11

Where we find Llywelyn-the-Great and have a humongous fight

Ben rubbed his hands together and said, “Which one do you prefer?” like they all belonged to him.

Charlie thought about it for a while and said, “I like Mavis.”

I frowned. “Really? She looks pretty old.”

“Some see old, I see charm and elegance.”

“I think I prefer Diamond. She’s a stunner.”

Ben wasn’t sure though. “I dunno. Don’t you think she’s too flashy? Might attract too much attention. I was thinking more along the lines of Ll-y-wel-yn-the-Great. Is that how you pronounce it? Not too big, tucked out of the way, and in the darkest part of the dock.”

Ben made a good case and as it was his idea for us to become stowaways for the night, it was only right that he got to pick the boat.

“Llywelyn-the-Great it is,” I said, and Ben looked very pleased. Charlie, however, had begun to have doubts.

“Look,” Ben said, “we’re not doing anything really wrong. Llywelyn is just bobbing about doing nothing. We’re only going to sleep on it. We’re not going to sail it or anything like that.”

“Yeah, what’s the worst that could happen?” I said—which I now know was a really dumb thing to say.

We walked up and down the dock a few times, trying not to look suspicious as we scoped out the best way to get onto Llywelyn-the-Great. Everyone in Barry was at some pub for a big karaoke event, so luckily there was no one else around.

There wasn’t a gangplank onto Llywelyn but we reckoned we would be able to make the jump to the ladder. We decided to wait for it to get dark so we could slip aboard unnoticed.

But we got bored of waiting because it was the middle of the summer and it didn’t get dark until about ten o’clock. Ben suggested a trip to the Barry amusement arcade to pass the time. He said he was feeling lucky. And when the son of a lottery scratch-card winner says he’s feeling lucky, you pay attention.

Ben changed five pounds into 250 two-pence pieces and then over the course of an hour we fed them into the 2p machines and turned them into 625 two-pence pieces! We felt like kings. I wondered why I hadn’t gambled more before. It was easy money.

In hindsight, we should have stopped there, but we didn’t. We had the starry eyes and pounding hearts of a slot-machine buzz.

Ben said, “Let’s move up to the 10p slots. We could make enough money to pay for a hotel with hypoallergenic pillows,” and Charlie and I cheered.

It seemed like a foolproof plan. We changed our winnings into 125 shiny ten-pence pieces—and then very quickly we turned them into just two. I couldn’t believe it. We’d spent a fiver and got twenty pence back. It was completely sickening, to be honest. For the first time in my life I understood that saying: how quickly the mighty have fallen.

I vowed I’d never gamble again.

Ben, however, had other ideas. He had this crazed look in his eyes and he kept saying that if he could change another fiver he would win the money back and more. Charlie and I weren’t having any of it.

Charlie pulled rank and said, “I ate a whole onion for that cash.”

Ben couldn’t really argue with that, but that didn’t stop him from sulking when we left. I think he might have an addictive personality. He should probably look into that.

While Ben moaned about how we’d left before “the big payout,” we tiptoed along the docks toward Llywelyn-the-Great. Luckily there still wasn’t a soul around. While it was exciting—I was in a foreign land, on an adventure, with my friends—for some reason I couldn’t get Dad out of my head. I was worried about how he was doing at home without me to fetch things for him.

I wasn’t able to worry about Dad for long though, because soon we were standing opposite our lodgings for the night and the gap between the land and the ladder suddenly seemed a much bigger thing to worry about.

“Has it moved?” Charlie asked. “I’m never going to make that.”

“You’ll make it,” I said, but I wasn’t convinced. No offense to Charlie, but he’s not exactly aerodynamic.

What he is, however, is powerful and after a short sprint he made the jump easily. As fifth-year long-jump champion, Ben also had no problem covering the distance.

I, on the other hand, sort of messed it up at the last second. I’d opted for a long sprint to maximize my speed. And my sprint was good. I just didn’t do the important part at the end and actually jump. So I ended up with my feet still on the dock, my hands clinging to the ladder, the sea lapping below, and Ben and Charlie laughing at me.

Ben crouched down so he was level with my eyeballs. “You alright there, mate?”

“Yeah, great, thanks. Now pull me up before someone sees.”

They pulled me up and dropped me on the deck like they’d landed an oversized flounder.

When I was upright again, I had a look around. Truly, Llywelyn-the-Great lived up to the “great” part of her name. My experience of boats was limited to one time in a pedal boat at Paulton’s Park, a two-man kayak on our camping trip, and the Red Funnel ferry to the Isle of Wight. Llywelyn was completely awesome in comparison. Around the edges were cushioned white leather seats and inside the little cabin was a huge steering wheel made of some very shiny wood.

“This is plush,” Ben said and stretched out on one of the benches.

It was plush. We’d managed to get aboard a really nice boat without being caught. We were winners again and things were looking like they might work out.

And they probably would have if it wasn’t for our humongous fight and what happened because of it.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Charlie said. “My mom would kill me if she knew.”

“Don’t reckon my dad would even care. He’s too busy with Becky to worry about what I’m doing.”

“Can you blame him? Becky is lovely. Can’t see why you’ve got such a massive problem with her.”

You’ve probably worked out that Ben is quite sensitive when it comes to Becky. Well, he did not like what Charlie said, so he said, “Right now my massive problem is you.” Which was a bit harsh.

This got Charlie’s back up, so he put on a whiny-fake-Ben voice and said, “Right now my massive problem is you.”

Ben said, “You’re an idiot, Charlie.”

Charlie pretended to cry and said, “You said I was a hero.”

“You can be both.”

“Shut up, Ben.”

“Shut up, Charlie.”

“Shut up . . .”

They went on for a while telling each other to shut up. They were getting too loud and I was worried that someone might hear, so I said, “Both of you shut up before we end up getting arrested.”

That seemed to do the trick.

But then Ben said, “Someone should arrest Charlie for his horrible breath,” and they were at each other again.

I shouted, really loudly, “Will you two quit yelling?” I may also have stamped my foot for extra effect.

Thankfully, that did shut them up.

But then Charlie said, “Alright, Fred, chill your beans.”

And Ben said, “Yeah, Fred, no need to shout. What’s your problem?”

Which was massively annoying as they were my problem, but I didn’t say anything in case I set them off again. In fact, no one said anything for a while. We just stood there and tried to calm down. I concentrated on the rise and fall of the deck under my feet, wondering whether I should have brought them on my quest to find Alan Froggley. And whether even I should have come on this whole stupid journey.

Then Ben said, “Stars are nice tonight.” Which I think was code for I’m sorry for being a jerk.

And Charlie said, “Sky doesn’t look like this back in Andover.” Which I think was code for I’m equally sorry for being a jerk.

I looked upward. The stars did look especially twinkly. I said, “Do you know we are actually made of stardust? Practically all the elements found on Earth were made in the heart of a star!” Which was not only a really cool fact but also my code for I forgive you both for being total jerks.

“Stardust? I like that,” Charlie said.

Ben said, “I’ve never seen so many stars. Look at that one!”

“That’s not a star, that’s Jupiter,” I told him.

“How can you tell?”

“See how it’s brighter and more disk-shaped.”

“Oh yeah.”

“You know, it’s mainly made of gas.”

Ben said, “A little bit like Charlie then.” Which made us laugh. He wasn’t wrong. Charlie had been releasing some seriously deadly onion farts.

“You can laugh now,” Charlie said. “But you won’t be laughing tonight when I fart on your faces while you’re asleep.”

That shut us up.

“You think we might see a shooting star if we look hard enough?” I asked.

“If we do, what would you wish for?”

It was too big a question to answer, so I said, “For Charlie to stop farting. That or peace on Earth.”

“I’d wish for better friends,” Charlie said and thumped me on the leg, which I guess I deserved. Then he said, “Actually, I’d wish for my mom to stop going on about broccoli and let me indulge in my carnivorous urges.”

Ben didn’t seem to like that idea, as he said, “Out of all the things in the world, that’s what you’d wish for?”

“You remember in third year when some kids got a letter home after we were weighed and measured by the school nurse?”

Ben and I both nodded.

“Well, I got a letter home. And it’s no coincidence that after that Mom put the whole family on her ridiculous “Anderson Healthy Lifestyle Change” and she started buying avocadoes and quinoa in bulk. She thinks I’m too fat.”

“You’re not too fat,” I said. “Just . . . you know . . . sturdy.”

“You think? Sturdy . . . sturdy . . .” Charlie tried the word out. “Yeah, I like that. Makes me sound solid.”

“Another very good description,” I said.

He swiveled around to face Ben. “You know what? You’re right. That wasn’t a great wish. What I really wish is that Mom would realize that I’m happy as I am.”

Ben nodded. “Now that’s an alright kind of wish.”

Nobody said anything for a while.

Then Ben spoke so quietly that I could barely hear him, but I caught what he said. He said, “I’d wish for Becky to disappear and for my mom and dad to get back together.”

“Would that make you happy?” I asked.

“Yeah, it would.”

“Didn’t your parents argue all the time?” It was an innocent question, but it did not go over well.

Ben’s face got all twisted like when he was eating his onion.

“Shut up, Fred. You don’t know anything about my parents.”

I probably should have left it, but I didn’t.

“Don’t tell me to shut up. You shut up.”

“You shut up.”

“No, you shut up.”

We were back to the whole telling-each-other-to-shut-up. Again.

Eventually Ben really lost it. He stood up so that he was looking down at me and shouted, “I’ll tell you to shut up if I want to! You think you know everything—ranting on about your facts all the time. Like anybody cares that onions and garlic are cousins.”

That was too much. People love my facts. I got to my feet and stared him right in the eyes. “Don’t get mad at me because your parents hate each other.”

Even at the time I knew I shouldn’t have said that, but I couldn’t help myself. It had been a long day and I think I was tired and overly emotional. I guess he was feeling the same, because things quickly got even more out of hand.

Ben stared right back at me. “You think you know everything. But you’re stupid—just like your dad.”

I know! He went there.

And then he went there again. “Oh sorry, I forgot. He’s not your dad, is he?”

That’s when I lost it.

I grabbed him and said, “Say that again.”

Ben laughed and said, “Or what?”

I didn’t actually have an answer, and luckily Charlie pushed himself between us. “Guys, maybe you should calm down. I’ve got a packet of Skittles we could share—”

Ben didn’t break eye contact with me as he said, “Butt out, Charlie.” He knocked the Skittles out of Charlie’s hand and they spilled across the deck.

Charlie did not take too kindly to losing his little taste of the rainbow—he pushed us both and said, “Do not tell me to butt out.”

“This has nothing to do with you,” I said, which seemed to really annoy Charlie.

“That’s typical. Think you can laugh at me and leave me out like always.” He apparently had his own issues he wanted to settle.

“You want to get involved in a fight?” Ben said.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Fine.”

“We’re doing this then, fighting?” I asked. To be one hundred percent honest, I was already beginning to have second thoughts.

Ben poked me in the chest unnecessarily hard. “Yeah, we are.”

I grabbed his T-shirt and said, “Okay then. Prepare to die,” because I thought it sounded threatening.

Charlie wrapped his arms around both of us so tight that we were like a twelve-limbed body with three heads. I didn’t know what to do next. I’d never been in a fight before and I knew Charlie and Ben hadn’t either. So we held on to each other’s T-shirts and kind of pulled and shoved. I don’t know if anyone threw any punches—I suspect not. All we did was stagger from one side of the boat to the other. Until the inevitable happened and we fell in.