MARTHA THOUGHT LONG and hard about it, determined that this was a decision she alone had to make as she considered both herself and her children.
Patrick, Mary Rose and Alice all ached for a return to normal life, and to just having a mother who loved and cared for them alone – and in the aftermath of the legal accusations who could blame them!
Alice’s sunny-natured openness was already changing, as she became suspicious of other children who asked about her home life or family, warned by her big brother and sister not to say anything.
The gift to heal had brought Martha great joy, the ability to help many people and alleviate much suffering. She had discovered strengths and a courage within herself that she had never expected. The journey of a healer was a long one and she still had much to learn, but the cost had been high, too high, and it had been borne by her husband and family and all those around her. She tormented herself thinking of Cass and now Joshua, and all the others she had failed. She had let herself become too emotionally involved, had grown too attached to them, which made losing them all the harder. Mike had been right: she was no saint! No Jesus come again! She was just an ordinary woman and she had sacrificed much to do the work of the Spirit. Too much.
She had invited them to come and sit at her table, good friends gathered together to eat. Mary Rose helped her to prepare and serve the large dish of lasagne and side salad. Martha passed the two bottles of red wine around and they all filled their glasses.
Tired and tense, she talked to them of her true feelings and her intention to stop healing and make a new life for herself and her children away from the public eye. Kim and Kathleen begged her not to give up her healing work.
‘It’s too important,’ urged Kim. ‘Look at all the people you’ve helped.’
‘Think of all the people that I can’t help,’ she insisted. ‘Those I disappoint and let down who are still sick, still lonesome, who cannot be healed and must accept their fate.’
‘Martha, maybe you’re making a mistake deciding so soon after all that legal crap,’ suggested Rianna. ‘Why don’t you take time out, think about it?’
‘I’ve thought of little else for the past while,’ she told them.
‘What about the sessions we’ve organized and booked, the plans for next year, and the website?’ demanded Ruth angrily.
‘I guess we’ll have to cancel them all. I’m sorry but I don’t want to do any of it any more. I can’t take the crowds! All the hundreds of faces. Often I can’t remember their names or what’s wrong with them. Sometimes when I touch them I feel nothing – absolutely nothing. It’s not what I planned—’
‘Don’t go blaming us. We have all worked so hard, Martha, on your behalf! You can’t just go and throw it all away and turn your back on what we’ve built. You can’t!’
Ruth argued against her as Martha tried to be resolute. ‘We have built a good organization around you. You can’t just walk away from it! All the fucking hard work that Kim and I and Kathleen put in obviously means nothing to you now. We believed in you, supported you, and had such plans!’
‘I’m sorry, Ruth, truly I am. I do appreciate everything you and everyone did, honest I do, but I’m not prepared to live my life like this any more. I’m sorry.’
She listened to their thoughts and concerns for her as she told them of the new life she had planned.
‘I need to get away, to somewhere away from all that has happened, and just get back to being plain old me,’ she confided.
‘Where will you go?’ asked Evie, concerned.
Martha slowly told them about going away and leaving them.
‘We’ll miss you,’ murmured Kathleen.
‘Sure will!’ echoed Rianna, hugging her.
They were her good friends, loyal and true, who had been there from the start. How could she ever repay them for all they had done for her?
The kids had listened as she told them about the changes she planned, Patrick whooping with joy when she said that there would be no more tours, no interviews, no working in the upstairs room or people coming to the house any more. Alice’s eyes widened with a look of sheer delight as she thought about it.
‘But that means you’re going to give up healing?’ said Mary Rose softly.
‘Yes, pet.’
Mary Rose squeezed her hand in sympathy.
They had seen it somewhat differently when she told them about the house she had arranged to rent for four months in Ireland.
‘It’s a load of crap!’ complained Mary Rose. ‘Why do we have to go there?’
‘Your dad and I had always intended taking you guys on a trip to see Ireland once you were old enough and I guess with all that’s going on right now this might be a real good time!’ she explained, too scared to admit the truth. ‘I’m going to rent the house and hire a car and we can just take it easy and relax and maybe get to see a bit of the countryside.’
‘You’re running away and trying to make us go with you,’ argued Mary Rose. ‘Why can’t I stay here in Easton for the summer with Dad?’
‘Because you’re coming with me, that’s why. Your dad will be working, and I’m not having you hang out all day on your own.’
‘When are we going?’ asked Patrick.
‘As soon as possible, once I’ve made all the arrangements.’
‘What about school?’
‘I’ve cleared it with your teachers, Mary Rose. A few weeks discovering a new country is an education in itself.’
‘But, Mom, I can’t take time out of school, you know that!’
‘I know, Patrick. You can finish off this semester in school and then come over to Ireland once you get your holidays. You can stay with your dad till then.’
Only Alice was excited about going away, talking about what she was going to take and what she was going to do over there.
Her mother came over for Sunday lunch and helped Martha to set the table and prepare the vegetables. Martha showed her the printout from the internet of the house in the Wicklow hills she was renting.
‘That looks a nice place to spend the summer, pet. God knows you could do with a break after all you’ve been through this past few months!’
‘It reminds me a bit of when we were kids,’ Martha admitted. ‘I guess even after a day or two I always felt I belonged there.’
‘Your father felt the same,’ declared Frances Kelly. ‘He always intended ending his days back in Ireland, the two of us buying a retirement cottage in the old country and selling up here. That was his dream, you know.’
‘Poor old Dad.’
‘I’d thought of sending his ashes back to Cork when he died, but in truth I wanted to keep him here near me, near his family. Have a grave I could say the few prayers over. I’ll really miss you,’ her mother said.
‘You’ve got Annie and Jack and Brian and Lisa and Sean and Carrie!’ Martha reminded her gently.
‘Aye, I know, but they’re not you, dote. And how long are you going away for?’
‘A few months, maybe more, I’m not quite sure yet, Mom,’ she admitted.
‘I could come visit.’
‘Of course, Mom, that would be great and the kids would love it!’
‘Bee’s always saying she wants to go visit Ireland, take in the sights. It would be nice to have someone travelling with me, show her the place I was born, come stay with you . . .’
Martha nodded.
‘You sure you want to go away?’
‘Yes, Mom, I’m sure.’
‘I’m going to miss you and the kids,’ sighed Frances, trying not to cry.
‘And I’m going to really miss you too, Mom,’ said Martha, holding her in her arms.