Keeley was about to go up the stairs to the flat when she heard a car and thought Raquel had forgotten something. But as she looked out of the window she saw Ben outside on the drive getting out of his Mercedes. He looked grim, and her heart began to beat a tattoo of anticipation in her chest. John had told him, of course he had, and she cursed herself for having run off the way she did. She opened the door to let him in and went to go into his arms automatically, then stepped away as she felt him rigid and unyielding against her, a cold feeling of dread coming over her as she saw the inscrutable expression on his handsome face, his usually full mouth pressed into a thin line. He wasn’t just angry, she realized, he was furious.
“Is your mother upstairs?” he rapped out his words. “We need to talk privately.”
“Yes she is. We can stay downstairs in the café if you like,” Keeley said, trying not to let her anxiety show in her voice as she reminded herself she had done nothing wrong. She pulled out the nearest chair and sat down, taking a few slow breaths as Ben sat opposite her and put his palms flat on the table, a gesture she recognized. It was as though he was about to question her, like she was under suspicion herself. She felt a flicker of irritation.
“What on earth,” he said, emphasizing every word, “did you think you were doing at John Steele’s?”
Keeley swallowed, running a few plausible scenarios through her head before settling on the truth.
“I wanted to ask him a few questions about the murder.”
“I gathered that. He seemed to think you were there with my knowledge—well, until you bolted anyway.”
Keeley squirmed in her chair, embarrassed at her actions.
“I never told him that.”
“I bet you let him think it, though.” Ben shook his head, looking exasperated. “Keeley, what were you thinking?”
“I was just asking a few questions,” she said, hearing the defensiveness in her own voice. “It’s not against the law.”
“Thanks for reminding me.” His tone was dry. “But why were you asking questions? I asked you to keep out of this.”
“No, Ben, you told me.”
He raised his eyebrows. “That’s what this is about? You trying to prove some kind of point? This isn’t a game, Keeley; people have been killed.”
“I know that,” she snapped, feeling her own anger rise. How could he think she didn’t understand the importance of it, when a woman she had been talking to just a few hours ago was now dead? “Don’t talk to me like I’m a child.”
“Then don’t act like one,” he snapped back. They both sat glaring at each other until Ben spoke again, a note of weariness in his words. “This is about Raquel, isn’t it? I passed her car; I know she dropped you off. She asked you to help, and you just couldn’t say no.” He sounded sarcastic, and Keeley felt herself get hot with indignation.
“Ben, she’s really suffering. Kids have been throwing stones at her in the street, for God’s sake. And you said yourself she could end up a scapegoat for this. I was trying to help.”
“Help who? Not me. Since when do you care so much about Raquel?”
Keeley sighed. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t been asking herself the same question.
“It’s not that it’s her, specifically. I just hate any kind of injustice.”
“You think I’m being unjust.” He crossed his arms, giving her an offended glare.
“No,” she said, choosing her words carefully, “but as a police detective, your hands are tied a bit, aren’t they? Whereas as an amateur, well, there’s a bit more freedom to ask questions and risk looking daft.”
The look on Ben’s face left Keeley under no illusion that he did, indeed, think she was daft.
“Well, it needs to stop. Now.”
“Excuse me?” Keeley widened her eyes, unable to process what she was hearing. Ben had never spoken to her like this.
“I said, it needs to stop.”
“I’m not one of your suspects,” she said, aware that she was beginning to raise her voice and Darla might hear them, but at the same time feeling too angry to care. “You can’t tell me what to do. Just because I asked a few questions.”
“You don’t know what you’re doing,” he said dismissively, and Keeley felt her ego bristle at that.
“No? Well considering you were right behind me to question both Edna and John, I was obviously on the right track, wasn’t I?”
A muscle twitched in Ben’s jaw.
“From now on, Keeley, keep out of this. Or…” His words trailed off and he turned his face away from her. Keeley felt a stab of sudden panic.
“Or what?”
He didn’t answer her, and it dawned on Keeley that there was something badly wrong, and part of her had no wish to know what that something was. She leaned toward him, trying to keep the worry from showing on her face, but couldn’t stop the rising panic as he stood up from the table, folding his arms and looking out of the window as he spoke. Anywhere but at her.
“I can’t do this anymore, Keeley.”
She frowned. Her brain refused to comprehend what he meant and her words came out in a rush.
“The case? Of course you can, you’re a great detective, Ben. It probably just all seems a bit much right now, with the shock of Edna’s death. God knows, it’s knocked me for six too.” Even as she spoke, the knowledge dawned on her that that wasn’t what he was trying to say.
“Not the case, Keeley. Us.”
Keeley felt the color drain from her face.
“Ben? What do you mean?”
She stood up and reached for his hand, feeling the sting of rejection as he pulled it away from her. He was staring out of the window so she could only see his profile, refusing to meet her eyes. The pulse was jumping in his jaw again, a sure sign that he was emotional and upset, but when he answered her his voice was like ice.
“This, us. Our relationship. I think we need to take a break.”
Keeley blinked away hot tears.
“You’re breaking up with me,” she said, her tone sounding oddly flat. It had been a statement, not a question, but he answered her anyway, the nerve in the side of his voice jumping furiously.
“Yes, I suppose I am.”
Keeley held her breath, waiting for him to say something else, her mind scrabbling to make sense of his words. Questions ran through her head, but she said just one word.
“Why?” There was the horrible ring of pleading in it, and she closed her eyes, feeling tears again, this time threatening to spill out onto her cheeks. She tried to practice her deep breathing techniques, but her chest and throat felt tight and constricted.
Ben looked at her then, and for just a second she thought she saw anguish in his eyes, but then he blinked and it was gone, his expression stern and emotionless again.
“It just isn’t working, Keeley. I’ve got so much on with these murders, and you insist on running around getting involved and creating more work. I just don’t have time for us right now.” His eyes slid away from hers.
“No,” Keeley said, angry. Tears burned at her eyes again and this time she let them fall. The muscle in Ben’s jaw pulsed, although he gave no other sign of noticing her distress, staring intently out of the window again.
“You can’t do this, just like that. I won’t let you.”
Ben closed his eyes briefly, but not before she saw the hurt in them. She stepped toward him again, trying to force him to look at her, but he flinched away.
“You don’t really want this, Ben Taylor, I know you don’t.”
He took a deep, shaky breath, and for a moment hope flared in her. But then all hint of emotion left both his expression and his voice, as if a mask had come down.
“I’m afraid I do, Keeley.”
“Why?” she asked again. She felt anger flare in her when he again failed to answer.
“This is just because I went to Edna’s and John’s today? Because I asked a few questions before you could get there? That’s it, isn’t it?” She gave a bitter laugh. “I interfered in your precious investigation, sussed a few things out before the great Detective Constable Ben Taylor, and so now you don’t want to see me anymore? This is a joke.” She sat back down in her chair, folding her own arms in a defensive gesture, anger momentarily taking precedence over the hurt.
“It’s not just a case of interfering,” Ben retorted, sounding angry now himself, “you put yourself in danger, and could have jeopardized the whole case. This isn’t a TV show, Keeley, for you and Raquel to run around playing Miss Marple.”
Keeley felt rather than heard his words, stinging like wasps.
“I know it’s not!” Did he really think that about her, that she was some silly girl playing real-life murder mysteries with her friend, as if she didn’t understand the full horror of what was happening?
“You should have kept out of it.”
“Yes, because you said so,” she snapped, then winced at the childishness of her retort. Still, she wanted to hold on to her anger, because she knew once it dissipated there would only be the stark knowledge of her grief, and she didn’t want to accept what he was telling her, didn’t want to acknowledge what was happening right here and now. She could feel the full realization of the loss she was facing hovering over her, waiting to fall on her with its full, crushing weight.
She softened her voice, letting her arms fall away from her sides in spite of her natural instinct to shield herself from this. She had to try. This was Ben, she loved him. And he loved her, she was sure, in spite of the words coming out of his mouth.
“Ben, please don’t do this. We can sort this out.”
But her words didn’t have the effect she was hoping for. If anything, Ben’s posture became even more stiff, his voice so emotionless now it was almost cruel.
“Can we? You don’t listen to anything I say, Keeley. And I just don’t have the time to worry about you on top of all this. There’s a lot riding on this case. The people of Belfrey are scared, and they’re looking at me to solve it. I can’t do that with you running around causing havoc.”
Keeley felt angry again.
“Causing havoc? That’s a bit extreme. So let me get this straight—” Her voice began to rise again, loud in the small café, and it sounded almost as though it was coming from someone else, she sounded so hostile and wholly unlike herself. “—you don’t want to be with me anymore because I’m jeopardizing your chances of solving these murders? Because you can’t pass up a chance to be a hero? Or because you’re annoyed I found out something you didn’t?”
Ben’s jaw pulsed again, though she thought this time it was with temper. She knew how proud Ben could be, how much his career meant to him. Only, she thought with a feeling of desolation, she had never truly realized that it meant more to him than their relationship did. Than she did.
“It’s not like that.”
“I think it is. I think you’re just worried about your precious promotion.” She stood up, pushing her chair away and marching toward the door, holding it open. Ben turned out slowly, surprise flickering in his gaze.
“I want you to leave,” she said, as firmly as she could, though she heard her voice quavering at the end. “Now, please.”
Ben stared at her for a moment, and again she saw the brief look of anguish, and he opened his mouth as if he was going to speak. Her heart jumped, hopeful in her chest, waiting for him to say that he had changed his mind, that he didn’t mean it, but then he closed his mouth and the look was gone. He walked over to her and went through the door without looking at her, then paused in the entrance and turned to her. She felt her free hand trembling and shoved it into the back pocket of her jeans, not wanting him to see her distress.
“Look after yourself then. I’ll be in touch. About Edna,” he clarified, dashing the last flare of hope.
“Fine,” Keeley said, although she was anything but, and shut the door on him. Then she walked into the kitchen without looking back, shut the door behind her, and leaned her back against it, inhaling deeply, her eyes staring at the ceiling without looking at anything. She waited for the tears, for the sadness, but felt only a dull ache and a horrible, creeping numbness. As she left the kitchen, locked up, and headed up the stairs, her limbs felt heavy and fatigued. Her thoughts were slow, as though a fog had invaded her brain and she couldn’t quite process what had just happened.
Darla was lying on the bed with a face mask and eye pads on, and without talking to her Keeley lay on the sofa and pulled her blanket over her, overwhelmed with a sudden need to sleep. It came quickly, descending on her so that her eyelids closed of their own accord.
She woke with a start in the middle of the night, to hear the sound of an owl hooting and her mother’s soft snoring. There were tears on her cheeks, and she lifted her hand to her face to wipe them. As she did so the memory of Ben’s words came to her, bringing with them a pain in her chest that was as sudden as it was shocking. She buried herself back under the blanket, horrified to hear a mewling sound escape her lips. Feeling the sobs come she pushed her face into the cushion so she didn’t wake her mother, her shoulders and then her whole body shaking. She stayed that way until her eyes were sore and her body drained, and then she fell into a fitful sleep, punctuated by bad dreams. Dreams in which Gerald appeared, his torso twisted and bloody, pleading with Keeley to help him, and Raquel pleading too, her hands outstretched. Edna, attacking her, striking at her with nails that turned into cat claws. And worst of all was the appearance of Ben. She dreamed that she had something desperately important to tell him, but no matter how loud she screamed, he could neither see nor hear her.
BHUJANGHASANA—COBRA POSE
A gentle back bend that tones the abdomen. Used as an individual posture or as part of the flowing sequence of postures known as Sun Salutations or Surya Namaskar. The pose takes the shape of a cobra with its hood raised, hence the name.
Method
• Lie on your stomach, toes flat on the ground and forehead touching the floor. Keep your legs closed, with your knees and heels lightly touching. Do not tense. Place your hands under your shoulders, palms touching the floor, keeping your elbows tight to your torso. Take three slow deep breaths here.
• Using your hands for balance, on an inhale lift your head, shoulders, chest, and abdomen, keeping your navel on the floor. Curl your spine vertebra by vertebra. You should now be looking slightly up with your head tilting back, with a gentle arch to your back. Keep your shoulder blades relaxed and down. If this stretch puts a strain on your back, lower down a little to decrease the arch and/or bend your elbows.
• Take five deep breaths before exhaling and lowering down.
Benefits
Benefits to this pose include strengthening of the back and shoulders, the releasing of tension in the shoulders, and improvement in flexibility in the middle area of the back and spine. The expansion of the chest can aid respiratory disorders such as asthma, but do consult your physician before attempting. This pose is also good for circulation and digestion, tones the abdominal muscles, relieves fatigue, and can provide some relief from menstrual cramps.
Contraindications
Pregnancy, hernias, weak wrists, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Consult your physician before attempting if you have any issues with your spine.