Eighteen

My Dearest Alexa,

Mere words cannot describe the depth of my longing for you. My fondest wish is that we’ll be reunited soon.

Caleb rubbed a hand over his jaw and re-read the lines for what felt like the thousandth time. Never in his life had the right words been so elusive. He’d written other letters since returning home, including one to Aurora, letting her know he had returned and to congratulate her on her marriage. So why wouldn’t the words he needed to say to Alexa come to him?

Sighing, he leaned his head back against the trunk of the tree whose shade had beckoned him a short time ago, and closed his eyes in the hope that bringing her image to mind would help.

“Caleb?”

Even after all these years, he recognized that sweet voice.

He opened his eyes. Sun blocked his vision but lit the dark golden hair with an angelic glow. “Melody.”

Caleb rose to his feet. Undoubtedly his mother was behind this unexpected visit; she’d been in a hurry to put them together again.

Melody reached out, and he took her hands, bowing gracefully over them in greeting.

“I haven’t seen anyone do that in a long, long time.”

Her laughter, as always, reminded him of the tinkling of wind chimes. “It’s good to see you.” He searched her face, wondering if he’d feel something he hadn’t before. But nothing had changed. She was as lovely as ever, the hard years of war may have aged her, but she was easily still the most beautiful girl in the county.

“Are you well?” she asked. “Your mother says those awful Yankees had you prisoner for two years.”

He pulled away, clasped his hands behind his back and began to walk. “I’m getting stronger every day.”

She fell into step beside him. “I wondered when I didn’t hear from you if…” Her voice trailed off. “So many of our young men were lost, and so much has changed since I last saw you. I wasn’t sure you were even alive.”

He sighed, realizing that as much as he’d dreaded this conversation, she had presented him the opportunity. “A great deal has changed.”

As briefly as he could, he told her about being wounded in Pennsylvania and the female doctor who had saved his life and risked her own safety to keep him hidden until he was well.

“Only to turn you over to the Yankees?” Melody asked, an expression of horror crossing her lovely face.

“No, not willingly. She would have defied Abe Lincoln himself to keep me from being taken prisoner, but she had others depending on her.”

“She sounds like an amazing woman.” Her tone was thoughtful.

“She is.” He stopped walking and turned to face her. “If I hadn’t been injured, if things had turned out differently, I’d have been home on Christmas furlough that year and we’d have wed.”

Her gaze searched his, as though she sensed what he was about to say. “Caleb, it’s not your fault.”

“Melody, did you ever truly love me?”

Her golden brown eyes widened. “Did I... Of course I did.”

But her slight hesitation gave him hope.

“I’ve had a great deal of time to think—far too much of it, really. Melody, your face never lit up around me the way it did around Matthew.” It seemed odd to say his brother’s name aloud again. Taking her arm, he began to walk again. “It was him you loved. Not me.”

She pulled in a shaky breath. “My promise was to you, Caleb.”

“Promises were made for us, but they were never our promises.” They walked on a bit farther, and he stopped and took her hands in his. “I want you to marry someone you love. Someone who makes you happy—not someone you’re obligated to wed.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “I don’t understand.”

“Forgive me, Melody, for being too young and naïve to realize what you and I had was not love. Respect, admiration, friendship. But not love.” He pulled in a deep breath. “I didn’t know...until I felt it for someone else.”

Her jaw dropped. “You, too?”

Relief swept over him. “You love someone else?”

“I do.” A bubble of laughter escaped her. “You know him—Stephen Wilson. He followed you and Ty around like a shadow.”

“That little pup? He was barely knee high to a grasshopper when I left for war.”

Her cheeks pinkened. “He’s only two years younger than us. But he remembers you fondly. He was hurt in the war. I’ve helped to care for him since he came home and it just…happened.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “One day I was faithfully awaiting your return, and the next I realized I loved Stephen. I’m not even sure when it began.”

Memories of the time spent in Alexa’s care flashed through his mind. He squeezed her hand. “I understand. More than you could ever realize.”

“But Caleb—who? Where did you have time to meet—” She gazed into his face, her eyes shining with happiness. “It’s the lady doctor, isn’t it? I thought I heard something in your voice when you mentioned her.”

He couldn’t help the smile that came over him. “Her name is Alexandra Winters—well, she’s Alexandra McKenna now.”

“You’re married?”

It felt so good to finally tell someone, to share the news that he’d kept to himself for nearly two years. He nodded. “It wasn’t planned, but yes, before I was taken prisoner, we were married.”

To his great surprise, she punched him in the arm. “Then why in God’s name are you here?”

Caleb laughed at her playfulness, not having seen this side of his old friend since they were children. “I needed to make things right with you, and to see my family. I wasn’t here for spring planting, but I feel obligated to stay and help Tyler with the harvest.” Guilt nagged at him at the thought of leaving his family again. “But I hope to head up North soon, to see my wife, and sort out how I’ll support us and where we’ll spend the rest of our lives together.”

He tucked her arm in the crook of his elbow and began to walk again. “Now, tell me about this county boy who has stolen your heart.”

****

Telling Mother and Savannah had been more difficult than Caleb had imagined. He’d had two long years—from injury and recovery to imprisonment—to get over any bitter feelings about the war and Yankees. And time spent with Alexa had helped him see things differently.

But for his family, the wounds were still fresh; they still suffered the devastation of ravaged homes and farmland, lost livestock and the destruction of their way of life. The damage that had been done and the angry, bitter feelings would take time to heal.

Nearly a month had passed since he’d come home, and though it would be months before he was anywhere near recovered, his strength returned a bit each day, and he was eager to return to his wife.

Caleb glanced around the dining room where he’d gathered his family to tell them his news. The fine velvet draperies that had hung at the windows were gone. Most of the furniture in the house had been destroyed, cut up for firewood as his family had needed it, or carted off by greedy Union soldiers.

Though the mahogany table they’d dined at every meal remained, most of the chairs were missing.

Now, his mother had turned completely away from him, and Savannah silently cried beside him while cradling her newborn son.

“A Yankee, Caleb?” Mother sobbed. “The same people who held you prisoner and nearly starved you to death? The same ones who ruined our crops and burned our cities?”

He moved to stand at his sister’s side, sensing she would be the one most likely to come around to his way of thinking. “Alexa did none of those things. She exhausted herself caring for men from both sides of the war.”

“You might have mentioned your marriage before now.” This from mother, who dabbed a lace handkerchief to her eyes.

“I had to tell Melody first. She needed to hear it from me.”

At the mention of his former fiancée’s name, Mother sobbed anew.

“She’s still part of your family,” Caleb offered with a hopeful glance at Tyler. “You’ll always be related to Melody by marriage.”

“No.” Mother stamped her foot, appearing in that moment the spoiled, coddled belle she’d once been. “I refuse to listen to this nonsense. You may be married to some Yankee girl, but I don’t have to accept it.” She turned in her chair to face him with angry tears. “And I won’t. No more than I have to accept your sister’s traitorous marriage.”

“He’s not a traitor, Mama,” Savannah spoke up. “He fell in love. There’s no crime in that.” She glanced up at Tyler, who shifted from foot to foot as if uncomfortable with the entire conversation. “Melody loves someone else, too. They’re getting married next month.”

Rising from her chair, Mother hurried off, sobbing as though her heart were breaking.

“Take Matthew. I’ll go after her.” As Savannah handed the baby to Tyler, she met Caleb’s gaze. “It’s been hardest on Mother. This war has taken everything from her.”

Caleb raked a hand through his hair. “And now I’ve taken away the hope that I would come home and make everything better.”

“It’s not your fault.” She rushed off in the direction their mother had gone.

An awkward silence descended as he stood there with the man who had once been his best friend.

Cradling his tiny son with his one good arm, Tyler turned to stare out the window. “My mother’s the same. Their whole way of life is gone—husbands, sons, their homes. It’s not easy to accept that it’ll never be like it was.”

“Not for any of us.” Caleb sighed and moved around to sit at the table. He was no closer to getting home to Alexa than he had been before telling Melody and his mother about his marriage.

“It’s funny how things work out.” Ty spoke up, still staring out the window. “If the war hadn’t come, you’d be married to Melody, I’d probably have married Aurora. We’d be living completely different lives than what we are.”

“Melody would never have been happy being wed to a military man, and that’s all I ever wanted to be.” He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and finger, wondering, not for the first time, how he would support his wife when he returned north to claim her.

“She’s happy here. Or at least she was.” Ty glanced over his shoulder. “It’s going to take a lot of time to rebuild. Folks are beaten down, the old are weak and the young are injured or sick.”

“Sick?” The word snapped Caleb out of his musings. “I never thought about that. Tyler, is there even a doctor left in the county?”

His friend shrugged. “Ol Doc Macintosh is still around, far as I know. But he must be older than the hills by now.”

Filled with energy and a renewed sense of purpose, Caleb sprang to his feet.

Ty stared at him with a look of amusement. “Where are you off to?”

He couldn’t help the grin that came over him. “To prepare for the trip north. I know just the doctor who would relish a chance to work with the sick and downtrodden.” Especially when the county folk weren’t in a position to care if that doctor was female—or a Yankee. He started out of the room, then stopped and grinned back at his friend. “One of these days, I may even forgive you for marrying my little sister.”

Ty’s chuckle followed him into the hall. “And I may forgive you for not marrying mine.”