Landis, Corrine
JOURNAL ENTRY 06

Waking up in the cage is easily the most disorienting experience of my life. Climbing out of the heavy sleep is like swimming to the surface of a pool filled with glue. By the time I've shaken the sleep away, which in and of itself feels like lead weights, there's a moment of terror when I realize my waist is suspended by a cord and I don't know where I am.

I thrash around in the cage for a moment, and as I'm pounding on the bars, screaming for help, I start to remember the last few days.

"Corrine, calm down, it's okay, we're all here," I can hear Chloe's voice say from a few feet away.

"I... I didn't know where I was," I pant. "I was confused."

"It happened to all of us when we woke up," she tells me. "It's not the most traditional way to wake up. But remember why you're here, Corrine. Soon we'll be famous. Soon we'll have the world in front of us."

"Right," I agree breathlessly.

As I'm saying this, the black sheet enveloping my cage is swiftly ripped away and the eerie orange haze leaks in like a poisonous gas. Squinting in the weak light, I can make out the shape of several Ziz gathering in the room, but the drugs are still present enough to dull any edge to my senses.

There is some mumbling, and then Belial's head comes drifting into my disjointed vision.

"Well if it isn't the little woman." He giggles. "Time to undress. You're used to it, right?"

He rises and I watch as his heavy feet march off, talons clicking on the cold floor and he visits each cage requesting that the women disrobe. I pull my gown over my head and cover myself with my hands, feeling frightened and alone. When I move there's an unusual new pain and I look down to find an IV wired into my arm. A noise from behind startles me and I do my best to turn but can only see active shapes at the rear of the cage.

Belial asks someone called Johnny Boy to "hit the music." Hearing him say that, Johnny Boy, it makes me think of my Jonathan. He's somewhere in this building, and he might as well be a million miles away. I start to cry.

"Oh, Christ," Belial moans. "Someone has upset the guest of honor. What do you think, Johnny Boy?"

"Wouldn't It Be Nice" by the Beach Boys comes blasting all around us and drowns out my miserable tears. I go on sobbing freely. Belial's voice trumpets over the music.

"Ladies! Because of each of your courage to throttle her own destiny, we can begin the first phase of the Nephilim project."

Behind me I feel cold hands probing between my legs. There's a sharp pain and then an unbearable tension.

"You've all asked yourselves one of life's most important questions: 'What's in it for me?' And you've had enough insight to recognize the importance of fame. But what is fame but a fragile flickering candle unless you gather enough firewood? Yes, ladies, true fame burns like a roaring fire. True fame is power. And power is what?"

I'm afraid and all alone. I've done this to myself and I deserve all of it. Wherever Jonathan is, it isn't with me.

"And power is what?" Belial repeats.

"Power is happiness!" Chloe yells, sounding drugged and thick. With great effort I twist my neck and see her dangling naked in her cage. The doctor prying her open with a cold speculum.

"Bingo!" Belial shrieks. "That one has got it. Give her a medal." He slaps her naked rear end and leans toward the Ziz stationed at her cage. "Give her the good stuff, Buer; she's a smart one!" The two of them share a laugh.

"All right, boys!" Belial suddenly shouts louder than anything so far. "Love is in the air!"

I close my eyes and try to pretend I'm somewhere else, but it doesn't work.