The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind.
-Wayne Dyer
“Hey, buddy. Long time no see.” Mark clasped Rob’s hand as he joined him on the basketball court.
“How’s life in Indy?” Rob dropped his bag on the pavement. “Getting anywhere with that girl of yours?”
Mark picked up the basketball he’d brought along. “As a matter of fact, things are going well.”
Rob looked surprised. “Oh really now.”
Mark frowned. “What’s that smirk for?” Mark shot from the free throw line. The ball bounced off the front of the rim. That wasn’t normal. Mark and free throws went hand-in-hand like milk and cookies. He couldn’t remember the last time he missed a free throw.
Rob chuckled and snagged the ball. “Now I know there’s something special about this girl. First, the goofy-assed smile on your face and now you miss a money shot? This might be my lucky day.”
“What goofy-assed smile?”
“The one you had on your face when I asked about your girl.” Rob sank a layup then tossed the ball back.
Mark scowled. “Screw you.”
“Screw you!” Rob made a face as if he was imitating Mark then laughed. “You like this one. And not just a little. You like her a lot. I can tell.”
“Fuck you, Rob.” He pulled up, shot a jumper…and missed…again. Shit. What was wrong with his game today?
Rob smirked and grabbed the rebound. “So, what gives? You getting soft in your old age?” He dribbled around the court, and Mark followed, falling into guard.
“Hell no. You know I don’t want a relationship.”
Rob shot a jumper that bounced off the front of the rim. Mark caught the rebound and made an easy layup. Finally! A basket.
“I didn’t say anything about you wanting a relationship,” Rob said. “I just suggested you’re getting soft.” Rob gave him a don’t-shit-me look. “But since you brought it up…”
Mark’s face tightened, and he pressed his lips together as he waved Rob off. “It’s nothing. I’m not going soft. Now shoot the damn ball.”
Rob squinted at him, and Mark knew he wasn’t buying the brush-off. And rightfully so. Mark was conflicted about Karma. Ever since their last conversation, he had been thinking about her a lot. Not an hour went by when his mind didn’t drift to thoughts of her at least once, and every time, fond warmth wrapped around his heart.
Something had clicked between them Friday night. Revealing his childhood had built a bridge from his soul to hers. They understood each other. He’d never had that before—a woman who could relate and knew firsthand what it was like to be bullied as a child, as well as the mental and emotional scars that carried over into adulthood.
It had felt nice being able to talk to her about his past. Karma didn’t judge him. She listened and related. That wasn’t something Mark took lightly. But he didn’t want to discuss it with Rob.
Thankfully, Rob dropped the subject and, after a few more practice shots, they played two games of one-on-one before taking a break.
Out of breath, Rob carried the ball to the bench and sat down. He plopped the ball on the pavement beside him. “Okay, level with me.” He shot Mark a look while wiping the sleeve of his shirt across his forehead.
Mark glanced into his bag. “What are you talking about?” But he had a feeling. The tension between them on the court had been thick.
“I know your ass too well.” Rob cracked open a bottle of water. “You sucked out there.” He gestured toward the court. “It was hardly a contest. I never beat you, and I kicked your ass.”
Mark started to protest, but Rob cut him off.
“No, Mark. Something’s up. You only play like that when something’s bugging you, and even then, you don’t play that bad. You only play like that when you’ve been…” Rob trailed off, but Mark knew what was coming. “When you’ve been thinking about her, okay? I hate bringing her up, but it’s true. You only play like shit when you’ve been thinking about Carol. And today’s the worst. And now you’re smiling like a lovesick kid when you talk about Karma.” Rob shook his head and waved his arms. Water sloshed out of his bottle and onto the ground, but he didn’t seem to notice. “So, level with me. What’s going on?”
This was why he both loved and hated Rob. He saw everything and never held back.
During the Carol fallout, Rob had been the one to pick Mark up and put him back together. He had seen Mark at his best and his worst, and he was still around. The guy was like Velcro. He’d attached himself to Mark and would never leave him. He was the one person Mark would always be able to trust and count on.
Then Mark thought of Karma. He was beginning to think he could trust and count on her, too. Especially after their last conversation.
He cleared his throat and took a drink of water. “I told Karma about Carol.”
“You what?” Rob’s eyes shot open.
“Just cool it.” Mark scowled and held up his hand. “I didn’t tell her everything. Just enough.” He swallowed a drink of water. “She’s different, okay? She’s not like the others.”
Rob grumbled and bent over, elbows on knees. “You’re fucking up a good thing, man.”
“Fucking up a good thing?”
“Yeah.” Rob shot him a foul look. “Unless you’re falling for her.”
Mark only stared.
“Are you?” Rob’s gaze burned into Mark’s.
Mark snapped out of his mental turmoil and guzzled another chug of water then wiped his mouth. “Hell no. You know how this works for me. No commitments. No emotional attachments. Nothing long term. Remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.” Rob sat back and leaned against the chain link fence. “Do you?”
Mark blew out a frustrated breath. “Fuck you, man. I haven’t forgotten what this is about.”
“Whatever.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you’ve grown cozy enough with your new leading lady to tell her about the one woman who started this whole long list of affairs and who cut you down so viciously you drowned yourself in vodka for months before getting your shit together.” Rob groaned. “Are you kidding me, man? You don’t tell any of them about Carol, and you told her? You’re walking a slippery slope, buddy. I hope you know that.”
Mark shoved his water bottle into his bag. “I’m not walking a slippery slope. I told Karma this isn’t a forever thing. I know what I’m doing. She’s just…different.” Mark wiped his towel over the back of his neck. “She comes from the same place you and I did. She’s like us.”
Rob’s narrowed eyes studied him. “What do you mean, ‘she’s like us’?”
Mark picked up the ball and squeezed it between his palms. “When she was a kid, she was bullied in school like we were. She was teased and called names. She went through hell. Just like we did.”
Rob relaxed a little. “Okay. So?”
“So…I trust her. That’s all. She understands. She can relate to what I went through. It’s a…” connection. He wanted to say he and Karma had connected, but that would set Rob off again, and, to be honest, Mark wasn’t ready to admit that out loud. “It’s just nice to be able to talk to someone who comes from a similar background. Is that a crime?”
Rob shrugged and shook his head but didn’t say anything.
Mark got up and dribbled the ball a couple times. “So, maybe it was stupid to tell her about Carol. Maybe I did open up too much. My mistake. But at the time, I was trying to get her to open up, so I used my past with Carol to convince her she could talk to me and work with me. It was necessary to get the job done. That’s all.”
That was a lie. Mark had told Karma about Carol because he wanted to. In the moment he had let his guard down and spilled more than he should have. But that didn’t mean their relationship was turning into anything more than just another affair.
It was another lie, because it did feel like his relationship with Karma was way more than just an affair.
But it wasn’t like he owed Rob an explanation. Hell, he didn’t need to justify his actions to anyone.
Shit. That was a lie, too. With Karma, he was so far out of his league, seemingly rewriting the terms of engagement as he went, that he felt like he had to justify himself to himself for breaking his own rules. Damn it. He liked Karma more than he wanted to. Rob was right. He was walking a slippery slope.
Mark paced away then turned back, determined to regain control. “Well, like I said, I didn’t tell her everything.”
Rob stood and stretched his arms. “What? Like you didn’t tell her about how Carol jilted you? Left you at the altar. How she ran off and fucked—”
Mark winced and threw out his hand to cut Rob off. “I don’t need a recap, Rob. Okay? Shit!” The mental image of finding Carol with Antonio nearly made him gag. Even after all this time, the memory still affected him. Why? Because he had failed. He hadn’t been enough. Never again would he let that happen.
Rob hitched his hands on his hips and looked down. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
How could he be angry with Rob? The guy had come as close to sharing blood with him as two people could get. Rob had earned the right to get in Mark’s face and give him a piece of his mind…and to lay shit out unfiltered.
“Look. Let’s just play, all right?” Mark dribbled out to the court and shot a three-pointer.
And sank it.
Whoosh!
Thank God.
Rob nodded. “Okay, but don’t mess shit up. Leave Carol in the past where she belongs, and get yourself straight about this Karma girl. I don’t want to see you getting so fucked up I have to drag your sorry ass out of the bottom of a vat of vodka again. You got it?”
“It wasn’t that bad.” Thickness settled in his throat, and he avoided Rob’s gaze. Those months after Carol devastated him had been rough, and vodka had been his go-to companion.
“It was bad enough.” Rob took a shot and ran in for his own rebound.
“Well, I’m not that person, anymore.” He caught a pass from Rob. “That pity party ended five-and-a-half years ago, okay?”
Rob shot him a dubious glance. “Fine. Just keep it that way.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ve got it under control. I always do.” As he faked and drove toward the basket, he thought he heard Rob murmur, “Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about,” but he didn’t pursue it. This conversation was over.
Mark was done talking about Carol and bad memories. He wanted to think forward.
What was Karma doing right now? Was she thinking about him?
Because, damn him, he couldn’t stop thinking about her.