SOON HER BOYFRIEND MANAGED to spend almost all of his spare time working with her dad, but it seemed to work. Xavier needed and appreciated all of them and Karlee was the first to understand and champion that. As a survivor from early childhood, Xavier seemed to thrive under the constant concern and care of two parent figures who were both valiant, nurturing and true. Having never experienced that before, he seemed to find it completely unfamiliar but invigorating. He loved being around both of her parents, not just with Rob.
He got along well with her sisters and her brothers-in-law too. Xavier’s attitude changed around Karlee’s family and he seemed to discover a much healthier perspective in the way he thought about relationships. He started to learn how they could enhance someone’s life, not just destroy it.
The genuine care he showed her was something she never questioned after they started dating. He watched her all the time with so much interest and his eyes sparkled when he talked to her. Sometimes, they were as big as saucers as he listened intently to whatever she said. At first, being the unexpected center of his attention flustered her.
She considered herself Plain Jane in the looks department, compared to her two sisters. She wasn’t a master at capturing the attention of hot guys; and once they got past their initial curiosity about her name and her connection to a famous rock star, they usually ignored her. Her personality was an acquired taste that lacked a lot of smiling, flirting, drama, games and saccharine sweetness that a lot of guys her age responded to. Her sharp, sarcastic wit and dry sense of humor were taken literally more often than not. And her calm, serene face that she usually wore in public came across as mean, hostile, and kind of rude. Some guys interpreted it that way at least. Her refusal to offer simpering smiles caused some guys to think she was frigid and cold. Instead of blaming themselves for failing to say or do something to evoke a reaction from her, their egos pointed the finger at her. Why should she smile at those drips? Never one for small talk, again, that did her no favors in the endearment department.
Xavier adored her though.
Everyone believed he did and often commented about it to her. Karlee’s heart would swell with the thrill of it. She could never be accused of smiling so much.
Xavier made her feel pretty.
Usually she saw herself as average, along with her height, weight and general bearing. Her face was nice. Her hair was long and could be a dull russet brown or a rich red, depending on the lighting. Karlee considered herself the faded, water-colored version of Kayla. Kayla was bright, gorgeous and hot. She was always sought after by men and boys. She was lively, ever smiling and genuine, easily making everyone around her relaxed and happy. She and Karlee did look alike, but Karlee was the sepia version in her own mind.
That was Karlee’s life until Xavier entered the picture. He seemed blinded in his vision of her exclusively like no one else was.
Maybe it wasn’t so surprising that Karlee fell for a guy who could have been a distant cousin to Rob in his appearance. They had the same dark, shaggy, unkempt hair and dark eyes. Rob’s jaw was squarer and he had a deep-set mouth. Their faces were not alike but their stature was. Not too tall, wiry, slender, and compact. Their arms were strong and muscular, but not burly or huge. Xavier had no tattoos, which surprised her.
“If you’re gonna be a rock star, you gotta get some tats. Come on, you need a rawer edge,” Karlee announced one day.
Xavier ducked his head and shook it. “I can’t…”
“You can’t?” She was putting the folded laundry into her dresser as Xavier lay sprawled on her bed. He was throwing a tennis ball up and down. He was always twitching with excess energy, so he often burned it off like that. Maybe the incessant pace of singing and performing in concerts could turn out to be a godsend. He wasn’t hyper, per se, but had an abundance of unwavering energy. So much stuff to do. He had to keep moving. It nearly crackled around him. It’s might be what motivated him to keep his grades up, and go to work and spend all the rest of his time playing and singing with Rob and company.
During the last few months, they found themselves spending all of their time in the recording studio. The hours got too late, and Xavier often stayed over. First, he slept on the couch; but as time went by, no one seemed to care if he stayed with Karlee in her room. They kindly treated him like the son they never had. Xavier was everything but that to Karlee. Pretty soon, he spent more than half his time with them. His single room dump, as he called it, became a source of friction and dread. He hated to go back there even for the privacy. He basked in the bright, energetic vibe of her parents’ house. The family home.
They kissed, hugged, petted and made-out all the time. But sex was something he reserved for only when her parents were not around. “They trust me.” That was his excuse when she kidded him and tried to push him into it. She was only half kidding. Her parents’ trust was something very valuable to him. She saw his confidence growing as he began to thrive under their guidance. Xavier was like a brown, little, dried up house plant in the window until she’d brought him home and subjected him to her family’s nourishment and her love. Now, Xavier could finally flourish. Now he was becoming a healthy, green, vibrant tree.
Catching the tennis ball, Xavier sighed and rolled onto his side. He placed his elbow under his head as he rested his head on his palm. “I’m terrified of needles,” he suddenly confessed.
She dropped her underwear into the top drawer, shut it and gave him her full attention. “You are?”
“Painfully so. I start sweating and then struggle to escape and freak out. Imagine how manly that would be.”
She stepped over to the bed and dropped to the side on her knees. Taking his hand, she rubbed his knuckles and played with his fingers. “Were you always like that?”
He sighed and his eyeballs darted over her shoulder. “Yeah. I think so. I remember very few things about my mom, except when she was shooting up in the corner of her bedroom.” He laughed bitterly. It was rare for Xavier to divulge out any details of his childhood and his father, never mind, his mother. He had a miserable childhood and that’s the most he chose to say. Karlee was quiet, hoping he would keep talking. “If you want to call where she slept a bedroom. It was a filthy mattress on the floor shoved against the wall. No covers or sheets. Weird, the things you remember, huh? I remember a stained, bare, dirty mattress. Clothes and drug paraphernalia covered the floor. She liked to huddle on that mattress a lot. Floating and comatose, which I thought was her resting. I played in there quietly, trying not to disturb her. Those were the good times. When she was awake, she’d thrash around, throw things, and hit the wall. She had long, stringy, unwashed hair that whipped around her face. I remember that pretty well too. She was always wearing a single shirt full of holes and her underpants. That memory is way too vivid so I guess she always dressed like that. She was real skinny and pale and yet…”
“Yet you just wanted to be with her. She was your mom and you were a kid,” Karlee added gently. She was so reassuring.
He let out a short, bitter laugh. “Yeah. Sad, right? What kids are willing to accept? I get these flashes of her sitting in the corner, sticking something into her arm. Or leg. Or ass. Hell, like I said before, I don’t know what was real. Maybe I made all of it up. I get these weird flashes of a dark, messy, smelly room that we called home only because she was there. I remember the needles and how she always acted suddenly different when she used them and I didn’t like it. Looking back now, it’s a miracle I never picked up the damn thing and stuck it into myself. Anyway, I can’t imagine having a needle that close to my skin. So, I guess I’m a virgin rock star. Think there could be such a thing?”
She blinked to keep back her tears for him as a little boy. Xavier was forced to witness his mother shooting up, and dragged in between her highs and lows in his efforts to be with her. It made Karlee long to grab him in a deep, tight hug. But he grew still and tense whenever he talked of his home or childhood. Frozen or paralyzed by the memory of it. His body gave off the distinct vibe of don’t touch me. So Karlee resisted the urge to embrace him. Later on, she’d hold him tightly or kiss him a little extra longer even if he might not realize the correlation. It was Karlee’s way of rewarding the sad, lonely, lost boy with the love he was denied for most of his young life.
Karlee didn’t patronize him because she knew she wouldn’t have liked it. His fear of needles stemmed from the trauma of his mother fixing in front of him, until it finally killed her. Yeah, that had to be a seriously early ordeal. Perhaps that was at the root of his lack of trust and his unrelenting drive to succeed?
Hearing his life’s experiences, Karlee was more aware, as well as grateful, of her own privileges and advantages. Xavier never scorned her for that. Never. He always pointed out what she could have been like and treated her as if she’d accomplished something of momentous hardship by not becoming a spoiled, bratty, bitchy diva, that she could so easily have become. Resisting the easy choice. Not a problem for her. His pride in her gleamed when he spoke of her that way.
“Well, Spencer never got any ink and he’s a legit rock star too.”
“He’s tall and dark and people think he’s brilliant. That’s what makes him different. He’s the poetic factor. Right?”
“Right. Then you’ll get to be the hot, virgin-skinned, untatted one.”
He laughed softly. “You make me sound like Casper the Singing Ghost.”
“Well, you are white. Blinding white. As fair as my sisters and me, which is saying a lot. Maybe that’s why we’re so good together. Neither of us can get a tan. No tats. No piercings. Virginal. We’re throwbacks to a different time altogether.”
He ran his fingertips up her arm and goose bumps broke out all over her. “Why is that? Why haven’t you or either of your sisters gotten a tattoo? I mean, considering Rob…”
“I don’t know. None of us ever wanted one.” She shrugged. “Kathy would never in a million years. I’m surprised Kayla never got one just to be like everyone else. I expected her to pop up with one when she turned eighteen but she didn’t. And I have no desire to get one either.”
“Rob specifically discouraged all three of you from following his footsteps in show business, right? I mean, Kathy can sing well but he didn’t want her to do that as a career.”
“True. He doubted she’d welcome everything else it comes with.”
Xavier nodded. “And he avoided all the trappings too. I mean, the extravagant lifestyle that usually behooves a rock star of his level, but he disdained it all.”
“All of it.”
“And he thinks he’s lucky Rebecca chose him after how he presented himself to her when he met her.”
“Well, that was in mid-2000s when things weren’t quite as tattoo-friendly as it is now. It’s common to have full-on sleeves now but it wasn’t really then. So yeah. Rob said he was blessed when she fell for him. Rob didn’t look like any other man around here for a few years.”
“I just wonder sometimes; Rob is successful in his family and his career and yet he does nothing but discourage people from taking that path, especially the ones he loves the most. He would support you girls no matter what, but it’s so obvious he doesn’t want that for any of you. He wants you to go to college and be ordinary. He could give you guys the most unique and crazy lives and rare experiences and yet, you and Kathy attend community college.”
Kathy went to community college for a very different reason from Karlee. Kathy struggled in school and couldn’t meet the requirements for a four-year university. Now, at the encouragement of her husband and friends, she was prepared to do whatever it took to achieve her dream. Jim was already a pastor and acting as her tutor and mentor to help her get through it. Studying wasn’t easy for her. So Kathy was actually taking a huge chance.
And Karlee? No comparison. Karlee was too busy twiddling her thumbs to care about her future. She had no idea what to do with herself.
Rob had one thing in life to do, and only one way to do it but he still detested the way his family had to pay for it. He worked hardest to protect everyone around him from all the negative aspects of it. Karlee tried to imagine his reaction if she got only a single tattoo. He’d be disappointed. She was sure of it. Maybe that was why she and her sisters never did, despite their stepfather’s arms, which were inked sleeves. As a little girl, Rob cradled her in those inked, brightly colored arms, and they represented the Rob she loved who adored and protected her. Why would he care if she did the same? Or if one of them sang onstage? But he would not have encouraged Kathy to follow in his footsteps. It wasn’t a sexist thing. No job was woman’s work. There was nothing Rob wouldn’t do for the house or for them. He would have given the world to Rebecca and her sisters and her. But he preferred they did not enter his world for all the damage and risk it posed. That was the main reason: protection.
Xavier wasn’t Rob’s daughter but he’d grown very close to him.
“I’m surprised he offered your boyfriend an inroad through him to it.”
“We had a long talk first.”
“I figured as much.” He gave her a small, crooked smile as his gaze landed on her and then darted away. “And your opinion?”
“I told him you’ll be one of the only rock stars without a tattoo or piercing,” she said simply, recalling her entire conversation.
He stilled. “Meaning, you think I’ll make it somewhere.”
“It. You’ll just make it.”
He sighed and closed his eyes, flopping onto his back. “You don’t know how nervous I am to hear you just state that so matter-of-factly, but what did I expect? You don’t lie.”
“Nope. No false flattery from me.”
He didn’t open his eyes but asked again, “You really think I’ll succeed?”
“Yes. That’s why they asked me my opinion, because of how it will affect me.”
His head turned and his eyes blinked open in shock. “Because you’re my girlfriend? Do you really think this will lead to big changes for you?”
She leaned forward and brushed the wayward strands off his forehead and his cheek. “Duh. You’ll be famous. And I’m Rob’s daughter so we’ll become either loved or hated as a rock star couple. I’ll be dragged through the mud. You’ll get hit on by the most beautiful women you can imagine several times each night. A buffet of every type of drug and alcohol available will be a constant companion. Yes. I think all that is part of our future. Soon. Not a matter of years. You’ll do what Rob did. Succeed too quickly. It won’t make any sense. You’ll get crazy and drunk on all the success and attention.”
“And yet, you agreed to it?”
Her lips pressed tightly as her shoulders lifted. “What choice do I have? I can’t deny you from manifesting your destiny and exposing your talent. You deserve to succeed at something that is meant entirely for you. My misgivings and lack of enthusiasm in being a rock star’s girlfriend are notwithstanding. The lifestyle actually bores me. I never dreamed I’d sign up for this role. I’m becoming my freaking mother.”
His gaze held her prisoner. “You really think this could happen? You’re not being a little too extreme here?”
“No.” She shrugged. “No. It will happen. I’ll be a rock star’s girlfriend. Only you can say for how long.”
His gaze drilled her, lowering to her nose, her mouth and then back up. “You gave all this some deep thought, and still opted to set it into motion?”
“I can’t deny you what you so aptly deserve. How would that be love?”
“And I control how long we stay together? How so?”
She shrugged. “How you cope with fame. All the decadence that will be thrust at you. Read the stories. Success and fame too fast and furious. The mistakes and pitfalls of past rock stars, athletes, actors, singers, comedians, and so forth. Fame doesn’t bring out the best in most people, Xavier. It takes a lot of work not to end up an asshole. Or lying in a ditch. You witnessed what happened to your mom so don’t be blind about this.”
He suddenly pushed up, taking her face into his hands, and leaned forward and pressed his lips on hers. He did it again and again. As always, it took her breath away. Finally, he released her and his gaze nearly devoured her. He stared into her eyes and it made her squirm with its depth and intensity. As if she were a light he discovered after spending a decade inside a dark cave. She swallowed, becoming uncomfortable at the sheer force of his scrutiny. As if she were an idol to worship and adore. No. She wasn’t perfect, heroic, or royal. There was no reason to put her on a pedestal.
“There is no one I want more than you. Ever. It doesn’t matter what they look like or want to give me or whatever. No one. Karlee, I love you. I adore you and all that you symbolize. I want this, not only because of Rob but you are also supporting it; it’s the best gift of my life. I would never dishonor you or it. Never. No matter what. Okay? Trust me. Trust us. I know you can. You’re not me. I never cared or trusted anyone or anything. But I do now. I do trust you. Not my chance in life. Just you. You and me. Please tell me you trust in our strength too. I know we’re young… but we are different. Different than most couples our age. Better. Stronger. We are meant to be.”
She sucked in air to replace the sudden gasp that escaped her. Tears gathered in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks as she listened and nodded to his statements. “I feel that way too. I know it’s insane and fanciful because we are young and so many people fall in love and vow fidelity, but I feel like we are so different. We’re stronger… and better, yes. Yes, we just are…”
He kissed her again, slipping his tongue inside her mouth and stroking hers in soft, longing caresses. She sighed as he released her and pressed his forehead on hers. “We are. We can have everything we want. We can live the life of rock stars and dreamers. Nothing can destroy us now, it can only build us up. Our love was written in the stars and our lifestyle can be exotic and wonderful. Nothing will destroy us. I promise. I swear to you. On my life.” His voice went low, and she believed him deep inside her. She suddenly gripped the back of his head, urging him to kiss her mouth in unveiled need. Pushing her tongue inside his mouth as far as she could, she seemed almost desperate to imprint her brand on him. God, how she loved him. All of him, every part, every word, every look, and every caress, all that comprised him was loved and cherished by Karlee to distraction. He was lodged in her cells and her bones. He was bonded to her forever.
Releasing his mouth, she whispered, “Don’t make me wrong. Don’t break my heart.” She sniffed and a soft sigh escaped her as she added, “I’d never recover from it.”
He shook his head and real tears slipped from his eyes. “You could recover from anything. You’re the strongest person I ever met. Even stronger than your parents. I never missed that in you. But that will never happen. I will stay with you, and always be by your side, with you beside me forever. No matter what direction my career takes, it happens to us. Okay? Us,” he repeated before surprising her with a small kiss. It felt as light as a feather but she saw the symbolism there; it was the binding seal that linked them forever.
“Us.” She nodded. A rush of emotions that was both overwhelming and wonderful hit her so fast and hard, she nearly bent in half.
She closed the gap between them and planted her mouth on his. Their lips smashed together in purposeful pressing. She sucked on his lower lip and he moaned into her mouth before licking her lips until she was the one moaning.
She lifted her eyes and rested her head on his chest. She found him staring at her with a kind, tender expression and the eyes of adoration. Cow eyes that spoke volumes of affection and love. So much love when he touched her cheek and said, “You’re everything to me.”
“Everything,” she muttered, vowing their promise with their lips. She moved off him and stripped her clothes. He did the same as they suddenly grabbed at each other.
“Karlee…” His voice was hoarse as he lifted her and set her on top of him. She sighed and slid down his hot shaft. When fully seated on him, she squeezed him inside her. She loved the sensation of feeling so full and close to him. She lifted her face to his and they stared at each other long and deep. He leaned over and she expected him to kiss her but his forehead touched hers and stayed there. Both of them still panting, they gazed at each other with cross-eyed love. Xavier slid his finger down her nose. The silly, sweet gesture seemed so at odds with their tightly entwined bodies and the hot coils of fathomless desire brewing in her belly. “I love you,” Xavier said as he stared at her.
She replied without smiling, “I love you, more.”
After a heartbeat or two, she lifted herself slowly up from him and slid down just as slowly, creating breath-stealing sensations. The tenderness persisted as they stared at each other, sharing each breath, heartbeat and pulse of the other. The slow deliberation of their actions seemed to extend the wonderful closeness they both experienced.
Karlee rode him up and down several more times before rocking their bodies together in a slow, beautiful symphony of perceptions that celebrated their perfect union and the joys of their flesh. It didn’t take long before she was spiraling with energy shocks that started in her gut and radiated to her extremities. She tingled and moaned as erotic images swirled behind her eyes. Xavier grabbed her hips, holding her tightly in his lap and pushing up as she bore down on him. She feared she might split in half, but the ecstasy and pressure were worth it. They kissed and swallowed each other’s moans and sighs.
Descending the slope of her orgasm, Karlee slid once more over his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his torso and holding him while his warm hands rubbed her back. He kneaded her shoulder blades and spine. Luxuriating under his innocent ministrations, she sighed in bliss. Kissing his neck, she lifted her bottom up and released him. She moved to one side of him. Jumping to his feet, he rushed over to her door and locked it, shaking his head before crawling up beside her.
“I can’t believe I got so carried away with your parent’s downstairs.”
She grinned, watching him as she replied, “I’m a bad influence on you.”
“Yeah.” He smiled at her and agreed, “You are. You’re such a bad girl.”
She rolled to one side and said, “Go ahead and spank me then.”
He pretended to clench and unclench his fist. “Oh, yeah, I will…”
She flipped over. “Negative, singer. Never. I don’t do baby slaps.”
“Singer?” Dropping beside her, he cuddled against her chest, like a kid and a mother. Xavier’s head was on her shoulder and she lazily played with his hair. “I can’t imagine it being a real career for me.”
She leaned down to kiss the top of his head. “It’s going to be. It is. You’re about to work really hard before getting magically discovered. You got a leg up from Rob, which is so much more than most people get. But it’s going to happen.”
“Not without you. You have to promise to stay with me for all of it. I can’t stand the thought of any of it without you right there with me.”
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a job that I love and I don’t care about school. I think that could be arranged.”
He curled up closer to her, all but crushing her against him. Closing her eyes, Karlee felt all the warm feelings of being smothered. In her heart, she realized she truly had fallen in love.
Together, they slipped off to sleep. Sated and bursting with emotion, it could have been the most refreshing nap of her life. As the sun descended to the horizon, she stretched out and Xavier never let her go. He clung to her as if she meant everything to him.
He said that before and she scoffed at it, thinking he was exaggerating and mistaking his first infatuation for true love. After learning about his childhood, however, especially his mother, she could see why he said she was everything to him. His fear of needles came from a childhood memory of his mother shooting up. Crap. Karlee could not imagine such a childhood. How much that contrasted to the warm, loving care she received from Rebecca Randall Williams. Xavier’s past never failed to draw out her pity.
But Xavier didn’t make Karlee feel sad. He had become part of her and her family. They virtually adopted Xavier and occasionally, it still shocked her. Her parents didn’t mind him sleeping with her, which was unprecedented with both of her sisters’ boyfriends. Something was different about Xavier. A lost, wayward soul who worked so hard, and had so much ambition and drive, yet never forgot his kindness and decency. He smiled so easily, and teased her so sweetly. He was fun and kept his mood good and even. There was so much to admire in Xavier and care about. They were all champions for him now.
Singer.
His choice of career still unsettled her. She thought of thousands of people filling stadiums just for the chance to get access to him. The public would come to believe they owned part of him and Karlee hated to think of sharing him with the artificial world of smoke and mirrors that left most people unhappier than they were before. So many newly discovered luminaries forgot their morals, humility and humanity. She witnessed it firsthand from her dad’s friends and he told her countless stories and bad examples. Ripples of unease filled her body. She preferred to stay cuddled up on her bed. Continue her half-ass studying for another year in school. They could come and go from her parents’ house. Visit Seattle on dates, see concerts, plays, have dinners, and do whatever struck their fancy. They could chill here. Watch TV. Make love at four in the afternoon. That was epic. She wanted that kind of normal. All of it. For years they could do that and it would be her only dream.
But that wasn’t going to be their life together. Sighing, she internally flinched. She might want ordinary and usual, but the people she loved were passionate and talented. Such rare gifts could not be hampered or silenced. That was a recipe for spontaneous combustion that could only result in anger and resentment. She believed that deep down in her soul. So she had to make sure Xavier got his chance.
She had to support him. Let him find the thing that she most feared and sometimes hated. Fame.
The women. She tried to imagine the women who would suddenly become front and center. She wasn’t beautiful or interesting. But she found Xavier before anyone else did. She was there for him when no one else was and she understood him better than anyone else. The trust they shared was the only thing she had to cope with what was to come.
Fissures of dread and doubt jolted down her spine. There was so much stress and pressure involved with fame that it wasn’t easy to stay unaffected by it. Keeping your word and remaining faithful were like staying sober, and had to be done one day at a time.
Xavier was always destined to make it. She never once doubted that. And never denied it to herself. She had to love him through the good and the bad. Their youth was no asset. His fame would never stop working to sink and destroy them. Drowning their love with drugs, alcohol, infidelity, pettiness, promiscuous sex with beautiful people, and just people in general. So many people would demand things from him. So many women would dream about shoving her aside and taking her place. Some would resent her spell over him. Some might use her to reach Xavier and redirect his career choices. Some might resent her power over him and try to sever it. She couldn’t underestimate all the possibilities of what could go wrong.
And it was far more complicated than an afternoon nap in her safe, quiet bedroom. God, she wished they could stay right there forever.
Xavier woke up and blinked, lifting his head to watch the setting sunlight fade against her wall. He smiled before pulling himself up higher to set his lips on hers. She sighed and fell on her pillow as he stared down at her. She could have been the moon, the stars and the fame he wanted so badly. She had to believe she could meet the challenge. It might be the first crisis of her life. She would need patience and understanding to balance the fights and inevitable mistakes. Big ones, that Xavier couldn’t help making. Karlee vowed to love him through it. They could work out whatever conflicts came their way.
Karlee was, after all, a master by now at this exact thing. Sidekick of a rock star. Sighing, she smiled when Xavier thought her ardor for his kisses made her sigh, not the irony of falling in love with a younger version of her dad. Stepdad. Whatever.
They had to make it. She vowed it to herself. Not once did she break a vow. If she decided on something, she had to see it through and make it succeed despite the cost and hardship. She could and would make it work. He didn’t know it yet, but Karlee was the best thing to happen to Xavier. Now that he was on the threshold of all the fame, accolades, money and prestige he sought, Karlee would keep him from becoming miserable and self-destructive. She could teach him how to handle it. She could help him mature and learn how to cope with fame gracefully.
With Karlee as his guide and helpmate, Xavier could have the best of both worlds. Being happy was a matter of learning how to live well. He would have plenty of things he never had before, but not everything. And Karlee would show him how to appreciate all of it. Every day. Every moment.
Yes, because of her, Xavier Montgomery stood a very good chance of someday becoming a legend in his own right.