How to Anthropomorphize Inanimate Objects

Perhaps it is the hippie’s spiritual nature that leads him or her to enthusiastically imagine that all inanimate objects have feelings. Is it hard to believe that a bulletin board can have a soul? If you are a hippie, the answer is no.

ANTHROPOMORPHIZING TIPS

• Name the inanimate object—a coffee mug, for example.
• Talk to the coffee mug.
• Consider the feelings of the coffee mug. How does it feel in its situation? (How would you feel in its place?) Is it rarely used? Does it have a chip?
• Does it long to be around other coffee mugs? Is it jealous of the teacups?
• Take action to make the coffee mug happy.

From left to right:

• “Doug”
• “Hank”

When I was a kid, I named everything around me: my bed, all my necklaces, the Doug firs by the bus stop, the Holly bush in our side yard. I once had a deflated bicycle tire that I had found on the road in Key West, and I cared for it all summer. His name was Hank. Although I have mostly weaned myself of this habit as an adult, my boyfriend and I had a window we called William until quite recently. William was replaced by a prettier window and taken away on a neighborhood clean-up day. It was very sad.