Love and appreciation to all of the following lads: Lain, Adam, Party, Paul, Lacey, Davio, Emma, Lizzie, Nat; Duncan Vicat-Brown’s 35-hour ‘Ambient Noise’ Spotify playlist but not Duncan Vicat-Brown himself, he knows why; Christopher Bethell, Bekky Lonsdale, Michael Segalov, Ben Smoke; all of my VICE gang but most especially Jamie, Simon, Jack, Dipo, Tshepo, Wiegertje, Ryan, Nana, Toby, Angus, Kev Kharas, Amelia Abraham, Alex Miller and, of course, the Goblins; Max Brokman, my tall and emotionless brethren; John Saward, my hero and my mate; Carl Anka, and Jack Fitzgerald, but absolutely fuck Tom Bradley; Bill Stiteler, I am so sorry I have never sent you a single postcard in response to your many postcards but I hope this dedication goes some small way to healing the wound; Andy Riley, please see the bit I wrote for Bill; my family – Chris, Steph, Sam, Christina, Oscar, Elijah, Annie, and Val – you weird, weird, weird weird bastards; everyone who has ever put me up during the writing of this book but most especially Jemma and Arthur, you legends, sorry about all the mess I made; Stripes, Molly; Terri, Keith; Felix Cohen but more importantly Esme. Emily, Phoebe, and the cursed lurker ‘Gabby LM’. James ‘Jay’ Driscoll, the only person who overtly requested his presence in the acknowledgements section. World’s Greatest Illustrator^™ Dan Evans. As a result of a lost bet I am legally obliged to present the name of the following acknowledgee as thus: ‘2K17 Monopoly: No Mercy Edition ultimate champion Kimeya Baker’. Sam Diss will be expecting a long sentence here saying how much he means to me as a friend and a brother – in fact I imagine this is the first page you have turned to, isn’t it, you little prick, running your fat little finger thru the dense acknowledgements section to find your bit – but I refuse to give him the satisfaction. Dawn, Grant, and Nancy Diss, however, get my eternal gratitude and thanks. All The Lovely Lads At Mundial. Sacha, Sarah, Jasmine and Robocop. Monica Heisey, whose only feedback to reading the first draft of this was ‘I’m sorry but my section in the acknowledgements was not long enough at all’, so here, have this, you brat. Moon-faced shed shagger Oobah Butler and his vile accomplice Joe Zadeh. Emmeline Saunders, (who I don’t even like but know will kick off most of all, out of everyone I know, if I don’t put her name in here), as well as: Annesie, Jo, Jess, Rhiannon, Laurence and all the lads at heat. James Clee, my wife. Chardonné Cooper, meme lover, pasta fiend, friend to pigs. Mia, Ed and Max. Wiggy and Sam. Sweet Thomas Bellringer. Horrible, horrible Fred. Ella, Jamie, Janina, Caroline and John. P.C.S.D. David, David, and Peter. Bob Foster. Colin Brightwell. Everyone who helped the book get to where it is today: Jon Elek, Jack Fogg, Zoe Ross, Yaniv Soha, Dan Walker, Cara Reilly, Dolly Alderton, Mary Beth Constant. I would also like to thank myself, because I don’t think I ever get enough due. Curses: as ever, curses go to my enemies. Apologies: apologies obviously go out to the many people above who I forgot. Thanks: thanks go out to any reader (you.) who has made it this far. That is the end, now. Fin.