported each other through many changes. I even officiated at the wedding of one member and the daughter of another, and was present at the births of the children of two of the women. Most of my “real” family lives across the country from me, so these women have become the family who is there for me day to day.
If the group sets a time and date to get together, you are more likely to put it on your calendar and actually follow through.
Sharing your practice with others can mean opening yourself up to different points of view, ideas you might not have thought of, and learning from each other. In some groups, people take turns leading rituals, so you may be inspired or enlightened by someone else’s approach to magic, Witchcraft, and spirituality.
If you are a natural leader, you may find satisfaction in being a High Priestess and leading rituals. If you are someone who isn’t comfortable writing spells or rituals, there is someone else willing to do that, and to keep things organized and running smoothly.
You are not going on your spiritual journey alone. There are other people to discuss things with when you are feeling uncertain, or celebrate with when things go well.
The feasts. Not that you can’t cook a feast for yourself if you are a solitary, but it can be a lot of fun to gather with others and share a celebratory meal.

Group cons:

As with any other endeavor involving other people, some of them may not play well with others. Some of the members might be chronically late, or not stick to the rules. Conflicts between two or more people can cause tension or even pull a group apart. As wonderful as it is to form deep bonds with other Witches, it can be really painful when things go sideways. I’ve known of groups that were led by a couple, who acted as High Priestess and High Priest. When those relationships blew up, they always fractured the group and almost always either splintered it or destroyed it as the other members took sides.
The person leading the group may be disorganized, or simply not good at putting on rituals. Or they might be a control freak who wants everyone to do things their way or else. There are even leaders who take advantage of their power, although that doesn’t happen often. Beware of any group leader who insists they be given money (other than a reasonable request to chip in on supplies like candles and such) or sex. If this happens, run, don’t walk, toward the nearest exit. Any behavior that sets off alarm bells should be a signal to go elsewhere.
Sometimes the energy just doesn’t mesh well. It can be tricky to get a bunch of people working together well no matter what the situation—adding magic into the mix doesn’t make it any easier. Some people are like oil and water, no matter how good their intentions are.
There can be people in the group who don’t take the work seriously, can’t or don’t focus, or are there simply out of curiosity. It is fine to have people who are interested join in (we all have to start somewhere, and how can you know if Witchcraft and goddess worship are for you if you never get to go to your first ritual?), but it is probably best to start them out at less intense rituals. We often invite interested folks to come for our Summer Solstice rituals, which are more celebratory and relaxed than say, Samhain.
The lack of focus or not taking the work seriously, however, is a more difficult issue. One person can throw off the focus for the whole group. I went as a guest to another local group a few times, and while they were absolutely lovely people, their rituals were … disappointing. The two women who ran the group were disorganized, people came to circle stoned or drunk (which not only disrupts your ability to focus, but I personally think it is insulting to the goddess, although not all Witches agree), and some of them actually stood around and chatted during the ritual. No power was ever raised because people weren’t working together, and there was no unity of focus or intention. It was a fun get-together with a feast after, but it wasn’t magic or spiritual at all.
The group may not agree on important common ground, such as which goddess or goddesses to call on, what approach to take to magical work, whether or not to let new members join, how often to get together, whether or not children are welcome, what the rules are, and what the penalties are for breaking them. Many times these issues can be worked out through discussion and compromise, but if a group has practices or rules that don’t work for you, it is probably best to walk away. For instance, if a coven practices skyclad (naked) and that makes you uncomfortable, or if they include children and you’d rather not deal with that. Also keep in mind that not all people are equally good at keeping secrets, so if you are still in the broom closet (keeping your Witchcraft practice a secret, either because of a sensitive job, disapproving family, or other reasons), you will want to make sure that the folks you practice with are willing to do so. The general rule is that what happens in circle stays in circle, and you should be able to talk about whatever issues are important to you without worrying they will get back to someone who is not in your group.
Sometimes a group just isn’t a good fit for you. For the reasons listed above and various others, you may not feel comfortable or as though you are getting what you need from that group. While I have never experienced it myself, I have heard of people going to a coven that is new to them and getting the vibe that something is really off. In that case, run, don’t walk, away.

As you can see, there are plenty of pros and cons for both types of practice. You may want to try a group and see if you like it—certainly I would never have known I was a group Witch (or a Witch at all) if I hadn’t finally given in and accepted that invitation from the woman who ended up being my first High Priestess and teaching me much of what I know about the practice of Witchcraft.

Of course, not everyone gets a choice. It can be hard to find a coven near you, especially if you are like me and live in a rural area. Lots of my readers write to me and tell me that they live in the Bible Belt and there are no other Witches anywhere nearby. (Sadly, there probably are, but they have no way to find each other.)

Or there are covens, but they are closed. This means they don’t generally accept new members. There are various reasons for this. They may feel they are at capacity. No, covens don’t have to have thirteen members—Blue Moon Circle started with three, had as many as eleven, and is back to being quite small again. But the larger the group the harder it can be to manage and organize, and sometimes they just decide they’re as large as they can be and still function well. Some, like mine, have found a good balance after many years and are hesitant to rock the boat, or have tried adding new people and it just didn’t work for them.

Sometimes a long-established coven only takes experienced Witches, because they don’t want to go back to the basic practice that would be necessary to bring newbie Witches up to speed. Or they simply don’t feel a particular person would be a good fit. This shouldn’t be taken personally. Blue Moon Circle only rarely takes in someone new, because we have learned from experience that no matter how much we like someone, if they are at a completely different stage of their life or practice, or have different goals, it just doesn’t work for us.

Although I do some teaching on my own, we learned the hard way that we have no real interest in being a teaching coven and starting back with the basics every time we added a new Witch who was just starting out. But other people, like my first High Priestess, loved leading a teaching group. Different people, different groups, completely different vibes.

If you really want to be part of a group but can’t find one to join, you can try starting one of your own. That’s what I did after I left my first group. I did my dedication as a High Priestess, and then … I waited. When I found a couple of people (neither of whom I knew well at the time) whom I liked and felt called to, I asked them if they wanted to try a simple practice with me. Nothing formal at the time. They had each been solitaries for many years, both from natural tendency and because neither one of them had ever found a group that suited them.

We got together on the Spring Equinox, along with a few other friends, and the three of us have been together ever since. Do I believe the goddess brought us to each other? Damn straight I do. But I had to be paying attention to that little voice that said they were the right ones and be willing to move outside my comfort zone. It was scary putting myself out there like that, and I’m not always great with people I don’t know, although I’ve gotten better at it after all these years. I also had to have the patience to wait for the right people to come along, and listen to that voice that said, “Not yet,” as much as I was missing being part of a group practice.

So, if you think this is something you want to try doing, put the intention out there into the universe and see what happens. Keep in mind that although covens are traditionally led by either a High Priestess, a High Priest, or both, it is perfectly possible to have a group with no one person leading it, as long as everyone involved is comfortable taking turns coming up with a ritual, or organizing the feast, or whatever roles you all agree on.

Even if you are a relative beginner, there are a number of good books about how to start and run a coven. (Check out my first book, Circle, Coven & Grove for a year’s worth of New Moon, Full Moon, and Sabbat rituals, plus some general advice.) I list a few of them in Appendix III. If everyone in the group is inexperienced, you may have to find your way together. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as long as you have reasonable expectations and a fair amount of patience.

If you are trying to find either a coven or like-minded folks nearby, you can try checking the bulletin boards at local New Age shops (if you are lucky enough to have one), or even health food stores, or other such places frequented by generally open-minded people. If you are comfortable doing so, you can wear a pentacle necklace and see if anyone comes up and says, “Merry Meet” (which is a traditional witchy greeting). There are also some large events, like Renaissance Faires, psychic fairs, and those put on by the Society of Creative Anachronism, that tend to attract Pagans.

If there is a Unitarian Universalist church in your town, they sometimes have a CUUPS chapter (Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans—check them out at www.cuups.org).

If you can’t find any people to practice with locally, there are also online groups. There are dozens of Witchcraft groups on Facebook, and if you do an internet search for “online Witchcraft covens,” you will get more results than you know what to do with. The problem with this abundance of choices, of course, is how to know which one to pick.

To be honest, I can’t really answer that question, since I’ve never explored that particular option. Obviously, if you know someone who is already in an online group and can recommend it, that makes life easier. Otherwise you are going to have to do your research, see if you can find someplace that feels comfortable to you, and of course, practice the usual safe online practices. Don’t give out personal information to people you don’t know well, for instance. Don’t send money to anyone, and remember that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Just apply the same rules you would to a group you attend in person; if something feels off, it probably is, and you should go elsewhere. (And keep in mind that there is a lot of crazy on the internet. Pagan groups seem to be a magnet for those who are unconventional, which can be both good and bad. My advice is to dip your toes in the water slowly, and see how it goes.)

Even if you can’t find a coven to take part in, there are various sources for furthering your Witchcraft education, beyond my usual advice to read, read, read, and then read some more. If you find a favorite Witchcraft author, see if they offer classes online, or have a blog you can follow. Some authors, like Tess Whitehurst, post free videos of meditations and magical instruction. Others, like Christopher Penczak, have formal organizations where you can enroll in Witchcraft classes. Some of these people charge for classes, which is a legitimate thing. They are experts in their fields, and teaching takes a lot of time and energy. Just do your research first to make sure the person or organization is legit.

As with everything else in life, only you can decide which path suits you best. You may be perfectly happy as a solitary Witch standing under the Full Moon on your own (many folks are). You may find a coven that suits you right away or practice alone until the right one comes along. As long as you have your connection to the goddess and are walking your path every day, that is all that is truly important.

SHARING THE PATH WITH YOUR CHILDREN

For many of us growing up, religion was a family affair. At least it was if your parents both agreed on whatever that religion was. For me, it was Judaism. My parents had both been raised Jewish, their parents had been raised Jewish, and so on back to the desert we all came from. We went to temple as a family, and celebrated the Jewish holidays together.

My parents weren’t, as it turns out, particularly spiritual, something I didn’t find out until I was older. But it was important for them to pass on the religious and secular heritage of Judaism to their children. It wasn’t always easy, since this was before the days when children celebrated Hanukkah in school alongside Christmas, but in our house, we observed the eight days of our own religious celebration. Plus Purim, Passover, the other seasonal holidays, and of course, the Sabbath every Friday night.

For Witches, it may not be so simple. For one thing, Paganism and Wicca aren’t always accepted as “legitimate” religions. In fact, they may not be accepted at all. Being open about your Witchcraft practices with your children may mean asking them to keep a secret from their friends and teachers, which can be difficult (depending on their ages, it may be too much to expect).

If so, how you approach it can make all the difference. Make sure they know that you aren’t hiding because you are ashamed or embarrassed, or care what other people think—just that your spiritual practices may be misunderstood by those who don’t know any better, and besides, they are no one else’s business.

On the other hand, you may be out of the broom closet and not at all worried about other people knowing. If you are lucky enough to live in a place where you are accepted, that’s great.

Another possible complication to sharing your Witchcraft path with your children can occur if your significant other isn’t a Pagan and has an issue with it. Many couples these days follow different religions than each other and they can often agree to let the kids be exposed to both sets of spiritual beliefs and eventually make the choice of which one, if any, they choose to follow. When I was married (many, many years ago, before I was a Pagan), my husband put up a Christmas tree and I set up the menorah, and we shared both his Christianity and my Judaism with my young stepdaughter. Hopefully if your partner doesn’t mind you being a Witch, he or she will be open to you sharing your beliefs with your children. (If not, you may have bigger issues. Just saying.)

How much you share and how you go about it is a very individual matter. When I first discovered Wicca, my stepdaughter was in her early teens. I told her all about it and explained my beliefs, but didn’t take her to rituals at that point. I wanted to be sure that she made her own choices, uninfluenced by me.

Ironically, as an adult, she actually became an active member of Blue Moon Circle, and has remained a Pagan ever since. She lives across the country now, and has her own friends she practices with. I would have been fine with whatever she decided, but I have to admit, it is lovely to be able to share this important part of my life with her. It is also nice to know that she came to it of her own free will, and not because it was something she felt obligated to do.

One of the women in Blue Moon Circle had teen children when we started the group. While they sometimes came to our big Yule dinner party, for the most part she kept her practice separate from the rest of her family life. One of the others included her children literally from the time they were in her womb. Technically before that, since I officiated at her wedding, and was present when her two kids were born. I call them my goddess-children, and they are my extended family, but everyone in the circle has taken great joy in watching them grow up.

That woman’s husband is what I like to call “Pagan-friendly.” He doesn’t practice on his own, but he is very open to the beliefs and practices of Witchcraft, and has attended many of the Sabbats. (We always kept the Full Moons just for us ladies. We never set out to have a women-only group, but when it turned out that way, we decided we liked it.)

Her kids came to circle from the time they were born. As babies, they were passed around from person to person so she could have her hands free to take part in the ritual. She breastfed in circle. Not every group would be comfortable with this, and that’s fine, but for us, it never occurred to us to exclude them. Once they got old enough to be left home with dad during the Esbats, they still came to the Sabbats and celebrated with us.

This naturally necessitated some accommodation to the limitations of children. For a few years, until they got a little older, we passed on the large bonfires so we didn’t have to worry about them getting burned. I wrote child-friendly rituals—still powerful, still full of spirit, but we saved the heavy-duty magical work for Full Moons when they weren’t there. You might think we gave something up, but you might be surprised at the natural joy and wisdom children can bring to a circle.

I will never forget when her little girl called the quarters on her own (at her own request) when she was four. She did as good a job as any adult. This was at least in part because her mom also shared her practice with them at home. They went out and talked to the moon, put in gardens, and celebrated both Yule and Christmas. For this member of the group, it was as important to pass her spiritual path on to her children as it was for my parents to pass theirs on to me and my sisters.

These days, they live a bit farther away, and we only get to share ritual a couple of times a year. Only time will tell whether or not this is the path her children will choose for themselves, and she will be fine either way. But it has been a great joy to watch them, and other children I know, growing up Pagan with an appreciation for nature and a knowledge of goddess as well as god. I will also say that all the kids I have met who were raised Pagan have turned out to be truly amazing adults.

If you decide that you want to share your spiritual path with your children, there are a number of ways to go about it, and some choices to be made. Here are a few examples, although you may face additional ones depending on your own personal circumstances.

Is it a secret or not? And if it is a secret, can your child be depended on to keep it that way? If it isn’t a secret, you may want to have conversations with teachers and/or the parents of your children’s closest friends, so people aren’t caught off by surprise, and so that teachers can make accommodations if they choose to do so.
Do you make them participate even if they aren’t interested? When I was growing up, going to temple was never a matter of choice. Neither was Sunday School, although my parents did allow me to decide for myself whether or not to go to Hebrew School to study for a bat mitzvah (in case you’re not familiar with Judaism, boys have a bar mitzvah to celebrate becoming adults, and the female version is a bat mitzvah). Holidays were celebrated by everyone. (Mind you, I thought they were fun. And the food was always really good.)

But with Wicca, it isn’t always that cut and dried, especially if your partner follows a different religion. You’re going to have to decide if you are going to bring your kids up Pagan even if they don’t seem enthusiastic about it. I haven’t ever met a kid who wasn’t, but that may say more about the attitude of the Pagan parents I know than it does about general childhood interest. I can’t say with any certainty.

Do you include boys as well as girls? There is nothing about Paganism or Witchcraft that excludes males. In fact, modern Witchcraft practitioners are fairly evenly divided between the sexes, although there may be slightly more women. (In my area there are a few more women than men, but at the large gatherings I go to, that isn’t true.) There are lots of male Witches, and you can certainly raise one. But if you have taken a goddess-centric path and don’t wish to share it with any men, including your own, that is up to you.
How much magic do you expose them to when they are young? It is one thing to raise a child with the knowledge that magic is real and can be used to create positive change. It is another thing entirely to expect a young person to be able to use power wisely. While our group member’s children came to circle with us as infants, by the time they were old enough to really comprehend what we were doing, she stopped bringing them to Full Moon. The magical work we did at the holidays was fairly innocuous (although none the less powerful for being so).
For instance, we might plant seeds at the Spring Equinox and talk about what we hoped to grow in the year ahead. Their mom would help the kids figure out what their answers were, although they often came up with things on their own (sometimes amazingly clever and creative things). Summer Solstice tended to be largely celebratory and joyous, and the harvest festivals were easy. Once they hit a certain age, though, her husband would hang out in my house with the kids at Samhain, when we did a more intense ritual on our own. Then they would rejoin us for the feast.

You may want to share the basics of goddess worship (or god and goddess worship) and celebrations with your kids when they are young, and save the serious magical work for when they are old enough to understand personal responsibility and the consequences of their actions. Only you can decide what age that is for your own children, and it will probably vary depending on the child. (I know some adults who never did quite master that concept, and some kids who got it very early on.)

How in depth do you want to go when discussing the spiritual and practical nature of Witchcraft? Kids tend to respond very well to the connecting with nature aspect of Paganism; after all, most children do that on their own if allowed to. Some of them may be interested in studying the various goddesses and the cultures they came from, the origins of the holidays, and the history of both ancient and modern Witchcraft. There is no Sunday School for Witch children; you’ll have to decide for yourself just how much you want to educate them on the specifics. There are more books out for Pagan kids than there used to be, so that might be a good place to start, as well as stories from various cultures’ mythologies.

Really, though, I’m making it sound more complicated than it is. As with anything else in your life that is important to you, you can decide how little or how much of it you wish to share with your kids. There are a few good books on raising Pagan children. In particular, I like Circle Round: Raising Children in Goddess Traditions by Starhawk, Diane Baker, and Anne Hill (Bantam, 2000) and Raising Witches: Teaching the Wiccan Faith to Children by Ashleen O’Gaea (New Page Books, 2002). There are also sources for support online, including Pagan parenting blogs and groups on Facebook.

If you want your faith to be a family affair, by all means go for it. And if your partner follows a different religion, especially if it is some form of Christian practice, remember that you can always combine the current practice of, say, Christmas, with the early practices of Yule, since they have so much in common.

TEN SIMPLE WAYS TO SHARE YOUR SPIRITUAL PATH WITH THOSE WHO DON’T FOLLOW IT

We’ve talked about sharing your spiritual path with your children, but what about everyone else? If you’re like many Witches, most of the people in your life probably aren’t Pagans. (Hopefully there are a few around to keep you company, but some folks don’t even have that.)

Growing up Jewish in an area that had very few other Jews means I know what it is like to feel isolated when your religious practice is different from that followed by most of the people around you. Thankfully, there are plenty of ways to share your beliefs with others that are both fun and completely nonthreatening, even to those who may not completely understand a modern Witchcraft path.

Keep in mind that Witches don’t proselytize. That is to say, unlike some religions that actively seek to convert others, Witches generally believe that people are either called to believe or not. Those for whom this is the correct path will find their way to it when they are ready and the time is right. In fact, in some traditions those who were interested in joining a coven had to ask three times, in order to prove the seriousness of their intent.

The woman who ended up being my High Priestess invited me to come to her gatherings, but she never put any pressure on me to do so or tried to tell me that this was something I really should do. I think she could tell that this was my path, but she just opened the door for me and waited for me to be ready to walk through.

No matter how enthusiastic you may be about your own personal practice, please don’t go around telling everyone you know that Witchcraft is the perfect path and you’re sure it is right for them. By all means, talk about the experience with those you think it might appeal to, but leave the choice up to the individual. If they ask to take things a step further and be included in more formal activities, by all means invite them, if it feels appropriate to do so.

That being said, there is no reason not to share certain aspects of a Witchcraft practice with those you are close to, without any expectations that they are going to take it as their own path. As a kid, I went to a few different forms of worship with my friends to get a feel for how others practiced their religions. It can be educational and enlightening, and it is always good to have more folks understand that we Witches are just like everyone else, and not something to be afraid of. You won’t want to do deep and serious magical rituals, or course, but there are many aspects of Paganism and modern Witchcraft that those who don’t practice it will still be able to connect with and enjoy. These are a few simple suggestions, but feel free to come up with other options on your own.

Holiday celebrations—I’ve already mentioned that there are many Christian or secular holidays that take their roots from ancient Pagan observances. Have a party or get-together that celebrates both the modern and traditional, and have fun combining the two. The most obvious examples are Yule/Christmas or Ostara/Easter, but virtually any Pagan Sabbat will lend itself to this. You can hand out printed cards with examples of the origins of the holidays and how they are connected to today’s forms of celebration (or scrolls, if you want to give it a more exotic feel—simply write up the info and print it out on parchment-like paper, then roll them up and tie them with ribbons). Add some fun activities that allow people to get the feel for the old traditions, like adorning a Yule tree with homemade Pagan-centric decorations made from natural ingredients (popcorn and cranberry strings, pinecones, dried fruit, even gingerbread men hung from a piece of yarn), or dying Ostara eggs with natural coloring (try onion skins, grape juice, turmeric, black tea, beets, and more). You could even have a Groundhog’s Day party and introduce people to some of the more basic elements of Imbolc.
Have a Winter Solstice party or a Summer Solstice picnic—I actually know some folks who aren’t Pagans or Witches who have these kinds of celebrations with their friends every year. Because the solstices have been a part of most cultures throughout history, they are a concept that people are familiar with, comfortable with, and interested in. You can find unobtrusive ways to share and explain the traditional ways they were observed, such as lighting a Summer Solstice bonfire at dusk, or creating and burning a Yule log for the Winter Solstice. (There is also a Yule log cake, if you want to go in that direction. Chocolate, yum.) If you want, you can have children—or enthusiastic adults—enact the battle of the Oak King and the Holly King at the Winter Solstice. If you are celebrating the Summer Solstice and you have space in your yard, try setting up a miniature Stonehenge or a stone labyrinth for people to walk through.
Get creative—If you have crafty friends, get a few together and create some Pagan-themed crafts. There are virtually no limits to the possibilities. I already mentioned some ideas for Ostara or Yule. You can also make your own rune stones using oven-dry clay, or stones you paint with the rune symbols. If you do this, you can talk a little bit about the origins for the stones and how Pagans (and others) often use them for insight. It is easy to make magical candles, either by starting from scratch with wax, coloring, and essential oils, or by taking ready-made candles and etching them with magical symbols, anointing them with oils, or rolling them in crushed herbs. Make magical sachets stuffed with herbs for prosperity, healing, love, or protection. No matter what you do, crafts are a fun and nonthreatening way to “play” while also sharing information.
Have a Full-Moon get-together—Almost everyone feels the pull of the Full Moon, even if they aren’t a Witch or a Pagan. I think its magic is etched on the human soul. If you can be outside, that’s optimum, of course, and then you can sit under the light of the moon together, or maybe gather around a small bonfire. Try singing or chanting or drumming. Maybe discuss how the moon represents the goddess in her changing forms and therefore has a special connection for women. Or just sip a glass of wine and enjoy the night. Don’t forget to look at the stars, too. Have everyone light a candle and send out a wish to the first star they see.
Immerse yourselves in nature—This can be as simple as a walk in the woods or wading in the ocean. If you don’t have an ocean, a lake or stream will do. Just find a place where the natural world surrounds you and whomever you’re sharing it with; somewhere you can leave the man-made world behind for a bit. Maybe talk a little about the importance of nature in a Witchcraft practice, and how all cultures started as nature-based religions, before “civilization” took hold. Revel in the simple beauty around you and encourage discussion about the importance of preserving and safeguarding the Earth. You can even gather a few people and pick a section of road or river to clean up on behalf of the goddess.
Feast—Many Pagan celebrations involve food, either before, during, or after the more serious work of the day. (Sometimes all three.) And who doesn’t like a good feast? This is especially appropriate at harvest time, or around the Winter Solstice, but there is no bad time to get together with good friends and good food. If you are able to have your feast around the time of one of the Sabbats, use foods that are traditional for that time of year and decorations that reflect the Pagan roots of the holiday. Either way, you can add in some witchy music, light some candles, and give thanks to the goddess before you eat.
Get mystical—There are many aspects of a Witchcraft practice that reflect our connection with the unseen and the mysterious. Many Witches practice some form of divination, such as reading tarot cards or rune stones. If you’re comfortable with it, you can try sharing something like that with your friends. Or invite people over for an evening of guided meditation, chanting, or drumming. (If you can do this outside under the Full Moon, that’s great, but you can also just light candles in fire-safe containers, or even use battery-powered candles that flicker like the real thing and give that same mysterious air.) If you don’t have a coven to celebrate Samhain with, try combining the holiday with a more serious than usual Halloween party and inviting friends who you think will appreciate the Pagan roots of this now-secular night. Instead of dressing up as silly characters, you can all wear black, or some kind of cool and witchy garb. Explain the origins of the holiday, and suggest that people bring pictures of deceased loved ones to put on an altar, where you can take turns lighting candles in their honor. Have a Halloween harvest feast, and serve pumpkin soup in small hollowed out pumpkin shells. Or have a dumb supper without speaking, and have everyone bring pictures of those they’ve lost. There are lots of mystical options you can share. Just pick the ones you think will be most accessible and enjoyable for those you want to include.
Have a Witch-themed movie night—If you have a few favorite movies featuring Witches, invite some friends over for popcorn, wine, and Hollywood’s version of Witchcraft. While you’re having fun, you can take the opportunity to point out the inaccuracies (there always are some, sometimes wildly amusing ones) and how things really work. Or you can ask people to bring their own favorite movies, and do the same thing.
Have a comparative religion night—If you know a number of people who follow different spiritual paths, invite them over to share their beliefs and traditions with each other, while you share yours. This can be fairly formal, with handouts and suggested reading, or just sitting around and chatting over snacks. The idea is not to convert anyone to a different religion, but simply to share this part of your lives that for some is an important aspect of who they are or where they come from. It can be fascinating to hear about other belief systems, even if you don’t share them. If you want to have a feast while you do this, see if those involved have a special dish that in some way represents their culture or religion. (A Jew might bring latkes, for instance.) You can take turns saying a prayer from your particular tradition, or talk about how you each view deity. Make sure you focus more on the things you have in common than the issues that you differ on, while acknowledging that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs.
Work a little magic—If you are doing magical work with non-Witches, you are probably better off sticking to a small group or just one other person. This isn’t something I would suggest you take lightly. To begin with, make sure that anyone who is going to be present will be both able and willing to take part in a respectful and focused manner. Keep the magic simple and easy to do. If you have a person or a few people who are seriously interested in how magic is done, you can lead them through a basic ritual. If you have someone who has come to you for help—a friend who isn’t a Witch who needs healing, for instance—you will probably do the magic while they sit and watch, or perhaps do one or two easy things such as lighting a candle or anointing themselves with blessed oil. Either way, you will want to explain exactly what you will be doing and the significance of each part of the magical work. Sharing your magic with others can be a real gift, one that brings understanding and acceptance if it is done reverently. But make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons, and not just to show off or look cool. Magic is one of the sacred tools of the Witch, and should only be shared with those who can truly appreciate it.

PRACTICAL MAGIC—CELEBRATE YOUR INNER WITCH

Some people believe that you have to go through certain kinds of training and then be formally dedicated by a High Priest or High Priestess before you are a “real” Witch. Others think that you have to have a family background that makes you a hereditary Witch. Both of these are outmoded ideas that carry less weight than they used to, but I know women who still worry about whether or not they are truly Witches if they don’t fit in either of these categories.

Piffle.

Do you believe you’re a Witch? Do you feel like a Witch? Do you practice the Craft (even if you are a beginner and still learning)? Then you’re a Witch.

Whether you are Solitary or work with a group, whether all the women in your family have been Witches or if you are the first one, whether you have had formal training under a more experienced Witch or are just finding your own way the best you can, you’re a Witch if you say you are.

Mind you, the word has to have meaning to you. But if you follow the basic tenets and practices of modern Witchcraft, the goddess will recognize you for who and what you are, and welcome you home.

Feel free to do whatever feels right to celebrate your inner Witch. Whether that means standing outside on the night of the Full Moon (howling optional), setting up an altar to the goddess of your choice, casting spells, blessing the herbs you use in your cooking, or any of the myriad other aspects of being a Witch—even if that is just feeling stronger and braver because you know you have a goddess on your side—embrace this part of yourself with joy.

Celebrate the goddess within. She rocks. And so do you.