Chapter Eight

Quinn lay on his back, staring at the ceiling.

His hands weren’t your hands… How on earth did she expect that he’d hear her say these things and be able to just say good-bye in a few weeks? He couldn’t. He knew what that meant, even if she didn’t want to admit it. She’d waited for him, just as she’d said that night ten years ago. It humbled him. And it made him never want to be without her again.

What the hell were they going to do now? Somehow, someway, Holly always managed to complicate things. Two hours ago, was he even thinking that he’d be in this bed, after having what had to be the most profound, intense sexual experience of his entire life? No. And a few nights ago, when Holly was calling him a chicken, did he even entertain that the hot-as-hell woman had actually kept her promise and “waited” for him?

What were their options? He’d offered her a job and she’d refused. She was scared to live here again. How could he argue that? He hadn’t lived through what she had, couldn’t fully understand her fears. But he also knew that she was living in denial if she thought that running back to her old life could make the memories disappear.

He had his own demons, his own guilt. But if working through them meant having Holly in his life, then he’d do it. He was going to see Christine. He needed to fully atone for what he did and how he failed her. He had tried once, but it had been too soon, and the wounds had been too fresh for both of them. And despite the fact that he and Christine would never have worked, and they never should have been together in the first place, he needed to apologize. He needed to, in order to move on.

Holly was going to push him away. He knew that. Or she was going to try, anyway. She put on this brave front, but she was probably the most vulnerable woman he’d ever met. And she didn’t deal with her feelings. Hell, not that he was an expert, but the amount of emotion that Holly was holding on to inside—the amount that she thought she had control over—was going to come to the surface one way or another. And he was determined to be the man she needed him to be when those emotions finally surfaced. He listened to her deep, even breathing as she slept curled against him, while the rain pattered against the windows, and he wished that they could stay here forever.

…

She was warm, and she was safe, and everything was as it should be.

Hard, firm flesh beneath her fingertips and the increasing rhythm of her heart told her Quinn was still beside her—or half under her. Her head was on his chest, and her leg was wrapped around his. And there wasn’t any place in the world she’d rather be. She could fool herself for the rest of the night that this could last. Why did she need to think of all the reasons this was wrong? Why couldn’t she live in the moment, just this once?

“Welcome back, Holly,” Quinn said, the smile in his voice obvious, the words achingly familiar. Quinn. Exquisite memories wafted over her like a billowing silk scarf. Much better than any dream. She slowly lifted her head and looked into the face she adored.

“Hi,” she said, smiling at him. He was magnificent to look at. His hair was mussed, and a five o’clock shadow outlined the strong lines of his face. There was warmth in his eyes that was so disarming, and so genuine, that it nearly brought tears to her eyes.

“Feels like I’ve been waiting forever to make love to you,” Quinn said gruffly, a gentle smile teasing his lips as he smoothed the tangled hair off her shoulders.

“You were worth waiting for,” Holly whispered as her eyes traced his features, and inevitably trailed down his bare flesh. She felt desire begin to bubble again. No man she’d ever dated had that effect on her. And it occurred to her that this was the first time since Jennifer and Rick had died that she felt peace. And truly happy.

“If you keep looking at me like that, Holly, I don’t think we’ll make it out of this bed until next week,” Quinn said, one hand grazing her spine.

“If only that were an option,” she murmured, resting her chin on his chest.

“I can’t think of any other thing I’d rather do for the entire week than stay right here. Speaking of which, where’s Ella?”

“She’s with Claire for the night,” Holly said, as his eyes reflected her thoughts.

“So, we’ve got the whole night.”

“Yup, and I think we need wine,” she said with a sly smile.

“And food. Do you have anything to eat in that kitchen?”

“I spent it all on the counters,” she teased.

“Cute. Very cute,” he said, smiling as he kissed her.

“I have about six jars of organic baby food and a giant bag of kettle chips,” she said sheepishly. She had planned on devouring that bag in lieu of dinner and in dedication to her sorry life. “Groceries were the last item on my to-do list, but then you showed up, and look what’s happened.”

“Yeah, a real shame.” He laughed. “Fine, you like Chinese food?”

Holly nodded. Really, she couldn’t care less what they ate.

“Okay, I’ll order,” he said, sitting up. He reached for his jeans and pulled his cell phone from the pocket. Holly contentedly watched as he ordered enough for ten people.

“You keep the Chinese restaurant on speed dial?” she asked, smiling.

He grinned. “I don’t have time to cook,” he said, falling back on the pillows and tugging her along with him. “So let’s talk.”

“About what?” Dread hummed through her. “We don’t need to talk about anything,” she said, drumming her fingers against his chest. She couldn’t stop touching him.

The corner of Quinn’s mouth lifted. “Funny, because a few hours ago, when your hands were down my pants, you couldn’t seem to stop talking—”

Holly swallowed the nervous laugh in her throat and pursed her lips. “That is crass.”

“Not crass. Honest,” he said with one of those disarming smiles.

“Well, that was then and this is now. And really, now that everything is out in the open, what more could there possibly be to discuss?” she asked, her voice trailing off as he rolled his eyes.

“Haven’t you figured out yet that your clever little attempts at getting out of honest conversation only make me more intent on figuring you out?”

“I thought men hated talking. Isn’t it me who’s supposed to want the heartfelt discussion?”

“Yeah, normally the last thing I’d want to do is have a heart-to-heart. But nothing about us is normal,” Quinn said, his eyes not leaving her face.

“Fine. I figured you might…have a few questions,” she said hesitantly as she touched the hairs on Quinn’s chest.

“Can you stop doing that?” Quinn asked when she accidentally pulled at one.

“Sorry, I thought it was gray,” she said, barely holding onto her smile.

He laughed and then kissed her. “Nice try.”

“There is nothing to tell. Really. I just never met anyone that interested me. I’ve been busy. Now that I’m back here and have time off work—”

Quinn’s laugh and the rumbling of his chest under her chin made her stop speaking to glare at him—or try to glare at him, anyway. He kissed her, long and hard, and then ruined that when he began laughing against her lips.

“What’s so funny?”

“You’re such a liar. You expect me to believe that the only reason we’re in this bed is because you happened to have some spare time?”

Holly nodded. She couldn’t look him in the eye though, so she concentrated on looking at his eyebrows. “You don’t have to make it sound absurd.”

“It is absurd—and a pile of bull. We are here because this is what we’ve both wanted for a long, long time. And correct me if I’m wrong, but while you happened to be naked under me, I believe you where whispering something about my hands.”

“It was just an expression.”

“Funny, I’m not familiar with that one.”

“And it’s actually quite rude for you to bring up random things we said while we were in bed together.”

“Well, you can bring up anything I said and repeat it to me now if you’d like. I stand by whatever I said while I was taking off your clothes or inside—”

“No need to repeat anything. And I didn’t say anything, anyways,” Holly said in a shrill voice as the recollection of the words he’d whispered infused her with a searing heat. Quinn was very talented in expressing his thoughts, she’d learned.

He tapped his finger on his chin. “Well, I’m pretty sure I heard the words faster and hard—”

“That’s very arrogant of you.”

“No, Holl, if I were arrogant, would I actually admit that you, who had never done any of this before, were giving me instructions—”

“They weren’t instructions.”

“They were explicit instructions. And it was very hot,” he said in a low voice and with a grin that was far too smug. She found herself smiling with him, his warm skin beneath her hands more perfect to her than she had ever dreamed. Yet fear began teasing her. It sneaked into her psyche, making everything a little less bright, a little less rosy. Holly felt her smile quiver ever so slightly, trying to believe, trying to be brave.

“What’s wrong?” Quinn asked, smoothing her hair gently. Holly fought against the surge of emotion that his tenderness brought on. She wanted to tell him everything, she wanted to lean on him and rely on him.

“Will you stay?” Holly whispered, not caring that he saw her vulnerability.

He frowned. “Of course I’ll stay. Where would I go?” he said roughly. Holly didn’t answer him. She didn’t want to say that eventually everyone leaves, or tell him that she wanted to stay here forever—that he made her feel safe, and loved, and for the first time, truly whole.

“Need help opening that bottle of wine?” Holly teased as Quinn struggled with the cork.

“If you open bottles of wine like you hang chandeliers, then no thanks,” Quinn said, laughing as she pinched his waist.

“That’s so rude.” Holly laughed, admiring how good he looked standing there in his jeans and sweater. He finally uncorked the bottle and poured them each a glass. Quinn had spent the entire day with Holly and Ella. They had gotten off to a rocky start when Sabrina, the Realtor, had come over bright and early to do a thorough appraisal of the home. Sabrina had been impressed, and they’d agreed on a price that was even more than Holly had hoped for. The house would be ready to be put on the market the same day as the party. Holly had braced herself for Quinn’s reaction, but he’d been silent most of the time, and when she’d signed the listing papers, he had left the room.

As Holly was signing her name on the agreement, she’d had to forcibly push aside the thoughts of her grandparents and Jennifer. She couldn’t allow herself to feel guilt. They weren’t here. She was the one left standing, holding all the baggage. She knew they’d understand her need to protect herself. The money from the sale would ensure Ella’s future. Selling the house was something she had to do, regardless of what Quinn thought.

Quinn had spent the night, and then the day. They had picked up Ella soon after Sabrina left and then gone for brunch. After, they’d enjoyed a long, fun Sunday afternoon, just the three of them. It was how she imagined a real family would spend time together. They went out for groceries, came home, played with Ella, gave her a bath, and had put her to bed. Now they were about to sit down to dinner.

“So, are we going to talk about you putting this place up for sale, or are we going to pretend that you’re not leaving soon?” Quinn asked, changing the mood from fun to tense in one second flat. Holly’s mouth went dry as she stared across the island to him. She knew this would happen. There was too much unresolved between them.

A muffled sound broke through the silence of the kitchen. Holly sat up straight on the bar stool, on guard. “Did you hear that?” Holly asked.

Quinn frowned, nodding.

It had sounded like Ella. But it wasn’t a cry. Holly immediately thought of Ella’s runny nose that had started earlier in the day, but she hadn’t worried too much about it.

“Let’s go check on her,” Quinn said, taking her hand as they tiptoed up the stairs and slowly opened the door to Ella’s room. Ella was sitting up in her crib, and even with only the dim glow of the nightlight, Holly could see how red her face was.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Holly whispered, rushing over to pick her up while trying to fight the rising panic that threatened to consume her. Ella whimpered and held out her arms. Her skin was on fire, scorching Holly’s hands through the fuzzy sleeper.

“She’s boiling,” Holly gasped as she sat her on the changing table.

Quinn placed his hand on Ella’s cheeks and forehead and frowned. “She is really hot,” he agreed, the worry in his face and voice intensifying Holly’s own. Ella’s pink face scrunched up, and Quinn tried to soothe her by rubbing her back and talking to her.

Dread slithered through Holly’s body, insidious and debilitating, as she looked at Ella and tried to form a coherent thought.

“Do you have a thermometer?” Quinn asked.

Holly nodded. “Thermometer,” she murmured. She crossed the room to the closet where she had stashed a box filled with baby supplies. She needed to focus, she needed to remain calm and in control. But the moment she crossed the room, Ella started crying and coughing, a rough, barky cough that Holly knew was no ordinary cold. Holly went still, her fear making her limbs useless and heavy.

“Come here, baby,” she heard Quinn whisper as he picked Ella up. Quinn knew exactly what to do. And he was calm.

With shaking hands, Holly yanked down the box from the upper shelf of the closet, pulled out the thermometer, and crossed the room. Quinn was holding Ella and rubbing her back, his mouth set in a straight line.

“I don’t like the sound of that cough,” Quinn said as Holly pried open the blue thermometer case, willing her hands not to shake. She had never used the baby thermometer before, the instructions still neatly tucked inside the case. She unfolded the paper, taking deep breaths, telling herself to concentrate. Ella was going to be fine. Just check her temperature. Hurry up. How hard was it to grasp the simple directions? But it was hard when all she could think about was going to the hospital, of Ella not getting better, of—

“Here, you hold Ella, and I’ll get this thing going,” Quinn suggested gently. Holly nodded, looking into his eyes as he handed Ella over. He knew.

A few moments later, Quinn pressed a button that lit up the digital screen. Ella was still wheezing as Quinn gently positioned the thermometer in her ear, just as the diagram on the instruction manual indicated. “One hundred and two,” he said, putting the thermometer back in the case. Holly nodded. What should she do? Her mind was hurling around thoughts that were premature and devastating. She rubbed her sweaty hands down the front of her jeans, trying to focus.

“Why don’t we take this pajama thing off of her? She’s too hot,” Quinn said, already unzipping the sleeper. Holly nodded numbly, looking at Ella’s flushed skin and glassy eyes. At least she hadn’t made that horrible coughing noise again. “Do you have baby Tylenol or something?” Quinn asked as he gently smoothed Ella’s sweaty hair off her forehead.

Holly nodded automatically. Acetaminophen. Of course, that would help with the fever. She crossed the room again and pulled the brand-new bottle out of the box. Quinn had Ella in his arms and was gently patting her bare back as she rested against him with just her diaper on. Holly held the bottle in her hand and tried to focus on the dosing. But her eyes blurred with tears and her hand shook. She knew Quinn was watching her. She was going to do this. What kind of idiot can’t figure out the dose on a bottle of Tylenol? She blinked rapidly. Quinn placed Ella back on the changing table and then gently pried the bottle from Holly’s hands. He dosed it and softly squeezed the liquid into Ella’s mouth. Holly watched, helplessly. She was a coward, she was useless—and Quinn was nice enough not to mention it.

Quinn pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. “I’m going to give Evan a call, okay? I know he’s at Jake’s place tonight.”

As Quinn spoke to Evan, Holly tried to look calm for Ella’s sake. But just knowing that Quinn thought they needed a doctor made everything more serious.

“Do you think she has something horrible?” Holly asked the second he hung up the phone.

“Babies and kids get sick all the time. She’s going to be fine. I promise, Holly. She’s going to be fine,” Quinn said harshly, leaning out with one hand to touch her cheek. Tears pricked her eyes immediately.

“Why don’t we go wait downstairs,” Quinn suggested, reaching out for her hand, while carrying Ella. Holly nodded and clutched his hand, grateful for his strength. They stood in the darkened living room, staring out the bay window, waiting for Evan. Just as Ella started coughing again, headlights appeared down the dark road and his car pulled into the driveway. Evan ran up the steps as Holly opened the front door.

“Hi guys,” Evan said, shrugging out of his coat and stepping into the house, his doctor’s bag in hand.

“Thanks for coming so quickly,” Holly said, taking his coat as Ella started crying and coughing again. Holly wrapped her arms around herself and stood still, not walking into the living room. Quinn was rocking Ella and Holly could hear him whispering to her softly. She stood on the sidelines as Evan approached Ella and greeted her. Both brothers stood with Ella between them, their size and strength in blatant contrast to the gentleness with which they treated little Ella. Holly fought the tears threatening to overflow.

“Let me just have a look at her and ask you some questions, okay?” Evan said, turning around to look at Holly.

Holly nodded and stepped closer.

“Sure,” Quinn answered, handing Ella over to him. He turned to look at Holly, and the second he made eye contact, his face softened and he walked over to her. She couldn’t fake being okay. It was too much. Ella kept coughing and crying as Evan listened to her breathing. Holly felt Quinn grab her hand in his and squeeze it as Evan continued his examination.

“She has croup, Holly.”

“Croup? Where would she have picked that up?”

“It’s about as contagious as the common cold. It can become very serious, but I wouldn’t worry about that at this point.”

Holly felt tears prick the back of her eyes as she nodded.

“Let’s go upstairs, run the hot water in the shower, and close the door to the washroom,” Evan said. “The moist air will help. I’ll stay until she’s doing better and you’re comfortable.” Ella started coughing again, and Holly read the concern on Evan’s face. He asked her a few questions about Ella’s health in general as they made their way upstairs. Holly answered as best she could. Quinn immediately ran the hot water when they entered the bathroom and Evan shut the door.

Evan gave Holly a smile. “She’s going to be fine, Holly. The best way to treat it at this point is to keep Ella calm and happy. The humidity and moisture from the steam will help open up her breathing passages. Croup is a viral infection that is pretty common for children under five. It causes swelling in the vocal cords, which is what is giving her that raspy, barky cough. But you did everything right, Holly, giving her some acetaminophen—that’s helping with the fever.”

Holly listened while rocking Ella and giving her little reassuring kisses. But she hadn’t thought about the acetaminophen—that had been Quinn. She had been paralyzed. She had done nothing. She hadn’t even been able to take her temperature.

Quinn walked over. “Why don’t I hold her for a bit?”

Holly nodded and handed Ella to him. Ella immediately rested her head on his shoulder. Intense emotion bubbled inside Holly’s chest before it coursed through her body as she watched Quinn hold Ella so tenderly. She couldn’t lose Ella.

The realization that Ella wasn’t just a niece, a baby to care for, gripped her, and drowned her in fear and love. Ella encompassed her very soul. Something had happened. Somehow, Ella had cut through Holly’s defenses and become the light of her life. Her smile, her face, her laugh. She couldn’t imagine life without her.

Or without the man holding her.

After about twenty minutes, Ella’s coughing became more sporadic, until she finally was breathing comfortably in Quinn’s arms. Evan checked her temperature again and was pleased by the results.

“If you have to go, Evan, you can. Just tell us what we should do if it gets worse,” Quinn whispered.

“Okay. I’ve got to be back at the hospital in an hour, so I’m going to leave soon. But if she can lie down after an hour or so and get back to sleep that’s a very good sign. I’d suggest you sleep in her room tonight just to be sure. If you see her breathing becomes more labored and it looks as though she’s having trouble drawing in a breath, drooling excessively, looks really pale, take her into the ER, okay?”

Trouble breathing. ER. Holly never wanted to go to that place again. Her stomach felt tight and nausea circled around her.

“But she’s going to be fine, Ev, right? Tell Holly she’s going to be okay.” Quinn’s eyes darted from Evan to Holly.

Evan nodded quickly. “Yes. Holly, she’s going to be fine,” Evan said, reaching out to touch her shoulder. Holly nodded numbly. They didn’t know. No one knew. One minute people were fine and the next they were a memory.

“She’s a tough cookie, I can tell. And she’s already responding to the humidity in here.” Holly looked over at Ella, who did look better. Her head was on Quinn’s chest and she was breathing peacefully.

“Thank you,” Holly whispered to Evan.

“Anytime. Tomorrow, you should go buy a humidifier for her room. Maybe sleep with the window open just an inch or two in her room tonight to let in some moisture. Just make sure she’s warm enough.”

“Thanks, Ev,” Quinn said with a nod to his brother.

“No problem. I’m glad you called me.” Evan washed his hands in the sink and then rolled down his sleeves. “Okay, baby, have a good sleep,” Evan said, ruffling Ella’s hair.

“I’ll see you out, Evan,” Holly whispered.

Holly and Evan walked down the stairs side by side, neither of them saying anything.

Evan stopped at the front door and turned to her. “She’ll be fine, Holly.”

Holly forced a smile. “I know. Thank you.”

He nodded, and then turned to get his jacket. She thought he was going to leave, but he suddenly stopped and turned around. His expression was intense, intimidating almost. “I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for Quinn. I’d do anything for him. He’s the best man I’ve ever known, Holly.”

Holly stared at Evan’s handsome features, stared into the blue eyes that were so similar to Quinn’s, and nodded. She knew what he meant. She knew it down to her bones. Quinn was a man who didn’t hide from his problems. He was not the type to run. She managed a brief smile. “I know. Thank you again, Evan.”

He nodded, putting on his coat. “You’re welcome. Don’t hesitate to call me if her condition changes or if you have any questions, okay?” He waited for her nod, then opened the door and walked out. Holly carefully shut the door behind him and locked it. She could hear the sound of Quinn’s low voice coming from upstairs. Tears burned the back of her eyes, and she turned off lights as she walked upstairs with weary legs.

The soft glow from the light in the master bedroom told Holly where they were. She walked in to find Quinn slowly pacing the room, Ella sleeping against his shoulder. Quinn smiled, and everything inside of Holly melted. The sight of him, tall and strong and powerful, with her angelic niece drooling on his shirt, was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

It was the most beautiful and the most terrifying. Quinn was in this room, in the house that held so many memories, with the little girl that had become the world to her. If anyone saw them, they would think they were a family. And that was what was so frightening. Because with each day that passed, she wanted them to be one. So badly. Quinn had walked her through a nightmare and been her rock. When she thought she was going to panic, he’d held on and guided her out of it. She had fallen back on him. And he’d been there. But she’d be foolish if she thought it could always be that way. Life had a way of snatching people away and robbing you of your safety.

“How about she sleeps with us tonight,” Quinn whispered from across the room. Us. They were all here together, and that’s what a family would do. That’s what Jennifer and Rick would have done. Holly’s eyes filled with tears at the thought of her sister and brother-in-law. She wrapped her arms around herself, fighting her need to stay alone and removed, yet wanting the comfort of feeling loved and together. She nodded rapidly, determined not to break down. Not now.

“Thank you. I don’t know what would have happened—”

“You would have been fine.”

Holly shook her head, not able to argue. “I’m so tired. I feel like I haven’t slept in almost a year,” she whispered raggedly, trying not to cry.

“Holly,” he whispered, crossing the room in two strides. “She’s fine. Everything is going be okay. Go put on your penguin pajamas and get ready for bed. No room for arguing,” he ordered in an impossibly gentle voice, tilting his head toward the washroom door. He pressed a kiss on the top of her head and leaned back to look at her. Holly’s chin wobbled, because the concern in his eyes and the tenderness in his voice told her everything she needed to know. For the first time in her life, she was ready to relinquish control. She nodded and crossed the room.

Five minutes later, after changing into her pajamas, brushing her teeth, and removing whatever was left of her makeup, she emerged from the washroom. Quinn was standing by the fireplace, Ella still sleeping soundly in his arms.

Holly walked toward the bed, and her heart squeezed as she saw that he had turned down the duvet and plumped her pillows. A glass of fresh water was sitting on the nightstand as well. She climbed into bed, and he drew the covers over her with one arm. He crossed to the other side of the bed and gingerly sat next to her with his back propped up against the headboard and Ella resting on his chest.

“Go to sleep. The world will go on without you for a few hours. Everything will be fine,” he said, giving her a reassuring smile. Holly nodded, her eyes focused on the picture Quinn and Ella made together. She felt peace wash over her as she huddled further under the duvet, and when she fell asleep a few seconds later, she had a soft smile on her face.