These are difficult times for women. But we have been through worse, and come out the other side stronger, wiser, and more determined than ever. I have every faith that this will hold true in these trying days, too.
In the meanwhile, though, many of us are struggling to cope with our anger, frustration, feelings of helplessness, and sometimes, hopelessness. Some of us find it difficult not to blame all men for the cruelty and smugness of an (admittedly powerful) minority. We fear for our rights and those of our daughters, and worry that we might lose the progress we fought so long and hard to gain.
I don’t have any easy answers for you, alas. I struggle with all those things, too. Some days I wake up and watch the news and think, “What the hell happened? How did we get here?” I am just as afraid and frustrated as everyone else. Not to mention really, really pissed off.
But I find strength in many places. In the faces of the women who stand next to me as we march, united in a way we haven’t been in a long time. In the actions of those who stand up for what is right no matter what the cost, like Malala Yousafzai, who was the youngest ever Nobel Peace Prize winner for her fight to bring education to all girls, and Tarana Burke, who founded the Me Too movement that gave thousands of women the courage to speak their pain out loud.
I find strength in the women I share my life with, both friends and family. But most of all, I am sustained by the women in my circle, who help feed my spirit when the demands of everyday life have drained it to the dregs, and by my belief in a vibrant, powerful, nurturing goddess.
These days, more than any time before this in my life, I have found that goddess worship and a female-centric spirituality can help women not just survive but thrive, no matter what challenges they face. I am going to share some suggestions for how to do just that, but let’s start off with a few things not to do.
Keep in mind that as always, these are just my opinions (based on years of study and experience, which is why you’re reading this book, presumably, but still, just one woman’s take on things). You have to make up your own mind about how you are going to approach the difficulties we all face. In the meanwhile, though, here are what you could call my Witch’s List of Things Not To Do.
Some folks will tell you that it is just fine to hex those who you consider bad or evil. There are just a few problems with that approach. First, do you really want to sink to the level of those who do nasty things to others? I don’t. No matter how much I am provoked. I would rather follow the example of Michelle Obama, who said, “When they go low, we go high.”
Not to mention that hexing, no matter how well intentioned, goes against the tenet of the Wiccan Rede, which tells us to harm none. Purposely causing harm goes against everything I believe in as a Witch. Plus, there’s that whole pesky “Law of Returns” thing. By hexing someone, you are risking having whatever you put out come back to you. (No, there is nothing in the Law of Returns that says it doesn’t count if someone hurt you first. It’s a little bit like if you punch your brother because he punched you. Your mom is still going to yell at you. She doesn’t care who started it.) So as tempting as it might be, I never hex. In fact, I never intentionally cause harm, no matter how provoking the circumstances. Try doing protection work instead, which affects you and not someone else.
I can tell you that in the past couple of years, terrible things have happened to people I love. I lost one of the most shining women I know to cancer, the day before her thirty-fourth birthday. A friend’s ten-year-old son killed himself. I lost my beloved cat Magic and her brother Mystic within eight days of each other. (After long, good lives and tough fights with cancer, but seriously, EIGHT days? Come on. That’s just cruel.) And those are the drastic events. There have been plenty of daily challenges. It had been a rough few years.
I can’t tell you that I can see some kind of grand plan in any of it. What I can tell you is that I can see the light in the midst of the darkness, the blessings amid the pain. Bethany fought long and hard against a cancer that should have taken her in six months. Instead, she got three years, and died with her adoring husband by her side, and friends from far away got to make it to the hospital before she passed. She used the time she had to make an impact on the world, and left it a better place than it was when she got here. The friend whose son died was supported and uplifted by community in ways he would never have anticipated. And my wonderful cats got more time than might have been expected—good time, without pain—and Magic in particular got to go out when she was ready, in charge of her world until the end. The gifts all these loved ones left behind them lingers long after their physical presence has faded. I can see the goddess’s hand in all of it.
I’m not saying it is easy to hold on to your faith during difficult times. I’m just saying that you are still better off with it than without it, even when it is hard to understand why a loving goddess would allow such cruelty and pain to exist. Sometimes life is just unfair. That doesn’t mean the goddess doesn’t exist, or that she doesn’t love us. Sometimes life is just life. Learn what you can from the tough lessons and hang on.
Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”5 So no matter how difficult it seems, endeavor to send back love to all those who it would be easier to hate instead. Just think how much it will piss them off. (Heh, heh, heh.)
Now that we’ve talked about what not to do, let’s look at some ways that a Witchcraft practice and goddess worship can help make your life better even in the midst of difficult times. These are the aspects of my spiritual path that have lifted me up and given me strength in the last few years. I’m sure you can think of others that are specific to whichever path you choose to walk, but this at least gives you a place to start.
Some authors (I’m thinking of Tess Whitehurst in particular) have blogs or websites where they post meditations and advice for free. Others, like me, have Patreon, which gives people who follow them a little more access than everyone else gets, usually for some small monthly support donation. Or they give online or in-person classes. Even if you can’t or don’t want to reach out to others (not everyone is free to come out of the broom closet or is the socializing type), just knowing that there are women out there who believe what you believe and feel the way you feel can be very uplifting.
But as Witches, we have an extra few tools in our arsenal. If you are feeling helpless and hopeless, say a spell. Say it loudly and with passion, and send that energy out into the world. The results may not always be immediate and obvious, but just think what we could achieve if we all said spells for positive change at the same time …
Do spells to create change in your own life and in the world around you. Work for the greater good. We have the power to make positive change. Say it with me, people. We have the power to make positive change. And knowing that can help us to feel less vulnerable and helpless. Let your anger energize you into taking action, instead of allowing it to burrow inward and turn into depression. Connect with the pissed-off goddesses and channel your anger into something productive. Be kick-ass.
What this means is that you can do magic any time, any place. You can harness the power of your own will and intent and call on the goddess, even if you don’t have an altar, or feel comfortable writing a spell, or performing a ritual. Even if you have to keep your spiritual beliefs a secret because of where you live or who you live with, you can still pray. It doesn’t have to be said out loud, or rhyme, or have any formal organization. It can be as simple as saying, “Goddess, please help me to be strong.”
I find strength in the longevity and endurance of nature. All my problems seem so large and important, but they mean very little in the huge scope of history. Sometimes this gives me the ability to stop and take a step back, and look at things with a different perspective, and tell myself, “This, too, shall pass.” When everything around me is overwhelming and out of control, I can ground myself in the power of the earth beneath my feet.
If you can’t get out into actual nature, you can bring it into your home in the form of rocks and crystals, tabletop water fountains, herbs and houseplants, wooden sculptures, and of course, our furry companions. I have bowls of shells and rocks from the beaches I visit that help me to get in touch with that ocean energy even when I can’t make the journey to it in person. I also have meditative music that has nature sounds in the background, and even a white-noise machine that can play the sounds of the ocean, the rainforest, rain, thunderstorms, and the like. That’s the great thing about nature—it’s everywhere, and accessible no matter where you live. In fact, it is easy to forget how omnipresent and powerful it is. But as a Witch, the natural world is one of your most powerful allies and effective tools; make sure you are taking advantage of it.
There is strength in being your most authentic self. Think about the lineage of strong women who drew their power from the potent gifts of nature, protected themselves and their families with magic, and worshipped a deity who wore a face and form like theirs. You are one of those women now. You are a goddess-loving elemental power to be reckoned with, and don’t ever let yourself forget it. Walk your path with your head held high and call yourself a Witch proudly, even if you can only do so in a whisper when no one except you and the goddess are listening.
Or, you know, hang a pentacle around your neck and tell everyone. That works, too.
Not everyone has the physical strength and stamina of an Amazon, but each of us has her own inner warrior. That warrior woman takes different forms for all of us, but you can think of her as the guardian of your own internal sacred fires.
I visualize mine as tall and muscular and fierce, wearing leather armor and carrying a spear, or sometimes a bow and arrow, or a strong wooden staff. Think of a cross between Wonder Woman and Xena, warrior princess, with a bit of wild Witch thrown in, and that’s her. She burns with a righteous fury, is serene in the face of her enemies, and would scare the pants off of most men. I am not her, alas, but she is a part of me, deep in the core of who I really am.
I’m going to give you an exercise. Don’t worry, it isn’t sit-ups. This is more of a mental and spiritual exercise. I want you to figure out what your inner warrior looks like. She may bear no resemblance to mine at all (I clearly watched too much television in the seventies and nineties). She may not look like a warrior at all. Hell, she may not be a she. Your inner warrior might be a panther, or a tall tree. This internal guardian is a part of you, and therefore each of us will have a different image to represent our own.
If the image doesn’t come to you right away, don’t worry. Spend a little time—all at once or over the course of a few days—trying to get a clear picture of her. Maybe she looks like your favorite librarian (those people kick ass). Or an image from a comic book that stuck with you (Storm from the X-Men, maybe?) or a character from a book or television show. Or maybe she looks like your grandmother when she was a young woman. Or a famous woman from history, like Joan of Arc. Maybe your inner warrior is Maasai or Apache or even a Viking. (There is evidence that some Viking warriors were actually women.6)
When you finally get a clear picture of her in your mind, see if there is a goddess who seems to suit her best. For me, that would probably be Athena, or maybe Artemis, or Hecate in her non-crone aspect. This goddess may be associated with war and battle, or her strengths may come from other attributes. If you can’t come up with the specific “right” goddess, don’t worry—you can always call on the goddess in a general way.
On the next Full Moon, or whenever you can find a few minutes (whichever comes first), light a candle, and visualize this inner warrior. See her face, her hair, her clothing. Picture the weapons she carries, if any. If it is not a woman, picture who or whatever it is. Fix her (or it) firmly in your mind and then call on the goddess. In whatever words come to you, ask the goddess to help to support and strengthen your inner warrior, and aid you in connecting with your internal guardian so you can draw on the strength when you need it.
Then thank them both, and visualize that warrior woman standing in front of you and walking forward until the two of you meld together as one. She may not be visible to the outside world, but never forget she is inside you, ready to support and encourage you, and kick butt as needed. Thank her, and blow out the candle. When things get tough, it might help to visualize her in your head, looking out of your eyes at whatever challenges are before you.
Visualizing your inner warrior is only one way to strengthen your spirit. You can try using some or all of the meditations, affirmations, and spells contained in Chapter Seven. Some of them will be more appropriate than others to specific situations, of course, but many may have more than one application.
There are also a few simple rituals you can do every day, or almost every day, to feed and strengthen your spirit, whether in the face of adversity or to help you cope with the regular challenges of everyday life.