XAVIER WAS AN UNMITIGATED success. He became one of the triumphant stories that would fuel the dreams and hopes of future newbies. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, the sky burst open with possibilities. His song captured the scene and became a fitting anthem for those his age. It also encapsulated the state of being for twenty-somethings and Xavier’s voice became theirs.
It literally happened overnight.
From barely getting by on a few grand a month, Xavier suddenly had anything he ever wanted. He was the priceless unicorn that record labels searched for, cultivated and never let go. He was worth every cent they spent and they reaped the royalties in spades.
Xavier was famous.
At the age of twenty-one. Actually, he was almost twenty-two.
All kinds of things ensued after the startling climb from being no one to celebrity star of the month. Pictures of Xavier and Karlee surfaced shortly thereafter, making the rounds. He referred to it as a passing flirtation that led to a deep friendship. Karlee confirmed it, as he knew she would. Their relationship eventually fell into the category of a flash in the pan.
Then Xavier met Effie Essex.
They were introduced after a concert in Boston. Who would think he’d end up playing in Boston? Effie Essex, whose actual name was Elenore Eckle, came from Tennessee. She changed her name after her arrival to New York. She intended to pursue a career in modeling. She was taller than Xavier. Her legs nearly reached his freaking belly button. Not really, although they were long, slim, and gorgeous. Her waist-length dark hair, tanned skin that appeared gold in the sun, and emerald green eyes made her pulsate with dark, sultry heat and promise.
She was a nineteen-year-old international model who started modeling when she was just seventeen. She loved his voice.
She sucked him off in the first hour they met and didn’t leave his side after that.
Karlee’s polar opposite in every way, not just because Effie was tall and skinny, but her face and other features, like her personality also contrasted. Effie didn’t tell Xavier what to do. She never asked about his business plans or private thoughts. She didn’t like to talk very much, which was fine. She liked to be sexed up and she loved to listen to him sing. She worked at her job, and came and went in and out of Xavier’s daily routine. He was allowed to enjoy his freedom and anonymity with her. And if he slept with other women? She never cared.
One night, she brought a friend home, and he jumped into bed with the two Amazonian beauties, frolicking with abandon for three days. They brought out some cocaine. Said it was for fun. He hesitated, ignored and refused it for the first two days. But on the third, he thought why not? And he tried it.
It resulted in a wild, insane flight on a plane that took him further than all his previous travel.
They wound up in Brazil and partied for weeks at a ritzy, all-inclusive resort. Both women and him.
They separated with her friend when he and Effie flew home.
Home had become a loose term. Xavier stayed in the penthouses of many different cities. There was no one place he was ready to call home. He couldn’t commit to one city. He rented a yacht in Miami, which became his pseudo-home base.
More drugs entered the scene. His drug use was sporadic. He was careful not to let them become his masters. But using them occasionally helped to diminish his doubts, insecurities, regrets, and inhibitions. They allowed him to more easily connect to this new world he was traversing. They let him stop thinking about his guilt, heartache and regret over Karlee Randall.
Karlee.
Whenever her name, her face, her voice, or her essence drifted through his mind, he banished it. He ignored the alarming pain when his heart squeezed too tightly in his chest and he worried it was an early heart attack. He dismissed her from his heart and mind. Otherwise, he couldn’t survive. His guilt felt like a layer of steel wrapped around his body, imprisoning him. The only release he found for it was diving into one chemical substance or another. They were multiple and varying. Weed, booze, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy. He didn’t do drugs all the time. Mostly after his shows and at private, intimate gatherings. For a few hours, during his gigs, the words and passion came out through his fingers and his mouth. Music was the closest thing to a drug for ignoring his injuries and pain. Creative expression worked its magic, giving him a modicum of relief.
After the gigs ended, Effie was eagerly waiting to greet him. She kissed him and soothed his physical desires. But even her delicious body couldn’t alleviate his guilt, or the ache, or the regret. Mood-altering substances were the solution for that. Drugs were the only thing strong enough to sever his ties to Karlee Randall, and extract her from his brain, his soul, and his heart.
Xavier and Effie lived in hotels and the bridal suites and penthouses started to become his normal housing. Effie kept a condo in New York they went to between gigs. Lots of parties and events there. She knew plenty of people owing to her own career. Actors, directors, news anchors and other celebrities. The list of famous people she introduced Xavier to grew very long.
Being the hottest new ticket item for a few months, his handlers did all they could to poach him. His hasty hook-up with Effie Essex fielded gossip, pictures, stories and public interest. All that merely added to his clout and machismo.
Flooded with money, power, interest, and fame, Xavier was amazed. People wanted him. All kinds of people. His fans were young and old. Business people wanted to do deals with him. Entertainment managers and PR reps sought an introduction with him, eagerly begging to schmooze and persuade him to their way of thinking. He talked to so many people he could never remember them all. He had an orbit of different people circulating around him all the time. From his manager to an exclusive makeup artist. Who the fuck needed such luxuries?
On and on the list went.
He was an undeniable luminary. New and shiny and bright. The world belonged to him, and he felt like a toddler every day with a new toy to play with. When he was sober, usually during the quiet morning hours, and alone, he realized that.
But as soon as he got up, he experienced it all over again, still so new and fresh, it was entrancing. Xavier had talks with famous sports players, musicians, and even goddamned movie stars. The seduction happened slowly. First, he felt welcome and wanted, and the interest they showed in him was a drug far more potent than anything he could ingest into his body.
He hung out in LA, New York and Miami. The boy who traveled no more than a few miles from his hometown, now flew around the globe. He played his music and partied and fucking just lived.
His vow when he first came to Arlington and located Rob Williams’ house was to accomplish every goal he ever dreamed of by the age of twenty-three.
What he failed to consider was the hell he’d be paying for it at age twenty-four.
And what he destroyed in the wake of his ambition.
His heart. His soul. His love.
He lost Karlee.
She became a distant memory. Her words faded along with her presence and energy, and the freshness and genius she brought that always made him feel more alive whenever he got near her. His love for her was dying.
He was a different Xavier now. The old Xavier was someone lonely and hurt and searching. He was young then, and capable of feeling love.
It was startling to him still whenever he pondered how one decision could manage to destroy all the things he valued in a very short amount of time. Innocence, vulnerability, love.
He didn’t love Effie. There was no one in his new life and nothing that could come close to how he felt for Karlee.
Sure, he enjoyed the fawning women and the week-long orgies and drugs. Knowing Effie didn’t care whom he slept with, he lived for parties and his freedom to mingle with whomever he chose on any given day or evening. He liked all that. It stroked his ego that was too big and too much in need of acknowledgement. His ego led to his ruin.
His choices were his alone. He had to live with them. He didn’t go back on them. He suffered stomach cramps, anxiety, head pain and heartbreak. He never denied any of that. But he wouldn’t renege on his decision.
He had to do it.
But the only woman he ever loved was Karlee.
And her family.
“Okay what’s your idea?”
Rob turned to Karlee’s voice on Tuesday afternoon at one thirty-two, when she entered his office. Glancing through paperwork, Rob wore his reading glasses, which always jolted Karlee. When he pushed them up on his head to look at her, she thought how funny it was for a tattooed rock star to wear reading glasses.
Six months had passed. Karlee did not go back to school. After weeks of grieving and crying, she stopped crying and got angry. She kept herself busy but did nothing. The urge to go hiking overtook her as summer came into full swing. The mountains, rivers, trees and empty pastureland filled her brain and soul, helping her clear her thoughts. Toting a lightweight tent and a backpack, Karlee started by staying out for a night that became two and eventually, five. She adored the simplicity of being able to survive all by herself. By her own wits and with nothing for tools but a few gadgets. Sure, it was not exactly Man vs. Wild, but she pretended it was.
It kept her from scouring the internet or seeing his name.
Xavier Moon… releases album to shocking sales.
Xavier Moon… did he date the daughter of Rob Williams, legendary singer of Zenith?
Xavier Moon… spotted with model Effie Essex. Rumored to be dating…
Xavier Moon… reported by staff from the Carmody Hotel and Casino for trashing the suite he was staying in after an all-night party. Damages are estimated in the thousands.
Xavier Moon… in Brazil with models, Effie Essex and Saria Smith, all three acting high.
Xavier Moon performing at Rockefeller Center…. In Madrid… in London… in Sydney… on and on the grand destinations went.
Xavier Moon… The news flash Karlee wished she could print, was all about how he sold out to every easy, stupid, ordinary and predictable deviant. He was nothing unusual. A fucking moron who got caught up with it. Karlee had no idea what made him cross that threshold. Alcohol, weed, drugs, women, gambling. Something had to eventually trip him up and ruin his trajectory. Sacrificing the very fame he sold his soul and her heart in order to have.
There were plenty of other unsavory adjectives she resisted calling him. It didn’t change the reality.
She was always better off without him.
Now it was time to get over him.
Rob nodded as he leaned back in his office chair. “Ready?”
She knew there was far more coming from Rob than what she was ready to hear. She settled in the chair across from his desk. “Ready.” With a warrior smile and hopeful resolution, her eyes gleamed.
Rubbing his hands, he nodded. “You were fast becoming an excellent music manager and marketer for Xavier. I was impressed by your acuity for figuring all of it out and your practicality and negotiating skills. You’re tough and you don’t back down. Which, of course, I should have known already as your dad. But you are most remarkable.”
“You want me to manage bands for a living?”
“Not exactly.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk and flattening his palms. “I have long thought how Xavier came to be with us. And our reaction. Mine in particular, over something he said that stuck in my craw.”
“What?”
“He asked me how someone like him is supposed to make it without falling into the pitfalls and negative consequences? Without having money to open the doors? Without luck? I ran into that and many others do too. Talent cannot guarantee success. You need luck and good marketability. The sounds have to sell.”
“Okay?”
“Well, I also liked mentoring him. A lot. I found a purpose and interest that I won’t say was lacking in my own music, but being able to redirect it got me excited about creating.”
“Fueling others fueled you. What might have seemed ordinary to you was rediscovered as being extraordinary.” Her tone was hollow with bottled up feelings. Talking about Xavier did that to her.
It almost gutted her.
Her voice rang with total dispassion and ice.
“Yes. You always were the best for getting at the marrow of any situation, even feelings.”
“I am,” she agreed, not wasting time or energy on false modesty.
“In that vein, I was thinking how we could pool both of our talents.”
“How? You planning to make your own band or something?”
“No. Not exactly that. I was thinking of an internship. We mentor all kinds of musicians, not just rock star wannabees or singers but people who can play and show real talent. The cello? A flutist? A talented percussion player? All would be welcome. We pick the most talented, the ones with that something that gives them the drive and passion they need to succeed. Otherwise, it doesn’t warrant our time and energy.”
“Time and energy? For what?”
“We provide them with housing, and funding to find paying jobs. We provide the opportunities. We hook them up with outlets that might hire them. Like a national band or a symphony or a group singer or a guitarist. All genres would be available. If someone who sings country music needs a drummer, we could be a source of connections to give them access.”
Surprised at his heartfelt thoughts and visibly intrigued, she leaned back. “So you want to sponsor and mentor broke, struggling musicians and help them wend their way to successful careers?”
“I would like to get it off the ground and see what happens. Think of it as a conduit for struggling, brilliant musicians who have no outlet for their music and talent, so we provide the outlet.”
She smiled softly. “We offer them the opportunity to prove themselves.”
He flinched. “Well, I didn’t mean for it to be exactly what happened with Xavier and you. That was not my intent.”
“I know that, but in many ways, it worked. The greatest obstacle Xavier was up against was his hopeless feeling of what to do. His burning talent and drive were being stifled with no clear path to express it. No resources. He came up with his own plan…”
“You could be the one to get this going. You know me. I have big ideas and I’m great at thinking of them; the details, not so much.” He sighed and flinched. “I’m surprised you still listen to me. I like to swoop in for the glory and credit while slipping out of the nitty-gritty.”
She shrugged. “Many geniuses are like you. We can’t all be perfect.” She gave him a lopsided grin.
He chuckled. “That’s why I love you. Yes. That’s all true. You know what to do with all the nitty-gritty.”
“I do. Where do you see this program happening? Will they live here? We sort of have a music compound now.”
“No. Not here. Never again will I allow strangers to be so close to us. I talked to your Uncle Nick and Aunt Joelle about my idea and they were very interested.”
“In what?”
“Providing residential and office space. They own several vacant offices in Seattle. We can rent one, and set up the offices, and living space. We bring the applicants to downtown Seattle, and do it all on our dime.”
“And when we place them ultimately, does that person pay a commission?”
“Something like that. I don’t have it worked out fully yet. Maybe. But only when it applies. Let’s say a label needs an accordion or a cello or whatever for a song. They provide the pay. But if it’s… I don’t know, a church or a charity that needs a harpist and they can’t pay…”
“Then you provide payment. Costs can’t be a problem.”
“No. Getting the music out to the most listeners. All kinds of audiences. Big and small.”
“Damn. That’s pretty interesting. Do you foresee me wanting to do this? Just because I’m your daughter?”
“Yep.” He shrugged. “It’s my idea so it’ll be my money to start. And crap! Karlee, don’t listen to what people say about nepotism because I know the ruthless brilliance that you embody. There’s no contest when it comes to your competence in doing what I describe, is there? It’s like asking if I can sing. Of course, I can fucking sing. Fame doesn’t even come into it; I always could sing.”
Okay. Wow. Yeah… All her wits and strengths were being challenged.
She remembered how much she loved everything behind the scenes with Xavier. Fuck. Was that a sign of something passionate inside her? Some type of feeling associated with such a unique career?
Until now, she had zero interest in anything beyond the numb routine of daily living. But this sounded very interesting. New. Unattached to her past as well as stupid Xavier.
“What if it doesn’t work? What if all you do is lose money?”
He waved a hand around. “Totally possible. I have no clue how to make a profit so it can sustain itself. I do have an idea of the funds required to start it and sustain it for a year.”
“You’re willing to risk that amount?”
“Yes.”
“All so that I have something to do with myself? To give me a purpose?”
“And me. I told you how I liked mentoring. I intend to exploit the Rob Williams name and brand. Helping, guiding and teaching are invigorating. Yep… probably because my ego was being fed but…” He shrugged and gave her an unusually shy smile. “That’s kinda me.”
“Yes. It is. You really want to try this out? With me at the helm of it?”
“Yes. Nick said Next Generation would put up some charity money. Jody oversees that so perhaps you two could grab the ball and run with it.”
Jody had been studying in London. Back now, however, she started to work for her parents’ large computer security company, Next Generation Consulting.
“Sounds like an interesting partnership.”
Rob nodded. “I thought as much too. Jody’s as cool when it comes to profit gathering as you are. So God help any sensitive musician you two locate and recruit.”
She laughed. “Oh, the tortured, sensitive struggles of a starving musician. Such a cliché. And such crap. No reason they can’t make a living just doing jingles or whatever. Art is a hobby until someone values it and offers you money for it. Any paying job is a form of art as well. It doesn’t diminish their hearts’ desire. Back in the day, you could have been doing any jobs for some money instead of sitting around drinking and claiming that you were making art. Writing songs? Wasn’t that it? If I were Aunt Joelle, I’d have kicked your sorry ass to the curb years before she did.”
They might laugh at his past now, but Karlee knew the hell Rob put Joelle through when they were married and he was on the bottle. He rued the damage he’d done for years and still regretted it.
“You’re right. Art doesn’t free you from work or providing food for yourself.”
“You’re not owed the time to ‘create.’ Maybe that was why Xavier pushed his stupid plan on me.”
“Could be. But this provides a way to spend some time indulging their creativity without harming others while still eating and having some clothes to wear on their backs.”
“Yes. But what about substance abuse? I refuse to babysit a bunch of drunk or high musicians while they create in an altered state.”
“So, that can be a stipulation. Everyone stays clean and sober while working with us. Outside of us, let them do whatever they want. If it becomes a problem, they lose their spot.”
“Yes.”
“There will be endless stuff to do. You will need to write all of it down.” Karlee’s brain started to wake up and engage. “Manuals for rules and behavior, with all of it openly communicated and crystal clear. Write up some kind of contract with… what are they? Internship recipients? The liability costs and insurance will most likely be astronomical. You’ll need lawyers and permits. Never mind, who supplies the toilet paper and cooks the meals? Food services will need to be provided if they live there. That would probably include permits and a health inspection. You’d have—”
She quit speaking when Rob’s arms grasped her shoulders and lifted her up to hug her. Startled, she didn’t even realize Rob was shuffling around. But his tight hug shut her up.
“What?”
“I didn’t consider half of that. Welcome aboard. It’s nice to see your brain firing on all rounds again.”
She sucked in a breath of annoyance and let it out. “Fine. Glad I could amuse you.”
“No. You thrill me. I can’t wait to see what you do with this new idea.”
“Are you going to at least help me?”
“Yep. And Nick and Joelle and Jody; we’ll be an amazing team.”
“What do you want to call your little musicians bound for success?”
He released her with a chuckle. “What else? Zenith’s Promise.”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course, how could you not include Zenith? We can capitalize off the name. And bring in all kinds of assholes who want to use you and Spencer?”
He shrugged. “Yeah. Duh. It’s the right thing to do. Zenith has the name and the draw and the star power. Of course, you have to make it sound like an adventure.”
“Of course, I will. I will confuse people as to what it really is.”
“But once they actually see what’s being offered, that’s how you drum up interest.”
She squinted at him. “You’re not so dumb at marketing.”
“I wasn’t completely useless for Zenith’s success.” He gave her a cocky smirk.
“Right…” She smiled despite herself.
So she started by making notes, lists and plans. She went down to Seattle and met up with her cousin, Jody.
“They told you, huh?”
“Yeah. Two rich girls get to play with their parents’ money to facilitate starving musicians. Sounds like a kick.”
“You mind?”
“What? Being spoiled rich girls or embarking on this new venture?”
“Both.”
“Nah, I lived in London for two years and got ridiculous kinds of opportunities from it. So, no. Besides, I’m used to it. Sounds awesome. Musicians and whatever? Don’t forget I spent the last two years studying economics full time.”
Karlee laughed as she leaned back and started to relax. Excitement finally started to bubble inside her. She stared out the coffee shop window where rain streamed down the glass. “God this place and the rain. Why didn’t you choose to live somewhere exotic, like a tropical island?”
“Ahh, cousin, I like the rain and cold. So England was a lovely vacation.”
“And musicians are a highly overrated crowd. Geniuses who become grown-assed babies and often indulge in narcotics and alcohol to fuel their ‘creativity.’” She put air-quotes around the word, creativity. “They are self-centered assholes whose egos self-destruct, hurting all of those around them. They are shallow, thin-skinned and flaky. Don’t ever date one. They will use you, and just leave you. Their music will always come first as if it is a living, breathing entity that needs constant nourishment.”
Jody’s mouth twisted in a frown. “Ah, Karlee. I know Xavier fucked you over hard. Every time I hear his stupid songs, I freak out and turn him off. Always. I never listen to a full song of his. I’m sorry. Truly, I am.”
Jody leaned over and squeezed her hand. She looked down and her eyes were free of tears, but her throat clogged up at Jody’s earnest sympathy. “Thank you for saying that.”
“He sucks. Way too overblown.”
Karlee lifted her head and shook it slowly and sadly. “No. He doesn’t. He’s brilliant. Gifted. Got the genius gene.”
She sighed. “Well, I hate to give that to him. Fine, he doesn’t suck. But being sucky sticks, you know? Any talent or greatness fades when the person is an asshole. Right?”
“Right.” She appreciated the support. “I just can’t believe I was taken in so easily.”
“No one can fuck with you. I always admired that. So obviously he had to be good.”
“Only the best.”
“But remember, there are also guys in the business like your dad.”
She sighed. “You and I both know what he did to your mom. It’s not necessarily true. He was in his thirties before he learned not to be like that.”
“True.” She shrugged. They often discussed Jody’s mother once being married to Karlee’s dad. Though not a sore point in the family any longer, sometimes it concerned others. “Mom always warns me against musicians. Always. It was pretty terrible for her. She was upset when you were first dating Xavier. Remember how cold she was to him at Christmas? It was only because she was worried how he treated you.”
“And then he did exactly that.” Karlee eyed her cousin. “Listen to your mom, she’s right.”
Jody laughed outright. She flipped her long brown hair over her shoulder, looking like a clone of her mother. They both had long, dark hair that was ridiculously thick and lustrous. Jody had the small, tiny frame and height and the small, pixie face of her mom. They were often mistaken for twins and people regularly commented. You had to study Joelle’s face up close to realize they weren’t even sisters, let alone, twins.
Jody was bright, smart, business-focused, outrageous, loud and funny. Her mother was a shy, reticent, soft-spoken woman, quite the opposite of her daughter. Jody was always a source of friendly, smiling, boisterous fun. So much fun.
They shared many years of sleepovers and awesome times.
Suddenly elated that Jody was back in Seattle to start this endeavor with her, Karlee gripped her hand and squeezed her fingers. “I’m so glad you want to do this with me. I could use some stimulation and I needed something to do that was fun.”
Jody gave her an eyebrow wag. “Oh, honey, if you’re looking for some fun, here it is. Let’s move you off that sad, music compound. Come and live with me. We’ll share a condo in one of Dad’s buildings and light the fucking city on fire every night.” Her eyes glowed and twinkled as Karlee felt a nudge pulling her toward something new and different. She never considered moving to downtown Seattle. It was so different from her parents’ house. And the way she lived during the last year. She and Jody living together? Yeah, that would be epic.
“Okay.”
Jody shook her head with a snort. “You are the undisputed queen of understatement and reaction. I kinda dig that about you. Makes you so cool and mysterious. We’ll fucking slay the guys. You and I. Daughter of famous rock star and a local billionaire. Imagine the goddamned fun we’ll have?”
“And the work…” Karlee added to slow Jody down.
“And the parties.”
“In your dad’s building?”
She nodded. “Why the fuck not? Huh? We got the rich parents. Since we can’t undo that, we might as well just enjoy it for a year or two before, you know… we have to get married and be boring and average. Let’s do the exact opposite. Let’s be wild, free, young and un-fucking-usual.”
Why not? Karlee spent her life downplaying Rob’s influence and money not only to others but also to herself. She rarely indulged in anything. Her sisters didn’t either. They just settled down and did the usual routine. And they were the daughters of a rock star too.
Why couldn’t she be different? Wild, free, young, and un-fucking-usual? “Yeah. I’m game.”
With a squeal and a jump to her feet, Jody grabbed Karlee in a huge hug. Karlee had to get up and all the eyes of the small coffee shop’s patrons stared at them. Jody, of course, would not know that. Hugging Jody was like hugging a child. She only reached Karlee’s neck and she couldn’t see over Karlee’s shoulder. Karlee let her enthusiasm and joy infect her as they made a scene in the shop. She shrugged, laughed, and tightly embraced the happy nymph she called her cousin, so grateful she was back.