SHE STARED AT THE four-unit apartment building that Xavier lived in. The grass that struggled to grow in the small yard before it was brown and bald, with nary a bush or shrub to soften it. The exterior paint was peeling; and pieces of the roof flapped in spots. The windows were a grungy, drab brown color and the front door was dented and scraped. After finding the buzzer for his apartment number, she pressed on it.
She’d had an argument with her bodyguard, Gail about not doing a thorough sweep of Xavier’s apartment. She wanted to simply show up at his front door and visit her study partner like a normal college student. She won the battle only after calling Rob and begging him to allow for the change from their usual procedure. She didn’t want to sour this school project by pissing off her new work partner. The bodyguard searches were weird for outside people, which made them feel weird, and therefore made them react weird to her. For once, she simply wanted to be like everyone else. Rob reluctantly agreed after considering how arbitrary her partnering with Xavier was and therefore how unlikely it would be that he meant her harm.
And the reassurance Gail would be right outside. With her gun.
When Xavier came down to open the front door. She entered a small, stifling foyer with a flight of stairs to the left and a narrow hallway to the right. Three doors led off the hallway. Xavier gestured for her to follow him and she did. The carpet in the hallway was the short pile, commercial kind that was stained, brown and rather ugly. He ascended the stairs and stopped on the second floor before entering the open door. Three other people were inside the small apartment. One was making something on the kitchen counter. Another sat at a desk, working on a computer and the third was sprawled out on the faded floral, threadbare and quite hideous couch.
“My roommates,” he explained. “Let’s go to my room.” Their glances followed her, but no one seemed to recognize her, nor expect her for dinner.
She twitched a little, somewhat startled. It was unusual for her to go to a guy’s room. Okay, she never went to any guy’s room. Behind her, at the front door, Gail was standing guard so it wasn’t like she had anything to worry about. One call by pressing her cell phone button, and the gun-toting, very nimble and well-trained Gail would appear, fully armed and prepared to shoot anyone who threatened or pretended to threaten Karlee. She did not doubt the woman’s proficiency or lethality. Gail already killed the shooter at the church when he opened fire on Rob and hit Eric.
Karlee entered the bedroom, restraining a wince. It was really bad. Dark, dreary, small, and the smell inside was funky. A single mattress was pushed against one wall, and a rickety, decrepit desk with an old, three-legged stool to sit on was all that comprised his study area. The closet door didn’t shut completely and one, lone, oversized bean bag was all that could be considered a chair. A blanket hung over the only window, making it even darker.
“I was hoping they wouldn’t all be home tonight; I rent this room from them. You know… more affordable and all.”
The apartment was barely big enough for two. Karlee started to feel ashamed that she had no idea how some people had to live. She never remembered a day without her big, open house and several acres. Her family and friends lived in luxury compared to this. Oh, damn. She started to cringe and shudder at her surroundings. She was such a snob. She didn’t know it until now. But she was. Crap. That was so not cool. Her privilege and money were things she always took for granted, even if it wasn’t average or normal. This was probably what normal looked like for a college student out on his own.
He shuffled forward and turned towards her, his arms flopping to his sides. “I know, it’s a dump. But it’s all I can afford right now.”
“No. It’s great. I mean, you’re on your own with no one to answer to. Or treat you like you’re twelve years old. Or follow you everywhere.”
He flopped down on the mattress and swept a hand towards the bean bag chair, suggesting she sit. “No chance of that. No bodyguard posted outside for me.”
She winced again and released a nervous laugh. How could she describe the few times she actually hung out with others her age? It just didn’t happen very often. The school accommodated her full-time protection and all the students were aware of it and why. Being coddled was its own stigma and most kids avoided interacting with her. She never enjoyed the opportunity of hanging out. Not like other kids. All the concerns about her safety and the fans who tried to use her affected any relationships she tried to cultivate. Most of them were users, in her opinion. Now she was twenty years old, but she sometimes felt like she was still twelve with her peers.
Her two older sisters were built-in friends and she trusted them. Kayla, at twenty-seven, was the oldest and the ring-leader. Fierce, fun and witty, she usually prevented Karlee and Kathy from feeling like freaks or loners or outcasts. Kayla had plenty of friends, close ones since childhood, and long before Rob, so Karlee trusted them too. They were her friends and Kathy’s, the middle child, who was now twenty-four. A cousin, Jody Lassiter, was almost exactly one year younger than Karlee. At nineteen, Jody was well into her studies in London, working towards an economics degree. Jody was crazy smart and had completed half her BA degree while still in high school.
Economics sounded like dry, boring, useless stuff to Karlee, who had no idea what to study or why she even enrolled at community college. She had nothing figured out yet. Jody had her whole life already planned down to the last detail. Opposites, yes, but also best friends. Anyway, those were her people. Her tribe. Having always hung out with far older kids and those who were not her peers, Karlee may not have had the same experience as most girls who were twenty and a half years old.
She could certainly learn to fit in and she wasn’t awkward or clueless. She observed everyone at school and studied how they acted and spoke. She knew all the jokes, and kidding around, and ways of flirting and shallow friendships. She just never participated in any of them.
In all honesty, she pretended not to care about it all because it hurt. She was lonely. Always. The isolated wolf in every pack she tried to be with, and always with protection, an adult by her side at all times to safeguard her. She had better relationships with the varying bodyguards who accompanied her than she did with any of her classmates.
Having a partnership for a term project broke the first barrier. Knowing the guy didn’t speak a word to her until ordered to do so by the teacher had her almost believing he honestly didn’t care about her celebrity. Her failure to acknowledge him in the large lecture hall, despite his awareness of her, was expected. Sure, he saw her; he couldn’t help noticing her. But he didn’t attempt to hone in on her. So she assumed their introduction was totally unplanned and unintentional. For once, she might be able to converse with someone her own age. A peer.
A guy too. She flipped a quick glance at him and looked away. An attractive guy at that. Sprawled on his lumpy mattress with a few unfolded blankets tossed about, he stretched out his legs and she saw they were long and slender. Leaning forward, he started scrounging through his bag before pulling out his laptop. She took his cue and did the same, relieved for something to do with her hands and take her mind off her nerves.
She learned at a young age that people expected Karlee and her two sisters to be brilliant, interesting, charming, funny, gorgeous and extraordinary just because they were members of Rob’s family. As if his fame and celebrity splashed onto them. Most of his fans were disappointed when they discovered how very ordinary they were as a family. Karlee was outgoing, confident and bright within the confines of her tightly-knit relatives when she felt comfortable. Growing up, however, she observed the reactions she got from others, and became much more sensitive to other people’s approval. Although she still acted without inhibition or reserve around Rob and her sisters and her mom, she learned how to be cool, calm, standoffish, and completely neutral when out in public.
She always appeared unruffled, despite being so sheltered, if anything new popped up. But hanging with a guy her own age away from school was so new and strange to her that she felt woefully inept. How to find things in common and act casual and keep relevant? She feared she’d come off as being sheltered and pompous from her famous family name.
His hair flipped over one eye and he tossed his head back, rearranging the shaggy, straight hair around his forehead. He had a wiry, well-toned build and a square jaw that gave his face a more mature look. If his physique made him seem boyish, his face added just the right mix of man not to enhance the image of a boy.
With a sigh of relief, Karlee realized he was reviewing the project worksheet again. Getting right to it. That, she could do, participate in something and work as a team without floundering around, trying to conceal what and who she really was. How clueless. Naive. Lost for words with someone her own age. How pathetic she was when it came to casual socialization. But in that moment with this attractive, yet average sophomore, she was miserably out of her league.
Her insecurity overwhelmed her. She was unsure how to act and where to set her feet or hands. That was so crazy for her. She met some of Rob’s most famous musician friends and was talkative, confident, and charming. Yet with this young student, and by society’s standards, totally unimposing guy, she gasped as her breath lodged in her throat from her nerves.
She was grateful when he gave her more space, physically and conversationally. She got zero creepy vibes from him. He seemed, in all honesty, nice! A decent guy, assigned to work on a term project with her and now, here they were. No ulterior motives, no suspicion that he expected anything more from her. She appreciated that. No creepy, stalkerish, weird opportunist trying to hit on her or use her.
“So, which option would you like to go with?”
Shaking her head, she commanded her eyes to focus. Read the options. Register what the words say. She scanned it several times, but her nerves kept her brain from processing the information. Finally, she forced herself to comprehend the three options the professor provided for their term project.
“Uh, at first glance I was leaning toward option number two. Although I see the pros and cons to all three. Like, writing the report will no doubt take a lot more work and manual labor, while presenting it orally would be much faster and take less work… I have to admit I’m terrible at public speaking and I have a severe lack of skills in art so doing a mural or drawing gets a big, fat nuh-uh from me. But if you have either of those skills…”
“Nope. Not into public speaking and I can’t draw either. I can’t even begin to think about how to do an, ‘encompassing and informative visual representation of all your research.’ So I’m good at doing more work, less speaking and no drawing.”
“Okay. That was easy. It could have been a huge point of contention.”
“It could have.” He shrugged. “If you’d insisted on any of them for some reason, I’d have just gone with it. I really don’t care enough to get into an argument over it. I’m not, as a rule, very contentious.”
Karlee almost agreed that neither was she, until she briefly considered all the arguments she instigated with her sisters and Rob. For her, it was not a true statement. “I can be. With those that I’m close to.” But outside of them, how often could that remark be tested? Not very. Any associations with people outside her small sphere were infrequent at best.
“So, are you saying you’re more difficult when you feel comfortable with people than when you’re around people you don’t know?”
His gaze was fastened on her. She felt his eyes scouring her. What was he looking for? She could not imagine or predict his thinking. “Yeah. Aren’t we all?”
He nodded. “Good point. Best foot forward, or some such thing. But yeah, I get that.”
No, he didn’t get her at all. He had no clue how unsocialized she was. Perhaps doing this project would teach her how to handle personal encounters with someone her own age. And being of the opposite sex was a bonus. Someone she was definitely finding herself attracted to.
“So, we’ll be writing a long-assed, information-filled paper. Gee, something entirely innovative to do at college.” Eyes rolling, he marked something down on the paper.
“Ahh, and we will ‘encourage peer collaboration to deepen our understanding and bring different viewpoints together to form one cohesive argument,’” she quoted from the first paragraph. He had to let out a laugh. The sound of his laughter pleased her. She was glad she amused him. So far, he didn’t seem to find her anti-social or weird. Of course, her constant bodyguard was slightly unusual but a necessity for anyone in the family of Rob Williams.
“Let’s do some research on our own tomorrow and meet up on Thursday or Friday to compare notes?”
“That works for me.” Grateful when he took the lead, she felt a bit dazed by the normalcy of his request. The idea of meeting up to study in some crappy student housing? Surprisingly, it was somewhat refreshing. “Why don’t you tackle number one on the list and I’ll start on the second bullet point.”
“Okay, and then we’ll see what we have left to do from there. You any good at research?”
“I am when I consider it something important.” She let out a small smile.
“You don’t get good grades on average? Don’t you do the work?”
“Sometimes I don’t. Not as often as I should, much to my parents’ annoyance. They guilt me, ground me, lecture and/or yell at me, bribe me, and coerce me with little to no success. Unless I care about the subject. Then I don’t mind doing all the work and I always earn an A when I apply myself.”
He tilted his head in curiosity. “Must be nice to have that kind of luxury.”
Pressing her lips together, she realized how snarky she sounded. “Well, yes. It is. I guess I’m a bit of a shit about it.”
“I worked all through high school and saved enough money to pay for rent here while attending community college. No athletics and no sports stuff either. Just a long history of working.”
She winced. “In other words, I’m an asshole.”
“Are you?” His eyebrows lifted.
She kept her face still and neutral, but she nodded. “Maybe a little… I was given advantages and maybe I didn’t realize how much?”
“Might just be that. Too soon to tell, huh?” He gave her a little side-smile. Her heart swelled inside her chest at his attention. Stupid. She was reacting to little more than a quip and a smirk. There was nothing there. No hot, smoldering looks as if he wanted to sex her up where she sat. Nope. Just pleasant, getting to know you stuff. One huge difference was no overt interest in her identity or her relationship to Rob. He knew all about her but did not make it the only thing he wanted to discuss. Or keep returning to.
“Way too soon.” But to cover up her gaffe, she quickly asked, “Where are you from?”
“Grays Harbor area, a town called Montesano. My pop works in one of the few remaining sawmills and I did too before coming here.”
“Why did you come here? I mean, there must be other community colleges much closer.”
“To get away from there, of course. Hopefully, I’ll never go back. If I stayed, maybe I’d never get out. That’s kind of how that area is for people like me.”
She flushed, embarrassed for being so clueless about ordinary people’s problems. She claimed to live an “ordinary” life with Rob and her mom, but she didn’t really. Just because they weren’t like the reality shows or gossip-tabloids and she wasn’t spending a million dollars on credit or buying the newest sportscar, or traveling to exotic places, didn’t make them even close to being ordinary. No misbehaving or getting bailed out by Rob’s money and prestige. He’d be the first to let her and her sisters spend the night in jail for bad behavior. If they ran up too much debt? They had to get jobs to pay it off. If they did drugs or drank too much alcohol, they were the victims of the unintended consequences. A huge believer in cause and effect, Rob would reward them generously for being hardworking, honest, and having good morals and values. But likewise, he would certainly have disciplined them for poor behavior or bad decisions.
Karlee didn’t know about places where people got stuck at working a certain job. The idea she might never “get out” to find something better never even crossed her mind. How could community college be a destination school? Her thread of snobbery stunned even her. She never considered how hard a financial burden community college might be for someone supporting himself. She never considered it a challenge. She didn’t want to be there, but she didn’t have the grade point average to enter a four-year university. She was only going to community college because she had nothing better to do with her life. Rob and her mom expected more from her, and she wasn’t ready to work so she chose this. In being careless and so offhand about it, she managed to insult a guy who worked really hard to get there. This was his destination. His ladder to climb higher in life. Justifiably embarrassed, she burned red with shame. He was too busy typing on his computer to realize her epiphany and reassessment of her values, much less her understanding of them.
“What are you studying here?” she asked.
“General Ed. I hope to transfer to a university eventually.”
“What do you plan to study there?”
He shrugged. “I’m actually not sure. Not committed to anything yet. But something in business or accounting. I’ll probably do something that can branch off in different directions so I don’t get stuck on anything I might not like later.”
“I don’t have even that much figured out. I really don’t know what I’m doing here, but I have nowhere else to go. Does that make any sense? If I pass all my classes, I’ll have enough credits to transfer at the end of this year. I should go for the options, huh?”
“Well, it seems like doing all this for something else might be a lot more motivating. Do you love school? Love to learn for the sheer sake of learning?”
She let out a little laugh. “Ha. Not in the least. Farthest thing from it, in fact.”
“How do you make yourself work so hard without any reason for it? I’d last half a quarter and be done with it. It’s so much work to keep up with.”
“Well…” How to explain? She didn’t really do very much work. Not consistently, anyway. She did enough to get by, but sometimes she went weeks without attending classes or doing her homework. She was lucky she could manage to get a passing grade for credit. For as long as she could remember, her lack of ambition upset her parents. If you can, then do, they’d say. She had the brains and natural ability, so why not apply herself? She didn’t suffer from Kathy’s issues, who had to struggle hard to earn passing grades. It wasn’t fair and Kathy more than once railed at her for being so lazy about it when all Kathy ever wanted was to shine brightly in school. If it shamed Karlee now and then, it wasn’t real because there was no deep attachment to her performance or reputation at school. The shame she now felt was owing to the obvious work and stress that Xavier had to endure to be here and “get out” of wherever he came from.
“You’re not the first to ask, nor the first to be disappointed by my answer.”
“So really, just passing time?”
“More like trying to figure things out.”
She waited for a snarky response, that she felt she deserved. He replied with a simple nod. “Fair enough. We all are, huh? Trying to figure out our futures and our lives. We graduate and we’re all suddenly supposed to know what direction our lives should take. Do something great, but make lots of money, and don’t sell out, try to be practical. Their advice is no more than a cluster fuck of clashes which makes it impossible to fulfill. In all honesty, I find it completely demoralizing to any eighteen-year-old.”
She had to laugh, which surprised her more than him. Seeing the humor over a subject she detested discussing was new to her. She fully took the blame for being lazy and careless about her grades and school and her lame reasons for being there, but it still made her grumpy to have them pointed out and discussed.
“So back to the fun. What do you say? Will you do the research?”
She puffed her cheeks out and raised an eyebrow, looking astonished before she asked, “Are you worried I’m going to be a shit partner and leave you hanging?”
He didn’t look up, but she noticed how he pressed his lips together before dipping his chin as if to hide his face. “Well, the way you describe your track record, I’m just checking…”
“I swear I’ll never flake out on a partner and I promise to do my fair share. Fifty-fifty. Partners.”
His chin jerked up. “Partners?”
“Yeah. Totally. You expected a spoiled rock star’s daughter? Well, I’m not. Really. I’ll do my fair share. I’ll get right on it tomorrow, and let’s meet up again on Thursday or Friday.”
“I work both nights. Do you want to come by after I’m off? The owner doesn’t mind if we sit at one of the tables and work. The drive-through stays open until midnight, but the indoor seating closes at nine. If you like, we could work there.” He gave her a boyish, half grin and his cheek lifted on one side. “Neutral territory. Slightly better than this… but not your family’s compound.”
She ducked her head. “That sounds great, but for the record, I’m totally willing to come back and work here…”
“I saw how you winced when you first walked in.”
“You saw nothing. Maybe I’m just a little bit of a rock star’s daughter.”
He stared at her before he replied. “I could not be more common if I tried. You know? Working class dad that never stopped working. Shit-ass house that was all but falling down around us. Really. The power and water got turned off pretty often; we were that kind of poor. So I’m definitely no snob or rock star and I’m far from being rich or famous but I can honestly say that you come off as being pretty normal for a sophomore at a community college who’s trying to figure her shit out.”
Her eyes widened as she listened to him and she wondered where he was going with that train of thought. How could being called ordinary and common be such a compliment to her? But it was honestly the best thing anyone ever said to her. “Really? I mean, I’m sheltered, spoiled, and I don’t travel without bodyguards. It’s a bit insufferable, I imagine, but you don’t find me…”
“You were a bit hard to read, but not at all an air-head, or giggly, or annoying and I was glad your ego wasn’t talking. Honestly? You’re pretty calm, neutral and you know how to hold your cool. I bet there is so much more under that placid, calm surface, but no drama, or exorbitantly rich diva some might expect since you never travel without bodyguards. However, I did notice them.” He shared a smile with her and their simple, easy understanding flowed for the moment, making her heart skitter strangely. She was already blushing from the intensity of their eye lock and her glance darted away to the safety of the grungy floor.
Yeah, it wasn’t very nice. But somehow, in that pivotal moment, everything seemed just right.
She cleared her throat and jumped to her feet, feeling ill-prepared to handle compliments, flirting, and casual, easy-going interactions with someone her own age. How pathetic. She was so beyond sad. But that was owing to her background, and the lack of any real experience to speak of.
There was one boy who attended her high school. They went to a dance, shared a few kisses and had some lame dates. They only had sex because she was curious to know what it was like. That’s the only reason. A curiosity killer. Meh. That was the entire extent of her sexual experience and any type of dating or sex with boys. He was only a boy. Xavier was a bit older, but still her age, so, not quite a man. Men looked like Eric or Jim, her brothers-in-law, who were now in their early thirties.
Walking her to the door, Xavier opened it and they didn’t speak again until he waved her through and they both came face-to-face with Gail. Bouncing off the hallway wall, Gail’s hand slid too quickly towards her weapon. Karlee glanced at her favorite guard and rolled her eyes. On her left, Xavier stared with anxious apprehension in his big eyes. “Uh, I don’t pose any danger…”
Gail let her arm drop to her side without a smile but she gave Xavier a cool nod. “Always at the ready.” Turning, she disappeared around the corner. At least, she was gone from sight.
Dreading the typical questions and total confusion about bodyguard protocol, Karlee turned towards Xavier. He shook his head. “Wow, what a trip. I almost forgot she was out here.”
“Always happens. It takes a little getting used to but now it’s such a habit that it feels usual for me. It comes with the territory. Why did we sneak past your roommates like that?”
“I didn’t want them to recognize you. George is a huge fan. Has posters of Zenith and everything about Rob in his room. He’d have never let you go. He’d have squealed like a girl and drooled over you while begging for your autograph as well as your dad’s… wait, he’s your stepdad, right? You often call him your dad.”
“Stepdad technically, but yeah, I refer to him as my dad because he is.”
“Well, George would have asked you so many questions, you’d never get away from him. He would be the worst fan you can imagine.”
“He’s that devoted to Zenith?”
Xavier sighed. “Honestly? Yes. But all my roommates are fans. You’re just… well, having the prestige and proximity to Zenith kind of precedes you. I mean, so many people would kill to be me right now. I’m sorry. I sound like a dick. It’s just a fact. After only a few minutes, I could tell you were really just an awesome, normal girl who had to pay the price of fame. But before that? I really hoped I might accidentally meet you.”
“And now you have without it being an accident.”
He swallowed and his face was grave. “No. Not an accident. But just as unplanned.”
“And now that we know each other?”
“So far, you’re great. I look forward to doing this project with you. I’ll try to get used to the armed bodyguards and prevent you from getting too harassed by the fans I call my roommates. That’s all I’ve got though. You know, just a poor college student and all that.”
She nodded. “Seems fair enough. I appreciate your promise to keep me from being harassed.” She squinted at him and sighed. “You did too, huh?”
He tilted his head, his expression blanching until he was totally clueless. “I did what?”
“You had posters of my dad in your room too, didn’t you? You took them down when you knew I was coming over.”
He gave her an evil-eyed look as a huge, slow smile brightened his face. Leaning back, he thumped into the wall. “Ripped ‘em down so fast, the corners stayed attached to the tape. Stuffed ‘em under my bed.”
She evil-eyed him back without a grin. “That’s kind of creepy.”
“I honestly can’t imagine walking into a fellow student’s apartment and seeing pictures of my dad taped on the wall.” He rocked onto his feet and shuddered. “Sounds crazy as fuck.”
“It is. Worse still when women, or girls my own age, freaking drool as they talk about wanting to sex him up to me. He’s almost fifty now… ugh. Gross. That’s way worse.” She finally smiled, which relieved him. “I was going to say it must be a little creepy to have the daughter of someone you worship walk into your bedroom.”
He let out a huge breath and rubbed his neck while laughing before resting his head on his hand. “You can’t even imagine. I’m all but pissing my pants. I mean, you’re the closest thing to royalty I’ve ever been near.”
“You like Rob too.”
“I have to admit I do. And maybe I idolize him a little.”
“You’re not alone.” She thrilled him with a rare, but real, huge smile. “I’m part of that crowd too.”
He snorted. “Honestly, I am surprised by your absolutely normal reaction. I’ll bet it’s usually anger, resentment, or worse. I’ll bet most famous musicians are drug addicts or alcoholics or just gone and fucking around all the time. So that says a lot.”
“That’s true. Although, we know quite a few famous musicians who are just as sober and hard-working as Rob. Some are also family-centered like us.” She tipped her head, adding, “But too many aren’t.”
“You know many of them?”
She grinned. She liked to see his shock and unsureness when inquiring about her experience with fame. She could see he was trying very hard to maintain his cool and not come across like the jerk he insinuated his roommates were. She was grateful for his efforts and that suddenly, she didn’t mind how he idolized Rob and naturally wanted to meet him. Gee. Partnering up with Rob’s daughter at school… duh. Of course, he’d want to milk it by asking to meet his idol.
But the difference was: Xavier never asked. He also didn’t try to manipulate her into offering. It was natural, easy, and fun. He tried so hard to respect her boundaries that she underestimated his devotion to Rob and Zenith.
“Though to be honest, I’m more into Spencer Mattox. The drummer? Not so much. He’s a little generic or I’m not sure what, but he doesn’t have the same raw authenticity when he plays, not like what Rob and Spencer have.”
She stuck a hand on her hip. “Oh, really, wise one? You sound like a reporter. You critique musical legends very often?”
He dropped his face down with bright pink cheeks and a chagrined smile. “No. Sorry. I guess I’m just glad to meet someone who’s connected to them.”
“I’m glad you’re not eagerly excited or creepy or stalkerish or strange. So I’ll take it. And I will get my research started and be at your coffee shop tomorrow at nine o’clock.”
He let out a sigh. “All right. Cool. I’ll see you then, Karlee.”
She smiled in return and her insides began to melt. Strange. What an extreme reaction to a lackluster meeting. Crap. What the hell?