SITTING AT THEIR KITCHEN table one night, she faced her mom and Rob.
“I can’t get over how pure Xavier’s voice and musicality are. He’s right up there with the best,” Rob remarked.
“By the best, I assume you mean you?” Karlee rolled her eyes and gave him a teasing smile.
Rob was serious. “Yes, actually. Just like me. It isn’t often I meet my match. And by the way things are between you two I assume it’s serious?”
“Yes,” she answered simply. Blunt. Honest. Real. Karlee had no need to play games or explain herself.
“I’ve thought about helping him make some contacts, perhaps make a demo to shop around. What would you think of that?”
“I think it would change everything. He’s that good.”
“Yeah. He is. It’s the only reason I’ve considered it. But if you don’t want to risk your relationship going in that direction then we should leave everything as it is. You two can finish up next year at the college, and I’ll try to help him get into whatever business or economics program he chooses. That would be the sanest, best thing we could do for him… and for you too.”
It sounded so blissful. Ordinary. Real. Staying in school, holding hands between classes and cringing over homework. Having sex and fun and living easy, being relatively unknown, and totally unaffected by others. Xavier could get a normal job. Karlee could find something she liked to do. Whatever, as long as it was ordinary. Normal. That ideal kept popping up in her mind’s eye. Karlee’s home life was never what most people considered normal. So normal for Xavier and Karlee could be just about anything really. Anything they both got used to, and which became the usual could be normal for them.
“But it’s like turning a blind eye to someone with a rare gift and unused potential. It’s like telling an Olympic-worthy athlete to stay home and play on a recreation league. Sure, he’d be playing, but at the cost of such a shameful waste of talent…” She shut her eyes, then fluttered them open, straightening her spine like a steel rod. “It would be a terrible waste. And if I love him, which I do, I can’t bind his potential or hold him back from the star that he can be. Where his talent takes him is still unknown. He deserves every chance without feeling hampered or limited because I’m insecure about what might happen and who will have access to him. How it could affect or ruin us is my primal concern. And we all know it could.”
She let the heavy words fall like the silence around them. She did not receive a reply for a moment. “That’s all true,” Rob finally said.
Karlee sighed. “But I can’t listen to him play or sing without pangs of guilt slicing through me. I know how much we could provide for him to improve his chances of success, as well as giving him an outlet for all that talent. If we allow it to be wasted, we will be altering his destiny and the man he wants to be. The man I truly believe he’s meant to be.”
“So… you’re saying…”
“I’m saying, let’s see how far it will go.”
Rob squeezed her hand tightly. “That was hard and you are so brave. Believe me, I should know and you are more aware of it than most people even as young as you are. But it could work out.”
“Yes. I know. I witnessed it with you and mom. But Xavier is still so young so it might not go that way.”
Silence followed her assessment. She was glad when they didn’t deny it.
“It’s something he was meant to do and pursue. Knowing that his path crossed here and he met you, maybe it was destined to be. Maybe we were destined to help him succeed.”
“Were you destined to love him?” Rebecca asked Karlee innocently.
Karlee responded with the rarest reaction, she started blushing. “Yes. Don’t all of us?” She raised her eyebrows, challenging her parents.
They both smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. We do. And you love him too?” her mom restated for her.
“I do.” Karlee shrugged. Now it was so obvious that there literally was no reason to keep it quiet any longer. She was in love and the best part was? Her parents adored him nearly as much as she did.
“What would you say if we helped you make a demo? I have the contacts, obviously, people I could send it to. It’s no guarantee, of course, since you understand how fickle this industry can be. It relies on luck most of all, but you deserve a chance. You’re seriously talented, Xavier.”
Xavier’s cherished dream was landing right in his lap. Right here. Right now. At this moment. All he ever wanted. Rob was offering it to him on a silver platter. Nothing was easy about reaching this moment, but finally it was about to happen.
Rob wanted to do it. No games, no manipulation, just the time he spent hanging with the man, playing tunes was enough for Rob. He saw the raw, unusual musical talent in Xavier’s voice and guitar playing.
“Rob, that would be…”
“Believe me, I get it. I wish I’d had a connection like me back in the day. Caused myself and a few others a lot of heartache in my quest for it. But no matter what went wrong, and how often I needed to move on, I never gave up. Even when I believed I might get there, deep inside my bones, I knew I had to express myself through music.”
“It gets so strong sometimes, that urge or desire or passion, whatever you call it, that I’m always shocked to learn that others don’t have it or feel it. It burns inside me like a fire.”
“Yeah.” Rob nodded eagerly. Pulling out a stool, he sat down on the edge of it. “Spencer and I always shared that passion. Probably what kept drawing us back together. We used other musicians over the years who were good, but they didn’t have that kind of zeal. The ingredient that never failed to motivate me. If I didn’t have it, I doubt I’d bother with all of this. I realize that not all humans feel that way about music, and singing in particular. People who don’t have the need to create something of their own never fail to surprise me. It’s my reason for living, beyond my family. Rebecca gets it. She feels the same thing for writing. Kathy does too, but not for music as her voice would suggest. The work she does for the church and God mean a lot to her. Kayla likes helping others, which came as a bit of a surprise to me. And Karlee…”
“Doesn’t. She hasn’t found her calling yet. No passion to speak of. Likes to do a lot of things. She’s also good at lots of things. But she doesn’t have that craving for something else.”
“No. She really doesn’t. Does that ever bother you?” Rob asked.
“Maybe it’s better that way. You know, one of us being crazy is probably enough, so the other can be sane.” He shrugged with a flippant grin.
They had plenty of conversations like that in the last six months. The incredible, but genuinely close relationship they shared could have been called a mentorship. Or a friendship. Whatever. Dating Rob’s daughter only seemed to strengthen it, without detracting from it. Of course, Xavier was always respectful of their relationship as father and daughter. He was always careful not to leer at Karlee or suggest anything of a sexual nature between them. But he and Rob shared a unique relationship that remained separate of anyone else. That included Karlee, her sisters, her mom and even Spencer. Spencer often joined them in the private studio to create, or talk or just vent with their music.
And now the ultimate dream was coming true at Rob’s suggestion.
Demo. Connections. Launching his music career. Xavier had a chance. Again, so much of success relied on luck. Rob was giving him so much more than he could have ever achieved alone.
“Yes. I would love to do a demo. I never considered my passion to sing and play as anything more than an escape from life. And my father.”
Rob snorted. “I get that. Mine was a bastard, too.”
“I never thought of performing songs for anyone.”
“Well, you do them for me and I have a bit of an ear for these things…” Rob replied with mock humility.
Xavier snorted. “Sure. A bit… but if you think I should bother with it…” His fake humility always managed to save his neck.
“I do. And I know you do. So let’s get started.”
They spent a few weeks deciding which songs to perform. Lyrics had to be written. And when it came down to engineering everything, Rob called in his producer and crew. Creating a professional demo far beyond what most struggling musicians could hope for and having freaking Zenith as his backup blew Xavier’s mind. It was pure magic.
Dreams… They were so hard to put into words or manifest into reality. Xavier lived in a fog that didn’t seem real. He became a fixture at the Williams/Randall household and developed real relationships with all of them. He teased her sisters and talked crap with their husbands. He had a maternal thing going on with Rebecca who fussed about and pampered him. Perhaps he liked that the most. He talked, played music and joked with Rob. He came and went at random and often spent more time there than in his single rented room.
Karlee and he became a couple too. There were no more doubts in his mind and although a twinge of guilt struck him sometimes when he remembered how it started, he had to let it go. They progressed so far now and it was real. He made Karlee smile, laugh and feel totally comfortable. She loved being with him. Xavier could not have been luckier; he enjoyed hanging with her stepdad, who was ready to give him a better future, and being with Karlee. It was just perfect. Xavier never dared to believe his life’s plan would work out as well as this.
They recorded the demo, and Xavier felt numb after experiencing the sheer volume of emotions that accompanied it. He was overwhelmed. Incredulous. Inspired, motivated and energized, it was worth everything it took to get to this point and finally have a real chance at some success. He had to do this. He was born for it, just as Rob was.
“What do you think?” He stole a quick peek at Karlee before sliding his gaze away. Nerves roiled inside his stomach. He thought the demo was good. It had all the right technical elements, as would be expected from a professional band, along with all the best equipment, but there was something else. Something harder to define. The special quality that created the difference between being truly exceptional and just good or great.
He clicked the demo off and waited for Karlee’s opinion. Despite being as attracted to him as he was to her, she remained the most unimpressible woman he’d ever met. Even now.
She didn’t smile. Or suddenly wrap her arms around him. Or start squealing.
He waited patiently. Her reactions sometimes were a long time in coming. She could hold her face completely neutral, far beyond what most people comfortably could handle in a social situation. Xavier knew her reaction would be honest even if it were negative. She usually toned down her response around strangers or when she found herself in a group, but Xavier could read exactly what it was when he observed her.
“This will make you just like Rob. I didn’t start dating you expecting to end up with a rock star.”
His breath hissed out slowly through his teeth. She heard that special quality too. “You think it’s that good?”
“You know it’s that good. You know what this means. What this song is. Duh. You don’t need me to tell you.”
He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer before burying his nose into the thick strands of her hair. He inhaled a long breath of the soft strawberry fragrance. Shutting his eyes, he relaxed and nuzzled her scalp. “Yes, Karlee, actually I do need to hear it. I’m not… well, not half as secure as you are. I wish I were. Your confidence and practicality are always right on. No bullshit ever. I admire that in you. I question, wonder, and go to bed at night regretting things I said or did and wondering how they were received, but you never doubt yourself. So, forgive my pathetic weakness and just tell me your honest opinion.”
“It’s exactly what Rob predicted. You can become a star if you shop this right and release it. If fame is what you want, this is the way to get it. And you don’t need to hear that from me.”
Sinking his fingertips into the flesh of her sides, he put some space between them. He was staring into her clear, cerulean, unblinking eyes as he said softly and truthfully, “I need to hear it from you. I need you, Karlee. Why haven’t you figured that out yet? There’s no one else for me. No one else compares to you.”
She stared at him, and her rosebud mouth looked so soft and innocent, belying how she really was. Strong. Sure. Confident. No muss or fuss. No waffling. She had more unbridled confidence than any man or woman he knew. He wondered how his pathetic confession sounded to her.
“Do you mean that? Including Rob?”
He bucked back. “Rob? How can I compare Rob to you?”
“We both know what he means to you. He’s your mentor. Almost a father figure. Duh. I mean, it’s nice you like my family so much, but it has occurred to me that you like them more than me. And I guess that’s okay since it all works out.”
He lifted his hand and slid it along her jaw, going up to her ear and under her hairline. He caressed her forehead and leaned forward to kiss it. Oh, this girl. She didn’t miss a single beat. Not a single thing did she fail to notice. He was glad she realized the thing between them was real and very deep though.
Xavier kissed her long and deep, letting his tongue explore the wonderful, heavenly warmth of her mouth. No matter how many kisses he gave her, it always felt like the first one, stimulating all of his senses, every single time. He released her with one last puckered pair of lips on hers. “Karlee, don’t you realize that I’ve fallen in love with you? Not with your family. Not with Rob. All of them are added perks, the icing on the cake. Yes. I like your family a lot. But it’s you I’m here for. God, I love you so much.”
She lifted her luminous eyes and she was glowing. Her feelings were revealed on her face. Karlee didn’t let them show most of the time. “I love you too, Xavier. And my ties to a famous rock star aren’t the reason? I’m not just a conduit for your talent?”
“You… only you.” He kissed her mouth again. “You know that now. I know you do.”
She nodded and leaned her forehead against him as she admitted, “I do. But if you become famous, it will change everything. Everything. You have no idea how much so.”
“I can’t imagine it. No. I guess you know how it is firsthand.”
“It’s being in the spotlight all the time. Continuously. Never mind, all the women who try to share it with you. All kinds of opportunities that would have ruined Rob’s life with my mom and broken her heart and ours.”
“But he never succumbed to temptation.”
She tilted her chin and stared at him with a drilling gaze. “He was and is the exception. Rob is not the norm. Every chance to be gluttonous and indulge your wildest fantasies will pop up. People mess with your head. They offer and procure anything you ask for. Everything you ever wanted suddenly becomes available. A daily soak in the tub of hedonism will become your normal ritual and routine. And the thing is, it happens all the time. In multiple venues.”
“You know that.”
“I know that. Rob and Spencer have plenty of stories. Not to mention what I witnessed with my own eyes, even though Rob kept us away from most of it. But you being so young? It will change everything. Especially us.”
“So… you’re saying you don’t want me to do this?”
She gulped and looked away. “You’d have never gotten to this point if I said no.”
“Rob discussed it with you first?”
“Of course, he did. He sat me down and asked me what I thought of it. Did I think you could handle it? Were you capable of staying sane without turning into a self-indulgent, cheating drug-addict? I said I thought you could handle it. But I could be wrong.”
Damn. Never blind or dumb, Karlee didn’t bury her head in the sand until things turned out to be what she wanted. She faced everything that crossed her path.
“Karlee, suppose nothing happens? Or I receive passing interest? I might end up playing at local restaurants after hours. And quite honestly? That’s more than I was before. Any kind of money I make from doing music is amazing and if, by some miracle, I can go further with this, you’ll still be at the center of it all.”
“Then that’s all we can do, right? Try to cope. Vow our fidelity. And make a pledge.”
“If you already had those doubts, why didn’t you tell Rob? I would have never asked him. I wouldn’t know what to say.”
“Because you are that talented. You have something that belongs to you; something I can’t take away from you. You deserve a chance. It’s a lot like what Rob experienced. But you’re younger, so you have a real opportunity. You don’t have to fight drugs, alcohol and partying to do it. So don’t fuck it up, Xavier. But I can’t forbid you from using your arm, which is what music means to you, and I love you, so I have to let you become the man you should be. I’m setting you free so if you love me, you can fly back to me.”
“What? Setting me free? I don’t want that. I want you right here beside me. Every step of the way. Success or fail. Fly or crash. I want you and me always together. God, it’s a dream that would be…” The beautiful thoughts crashing over him proved it was all the truth. He did want her right there. The way he felt with her had to be love. Or very close to it. Lacking any experience until now, he wasn’t sure how love felt. But when he was with Karlee, or thought of her, and when she smiled at him, something new and unfamiliar overcame him. His link to her became so deep and so intense, it stabbed him in the gut and stole his breath. Is that what love felt like?
He didn’t know. But he said the words, and for once, it wasn’t to get anything in return. Maybe what he felt inside was hope.
His stomach hurt. Hope? He was perched on the brink of something new that might just happen.
Stardom. Singing. Fame. Wealth. And what about love? Could he really be so lucky?
Karlee knew xavier was increasingly falling in love with singing. He cherished the times he spent with her dad and various other musicians. His desire to pursue a degree in business was becoming less and less attractive. Singing was the shiny diamond and performing was the drug of choice for Xavier. As it became to so many. Karlee couldn’t remember how many she knew and watched spiral downhill in her own lifetime. But seeing it from the very start with someone she loved was different. It was an awakening. Like a flower opens to the gold sun for heat, hope, and light. That was Xavier. Each note of music pervaded his body and soul and the effects of that were potent to all who heard and observed him.
Xavier had the stuff of legends.
Rob said so too, but Karlee already knew it.
She feared what would happen in the future. Xavier was only twenty-one and far from being emotionally mature. The things that accompanied fame were both wonderful and terrifying. Xavier could have a successful career. With the snap of his fingers, there it would be.
And in less than seven months since he first met her. How could the same fame happen for her boyfriend as it had her stepdad? The irony was not missed by Karlee. How could this reality happen twice to the simple girls of the Randall family? First, her mom and now Karlee.