NO.
There, he said it. His answer. His decision. She didn’t doubt him anymore. She refused to beg or plead with him. Being in the wrong, he owed her. He knew that.
Her heart squeezed in half. She’d hoped, believed, and prayed silently that he’d say okay. Yes. Of course. Anything. Even a grunt would have had her swooning for him and trying to solve this.
Instead, he said simply, no.
No.
That was it. They were done.
Eyes wide, she stared at him. She just stared. Words filtered through her brain but she blinked and remained silent. Yells. Screams. Filthy, dirty words were on the tip of her tongue, but none of them left her mouth. Her tears did not fall. Nothing moved her.
Her heart was not ripped from her chest. He did not leave her bleeding and lost.
Not right then. No, she was in complete control.
She didn’t ask the obvious because she hated that. She didn’t scream, “How could you? Why would you choose that?” She did not beg.
Seeing the expression on his face, she knew that was his decision.
He orchestrated all of this. He planned it and cold-heartedly executed all of the necessary steps. She was only another step in his plan. His fucking plan. A tool in his box for achieving success. It was so clear now. So obvious. Of course, it was successful. It worked.
She might have felt a fool and humiliated after giving him her family, honor and heart but she really only had herself to blame. She took over the plan and did it for him. She never questioned him. Not once. She didn’t demand proof that he was not seeking ways to meet Rob in his ultimate quest for success. So duh! on her part. Duh.
She wondered what he would say if she started begging.
But nothing would change. He made his choice after she made her ultimatum. She spun around, grabbing the door handle before stepping into the hotel hallway.
“Karlee…” Her name rippled down the hallway behind her. He bothered to run after her and she flinched in surprise but didn’t turn around.
“Karlee… I just… I…”
“You made your choice. You said no. There’s nothing else to say.”
“Wait!” he screamed loudly in protest. Grabbing her bicep, he stopped her and pulled her towards him. “Wait. Let me…”
“Talk? Apologize? You can’t excuse this away. You simply can’t. The only choice you have is to start over. Will you?”
“Karlee… please, don’t be so cut and dried. Let’s talk some more… and work something out.”
“No. You owe me this. If you can’t, there’s nothing else to say. Not now or ever again. You made your choice.”
Pulling his head back, Karlee did not miss the shock she saw reflected in his eyes. He reached out and held her jaw, palming her cheek, rubbing his thumb over the side of her mouth. “Haven’t you ever wanted something so much that you were willing to risk everything to get it?”
She stared at him. Was he for real? That’s what he thought this boiled down to? Fine. She’d play along. “Yes,” she said, “you. Too bad you don’t feel the same.”
Staring at him for a long moment, she jerked her chin free, turned and walked away.
Karlee didn’t fall to her knees once she was out of his eyesight. She hurried down the hallway of their hotel. She wanted to lean against the wall and slide down it, letting her tears and gulping sobs escape her chest. It hurt. Her throat ached from the giant lump of anger, regret, sadness and rage.
Xavier chose the most stupid, most wrong option. He could make it on his own. It was doable. But no. His corruption continued to direct his life. How could anything ever work or be right between them if it was all based on a lie? These would simmer and fester, creating an infection and eating away the healthy parts of them.
She was doing the right thing.
Being right didn’t diminish the pain. Her heart felt like Xavier lifted it from her chest, wrapped it in his fist, and squeezed the blood out of it until it was no more than a dried out, shrunken, core of veins, tissue and goo. The only thing left was to wither and die before turning to dust. That was how Xavier Montgomery’s two betrayals affected her.
She walked for a long time, trying to decide what she thought and how she felt. Her head ached as she railed mentally against him. His sneaky, sinister and disgusting behavior was clear over the top. It would be a stretch for her to ever let go and forget about. But what if he came home? What if he chose not to take the path that started with the wrong intentions? That would mean he wasn’t betraying her or using her. In her gut, she knew that. She had become much more than a convenient girlfriend to accomplish his end goals. The cold-blooded, long game plan he put into motion was pretty extreme. Who would do such a thing?
Now she knew the great extent he was determined to follow to pursue his music career. He was willing to do much more than his terrible beginnings. He was right; she had no idea how crucial it was for him to get away from his hometown and make it somewhere. His voice was the only way to do that. Karlee never had to endure a cold, hungry, loveless, guideless day in her life. She always had a cozy home with the lights on, plenty of love, familial care, and hot water. Her necessities were covered and then some. She had all the trimmings, trappings and excess of a wealthy household. Vacations, jewelry and all the clothes she ever wanted. A car when she turned sixteen. Karlee lived in the lap of luxury.
She tried to empathize with Xavier and the dark, desperate forces that prompted him to make the decision he did. She was willing to overlook it, and not break up, but go home and continue as a compromise. She realized the desperate circumstances that fostered his intention.
But he could not give it up for her.
He wanted all that was precarious and fake. A house of cards.
Aching and sad, Karlee decided he didn’t love her enough to take the time to start over with her and do it right. Their foundation had to be built solidly from steel, not titanium and poured concrete. She actually believed he loved her. Looking back, it made so much sense. He was friendly, but reluctant to proceed with kissing and anything more. She thought he was falling for her when all the time, he never had that intention. If it was real, it was tainted.
By greed, manipulation, and opportunism. Xavier considered her a stepstool instead of a person.
It was complicated. If Xavier never sought her out, they would never have met. That meant, her greatest happiness, her first love, and all their potential joy stemmed from a basic lie. But she assumed they had the tenacity and fortitude to rise above it. They could shine with the stars and feel young while staying together. Xavier could still become the rock star he dreamed of. He had a head start. They could go home, be independent and travel around, making less money and developing a larger fan base. He’d already proven he could earn enough to cover their costs of living.
Now, dollar signs were hanging on Xavier’s eyelids. He craved the ridiculous fame and accolades, playing at a music awards show in his future as the only sign of his true success.
Well, fuck him. Maybe he’d get it. Why did her tongue taste like sawdust all of a sudden? He sure as fuck could get it all. But he’d do it alone.
He’d crash and fall eventually. There were too many pitfalls not to. How well did she know that? He’d pick the wrong handlers. Women would become a nightly buffet. Along with all the drugs, alcohol, rich food and exotic everything. Traveling. Hotels. Concerts. And the constant parade of people eager to pick his bones until they were no more than bleached dust. Xavier wouldn’t even realize it until he was laid out, a robbed corpse. No. He’d welcome it and revel in it. Until it was too late to repair it.
Staring at her phone, she decided to text Xavier one last time. They’ll use and abuse you under the guise of women, drugs, and other things. You won’t be wooed, you’ll be fucked over. Don’t be ordinary. Be different. Be better.
Instantly, the three dots appeared. She never let them finish. She blocked him and turned her phone off. Dramatic. Singular. The perfect place to end a movie.
But her life wasn’t a movie. It wasn’t diced up into symbolic scenes. No, she had to figure out where she was going now. She had to go home and deal with her aching heart. Feeling like a sheer mass of aching, pulsing pulp, she knew that she’d survive. This was just an emotional bruise and maybe a scar. Nothing more physical than that. She wasn’t dying.
Time would heal and harden all the scars. She’d grow from it and learn how to be stronger. She wasn’t naïve enough to take a vow of celibacy. But at the moment, she tried to imagine herself doing that. Fisting her hands, she stiffened her neck, pursed her lips and blinked her eyes. The pressure of fresh, hot tears threatened to burst and release the waterworks. Her emotions filled her sinuses with snot. God. She hated to cry. She hated Xavier for making her cry. And betraying her. For not being man enough to own it. Or fix it. Fuck him.
If Karlee did what Xavier did, she would have fixed it. She was much tougher than he was. Xavier would fall prey to the first hangers-on in the business and they would use him. First, they’d flatter him. Compliments are the quickest way to get what they want out of him. Then a fun, gorgeous woman or several women would hang around and suck up to him. Flattered, lonely, and horny, as a male, Xavier would have to indulge. After his soul was sucked dry and spat out by a shallow, spiteful, gold-digging, fame seeker, Xavier would become the latest cliché.
She almost vomited at the thought. He’d already become such a cliché. So fucking ordinary. After that though, she would never want him again. Ever.
The contract he signed and vowed to honor would be a downward spiral to hell, a ride to addiction and vapidity, and eventually, loss of everything. In the end, she felt sure he’d lose. But you can lead a horse to water and all that nonsense. He had the voice and the talent, but Xavier lacked the mental fortitude and what it took to avoid being screwed. She knew how the business was. Xavier wasn’t harsh enough or clear enough in his negotiations. He would be swiftly sucked in and destroyed.
Her crushing disappointment still felt like a fist slamming into her jaw, then her chest, then her stomach. Xavier was allowing himself to be eaten alive and eagerly signing up for it.
Karlee couldn’t watch the slow train wreck. She vowed she would not search him or stalk him as he did her. She’d block him, go home and start to heal. It didn’t matter how long it took, she could hibernate at her parents’ house. She would only emerge when she felt good and ready to figure out what the fuck she truly loved in life. Her passion and talent awaited her and she would follow the right path next time. Fame be damned and singing careers and… Xavier.
She’d fly and he’d fall. With a sinking heart, she knew beyond any doubt that was how it would go. Without her navigation, he would fall victim to the endless road hazards. People were just salivating to run over and flatten him. She really believed that.
She had to go home first.
Sighing, she restarted her phone and waited for it to charge before she clicked her mom’s number. Like any good daughter, the sound of her mom’s voice, “Hey, honey…” was all it took to release the dam holding her tears. Hiccupping, sobbing and crying, her mom immediately asked, “Are you hurt? What happened?”
“No. N-N-N… o-o-o. Xavier—” A series of truly god-awful sounds ensued that broke her concentration.
“Xavier? What honey… Karlee?” Rebecca’s voice heightened with volume in panic. “Karlee…?”
“I need to come home now. He… I was so wrong about him. I need to come home now,” Karlee managed to communicate.
“Where are you?” her mom immediately dropped her volume and was all business.
“The lobby of the hotel.”
“Are you physically okay?”
“Yes.” She hiccupped.
“Okay, I’m texting Gail to get a car and take you to the airport so you can come home. Okay? You do everything she says for now. Come home and then…”
Karlee knew what to expect. They’d comfort and help her in any way they could. It wouldn’t alleviate her pain but her weary, shattered heart needed them all the same. “Okay.” She glanced up. Duh. She forgot about her bodyguard. For the first time ever, she forgot all about her security. Of course, she was followed in her wandering. And back to the hotel room. Of course, when she stormed out, she wasn’t alone. It wasn’t Gail, but she would be close by. Everyone trusted Gail. She was the best. Gail killed the fucking gunman who took a shot at her dad.
Duh.
Shaking as she turned towards Henry, an older man in his mid-forties, she was slightly relieved. She stepped towards him smiled sheepishly, wiping her eyes. “I just broke up with my boyfriend. I’m sorry, I temporarily forgot about you guys. I’m sorry. Can you call Gail to come over here?”
His eyes softened as he replied, “Your mom just contacted her. She’s on her way.”
She nodded and flopped down in one of the lobby chairs provided for people to what? Hang out? Chill? It was quite pretty: a couch and two matching chairs. The fancy flower arrangements and pervasive quiet gave the place an expensive vibe.
When Gail entered, her sharp-heeled, sturdy, black shoes tapped the hardwood floor loudly. She was all business, but had a glint of kindness in her eyes when she addressed Karlee. “Let’s move along there, little lady. We have a plane to catch.”
Karlee nodded.
“Any bags?”
“No. Nothing I can’t live without.”
Gail paused in a rare, soft moment, acknowledging Karlee as much more than a client as she gave her a small smile. “He wasn’t worthy of you.”
Karlee smiled and fresh tears filled her eyes. “Thank you.”
Gail straightened and turned, all business again. “Okay, let’s get a move on. I have a car out front…”
Karlee sighed with relief. They would see to her needs. She could fall into a coma-like trance and not worry. That was just one of the perks she enjoyed as the daughter of someone rich and famous. A first-class ticket home awaited her and no more worries. All she had to do was find a way to start healing her heart.
Karlee entered the front door and her mom simply grabbed her in a tight, warm embrace as Karlee burst into tears. She didn’t speak for a long time. She hibernated and cried.
It was days later, before she peeked her head into the living room one night while Rob and Rebecca watched TV and finally opened up about what had happened.
“He stalked me. He set me up to get to you…” she started without any preamble. They muted the TV and prepared to listen to her story.
Rob sat back. “Oh, no. Oh… fuck…” he whispered. “Karlee…”
“Don’t start. No apologies, okay? We both know the situation. The thing I realized is how fucking glad I am that you are a famous rock star and I am your daughter. Doug is nice and friendly, but he was never really my dad. You are. I don’t hate your job. None of it. I love traveling. And concerts. And late nights and crazy days. Even the people don’t bother me. I see why you wanted this and had to do it. I just respect you both more now for the life you managed to avoid. There is no one to blame in our family. It wasn’t your fault. Or mine. The blame is all on Xavier. I gave him the chance to fix it and he chose not to. He’ll never see me again.”
Rob grabbed her in a hug and patted her back. Tears glistened in his eyes. “I should be crying for your broken heart. Betrayal by someone pretending to love you—”
“No. He still loves me. Just not enough.”
Rob smiled softly. “You are the most self-possessed person I’ve ever known. From the very first moment I met you at three years old. You called me ‘Wob’ and welcomed me to your home. Everyone told you to be polite to me, but you just accepted me as your friend and that was that. The thing is: we were then and we still are. I’d kill Xavier for hurting you.” He sucked in air and shook his head before he continued. “You captured my heart that very day, Karlee Randall, before everyone else and you know what? You kept it. I would cut off my right arm to spare you any pain. You make me cry with what you said about me and… even though Doug is biologically your dad, fuckin’ A. He’s not your dad in any other way. I am.”
Karlee cried. Her tears flowed again and they were not for her sadness regarding Xavier, but the tenderness and vulnerability in Rob’s words. “I already knew all that.”
Rob smiled through his own tears as he hugged her again. “Of course. We always knew that.” They shared a long look of understanding. Their bond was strong, unusual, and real from the start. Rob added, “I’m very sorry to learn how this ended, and what went down. Xavier chose wrong. He’ll find that out eventually, and by then, you’ll be into something newer and better.”
She nodded her head against his chest. “I already decided that. I just don’t know what I’ll be into.”
Rob gave her a long, stern look. “Funny you should mention that. When you’re feeling better, and there’s no hurry, I might have some ideas on that.”
“About me?”
“About you.”
“What?”
“No. Nothing will sound good right now, not with your heartbreak so fresh and sore. Wait until you feel stronger, clearer and ready to face something new. No rush. None at all. All my ideas will be right here.” Rob pointed to his head.
“My curiosity might kill me.”
“Think of it as something to look forward to.” Rob nudged her with his arm.
Her small smile brightened her face. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll restrain myself. But it might be months, or years…”
“It won’t be years. He’s not worth it.”
“I know. He’s not worth it.” She sighed. “He almost was.”
“Agreed,” Rebecca interjected from behind them. They turned to include her and she gave them each a tender look. “We all fell for him, honey. His vulnerability, cluelessness, and talent. He seemed sheepish and kind and funny. We found a son we never thought we’d want and we could see how deeply involved you two were.”
Karlee sucked in more oxygen to ease the pressure in her sinuses. “We were.”
Rob sank dejectedly onto the couch. Karlee flopped down on a recliner as her mom snuggled next to Rob and hugged his arm.
“You weren’t naïve. He was that good. I bought it all. From the first time he came here, and when you brought him to the recording studio, he never asked, not once, to do anything. He never pushed us. We pushed him. He was subtle, patient, almost… insanely patient. I can’t even begin to understand his motivation,” Rob said.
“He was driven by it. Maybe more ambitious than anyone who tried to use you before.”
“I was used. I totally fell for it. I loved playing with him. He got to me. I dreamed of his success. Hell, I let him date you, and stay here and we never minded.” Rob shuddered. “I’m just saying, a lot of people have tried to use me. Suck-ups, gold-diggers and fame-seekers. All of them. Lawyers, producers, and managers have all had a stab at sucking money off my platform. But none got through like that fucking kid.”
“He got through everybody. I can’t stop wondering how strange his thought process had to be to attempt such a bold move. It was so weird considering what his end goal was,” Karlee lamented.
“Yeah.”
They stared in quiet sadness.
The door suddenly burst open and Kathy and Kayla entered, followed by the slower and calmer Jim as well as Eric, who shut the door.
Her sisters grabbed Karlee and hugged her.
“How come you’re here?” she gasped between their tight hugs.
“Mom texted us to come over,” Kathy replied.
Kayla added, “Mom told us to stay away because you didn’t want our sympathy yet and you were struggling to make sense of what happened. But fuck that. Fuck Xavier. I’ll kill the little leech/tick. Squash him like the bug he is. Rob will too. You’ll see.” Kayla was speaking as Karlee was pressed tightly against her chest. She was unable to move. “Won’t you, Rob? You’ll ruin the little, backstabbing fucker.”
Karlee had to laugh. They literally sandwiched her between their chests. She couldn’t move from their tight hugs. Kayla’s words were passionate and angry and all the things she said were heartfelt.
“I certainly won’t be endorsing his album or helping him. But the release isn’t under my control. I could try blackballing him and smearing him—” Rob suggested.
“Yes, do that.” Kayla’s fierce retort made Karlee smile and she hugged her sister again.
When Kayla finally released her to breathe, she stared at Karlee’s face. “Are you okay?”
“No. But I’ll live.”
She turned when Kathy set a gentle, kind hand on her arm. “Karlee… we’re both here for you. We love you so much. He doesn’t deserve you.” Embraced with a vulnerable sadness of her loss, Karlee wiped away the new tears. “You two mean a lot,” she said, pushing herself away. “We are not going to ruin him. We will not allow Rob to besmirch his reputation by ruining Xavier’s. He’s out of our lives. That’s what I expect from Rob. And you two can keep me busy.”
“We can do that,” Kayla said, nodding as Kathy squeezed her.
Eric cleared his throat. His hulking, huge presence, always drew everyone’s attention yet he was so quiet and unobtrusive. “I’m sorry I missed so much about his background. I dug pretty deep into it after you started dating but never found anything remotely related to this. I’m so sorry.” Big, old, muscle-bound Eric hung his head with regret and shame.
“Oh, Eric. It isn’t your fault. You could never have found anything about him. There was nothing to find. His entire life was a script of pitiful anecdotes. The only thing you missed was when he paid a computer dweeb to hack the professor’s master list and make us partners in a project so it appeared random. The rest was all legit. You would never have found it. He was lethally perfect at his setup.”
Stunned in silence for a moment, Eric asked, “That’s how he did it?” before shaking his head. “I wondered. I suspected the professor. Thought there had to be something there. I had to make sure it really was random. But I couldn’t find the smallest alarm bell. A goofy kid who messes with the professor’s computer without leaving a clue… Damn!”
“Yes. He was good. Give him kudos for his effort. A big, fat A.” Bitterness filled her tone.
Jim gave her a sympathetic look. “Yeah. I never suspected anything either. I usually have special radar for liars, considering who my father was. And all I saw in Xavier was a talented, lonely kid who needed some help and some love.”
“Which we all gave him in spades,” Kayla said with extra sarcasm. “I cared for the stupid, little shit too. Now…”
“Now we all look the fools,” Eric summarized.
Karlee glanced around and her relief flooded her. Her family’s support and knowing how invested they were, like her, made her not feel so stupid or naïve.
“Why don’t we order some pizzas?” Rebecca asked after melancholy descended over the room.
Karlee nodded. It was the best therapy she could imagine at that moment. Her family’s joking, bickering and sporadic cursing of Xavier Montgomery with pizza, cake and pop would suffice for now. Being there together was a miraculous balm.
Fuck Xavier. He chose wrong. Karlee turned to cuddle her sisters as they prepared to watch a movie. She was ready to let her brain forget the loss of her first love.
Solitude can be far more than just loneliness. The echo of Karlee slamming the door shuddered down his spine, and Xavier felt eerily isolated in the hotel room. Like an entire choir suddenly stopped singing and left the chamber. Any hope of her presence was gone. She was gone.
Literally and forever.
He made her leave. He broke her heart… and his own.
Xavier stayed sitting on the floor for hours and didn’t move. Or cry. Or speak. He just remained rooted there, comatose. Unmoving. Unbelieving.
When daylight dawned, he got up, rubbed his gritty eyes and flipped his stringy hair back. He gave her up for music. That’s all he had now. What the hell would he do with it? How would he do it?
Staring at his phone, his hands shook. He never really scheduled his gigs. Karlee handled all of that. The people. The appointments. The performances. He had no idea where to start. Whom to call first? Where to begin? He was all alone.
Fuck.
His heart ached. He lost Karlee. Sniffing hard, he tried to be indifferent like the prick he was. How could he cry? He caused this. He chose this. Maybe there was never any other choice. His sense of relief, despite the dread that filled him, came from having the secret finally out. The burden of guilt was different. He no longer had to appease someone who considered him a wonderful gift, instead of a stalker.
He wanted her. But he could not go back to Montesano. To a fucking shed. He had nothing else but the slim chance this album would give him. He had to capitalize on the buzz and talk. He had to build that up. Fly with it. Take it to the max.
He clicked on the phone number for the lawyer Karlee retained for Xavier Moon. The name rarely seemed associated to him. “Hey. Um, Karlee quit working with me. Can you help me find a manager? A publicist? Whatever I need? Whoever I need to make this work?”
Sure.
A flurry of activity was set into motion. Someone came to see him and it all started. Questions. Grilling. Was Rob Williams the enemy now? Would Rob’s family come after him? The executives needed to know. Xavier told them the truth. No, they would not do that. They weren’t the type who sought revenge. They would surround Karlee with love and forget him.
Xavier knew he burned his bridges. Karlee would never reconsider a life or a date with him. She would never come near him again. He knew how she worked. He failed her and that would last forever.
It still hurt so fucking much.
Luckily, he had music to play. And the chance to stop thinking and feeling by playing music would be his therapy. Keeping insanely busy would heal him. He said no to nothing. He’d do anything and everything he was asked to do.
The first time he performed without Karlee at his side, his heart hurt so much, it nearly beat out of his chest. The empty spot where she normally watched him like a neon sign was now a dark void.
But it was necessary.
He poured his suffering into the words he sang and the passion in his tone was real. And haunting. He pursued it. He let his pain fuel his creativity and speak for him. Xavier sacrificed his love and hope for this. Now he had to give it all he had.
He played gigs at dives and fancy restaurants. Going from smaller venues to bigger ones.
His booking schedule was constant. He took head shots and worked the social media to his advantage.
When his first single was released, he never looked back.