Abby knew the others knew exactly what had gone on during and after her date with Ryan the night before, and she hadn’t even said a word. Apparently, it was written all over her face.
She’d had sex.
Dirty sex.
Emotional sex.
Damn good sex.
And her best friends knew.
Oh, they knew.
And now they were sitting in Thea’s bakery, teas and coffees in their hands, staring at her with expectant looks on their faces. She would have to confess it all.
Because they might know, but they’d still want all the details.
It was how this whole friendship thing worked.
“So, are you going to tell us how your date went last night?” Adrienne asked, her eyes full of warmth as a smile tugged at her lips.
“Um.” Abby knew she should have said something other than a word that wasn’t really a word, but she didn’t know how she was going to explain it.
She hadn’t known what she was going to say, hadn’t known how the date would go. It had been, well…she didn’t want to say perfect because she, more than anyone, knew that nothing was perfect—except for her daughter—but it had been pretty darn close.
“Is that um a good um?” Thea asked, coming over with more pastries for them. They were in Thea’s bakery, newly reopened since it had been closed for a little bit after the explosion that hurt Roxie’s husband, Carter, and Thea herself.
Abby couldn’t quite believe everything that had preceded those events or that her friends had actually been hurt.
But Roxie had said that Carter would recover nicely, and Thea was up and walking around. In fact, the other woman looked so happy and in love with Dimitri, the man that completed her in every way, that Abby figured that maybe she could put what had happened at the bakery behind them.
Of course, they’d probably be able to do that easier if Carter hadn’t been hurt as badly as he had been.
So the bakery was open again minus the updated renovation that Abby knew Thea had wanted to do. They were also short an oven, but everything else was fine. The damage hadn’t been as extensive as everyone thought in the beginning, and Abby was grateful for that. She had missed the bakery the few days it had been closed. She had missed her friends.
“It went great.” She put her hands over her face and groaned. “Why am I making it sound like it was horrendous?”
“Why don’t you tell me?” Kaylee asked, sipping her tea.
Kaylee was relatively new to their friendship circle. Newer than even Abby was. Kaylee was their Brushes with Lushes artist and coach. At least once a month, they went to Kaylee’s art studio, drank some wine, and tried to learn how to paint. Everyone was much better than Abby was, although Roxie tended to be really hard on herself.
But Kaylee was their friend now, and Abby enjoyed opening up her circle just a little bit more to accommodate the woman. Something was going on with Kaylee, something that Abby didn’t know the details of, but she had a feeling it had to do with Landon. Not that any of them were going to ask Kaylee, because the woman would probably just walk away after she gave them a look that shriveled them down to their bones. Kaylee was good at that, even though she was one of the sweetest people that Abby knew.
It didn’t help that everybody’s current focus was on Abby and Ryan, and not Kaylee and Landon. Well, Abby and Ryan as well as Roxie and Carter. But they weren’t going to talk about that couple either.
Because Abby didn’t know if there were answers for any of that.
“Abby?” Adrienne asked again, pulling Abby out of her tangled thoughts.
Yes, she was worried about her friends, but it wasn’t like she could just up and ask them what was bothering them. If it was something as easy as a stubbed toe or just a bad day, she could ask, but there were so many other layers to these topics, and that made it complicated. She didn’t have any right to dig into it or try to help. Because she, more than most, knew that forcing someone to talk about something that they weren’t ready for only made things worse in the end. Her former friends up in Denver—not the Gallaghers or the Montgomerys—had tried to tell her that everything happened for a reason. That losing Max had a purpose in the end.
She hadn’t wanted to speak to them again after that.
What purpose did losing the love of your life serve? What did Julia never getting to meet her father mean?
There hadn’t been a purpose, only life. Only death.
And when the others started to drift away from her because they hadn’t been able to deal with her grief, she let them.
Her friends here didn’t pry. Oh, they were sticking their noses in right then when it had to do with Ryan, but they wouldn’t pry unless she needed them to. And the fact that they were such good friends meant that they knew when to do it or not.
Right then, her meddling when it came to Roxie or Kaylee and how they were feeling, or why they were feeling it, was not appropriate.
Eventually, she would. At some point, she would try to help.
But for now, she knew they needed space.
She didn’t. She was ready to talk.
“Okay, so the date was amazing.” She knew there was warmth in her tone, even if there was also a little confusion.
The others clapped their hands, everyone looking happy, although Roxie and Kaylee looked slightly…off.
But they had both been quiet recently—too quiet.
Again, Abby would ask them if she could help when the time came. But now was not that time.
“And?” Thea asked, finally sitting down. Thea was constantly moving around, especially considering that she was still working, but she had also hired another staffer, who was doing really well for everyone and allowed Thea to have something called a life.
Abby couldn’t wait for one of those of her own.
A life and help beyond the people she borrowed from Thea.
“And I had fun. We went out to dinner, we talked. We talked a lot.”
“About what?” Adrienne asked.
“About Julia, work, and even Max.” She winced, and Thea reached out and patted her hand.
“He was always going to come up, don’t you think?” Thea asked, her voice gentle.
“I know. And Ryan didn’t seem bothered by it at all. I don’t think I talked about Max for all the hours we were together, but I did mention him a lot. But then again, you’re right, he was a huge part of my life. He still is because of Julia. Even Ryan said as much. Of course, Max would probably still be a huge part of my life even if I didn’t have Julia.”
“I can’t say that I know what you mean, but I understand. He was the love of your life.” This time, Adrienne winced. “I don’t know if I can say that, not anymore. I’m sorry.”
Abby shook her head. “No, you’re right. I always call Max the love of my life. And I don’t know how I’m going to use the verbiage from now on after this. Because, yes, Max was the love of my life, and I will always love him. But I don’t know what will happen if I fall for someone else.” She quickly shook her head. “Not that I’m saying I’m actually going to fall for Ryan, but it’s the idea that I was actually happy last night that makes it all mixed up in my head. And it’s the idea that I have to come up with what I feel because I need the words, but I don’t want to compare to what I had, even though I’m always going to try at first. That’s how my brain works.”
“You’re so strong,” Adrienne said and then shook her head. “Nope. Forget I said that. I know you hate when I say that.”
Abby sat up a little straighter. “You do?”
“I noticed that you don’t actually say anything but, yes, your eyes get narrower any time someone says that to you. I’ve been doing my best not to say it, but sometimes I just don’t know what to say, and those are the words that pop out.”
“I’m sorry. I think it’s just a tic at this point.”
“And it makes sense,” Thea put in. “But why don’t you tell us about the rest of the night? Because I heard from a reliable source that you didn’t pick up Julia until much later than dinner would suggest.”
Abby just grinned. “I have no idea what you mean.”
“I saw your face, young lady,” Adrienne said, trying her best to be prim and proper. But the piercings and the tattoos ruined the look a bit. “I saw the way you looked, and I saw how you purposely didn’t look me in the eye because you didn’t want to talk about it in front of Julia. And I let that pass. I’ve let a full morning pass, and yet we’re here for girl time, and it’s time for you to tell us what happened. And how much you liked it. And everything else. I mean, I can go in the back and get a baguette if you’d like to discuss measurements.”
Abby threw her head back and laughed, the others joining in.
“You are not going into my kitchen to look for a baguette,” Thea said, her voice stern. Although there was laughter dancing in her eyes, so Abby wasn’t quite sure if Thea meant it. For all she knew, there was a baguette or something a little thicker that might join them at the table soon.
At that thought, Abby knew she was blushing, the heat of her cheeks warming her body.
“So?” Kaylee asked, her voice soft. “Should I ask how it was, or how you’re feeling? Because I want to know both. We love you, Abby, and the fact that you’re smiling like this? I think I love you a little more for it.”
“And I think I could hug Ryan for it, too,” Roxie put in.
Abby bit her lip and stirred her tea as she looked at her friends. “I didn’t mean to sleep with him on the first date, but it just happened.”
She was keeping her voice low, but they were at the special corner table where Thea knew that others couldn’t really hear well. It’s why she always sat them there. Abby didn’t mind, and she knew that if any of the men came in for sweets, she would just pretend that she totally wasn’t talking about having sex with Ryan.
She also knew that she couldn’t stay here long and talk about it, because one of Thea’s part-timers was working over at the tea shop, picking up hours that Abby could barely afford. They were testing it out, and Abby was doing her best to not think about it. But, hopefully, it would work out, and the new person could get some needed money while Abby got some needed help.
And if she kept thinking about work and money, maybe she wouldn’t blush as hard when she thought about Ryan.
“Hello?” Adrienne said, waving her hand in front of Abby’s face.
“We need the deets.” Adrienne grinned, and Abby rolled her eyes.
“I’m not giving you details.”
“Um, yes you are,” Thea said, grinning. “We gave you details.”
“And yet I’m a little worried that we know way too much about each other’s sex lives.”
“At least you have a sex life,” Kaylee muttered and then looked over at everyone, her eyes wide. “Forget I said that. This isn’t about me, this is all about you and Ryan.”
“Oh, we’re going to come back to that later,” Adrienne said. “But we’ll let you slide. Just for now. Because I know Abby needs to get back to the shop, and we need to know exactly what happened with Ryan. Every single little detail you want to share.”
“You shouldn’t have added the you want to share part,” Roxie said, smiling for the first time. “Because now she’s just going to tell you nothing.”
“Fine, I’ll tell you a little.”
“Oh, don’t say little when we’re talking about sex with Ryan,” Adrienne said, grinning.
“Fine.”
“And don’t say fine,” Thea put in.
“If you would like me to continue, I’ll actually tell you something. Or if you’d just like to keep cutting me off, I’ll go have some tea in my shop.” Abby smiled as she said it, and everybody rolled their eyes, leaning forward as if they were afraid she might whisper what she had to say.
Well, considering she was about to whisper it all, she didn’t blame them.
“It was everything. I didn’t know I was going to sleep with him until it was happening. And he was kind and sweet and sexy as hell. He didn’t make me feel like I was doing anything too slow or fast or wrong. Not that I was doing anything wrong, but there was a moment there when I realized that, yes, this was my first time since Max, and while I wasn’t comparing, I had that clutch. That little heart twinge that said, ‘Okay, you can do this. You like Ryan. And you’re not cheating.’ And I wasn’t. And he looked me right in the eyes, and I knew that he understood what I was feeling. I didn’t know I could ever feel like that. I didn’t think I could ever have that connection. And I know that there were no promises made, and I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I don’t regret it. Not even a little. Because he made me happy. He does make me happy. And even if we just remain friends after this and never go on another date, even if we never sleep with each other again, I know that he was exactly what I needed, and what I need right now. I don’t really know what’s going to happen next, but he made me happy. And I guess that’s all that matters.”
All four women were wiping tears from their eyes, and Abby didn’t realize she had let a few tears fall herself until Roxie handed her a napkin.
“I’m glad that you’re happy,” Roxie whispered.
There was such longing there in that statement, so much yearning that Abby reached out and squeezed her friend’s hand. Roxie met Abby’s gaze and then pulled her hand away, obviously not quite ready to tell the world what was going on with her. Then again, Abby was just now getting used to telling the world about herself.
“So, he made you happy, but did he make you happy?” Adrienne emphasized the last word, and everyone giggled.
“Yes. Multiple times. If you must know, he’s very good at what he does.”
She lifted her chin, trying to look haughty. The rest of them just laughed.
“And on that note, I have to get back to my store, but I love you guys. Thank you for letting me talk to you about things that I didn’t know I would ever be able to talk to anyone about. Thank you for just letting me be a dork. Because I don’t know exactly how I feel, but I know that I’m okay feeling what I feel. And that’s because of you guys, and because of Ryan. And on that note, I’m going to head out.”
They all stood up, helping Thea clear off the table so she didn’t have to do it on her own. Then they hugged and kissed before Roxie and Kaylee left to their cars, and Adrienne walked part of the way to Abby’s store, stopping at her tattoo shop on the way so she could get back to work.
That left Abby alone at Teas’d when she sent Thea’s part-time help back to the bakery. She reminded herself once again that everything would be okay.
She was sore in all the right places, warm in others. She didn’t know if she would ever see Ryan again outside of work and maybe hanging out with the Montgomerys. Because although they had talked about it a bit, she didn’t really know for sure.
Did she want to see him again?
If she thought about it, the answer was yes.
She did. But she didn’t want to rely on that, didn’t want to put too much pressure on Ryan. She knew he had secrets, knew he had scars that he didn’t want to talk about. But then again, she was just getting used to talking about her own.
She didn’t know if she wanted to fall in love again. She had been in love, and it had hurt so bad to lose it that she was only now clawing her way out of the abyss.
And though she knew in her mind that sleeping with someone and going on dates didn’t automatically mean you were falling in love, Abby wasn’t really good at casual dating. She hadn’t even slept with Max on their first date, but she had with Ryan.
She wasn’t the same person she had been before, wasn’t even the same person she was two days ago at this point.
But she was trying to figure it out.
She didn’t know what would happen next, and even though that worried her, it kind of thrilled her at the same time. She had so many schedules and lists when it came to her life and Julia, so many things that had to be done because she was a single mom and because she had lost Max.
But now she was trying to live in the moment, even if she wasn’t really good at it.
She was learning.
One soft memory of Ryan at a time.
A few customers came in, and she helped them with their tea and their purchases, grateful that she would probably end up in the black for the month. She had been bringing in profits all year, and she did her best not to do a little dance in the middle of her shop and jinx it.
When the bell over the door rang again, she turned, smiling as Ryan walked in. She knew her smile was wide, and though she tried to rein it in so she didn’t look like a dork, she knew it wasn’t working.
She just looked at him and smiled even more.
There was definitely something wrong with her.
“You look nice,” Ryan said, coming over to her. He didn’t put his hands in his pockets this time, didn’t stay away as if he didn’t want to touch her. Or like he thought he couldn’t.
Instead, he put one hand on her cheek and brushed his lips against hers. She closed her eyes, trying not to moan. He was so soft, and yet so hard.
And in this moment, he was hers.
She didn’t mind that there might not be moments after this.
And if she kept telling herself, she’d be okay with it.
“You don’t look too bad yourself,” she said. “I say that often when it comes to you. I need to think of new lines.”
“I like hearing what you have to say.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “I’m in between clients right now, but I thought I’d stop by and say hi. I know you were over at the bakery with the girls. I hope you had fun.” He raised his brow, and she knew that he knew exactly what she and the ladies had talked about.
“I should feel embarrassed, but I have a feeling you know.”
“Know that you and the girls were talking about our date last night? Yeah, I know, and I don’t mind. The guys asked me about it, and I didn’t go into detail, but I did say that we went on a date.”
“I might have gone into a little bit more detail,” she said, cringing.
Ryan laughed, that deep belly laugh that went straight to her core. “See? And now I’m going to have to look Adrienne in the eyes later today and know that she knows something that I’m not sure I want her to know.”
“I’m sorry, Ryan.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m just kidding with you. And I did come over here for a purpose.”
“Peppermint tea?”
He shook his head, and her stomach filled with butterflies again. “I like the tea, but I think I like you more.”
“You think?” Once again, her voice was a whisper. And not because she didn’t want anyone to hear. Because it was just her and him, just them in the space.
“Oh, I know, but I didn’t want to sound too forward.”
“I don’t mind, at least about that.”
“Good, then let’s do it again.”
“The sex? Or when I talk about Max for hours?” She hadn’t meant to blurt that out, but here she was, being a dork again.
“Either. Both? And you didn’t talk about Max for hours. I just want to get to know you. I mean, I know you, but I want to know you more. And I want to go on another date.”
“I think I’d like that.”
Before they could say anything else, the bell over the door rang, and both of them turned.
When Ryan suddenly put his body between her and the person coming through the door, his shoulders going back, and his hands fisting at his sides, she knew that something was wrong.
And she knew that this might end badly.
“What are you doing here, Michael?”