“I FEEL WEIRD.” XAVIER stopped dead when he got to Karlee’s porch. “I mean, it’s Rob Williams’ house. I know I’m here to work on a class assignment but it’s just wild that he’s like…” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m trying not to act like this or do this to you but I don’t know how to pretend it’s normal.”
Karlee smiled and softly replied, “It’s normal to me but no one else. I get that. Of course, you feel weird and you can’t pretend to be used to it when you’ve never experienced a situation like this before.”
“Maybe we should just go to the library. Then you won’t think of me as an asshole who’s using you to meet your stepdad. And besides, I don’t want you seeing me when I start acting like an adoring asshole. A total schmuck. Shit. What if I get tongue-tied? Or blush before asking him for his damn autograph? Oh, fuck. I can’t act normal around him. I want to but I feel amazed that Rob touched the same doorknob that I’m about to touch… I sound like such a shit.” He ran his hands through his long, disheveled hair. The obvious lack of maintenance and care made the gesture seem sexy, not grungy or like too much of a statement. “We should go.”
Her smirk turned into a full grin. “Inside. To my house. Get to work. Because you’re so honest and you admitted that to me, it’s okay. I promise, it won’t be that weird.”
He glanced down, tapping his foot repeatedly. “I’m really nervous.”
Her heart swelled with emotion at his unmasked honesty. “Yeah? Well, at least you aren’t afraid to admit it. After you know him, you’ll get over it. I swear. He’s very nice. He’ll be amused if you act nervous, although to him you’re no more than his daughter’s friend. Being decades younger than him, you aren’t really that critical to his orbit. You know?”
“I get that. He’s a huge legend and I’m the pesky fly on the wall.”
“Kind of like that but you’re not pesky. Yes. So take the pressure off yourself because he won’t have an opinion of you one way or another. To him, you’re just a kid doing his homework here.”
“Right.” Xavier nodded, but his face was pale and his expression strained. “I need to get over myself.”
“Yes, you certainly do.” Karlee nudged his arm and pivoted on her foot without further ado before she shoved the front door open. She had no doubt he’d get over it once he saw what a totally normal family they were and realized that Rob wasn’t a rock star at home. He was dad and a husband here, where he relaxed and lived his life comfortably.
Perhaps by seeing him in his natural environment, the magical aura that hung around famous people would vanish and disappear. Rob’s talent didn’t elevate him above others. Karlee hoped that by seeing him just doing average, ordinary things at home, Xavier would overcome his sense of worship and adoration for the man.
They entered the house that she was born and raised in. Xavier remained by the closed front door, and Karlee swore he was backing into it. His gaze darted around suspiciously, as if he expected to see dozens of Robs emerging from behind the living room furniture or lurking around the corners. Twisting his hands together, his mouth stretched tightly and he pressed his lips together, which made him look adorable to her for the first time ever. The usual red flares that warned her: Beware! Take caution! Another user! Another fame seeker! Another gold digger! Another crazed music fanatic! were absent.
Xavier had been so open with his reactions towards Zenith that Karlee believed him. He never encouraged her to invite him over; and in fact, did the opposite. Naturally, Karlee appreciated that, and thought maybe this time, she met the real deal, a genuine friend. Someone who was fully cognizant of her connections and her status in the world, as well as the intimate access she could provide if he made her comfortable enough to trust him.
She had to try to bring someone new home and have a friend her own age. A guy too. For once, she was not being identified primarily as Rob’s stepdaughter or having any other connection to Rob. With Xavier, she was Karlee, a girl whose stepdad happened to be Rob Williams. And yeah, that was weird.
Xavier never met anyone famous and it showed. A rare but undeniable awkwardness overcame him. He looked adorably clueless over what to do with his hands. And his eyeballs darted everywhere. He shuffled his feet when she indicated he should proceed to walk forward, and she was smirking, but she turned away before he saw her.
“That’s my mom. She’s busy writing another book.” Karlee waved at the office her mother was busily typing away in. Years ago, the large single room downstairs, had been turned into two offices, one for her mom and one for Rob.
Xavier all but groaned. “Oh, yeah. She’s famous for that, right?”
“Yeah. Her fame is nothing compared to Rob’s. Non-fiction books aren’t sexy like talented rock stars, you know? Music just takes fame to an entirely different level. But she still makes a six-figure salary as an author and I’m so proud of her. In the literary circles, she’s known for her great books, not for being Rob’s wife.”
“So much talent… and, you must realize that none of this is normal.”
Ugh. The talent factor. “Believe me, I know. Try being their pet prodigy with zero fantastic talent. It’s super awesome. People look at me and only see the abundance of privilege and talent surrounding me. Having access to so much, you have to wonder what great things will I contribute to the world? One of my sisters is super smart and has the personality to back it up, and she’s doing good works for charity now. She married a pastor and moved to Montana to rebuild a landmark, crumbling church and recruit new parishioners there. My other sister, Kathy does her own music thing. Odd, right? No blood relation to Rob, but she can sing like an angel and she plays the piano. Plenty of talent there. But she confines her music to the church, and is studying theology to become a pastor someday. And then there’s me. I, who have no freaking idea what I’m doing or why.”
“I’m right beside you on that one. But I get why you feel under so much pressure.”
“I don’t just feel it. There is unrelenting pressure. I’m a boring, average girl with zero ambition or desire or passion and I live in a family brimming with talent, fame, and undiscovered passions. I float around like a cork on the sea because nothing ever calls to me.”
He followed her as she chatted and they entered the kitchen. She nodded to the table. “We can work here.” Again, Xavier was glancing around as if Rob were hiding under the table. She didn’t know what he could be thinking so she poked her tongue in her cheek to restrain her sarcastic remark. Lord, he was for real. He set his backpack down and took out his computer as she opened the refrigerator and shoved her face inside it, asking, “Hungry?”
“Yeah. Anything is fine.”
“How about a drink? Got some soda.”
“Sure.”
Karlee took out some cut-up melon and soda with two glasses that she set on the table. He flopped down into a seat. “So you were saying that your sister sings? With Rob?”
“No. She’s got a bad case of debilitating stage fright. She worked at a local church for a while as the music director. Once she sang a solo in a talent show at school and Rob got up and performed with her when she froze with fright. She never tried another solo again. She performed in the school choir, and later on, her church choir. But she never sings alone. She’s always the best singer in any choir. But if you can’t belt it out without throwing up all over the stage, what good is it, huh?”
“Did Rob ever try to persuade her to sing or perform alone?”
She sat down and reached for her laptop and the notes she left there. “Nah. He never did. He prefers that we don’t go near the industry. He’s that kind of dad, you know? He knows how it can be and its negative effect on others and he doesn’t want that for any of his daughters.”
“You’re his stepdaughters though, right?”
She waved her hand around. “Rob never calls us that. We’re his daughters, pure and simple, if you ask him. Anyway, he’s always been pretty chill with us. Giving us full rein and letting us do whatever we need to do. And more’s the power, in his opinion, if we don’t want to follow in his footsteps.”
“That does seem chill. A guy who’s so successful can’t help drowning his offspring with his fame, in some cases I suppose.”
“Nah. Not Rob. You’ve heard his story, huh? Alcoholic who came pretty late to the music scene and found unlimited success? His past really left an indelible mark. He definitely doesn’t want any of that for us.”
“I’m honestly surprised that you chose community college, what with the likes of us average, broke-ass jerks. You know?”
She snorted, sipping the pop and shaking her head. “The thing is: I’m exactly where I should be. I’m just like you guys. I have no hidden or unique talent. I can barely make Cs. No burning passion or undying interest. God, I have no idea what I want or will want to do in life. And Rob refuses to throw his weight around to get me anywhere that I don’t really belong. So here I am, right where I do belong.”
His gaze stayed on her face as she spoke. It was intense. He seemed to take in every single word with solemnity that was far more than she deserved. Again, she was ordinary. No particular talent, no smarts, no hobbies. Her looks were like that too. Karlee was cute, plain, and okay. But nothing that screamed of her rock star dynasty, that was for sure. She all but snorted.
“I expected you to be…”
“Amazing? Brilliant? Gifted? Self-assured? And self-important?”
He gave her a tiny smile. “More like a snooty brat who wouldn’t bother to give me the time of day. I mean, I knew who you were. I heard about you, everyone did and if anyone on campus denies it, they’re playing dumb. I mean, c’mon… Zenith? Seattle. Everett. Arlington. They’re synonymous with those places now. And Rob’s daughter attending community college? Duh. I noticed you in class the first time I walked in. I mean, again, duh! Seeing the bodyguard posted outside was my first clue. Like everyone else, I noticed you. But you stuck to yourself and sat through class. Once in a while you answered a question, and you often didn’t show up.”
She grinned. “All of my bodyguards have to swear not to give my parents a blow by blow report of all my moves. I threatened to freak out if they did. I need some normalcy in my life, you know?”
He snorted. “I obviously don’t know.”
He was both teasing and amused. She liked that part of him. He didn’t pretend to find her funny, he really did. He was impressed, a little intimidated, but not stupid at all about it. He dialed it back to tolerable.
“Anyway… so you silently observed me in class?”
“I just assumed we’d never talk. Why would you talk to me? And I sure as shit wasn’t into making any introductions. Tongue-tied and a bit awestruck can’t even begin to describe me… hell, you already know that. All of it. So why am I admitting what a wimp I was?”
“Because I think it’s kind of cute.” She touched his wrist, which lay on the table, but she quickly withdrew her hand. “I like how out there and real you are about it. That’s more normal than pretending I’m not connected to something very different from what most people experience in their lifetimes. I totally get how intimidating it can be.”
“Oh, it was for me. But not to some. I saw a few students trickle past you. Some of them leaned down and talked… does it always happen that way?”
“Yeah. I get the side-glances and discreet stares… but I’m sorry to say I never noticed you. People stop sometimes and try to start a conversation. Mostly to get me talking but I usually freeze them out. I don’t have the energy for all the wanna-meet-Rob friends that approach me.”
He shuddered. “I had no such plan. I was blown away when the prof called out my name and then said yours. Actually, I was terrified. I wondered if you’d work with me. I sat there for a stunned moment just wondering what should I do? How cool should I play it? Should I let you come to me? Should I run over to you? Or raise my hand and ask for a reassignment?”
“You didn’t do any of those things. You leaned forward and got up very casually and normally, I might add, for the situation, and you walked over to me.”
He ruffled his hair while shaking his head. Yeah, his shy smile and fleeting look at her and then away, revealing that damn dimple, were adorable. Boyish charm came to her mind. “Knees knocking, and my tongue tied in distress, I was mentally rehearsing all the things I should say. I was hoping to get it all out without spitting on you or mixing my words up. I mostly feared just blurting out Rob’s name because that was all I saw when I looked at you. I mean, no, it wasn’t all I saw of you, but…” He rubbed his forehead nervously. “That was not what I meant to say.”
She threw her head back, laughing, before leaning forward and patting his hand. “Meaning, you couldn’t avoid seeing the connection. Believe me, I know. At that point, I had no other identity to you as a person. I get that. A lot.”
“It’s such shit.” He sighed and flopped his hand on the table. “I should have been better than that. Seen the real you instead. What a crap thing to put on you.”
She shrugged. “Just human nature.”
“And not the first time it happened, huh?”
“Most of the time it happens.”
“I wish I were different. Better than that. Not like everyone else.”
“Actually, you’re not like the others. You state the fact without being stupidly obsessive, but like it’s something you admit because you don’t know what to do about it. Turns out, that’s pretty effective in my mind.”
“I can honestly say you are unlike anyone else I’ve met. I mean, despite being the mega star family member, you’re so chill and blasé about it. The public is well aware of who and what you are, because it actually affects them. But instead of treating them as anything less than you or annoying, or being downright bitchy, you just tend to avoid people altogether.”
“Until a geology teacher determines who I get to hang out with?” She tilted her head, arching one eyebrow.
He laughed. “Until forced by a greater authority…”
“So, is the great rock star’s house anything like what you expected?”
“No… no… and holy shit, no. I have to be honest about that. No jokes. I mean, it’s nice. Far nicer than where I live and don’t get me wrong, but the family-vibe of it? No. Nuh-uh. I mean, like everyone else, I heard about how rural, rustic and unusually modest it was—so I thought it might be humble for a millionaire or whatever you all are to live in.”
“Something like that. Believe me, I tried for years to budge my parents into moving from here. I mean, God, I was born in this house. It belonged to both of my parents, in the days before Rob. But they refuse to leave it. Rob, in particular, loves it maybe even more than us, or his music… But way more than his money or fame.”
Xavier’s face crumpled up in comical confusion. Why? It was totally waiting to be spoken. She laughed out loud. “You don’t hide your incredulity of why?”
“Yeah… why? I mean, being millionaires and all.”
“Rob never had a decent family. His childhood home was not welcoming or a good place to be. He had alcoholic, abusive parents. He ran away and lived on the streets before his crappy first marriage, which he destroyed. Eventually, he put his sorry-assed life back together. He told us that meeting my mom led him to all that he never had before. The life out here with us was it for him. We provided the real success and blah, blah, blah. I’m sure he means it too.”
“And even with all the shit that comes with his fame, you’re glad he found his true happiness here?”
“Yes,” she said that fast and simply. There was never any doubt. “Oh, yes. Rob is worth all of the shit that comes with him.”
He sat back, flipping the pen he’d picked up onto the table. “Damn… that’s pretty lucky. Wish I felt half of that for the old man I have, let alone, the various stepmothers he acquired over the years.”
She winced. “See? Money isn’t the key to happiness. I know that much.”
He wiggled in his seat and she laughed. “Don’t worry, nothing so cheesy as: love is all that matters or some version of that will come out of my mouth. I get how it is. Money is necessary. But Rob has played a huge part in all of our lives. At first, his fame was stupid, annoying, intrusive, and even dangerous at times. But I’ll put up with all of it for him.”
“Do your sisters feel the same as you?”
“Yeah. Yes. Kayla, my oldest sister, has attitude and she can spin any room she’s in to be charming and manage to make it all work for her. I never had the confidence to do that and I never cared to put that much energy into it. Rob’s fame was hardest on my talented, shy, stage-phobic and socially awkward sister, Kathy. She hides herself in the church mostly.”
“The church?”
“Yeah, Kathy says it’s her calling, which is cool.”
“I guess I forgot about her now that you mentioned her name. I used to read a lot of crap about Rob, Zenith and you guys. Just some general facts and anecdotes. I’m sure you know there are no rock stars at even C-level around here. Not right here. Maybe in Everett and definitely in Seattle but not here.”
“No. Definitely not here.” He made her smile with his dry tone and eye roll. He was totally bowled over by the stories about her life and the famous people in it, but he remained so natural with her.
The front door opened and she wished she could have videotaped Xavier’s reaction with her phone. He was, in a word, adorable. His back straightened like a rod was stuck through it when the door slammed. The slamming jolted his spine and he snapped upright. His eyes widened, and he looked right and left. What did he plan to do next? Bolt out the door? Maybe. He eyed the back laundry room and she almost burst out laughing. She was actually liking Xavier, so she wouldn’t do that. It could stress him even more.
“Rebecca?” Rob’s voice called out.
“She’s got her headphones on. She’s writing,” Karlee called back. Rob knew right away not to disturb her when her mom was typing. She wouldn’t come up for breath until her thoughts were done. Could be an hour, two hours, or ten. As one artist to the next, Rob totally let Rebecca have her space when the creative process suddenly surged. Karlee yawned. As if. She had no idea what that felt like. She could not imagine. Closest she got was at an all-night study session for a stupid test she wasn’t prepared for.
Then footsteps padded down the hallway and oh, damn! Would Xavier faint or swoon? He blew out a long breath before he gasped. She leaned forward. “Chill. Breathe. He’s just a dad. Remember?”
Xavier nodded, his eyes darting all over. “I should go now.”
“You should first breathe,” she advised. “A lot.”
Finally, a strained smile slipped onto his lips. Nodding, he actually began to breathe more deeply. She dipped her head and snickered, unable to hide her amusement. How could she? He gave her a killer look and all but hyperventilated over meeting her stepdad.
Rob started talking before he fully entered the kitchen. “I’ll bet that means we’re on our own for dinner. What do you say we order ourselves a—”
He paused when he spotted the slumped-over Xavier. “Oh, hey, I didn’t know you had a visitor.” His tone was surprised. Way too surprised. In a way that was insulting.
She glared daggers at him. “It does happen,” she mumbled. Her smirk and laughter vanished as Xavier slipped her a sneaky look. His head cocked; he raised his eyebrows with amusement at her.
She almost flipped him the bird. Xavier seemed afraid of her stepdad. She’d explained why she didn’t have a lot of visitors; because they were assholes and she couldn’t trust any of them or their ulterior motives. Perhaps Rob shouldn’t have been quite so shocked to find her with someone her own age. Turning, she waved a hand across the table. “Rob, this is Xavier. Xavier, meet my stepdad, Rob.”
“Hey,” Rob said with an easy smile.
Poor Xavier stared vacantly as he wondered where to set his gaze. It landed on Rob, then darted away and returned to her as he muttered nervously, “Hey.”
An awkward pause ensued and Karlee had to cover her mouth with her hand. She sniffed to end the silence and said, “We’re working on a huge geology project for school.”
“You’re doing it?”
She evil-eyed him. “Yes. Of course, I am. Don’t be such a jerk.”
Rob gave her a stern look. “You totally might not be. So don’t even go there.”
She rolled her eyes and Rob turned to Xavier with a smirk, saying, “Don’t let her slough her end of the work onto you.”
“Rob! I wouldn’t do that.”
“You sure would.” He tilted his head.
Xavier said in a soft voice, “She’s doing her share so far.”
Karlee crossed her arms across her chest. “I have done my part so well I should get an A for my effort. Tell him.” She tilted her head to her chair back and rolled her eyes. “And why I’m defending myself to you…”
Rob laughed and walked past her, ruffling her hair that fell over her chair back. “Maybe because we’re paying for it.”
“Well, don’t be a helicopter parent. It’s so annoying. I haven’t flunked out.”
“Yet,” Rob mumbled with a grin.
She fake-growled at him. “You’re being awfully rude.”
“I am,” Rob conceded as he winked at her. “So… how about a pizza? Let’s get back to why I came in here to begin with. That work?”
Karlee glanced at Xavier who nodded back to her inquiring look. “Yeah. Sounds good.”
Rob rubbed his hands together. “Perfect. You call it in and tell Mom you did.”
She gave him an authoritative look. “You were supposed to cook tonight.”
“Yeah. I forgot about it so…”
“So Karlee insisted on eating a pizza and she just ordered it…”
“Yep.”
She nodded at Rob and they exchanged smiles.
“Well, I’ll let you two get back to work. I’ll be in my office. Let me know when it gets here.”
After giving Xavier a little nod, Rob left the kitchen. Xavier tilted his head and asked, “How does the pizza delivery guy get through all the security?”
“He gives it to the gatekeeper. We use the same one because we order pizza a lot. Well, Rob and I do anyway. Mom gets sick of it and doesn’t approve. But Rob and I would eat it every night if we could.”
“I hear you. It’s hot dogs for me.”
She grinned and wrinkled her nose. “Not a big fan of those. But…”
He shrugged. “Cheap and easy.”
“Cheap and easy. Right.” She almost blushed, realizing she didn’t need to provide her own food or shelter so she had no idea how to shop for groceries or what everything cost. She tried to imagine what a student living alone would eat on such a low, fixed budget.
“He’s pretty chill.”
“You survived your introduction. I worried you might turn blue and pass out.”
“I kind of thought that too.”
She gave him a bigger smile. “At the first pause, we could hear each other breathing.”
“That was awful. Did Rob notice?”
She shrugged. “He’s so used to it. At least, you didn’t fall down and kiss his feet, or flash your naked chest at him. So, it was a pretty mild reaction.”
“Naked chest… really?”
“Oh, yes, really.” She sipped her drink. “So many times. I wish I wrote down all the incidents I witnessed. I can’t imagine some of them even happening.”
“Even with his freaking kid with him?”
“Oh, yeah. In some extreme places, like during his concerts or traveling for them. Places where he does the meet-and-greets or grants interviews or photo shoots. Not so often around town.”
“So I guess I’m pretty easy to forget.”
“Yes. That’s what I’m saying. You are totally easy to forget.” Smirk.
He sighed. “You can’t stop yourself, can you?”
“You set it up.”
“Fine. Okay. I did.” He nodded towards where Rob disappeared. “You two seem close.”
“Yeah, we are.”
“That’s unusual, huh? For a stepdad.”
“I’ve been told that. I don’t really remember any dad before Rob.”
“What happened to your biological dad?”
“Nothing, really. He’s retired now and taking a road trip across the country. He’s gone a lot. We’re not very close. But we’re not distant either. Does that make any sense?”
“So Rob filled the role of your dad.”
“Yes. In the daily sense.”
“Lucky. Two dads. No traumas or feeling totally fucked up from them? Must be nice.”
She heard his envious tone and this time, not for Rob’s band. It was about her relationship with the man. “Yes. You’re right. I’m lucky for more than just the mega money. You mentioned your dad before. Not so good with you?”
“Asshole. Not worth the oxygen it takes to talk about him.”
Wow. She nodded but didn’t press. His face closed up and his gaze hardened. Her decision not to press him made her nod as she said, “Okay. I can take a hint. I’m sorry. For whatever it’s worth.”
He gave her a look before he glanced away and said, “It is worth something.”
They fell quiet and she cleared her throat before going back to their project. It had become a neutral topic starter that allowed them to get back to their more contentious, outgoing, light-hearted and fun banter.
When security called, they said the pizza was left on the front porch. Karlee knocked on Rob’s office door. She didn’t bother her mom. When she was writing, Karlee knew her mom would come out when she was good and ready to.
“Pizza’s here,” Karlee softly said to Rob.
She set it on the counter and the aroma wafted up in a wonderful scent to her nose. She sucked in a breath at the warm, yeasty smell she so loved. “A slice of pure heaven,” she muttered as she grabbed the pizza cutter and started slicing the heavily loaded concoction.
She threw two fat slices on plates and grabbed paper towels before offering one plate to Xavier. Sitting down, she lifted her own slice in a little cheer toward Xavier who mimicked her motion. They both made sounds of ecstasy as they bit into the first slice. Grinning at each other, they chewed the delicious treat.
After a few minutes, Rob wandered out, grabbing a plate and throwing a couple of slices on it. He sprinkled parmesan cheese over the top as was his habit and poured a big glass of milk. That was his favorite combo. Flopping down at the kitchen table, Rob sat just two seats away from Xavier. Xavier shot Karlee a glance that silently asked her, what the fuck do I do?
She chewed faster to avoid laughing and tried not to embarrass Xavier. She wasn’t that mean. But his reaction to Rob’s presence was so extreme, it was classic. It was a rare occasion. How often did she ask a friend from school to come over and put him into such a situation where he met a rock star? Her familiarity with Rob’s fame made it seem kind of silly and mundane. Rob was just Rob. But to some people, he was mythical. Xavier kept calm and chill, better than thousands of others who found themselves in that situation.
Impressing Karlee was almost impossible. She’d met famous bands, rock stars, managers, producers, actors and actresses over the years. Not often, but often enough not to cause a ripple of being a big deal. Fame didn’t impress her at all. She almost envied Xavier’s ability to get so excited in anticipation of meeting someone famous. Being a fan of someone you regarded so much bigger than you. She didn’t feel like that for anyone. Life was pretty blasé to her. But after seeing Xavier’s response, she realized how much she missed the giddy feeling of encountering someone amazing. She didn’t get all giggly or excited for school dances, or concerts, or dressing up. It was all just something she did.
“So are you from this area?” Rob asked Xavier. He had just bitten into his pizza slice and was wiping his mouth off.
“No. I live out by the coast. In a town named Montesano.”
“I know it. Kurt Cobain lived there for a few years in his childhood. He went to the high school there or something. It’s not far from where Cobain was born in Aberdeen, right?”
“He lived there for a year or two. It’s only like a fifteen-minute drive. You a fan?” Xavier made a face. “That sounds so weird to ask.”
“I was. Sure. I mean, Nirvana and Seattle? They’re synonymous. That was a whole decade before I really tried to make it, but it’s impossible not to feel some obsession. I loved their music back in the day. I just didn’t have the same sound, obviously. You?”
“Yeah. Oh, hell, yeah. His voice, his guitar playing, they stuck with me from the first time I ever heard him do ‘Polly’ and ‘Come as You Are.’ The unplugged versions are some of my favorites of all time. I mean, he started out being where I’m from. There’s absolutely nothing there. Just rain and the horrible feeling of being stuck. To think that someone like him, so imperfect and different from the area, could get out and have such an effect on an entire generation with his music… Well, it just gives me some inspiration, I guess.”
“Yeah. Me too. His ’93 MTV unplugged performance? That was one of the greatest live shows in history, in my opinion. But you can’t go too far with it, considering how it ended. He’s become a myth nowadays, and there was so much pain and hurt he had to endure to get there. Drugs, addiction and fame came far too fast… and ending the way it did? Well, that’s not the whole dream or inspiration, huh?”
“Right. Is there any chance that your band was named in the same vein as Nirvana? I mean, not that you tried to copy them, but calling it one name, giving it a hopeful sound…” Xavier’s chest nearly started to palpitate. Karlee thought she could see his nerves on his face by the way he held his body so tensely and awkwardly. She imagined this could be his dream come true, or a nightmare insofar as his nerves were concerned. Xavier tried to keep eating, but Karlee suspected he didn’t taste his food because he was so focused on trying to hold himself together and remain calm and cool in his conversation with Rob. She almost smirked when he asked about Rob’s “band” as if it were just an unknown, little, country ensemble.
Not Zenith.
Zenith was not Nirvana, but it had already made its mark in the history of the Seattle music scene. It joined the list of biggies that came out of there: Heart, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, and Soundgarden to name just a few. She’d know, Rob often discussed all the local bands with her. He got excited about every kind of music. All genres, from pop to alternative to obscure subgenres she didn’t understand or want to try. He knew all the big ones, but he also knew every local one that never found fame. He often discussed the early years of Zenith with a nostalgia for those simple days. Karlee would snort and exclaim, “You mean, you miss the days when you were drunk and stupid?”
Rob would just nod, looking chagrined. “Yes. That was then. But there was…”
“Don’t give me the crap that it molded you and gave you an edge or rawness or whatever the latest reviews claim your music has.”
Rob usually saved such discussions for Spencer or her mother or any of the numerous people who were more into music than she was. Karlee liked music in general and she loved Rob’s singing. Like everyone else, she was a huge fan. But she never got into alternative or hard rock. She was fond of pop songs and ballads. Rob lectured her at length in his efforts to create a pallet of interesting genres and sounds. But Karlee never took to it. She and her two sisters were unlike any other rock star daughters. Everything that came with fame was wasted on them.
Xavier’s interest piqued and that was an understatement. His hand shook so he dropped it below the table and took a deep breath. Wow. He was physically affected by Rob. And talking to Rob seemed like his dream come true. Karlee ignored the sharp pang of resentment that stabbed her. As always, everyone was more interested and more enamored with Rob and Zenith than with her. Of course. It made sense. She understood why, kind of. It created its own allure, magic and mystery. Rob was like royalty in the worlds of music and fame.
Damn it. Even Xavier wasn’t immune.
Rob nodded. “It refers to the highest point in the sky, which was where we wanted to be. Yeah, the one noun name. Catchy, I guess. It seems to be working so far. We almost changed it after we ended the band. But when got together again, nothing else sounded right.”
Xavier appeared mesmerized. His head was bowed as he chewed his pizza way too thoroughly, and Karlee had spent enough time with him by now to see that his concentration was fully riveted on Rob. Almost to the point of breathlessness.
“What other bands do you like?” Rob tossed out and Karlee wondered if he understood how much that meant to Xavier. She sensed Rob knew since he was used to getting attention and being watched like an eagle.
Xavier lifted his face and glanced her way to convey that he was thinking of replying, “Besides yours?” But that was too classically obvious and probably what everyone else would say.
To her surprise, he launched into a long dissertation about all the bands he ever heard of, going back forty years to the present. It was extensive and exhaustive. Most of them were unfamiliar to Karlee. She never heard of them and didn’t care if she ever did. Truly, this gold mine of musical talent was lost on her.
She sighed, finishing her slice of pizza and pushing away the crust she didn’t eat. If she only had a passion like Rob and his music or her mom and writing. A talent she could call her own. Something she could obsess over and study in depth and eagerly seek another person to talk on end about it. But that wasn’t Karlee. She casually liked lots of things. Music. Books. Certain subjects. But nothing that inspired her to master or pursue. She couldn’t imagine being that interested in anything. She liked to sample a tiny bit of every single subject that crossed her mind. Never mind delving deeper into a subject of interest, she was too busy skimming over and sampling tastes of as many things as she could.
“I fear I’m boring Karlee, so we should probably get back to work now.”
Wait. What? Crash-landing back into the moment after getting lost with her own musings, Karlee had tuned out Xavier’s fascination and excitement at the greatest day in probably his entire lifetime. He’d no doubt tell his kids and grandkids about the evening when he chilled with Rob Williams and ate pizza while discussing the Seattle bands of the last four or five decades.
What happened? Xavier, not Rob, realized Karlee had zoned out and suggested they get back to the project? That never happened.
Covering her confusion, she shrugged her shoulders and replied, “Sure. We should get a little more done tonight.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I talked too long.” Rob jumped to his feet and kissed the top of her head as he passed by. “Karlee has heard all of this many times before.”
She snorted. “I was practically weaned on it.” She smiled and looked down at the table. He was impossible to resist even when he annoyed her.
Rob disappeared and Xavier glanced at her as he reached for his laptop to bring it closer.
She did too.
It got awkwardly quiet again. Karlee was still stunned and kind of touched in a silly way that Xavier stopped his dream conversation with Rob, for her. Now they sat in the kitchen, staring at their computers and feeling unsure how to recapture the pre-Rob ease they had. When she wasn’t really Karlee Randall, Rob’s stepdaughter, but just Karlee. That happened often too. People found her connection to fame more intimidating after they met Rob.
She sighed after typing a little and said, “You didn’t have to stop talking to Rob. Obviously, it was more precious to you than any school project.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t come over to take advantage of your relationship with your stepdad. Right? I came to get this shit done, huh?” He glanced at her and then away. “And also to be with you.”
To be with her? Her stupid heart sputtered before beating faster. That never happened in their previous interactions. The quiet, softly said words were so simple. Nothing really. Then he was staring off to avoid making eye contact. The easy banter they had before was gone.
And no one, not a boy or a guy ever said that to her until now.
Immediately thrown off and flustered, the warmth flooded her cheeks and climbed up all the way to her forehead. God, she hoped he wouldn’t turn back and see this. Her blushing clashed with her freaking status as Rob’s daughter and such a nothing statement. Xavier probably just meant to sound friendly. But her thudding heart and clammy hands obviously took it much more seriously.
She didn’t glance at him, which was odd, since they usually had no problem looking at each other. They had often teased, joked, kidded, and were all but rude to each other. Now she couldn’t even lift her chin a few inches to look at him? Ugh. She hated being a cliché; the sweet neighbor girl that her plain looks suggested. She wasn’t usually like that, until right now.
She opted for a safe topic. “You were more awed by him than you thought you’d be, weren’t you?”
“Rob?” Xavier nodded as he rubbed at his chin. The rough sound of whiskers could be heard as he slid his palm over his jaw and Karlee thought it was the sexiest sound she ever heard. “Yeah. Okay. I considered running into him, but not for long. So to sit and just talk to him like that? Music? Bands? Nirvana? It was amazing! But I don’t intend to come here to see him. I’m here just to be with you.” His mouth turned down and he added, “You know, for our project and whatever.”
“You keep mentioning Nirvana. Are you that much of a fan?”
“Kurt Cobain is legendary. He’s immortal. He can’t die. Yeah.”
She tilted her head. “Is he the inspiration for your hairstyle?”
Straight-faced and deadly serious, he lifted his gaze to hers and had to smile. Their shared smile released all the weird tension that suddenly came between them when everything was going so well. “No. Why? You think so?”
“I wondered where it came from. But yeah. I think so.”
“Well, then I’ll wear it in homage. He’s a king to me. So…”
She smirked and gave him a head tilt. “So Rob is the next best thing?”
“I can’t compare them. That’d be like comparing the night to day or silver to gold. I mean…”
“I get it. Yin and yang. You love both for their own merits.”
“That’s the truth. Kurt Cobain was the perfect rock star idol. He will remain forever young. His music haunts me still. But Rob is alive and well. He draws you in and you forget it isn’t the first time you heard him.”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You’ve considered this question before? How’d you answer it?”
“Well…”
She lowered her head to the table and pretended to bang it. “You are so beyond just a fan. You’re the obsessed version, the kind that never lets go.”
“But it’s not why I’m with you. I mean, that had nothing to do with how I ended up here.”
“No. It really didn’t.” Something swelled in her chest as the truth of his words hammered home. Being such a big fan, and never pushing her to meet Rob spoke volumes about the kind of person he was. He didn’t use her to get closer to the legend he considered Zenith. He would have sought more than her friendship because she meant nothing to him in the beginning. Even now, his feelings about her couldn’t reach the level of the band.
“Why didn’t you?” she asked bluntly, eager to learn what she failed to understand.
“Why didn’t I what?”
“Try to use me to meet Rob? If he means that much to you and you have that level of interest, why not use me? There was no reason not to. I was just a pawn. A stranger. You didn’t have any loyalty towards me. I would have highly suspected that you didn’t seek my friendship.”
“Of course, in the back of my mind I always wanted to ask you to bring me here, and do all of it. But, that’s shit, you know. It’s common and ordinary. I am not like that. I’m not that guy. And I assumed it was a weird coincidence because I love this band so much that I got to meet someone connected to it. I never thought knowing you entitled me to anything more.”
“You’re very unusual. Strangers are always trying to use me to get here.”
He reached out and set his hand on hers for only a second. Then he pulled it away. “I think that’s shit too.”
She nodded. “Well, then you’re the first guy I don’t mind inviting over to meet him.”
“You didn’t.” He grinned.
Startled, she jerked back and frowned at him. “What?”
“You didn’t bring me here to meet Rob. You didn’t set up anything. You brought me here to do our homework. So it’s cool. Let’s just act normal now and do the work. We have to discuss other things like what to include in this report. My brain is so full, it’s exploding. Okay?”
Something warm and fuzzy fizzled through her brain. “Yeah. It’s perfectly okay.” He was glancing down without realizing she was staring at him. A new sensation burst into her brain and her chest.