Chapter 1

No, a bitch was not liked, and I didn’t give a fuck.

Being the only female drug dealer at a table of men I had strange questions aimed at me like, why I was hustlin’? Shouldn’t yo’ man be here? What did I know about the game?

Some of the questions and side comments were said so subtly that you had to think before you knew they were there. Several times while eating I got heated when I finally realized what one said.

When dinner was over, I was so happy. I expected to go home, but no, T-money wanted me to stay and join him and numbers two, three, and four in his office for a little pow-wow they always had. I could tell no one was happy about that.

T-money told them that I was invited because I was training. But they didn’t give a damn; they did not like me.

“Go ahead, let me have a word with Shi,” T-money told Easy 2, Blue 3, and Brain 4. They proceeded into the office as T-money said, “Go and start. You’re welcome to drinks and cigars.” Then he turned to me, and I thought maybe he was going to fire me. “Do you think they like you?” he asked with a smile.

I shrugged then shook my head and said, “Naw, they don’t like me at all.”

T-money nodded and said, “Why do you think they don’t like you?”

I hadn’t thought he noticed the way they were treating me and now that he did, I didn’t want any special treatment. That’d make them niggas really hate me.

“Probably because I’m a girl,” I said knowing that was the reason.

“How does them not liking you make you feel?”

Wow, I really hadn’t thought about that. I was uncomfortable and nervous, and it kinda pissed me off. Them niggas didn’t even know me.

“Uncomfortable, and pissed because they don’t know me.”

“Good,” T-money smiled.

I looked at him sideways, What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

“Do you want them to like you?”

I nodded, like duh.

“Well don’t!”

I was feeling a little confused; I was totally lost. I know you probably starting to think a bitch Special-Ed or something since I seem to always be lost and confused. But damn it, I was sheltered.

“Lesson one, Shi: they may have issues with you being a female but that would be played out with sexual harassment. They don’t like you because now they have to share a cut of their profits with you. It’s all about money, Shi. That’s lesson one.”

Well, hell, when he put it that way it made all the sense in the world. I’d be pissed, too.

“Lesson two: you should not give a damn if they like you or not. It’s good you’re not liked. You keep your enemies close, Shi, but your friends you keep even closer. That is what I’m going to stress the most and is the most important thing I can teach you, baby girl.”

I nodded though I didn’t understand why you’d keep yo’ friends closer than yo’ enemies. I kept quiet, knowing I’d have to have him clarify that for me another time.

“So it’s okay for them not to like you, don’t try to be liked, don’t try and get to know them or get close to them. Keep them at a distance alright, but don’t you ever let them disrespect you. Command respect, be hated. Half these niggas, hell, they all don’t like me, but they respect me and fear me but mostly respect. I keep emphasizing respect over fear because fear is a dangerous thing especially fear and cowardice, but we’ll get to that another time. Right now, it’s about respect.

“You see they don’t even like one another. But they respect each other, nothing personal, it’s all about money, Shi.”

I guess he was addressing all my concerns and putting me up on game. I had no idea how I was supposed to do what he was telling me. How did I make people respect me especially if they didn’t like me?

“How do I-”

“Money, Shi,” he said cutting me off. “Do you; make yo’ money; pull yo’ weight. Show them niggas why you here.”

I nodded, hoping he’d explain more.

“Lastly, you should always feel pissed and uncomfortable. You’re in danger if you don’t feel that tension. I want it so you’ll draw down if someone moves too quickly. You won’t feel that way if you’re comfortable, or friends with these niggas. I ain’t saying don’t convers, just remember it’s all about money. It’s just business. Don’t get buddy-buddy because one of them niggas will put one in yo’ ass if asked without hesitation or regret.”

I nodded thoroughly scared.

“Don’t! I repeat don’t! Get! Comfortable Shi.”

I nodded again. This man was scaring the shit out of me. I had no idea what I was getting into.

“Okay,” he said smiling. “Let’s go.”