Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
-Jack Garfield
Pleasant tension settled between them for the duration of the evening. Mark’s magnetism lit Karma’s awareness all night, and her body remained in a state of perpetual arousal just from his proximity.
After the last encore, the lights came up and, at close to ten thirty, it was time to go home. But to Karma, the night still felt young and full of magic.
She helped Mark fold the blanket, then they gathered their things, and without a word—only that delightful strain of expectancy—they ventured back to his car.
The drive home was quiet. Occasionally, one of them mentioned one of the songs from the concert, and a brief discussion ensued. Then they fell back into pregnant silence again.
Finally, Mark pulled into her apartment complex and drove around to her building. After parking, helping her out of the car, and walking her up to her apartment, he stood aside and waited for her to unlock the door.
“Do you want to come in?” They had yet to address the real reason for their date tonight, so it was now or never.
He smiled. “I was just about to ask if I could.”
She pushed the door open. He slipped into her apartment…into her world. Everything was different between them now. With just that one small step of crossing from the outside into her personal space, everything changed. He was no longer Mr. Strong, a consultant working for her company. And he was no longer the prince in a fantasy world where she was Cinderella.
But what exactly were they?
Karma kept her gaze on him as she shut the door, took off her jacket, and placed it over the arm of the couch as he inspected her living room.
What did he think? And did he plan on kissing her? They were here. Inside her apartment. Surely, he intended to kiss her. Maybe she should eat a mint. She wanted to taste good if he kissed her.
“You seem apprehensive.” He kept his back to her as he ran one hand over the spines of books in her bookcase.
Flustered, she uncrossed her arms, not even realizing she had crossed them. “No. I’m…it’s just, I haven’t had a man in my apartment in a long time.” Come to think of it, she’d never had a man in her apartment. This was a first.
He flashed a disarming smile. “I know.”
That’s right. He had read her like an open book last Friday. She shook her head and looked at the floor. “Um…well…” She chuckled awkwardly. “I’m not so good with men.”
“You’re good with me.”
“You’re different.”
“How so?”
She didn’t know how to answer that. Her brain wasn’t functioning properly with him perusing her things. “I don’t know.”
He pulled a book from the shelf and flipped open the cover so he could read the description inside the jacket. “Romance. Is that what you prefer to read?”
Her fingers twisted over one another. “Yes. And a little suspense.”
“Mmm.” He slid the book back onto the shelf. “And elephants?” He picked up a small elephant figurine, which sat among a dozen others.
“Yes.” She gestured to another shelf where a larger collection of cat figurines sat on display. “And cats.”
“Why elephants?”
“I started collecting them in junior high and it just sort of stuck.”
“I see.” He set the elephant down. “Do you have anything to drink?”
Where were her manners? “I’m sorry. Yes. I mean, no. I mean...” Her neck and chest blazed, and she was sure she had broken out in hives. With him in her apartment, investigating her private sanctuary, she could hardly think, let alone form coherent sentences. He probably thought she was a total dingbat.
Welcome back, inner dork.
Making like a scared mouse, she scurried off to the kitchen and pulled two glasses from the cabinet, filled them with ice, and poured them some tea.
When she returned to the living room, he was kneeling in front of her shelf of DVDs.
“Here you go.” She held out his glass.
He stood and turned. “Thank you.”
“Did you want to watch a movie?”
He sipped his tea and gently shook his head. “Maybe another time. It’s late.”
She drummed her fingernails on the side of her glass and shifted her weight. He sure was taking his time getting to the point of the evening. “Would you like to see the rest of the apartment?”
Mark’s penetrating stare weakened her knees. “Sure.”
The place wasn’t big, but she walked him through the dining room and kitchen, then back through the living room toward the hall. “Bathroom…” She flipped on the light to the hall bath. “Second bedroom…” She waved into the room she used as an office and storage space.
“No bed,” Mark said.
“No. I use this room mostly for storage.” She shut off the light and turned toward the partially opened door across the hall, where she paused, took a deep breath, and pushed it open. “This is my bedroom.”
Mark stepped past her and looked around, immersing himself more fully into her personal domain. The full-sized bed was dressed with a yellow quilt her mom had made, and a pair of burnished orange throw pillows rested against the headboard. The scarf she had worn to work sat on the oak dresser beside her fishing hat. A large sunset seascape hung on the wall opposite the bed, between the doors for the closet and master bathroom.
“Nice picture,” Mark said, admiring it.
“Sometimes I like lying in bed imagining I’m off on some tropical beach somewhere.” Escapism had always fueled her fantasies. Maybe that had something to do with growing up without a lot of friends and wanting to be anywhere but where she was.
“You’ve got a nice apartment,” he said, taking another drink of tea. “Cozy and quaint, but bigger than I expected.”
For a long moment, they just stared at each other.
Karma’s pulse quickened. Something about the way he looked at her suggested he was ready to talk about the topic they’d danced around all night, but why did she get the feeling it wouldn’t be that simple?
“Did you have a good time tonight?” he finally said.
“Yes.” She practically held her breath. “I had a wonderful time.” No sense lying.
“So did I, and I’d like to have more wonderful times in the weeks ahead.” He paused and strolled toward her dresser. “But it’s up to you.”
“I know.” Her heart was racing. “Do you want my answer? Is that what tonight is about?” It had to be, but he kept dodging the subject.
He scanned the items on the top of her dresser then met her gaze. “I’d like you to give me your answer tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” She hadn’t expected that, but she was quickly learning that Mark liked the unexpected. “Why not tonight?”
“Where would be the fun in that?” Flirtatious amusement coated his expression as he flipped open her jewelry box and began sifting through the few trinkets she wore for special occasions. He pulled out a simple, circular gold brooch. It had been a Christmas gift from her dad years ago, but she hardly wore it anymore. Mark turned, holding up the brooch. “If your answer is yes, and you want to throw caution to the wind, then wear this to work tomorrow.”
Karma took the gold brooch and folded it into her palm. “Okay?” The word lilted like a question.
“But there’s a catch,” Mark said.
“A catch?” An expectant buzz vibrated under her skin.
“Yes.” Mark plucked her glass from her hand and set it on the dresser with his own. “A catch.” He pulled her into his arms so that his face was only inches from hers.
She stiffened and held her breath as she looked into his eyes.
“If you wear that brooch tomorrow, then you’ll be telling me you want more of this…” He barely brushed his lips against hers, making her suck in her breath as that bottom-falling-out-from-her-stomach sensation flip-flopped inside her belly again.
“And…?” she said breathlessly. If there was a catch, there surely had to be more to it than that. Kissing him wasn’t going to be a problem.
“And it means you’ve agreed to see me outside the office.” His lips skimmed hers again, barely making contact. “But what it doesn’t mean is that I want a commitment. I’m not into long-term relationships.” Their noses bumped as he teased her mouth, and she caught a glimmer of apology in his gaze. “I want to be up-front about that. I don’t want to lead you on or make you think this is more than just two adults having a good time with each other.”
Her lips tingled…as well as other parts of her body.
“If you wear that brooch, you want more of this…” He drew her bottom lip into his mouth, let his tongue play against her flesh, then nipped it with his teeth before releasing it. “But I need you to understand that’s all I can give. I can give you pleasure, I can give you fun, but I can’t give you forever. I can only give you the months I have while I’m here. I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding about that. The last thing I want is to mislead or hurt you.” He fell silent as if letting the weight of his words sink in.
She fell numb to everything but his arms around her and the way bolts of lightning zinged through her body. Mark delivered a kiss that not only sizzled but also scorched, short-circuiting her ability to reason.
With a blink, Karma’s breath hitched as he closed his lips over hers again. She moaned into his mouth as the most incredible sensation of warmth spilled through her belly, into private places as yet undiscovered. Her thighs felt like hot lead. Damn, but Mark could turn up the heat.
She nodded against his mouth. She understood. She understood implicitly.
He broke away again, but stayed buried within her personal space, his arms around her, his forehead nudging hers. “I like you, Karma. You’re sweet and innocent. I like that about you.” He kissed her again. “But I also like that you seem to be a woman ready for more. A woman who wants to lose some of her innocence. I can give you that. I can teach you how to embrace your sensuality but maintain the innocence that makes you so alluring.” He paused and stared at her mouth. “So damned alluring.” He inhaled slowly then blew the breath out his nose on a contemplative moan. “I can help you discover what you like, what excites you, how to touch and be touched, and what turns you on.
What he was doing this very second was a good place to start, because she was definitely turned on.
He spoke quietly and more slowly than usual, as if each word held meaning. “I want to be the man who unleashes the sensual, sexual woman locked inside you. But only if you want me to. If it’s too much and you’re still worried about anyone finding out, I understand, and I won’t ask again.” He pressed his palm to his chest, right over his heart. “I promise. But I think we could have quite an adventure together. That’s what I’m offering. An adventure. An opportunity for you to learn that you are good with men. You’ve just not been with the right men. What you need is a new perspective. I want to give you that.”
She shivered, words escaping her. But then Mark had said enough to keep her mind busy the rest of the week.
He nodded toward her hand, still closed over the brooch. “That will be my answer. Wear that tomorrow, and I’ll know you want to move forward. Don’t wear it, and I’ll never bring it up again.” He paused. “But if you say yes, you need to know that I have rules.”
“Rules?”
Kindness and understanding washed over his features. “Just a couple. Nothing crazy.” He offered a tender smile. “Like I said, I’m not looking for forever, Karma. I’m not a forever kind of man. No commitments. Nothing serious. I want to make sure you know that up-front so there aren’t any surprises.” His gaze dropped to Karma’s mouth then lifted to her eyes again. “But I am loyal. And if you say yes, you’ll be the only woman in my life until after my work at Solar is done, and I’ll want to be the only man in yours. Understood?”
No problem there. It wasn’t like men were lining up to take her out. “Yes.”
He brushed his thumb over the corner of her mouth. “I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t stress that enough. That’s not my intent. I want to spend time with you, make you feel good, feel good in the process, have fun with you, but I can’t commit to more than that.”
“I understand.” She had never expected him to marry her, and she appreciated knowing now where he stood rather than finding out later.
He held her a moment longer, and then he sighed, smiled, and let her go. “So think about it, and let me know tomorrow.” He tapped her hand with his index finger. “And just so you know, there’s no harm in saying no. If you really aren’t comfortable with the idea of spending time together outside work, then I understand. So don’t feel any pressure to say yes just because I want you to.”
When had she grown so breathless?
Mark started for the door. “Sleep well, Karma, and good night. Thank you for a memorable evening.” He stopped and smiled over his shoulder. “I’ll see myself out.”
Good, because right now her feet were rooted in place. Too stunned to move, her body warm and tingling all over, her knees weak, all she could do was watch him go.
A moment later, the front door opened and closed.
Except for the specter of his fiery kisses, which still lingered on her lips, she was alone.
She opened her fist and stared at the simple metal circle. If she wore it tomorrow, everything would change. But wasn’t that what she wanted? The prospect was both exhilarating and terrifying. Breaking out of old comfort zones and habits was a daunting idea, but as her father always said, if you want to change some things in your life, you have to change some things in your life. You can’t expect different results by continuing to do the same old things.
Maybe it was time to follow Dad’s advice, because she definitely wanted to change some things in her life.
“Good night,” she whispered.