I am grateful to the following for their support—material and moral—during the long process of writing this book:
Jonis Agee, Grace Bauer, Sidnie White Crawford, Ted Kooser, Hilda Raz, Timothy Schaffert, Gerald Shapiro, Judith Slater, Janet Carlson, Elaine Dvorak, Susan Hart, Linda Maloch, and Leann Messing and other faculty and staff of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, Prairie Schooner, and the University of Nebraska Press. My teachers at NSWC: Meghan Daum, Debra Earling, Jesse Lee Kercheval, Marjorie Sandor, and Judith Claire Mitchell.
The editors of various magazines in which parts of my story have appeared, in different forms: Roxane Gay at The Rumpus, Carolyn Kuebler and JM Tyree at New England Review, David Leavitt at Subtropics, Joe Oestreich at Waccamaw, Joe Mackall at River Teeth, Richard Mathews at Tampa Review, and Ladette Randolph and Patricia Hampl at Ploughshares.
My wonderful and very patient agent, Emma Sweeney, who encouraged me for ten years. My brilliant editor, Anna Michels, and everyone at Sourcebooks who made this book better.
My colleagues and friends at Trinity University, especially Jenny Browne, Ruby Contreras, Anne Graf, Laura Hunsicker-Wang, Michele Johnson, Nicole Marafioti, Maria Paganelli, Andrew Porter, David Ribble, Claudia Stokes, Angela Tarrango, and Harry Wallace.
The Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, for time and hospitality.
My friends emily danforth, Carrie Shipers, Gayathri Prabhu, Pat Emile, Kati Cramer, Daryl Farmer, Erin Flanagan, Kate Flaherty, DeMisty Bellinger, Adrian Koesters, Holly Heffelbower, Haley Holmes, Jill Schwartzberg, Catherine Salmon, Cheryl Sheehan, and Chris and Abigail Cudabac, as well as many too numerous to name here but for whose support and friendship I am grateful.
The people and clergy of St. Mark’s on the Campus Episcopal Church, Lincoln, Nebraska. The Diocese of West Texas and the Bishop Jones Center, especially Laura Woodall. The people of St. David’s Episcopal Church and the Reverend Lisa Mason.
My family, especially Marilyn Grey Warner, Susan Carlisle, Callie Welden, Anthony Genovese, and Yvette Genovese.
The dedicated and compassionate men and women of the Los Angeles Police Department’s Robbery-Homicide Division and Cold Case Homicide Unit, especially Detectives Orozco, Varney, Flores, and Camacho. I am most grateful to Detectives Flores and Camacho for the care and time they spent on my mother’s case and for answering my questions. Because of them, I know my parents’ faces.
My husband, Ben, who taught me how to be normal, and who taught me that there’s no such thing. Without your support and love, I would have given up on everything. My sweet Milly.
Finally, I am grateful to the people mentioned and unmentioned in this book who in large ways or small, took care of me as a child, especially Marilyn. Thank you.
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A portion of the author’s proceeds from this book will be donated to the work of Thistle Farms, an organization that supports the survivors of prostitution, trafficking, and addiction. Visit thistlefarms.org for more information.