Having eaten everything edible and inedible in sight, let’s just say the golden dragon had left a fair few dragon delights around the tent. And right then several of them started exploding. There was a shriek from Kat, and then Ted came stumbling out of the tent, closely followed by Kai, who crashed into Grim. Kat crawled out after them, covered in dragon poo.

‘That is truly disgusting,’ she spluttered.

But before anyone else could say anything I heard a familiar little sneeze from inside the tent, followed by another one. Something had got up Flicker’s nose and I could tell he was revving up for a full-on sneezing fit. Only this time what came out wasn’t just a spark, it was an actual burst of flame. Talk about the worst possible time for that to happen!

I leaped back and the flame rocketed past me and ignited several of Grandad’s cabbages piled up in a nearby wheelbarrow.

‘They’re playing with fire now, the little hooligans!’ cried Grim.

I’d have denied it, except it was at this point that Ted’s dragon, who had taken up residence in the blackberry bush, did an enormous belch and burned the heads off a load of Nana’s roses.

‘Pyromaniacs!’ cried Grim. ‘They’ve got explosives in there.’

Poor Grandad looked utterly stunned. And I couldn’t blame him.

Ted scrambled towards the bush, but the purple dragon, who had been darting in and out of the lavender bushes, was peeing in panic, and since the pee froze on impact it had turned the garden path into an ice rink. Ted slipped and skidded his way straight into Grim, who’d only just recovered from being buffeted by Kai. Grim toppled backwards and landed on the handles of the wheelbarrow, catapulting flaming cabbages into the air.

This was too much of a temptation for Kai’s dragon. Having turned a silvery grey to match the silver birch he started batting them left, right and centre with his tail. I watched in horror as the cabbages rocketed towards Grandad and Lolli, who were now both ducking for cover.

Flicker flitted out of the tent and darted up into the leaves of a tree. He perched on the branch, eyes fixed on me. I didn’t know what to do. The dragons were on the loose and I had no idea how to stop them. Kat and Kai were running around frantically bashing flaming cabbages with a garden broom and trying to distract anyone who might turn their attention to the little shapes above. Unable to catch his dragon, Ted raced over to help them.

But I just stood there, hopelessly looking from Flicker to the devastation unfolding around us.

Suddenly Flicker launched into the air, zipped down towards Kat’s dragon and began flickering like a beacon. It caught the purple dragon’s attention, and with Flicker leading the way they zipped back into the tent. Thank goodness for Flicker!

But there were still two more dragons causing chaos. Seeing Flicker reappear from the tent I nodded towards the golden dragon who was belching flames. Maybe if we worked together we could do this? I grabbed a marshmallow from my pocket and threw it into the air towards Flicker, gesturing at the golden dragon again. Quick as a flash Flicker caught it, and dangling it from his claws like bait he waved it in front of Ted’s dragon. It was tempting enough to persuade the dragon back into the tent.

Now for Kai’s super-stealth dragon. It seemed like this one was even keener to stay hidden than the others. Maybe if I could force him out in the open where he would have nothing to hide against, he would take cover in the tent. I waggled a leafy branch up at the tree to where I could just make out the little dragon’s shape. I nudged him from his camouflage, and as he flew out Flicker released an arc of sparks, herding him towards the tent like a sheepdog with a sheep. I watched as the dragon turned the same dark blue as the tent and then finally zipped inside. We’d done it!

But if I thought it was all over, I was wrong.

As Grim struggled to get to his feet on the icy path, the tent began to rise up into the air. It swung from side to side like some kind of ghost. It was a very strange sight. And Grim obviously thought so too.

‘What the blazes?!’ he cried.

Grim slid his way along the icy path towards the gate like a baby giraffe trying to skate. With his arms and legs windmilling in opposite directions, he fled from the flapping tent.

But it billowed after him and chased him out of the garden. I saw a flash of gold as Ted’s dragon popped out and bit him on the bum, just for good measure. Grim howled, but didn’t dare slow down.

As we watched the tent and Grim disappear down the lane, somebody else ran out from the cover of the hedge.

‘Hey, there’s that sneak Liam!’ Kai cried.

‘What’s he doing?’ Kat asked.

He was bent over, clutching his stomach with one hand and shielding his head from the aerial tent attack with the other.

‘What’s he up to now?’ Ted said.

‘I don’t know, but I’m glad he wasn’t sniffing around earlier,’ replied Kai.

‘Me too,’ I agreed. ‘But right now we have other things to worry about. Like flaming cabbages!’

Then as if out of nowhere, black clouds appeared. An eerie light filled the sky. I remembered seeing something like it once before when we were on the ferry to France and a big storm blew up. Everything had turned a strange colour. I looked over to Flicker and he seemed to be glowing especially brightly in the stormy light. Suddenly big fat drops of rain started to fall. With a sigh of relief I saw the small fires around us fizzling out.

‘Badragon-badragon,’ Lolli gabbled, jabbing a chubby finger towards the disappearing Grim.

‘What’s she saying?’ Grandad asked, looking bewildered. He was still crouched over her, shielding both of them with his arms, unsure if the threat of flying fiery cabbages had truly passed. ‘Bad what?’

‘Er … Bad … ger,’ I stuttered. ‘Badger. She’s saying she saw a badger. Over there.’ I pointed away from the dragons. ‘You were right all along – it must have been badgers causing all that chaos in Grim’s garden.’

Personally I think I deserve a medal for that level of quick thinking, under the circumstances!

‘Ouchy,’ Lolli said. She pointed to the mess of stuff left behind from the tent. Grandad’s lamp had smashed and glass lay across the scorched grass.

‘That blooming thing,’ said Grandad. ‘I’m sorry, Tomas, I shouldn’t have let you use it. Nana always said the old thing was a fire hazard.’

I almost gasped with relief. Without knowing it, Lolli had given us the perfect excuse for the fires.

‘I should have listened to her,’ Grandad went on, ‘but don’t go telling her I said so, or she’ll never let me hear the last of it. Our little secret, hey?’ And he winked.

I smiled. ‘Our little secret, Grandad.’

I looked around at the scorched, cabbage-splattered garden and the tent now hanging from a nearby tree, dragon faces peeping out. Ted, Kat and Kai were looking as relieved as I felt. I grinned at them, and gave them the thumbs up.

Lolli started tugging on my trouser leg and I bent down. She’d found a grass-covered marshmallow and was happily sucking on it.

She gave me a kiss, which was actually more of a nose slobber, but I didn’t mind, because thanks to her the dragons were still our secret, and Grandad – well, he had his twinkle back.

‘Good job, Lollibob Bobalob. Good job,’ I whispered. And she gave me a sticky high five.

So there you go. We all have dragons. And since you’re still here, that probably means you want one too. You haven’t taken one tiny bit of notice of all the exploding poos, uncontrollable sparks and general wanton destruction, have you?

Well, you can’t say I haven’t warned you. I can see you’re desperate for a dragon and that whatever I say isn’t going to put you off. I know because I wouldn’t have listened to me either, not when there’s a chance of having a dragon of your own.

OK then. So, what have we learned?

First off, by now you should know what to look for. You were paying attention to that, I hope. You did take some notes about the dragon-fruit tree? Make a few sketches?

Nope? Honestly, you need to keep your eye on the ball if you’re going to keep dragons. All right, one more time then – look out for:

A tree with:

Knobbly hairy trunk.

Long spiky green cactus arms.

Weird sprouty mop-top.

Dangly great tendrils.

Red spiky pineapple fruit.

Got it? Right. Because that, you dragon-seeking desperados, is what you’re looking for – if you want to grow dragons. Did you note the ‘if’ there? Which should be a very big ‘IF’. No, of course you didn’t. You’re already dreaming of all those flames and the fire-breathing and flying.

And who can blame you?

But let me just tell you this – I do know I was wrong about dragons being the coolest thing in the world. They’re not.

Because Flicker isn’t a thing; he’s not even a pet. He’s my friend.

Now that Ted, Kat and Kai have their dragons, they’ll get to see it too. So that’s what you can expect once you’ve found your dragon-fruit tree and hatched yourself a dragon.

But after that, what more can you expect?

Let’s just say that’s something we were about to find out!