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You probably need to know a bit about Ben and Charlie to understand why they got involved in this whole thing

The summer should have gone like this—Ben was supposed to be going to America with his dad and his new stepmom Becky, Charlie was going to some vegan sanctuary with his parents, and I was going to be hanging around the house with Dad and Grams. But none of this happened.

On the surface you might think Ben had the best deal. But you haven’t met Becky. Even Disney World can’t cancel out Becky. Grams said she’d met women like her before. I don’t know who these women were or where she met them, but I got the impression Grams did not approve.

On the last day of sixth year we sang a really shouty version of “One More Step Along the World I Go” in our final assembly. Then Mrs. Walker wished us and our future teachers the best of luck and led us out to the playground to be picked up by our parents. She looked pretty frazzled by then. Ben had put a packet of Mentos in a bottle of Coke at the class party and there had been a massive explosion. He said he didn’t know it would happen, but we all knew that was a lie because a lively woman with striped tights and a badge that said I Love Science had done it in assembly in fifth year.

I had permission to walk home as Dad couldn’t drive after his accident and Grams wasn’t allowed to drive after she crashed into the war memorial in the center of town. I think the doctor said it was because she had guacamole in her eyes—which is odd because she didn’t like Mexican food. (She also couldn’t have driven me home because by this point she was dead—but I didn’t know that at the time. I’m telling you now so you’re prepared for the sad part later.)

Ben, Charlie, and I were walking out of the school gates—I was heading to the newsstand to buy my usual after-school snack of a bag of Monster Munch—when Ben’s new stepmom Becky rolled up in their new Range Rover and wound down the window. She was wearing a very low-cut top that Grams would have said is “just asking for attention.”

“Hi, boys!” She smiled, revealing a lot of teeth. Actually, I have a fact about teeth—you might want to write this down, it’s a good one. Grown-up humans have thirty-two teeth. Which, in the animal kingdom, is not that many. Most people think sharks have the most teeth, but they’re wrong. The garden snail has over 14,000 teeth. Even Becky doesn’t have that many.

Charlie whistled and said something embarrassing like, “Your new mom is awesome!”

Ben didn’t like that, so he gave Charlie a shove—not hard though. Ben reckons Charlie doesn’t have a filter. He’ll just blurt out whatever he’s thinking. I reckon Ben’s right about that.

Anyway, Becky flicked her long blonde hair and lifted up her huge sunglasses. “Hop in, Ben, I’m taking you for a haircut before our family vacation. You’re looking shabby.”

Ben wasn’t looking shabby. He has this really cool flattop going on. Sometimes he even has zigzag lines or patterns shaved into the sides. The girls seem to like it. Well, they like it more than the haircut Grams gave me with the pinking shears that left me with crinkly bangs. She blamed that on the guacamole too.

Ben was definitely upset by the “shabby” comment. He takes his hair quite seriously. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and mumbled so Becky couldn’t hear but I heard what he said. He said, “She’s not my new mom. She’s not even family.”

Becky didn’t like being kept waiting. Her face got a bit ugly and she shouted, “Benjamin!”

He seemed to get smaller and muttered, “It’s Ben.”

Everyone knows he doesn’t like being called Benjamin. But I don’t think Becky cared about what Ben liked, because she rolled her eyes and said, “Whatever, Benjamin—get in the car. We’re going to be late.”

Charlie and I shot each other a glance as Ben clambered into the back seat and slammed the door. And even though I knew he was going to Disney World, I felt sorry for him.

Becky honked her horn and she must have forgotten that she was angry, because her big red lips stretched into another huge smile. She shouted out the window, “Have a wonderful summer, boys!” and then, with a screech of tires, they were off.

After their car had turned the corner, Charlie did this big sigh and said, “Ben is so lucky. His new mom is really lovely.”

This is what I meant by Charlie having no filter and being blurty. I glared at him and said, “Charlie, we hate Becky, remember?”

He puffed out his cheeks. “I know, I know, but—”

“No buts.”

After that he convinced me to skip the Monster Munch and go with him to the chicken place. He said he wanted “one last supper” before he went off to Camp Mung-bean for the annual Anderson family detox. Charlie’s mom turned vegan three years ago and he hasn’t stopped moaning about how it has ruined his life.

He ordered a family-sized bucket at Texas Fried Chicken, and as he picked the bones clean he went on about what a lousy summer it was going to be for him at Healthy Kids = Happy Kids with only avocados to eat.

I wish I’d known at the time what was actually going to happen and then I could have put a stop to all his whining. But I didn’t, so I listened to his plans to sew candy into his pajamas and hide chips in his sleeping bag, all the time thinking that my summer was going to suck waaaaaay harder than his.