Chapter 3

Deadly Beans

‘Friday Barnes, you are not obliged to say anything unless you wish to do so, but whatever you say or do may be used in evidence. Do you understand?’ asked Sergeant Crowley.

‘Yes,’ said Friday.

‘The national counterterrorism centre received an anonymous letter informing them that you have been making ricin in your dorm room,’ stated Sergeant Crowley.

‘Ricin?!’ exclaimed Friday.

‘The deadly poisonous powder derived from the seed of the castor-oil plant,’ said Sergeant Crowley.

‘I know what ricin is,’ said Friday.

‘Of course you do,’ said Sergeant Crowley. ‘You’ve been making it in your dorm room.’

‘That’s ridiculous!’ exclaimed Friday. ‘Why would I do that?’

‘We don’t claim to understand your agenda,’ said Sergeant Crowley, ‘but we know you have a history of this type of thing.’

‘I do not,’ protested Friday.

‘Do you deny that last year in –’ Sergeant Crowley checked his notes ‘– geography class, your pencil box exploded?’

‘Actually, it imploded,’ said Friday.

‘Friday, now is not the time to be pedantic,’ said Uncle Bernie.

‘But it did,’ said Friday. ‘And I didn’t do it. Why would I implode my own pencil box?’

‘Because you were honing your technique,’ suggested Sergeant Crowley.

‘And why would I make ricin?’ asked Friday. ‘I  don’t have any grudges against anyone. And apart  from anything else, it’s really hard to make. First of all, you’ve got to …’

‘Shhh,’ said Uncle Bernie.

‘So you do know how to make it?!’ pounced Sergeant Crowley.

‘Of course, I was curious,’ said Friday. ‘Isolating lectins is a fascinating field of research.’

‘This is nonsense,’ said Uncle Bernie. ‘Unless you have some evidence, I suggest you release my niece right now before I contact a lawyer about pursuing a complaint of wrongful arrest.’

‘But we do have evidence,’ said Sergeant Crowley. ‘Our crime scene investigation team locked off her dormitory and went through her room with a fine toothcomb.’

‘Urgh,’ groaned Friday. ‘You would’ve had to do that just before laundry day when the hamper is full of dirty underwear.’

Uncle Bernie sighed. ‘What have you got hidden in your room, Friday?’ he asked.

‘Nothing,’ protested Friday.

‘We found an unregistered short-wave radio,’ began Sergeant Crowley.

‘I use that to talk to Uncle Bernie,’ said Friday. ‘It’s important to stay in touch with family.’

‘Military-grade night-vision binoculars,’ continued Sergeant Crowley.

‘I sleep in a building with two hundred teenagers,’  said Friday. ‘It would be stupid not to have night-vision binoculars.’

‘And a cavity drilled into the handle of your hockey stick, containing ricin,’ said Sergeant Crowley.

Uncle Bernie laughed. ‘Well, then there’s no way this can possibly be true. Friday would never own a hockey stick.’

‘Actually I do,’ admitted Friday. ‘You have to. It’s essential school equipment.’

A constable came into the room carrying a large plastic bag with a hockey stick inside.

Uncle Bernie scooted his chair back, away from the table. ‘Is that thing safe?’ he asked. ‘Even the tiniest particle of ricin is super dangerous.’

‘Ask your niece, she’s the expert,’ said Sergeant Crowley. ‘Do you deny this is your stick?’

Friday leaned in for a closer look. ‘It’s definitely mine. It’s got a nick in the paint from when I tried to try to squash a spider but accidentally hit a light-fitting instead. Also, it’s got my name across the handle in my handwriting.’

‘And do you deny that these are the ricin seeds?’ asked Sergeant Crowley, producing a small plastic bag. It had been vacuum-sealed in thick plastic, zip-locked inside another plastic bag.

Uncle Bernie scooted his chair all the way back so that he was wedged up against the far wall. ‘This is crazy,’ he cried. ‘If that’s ricin, we’re all in danger.’

Friday peered at the bag for a moment then burst into laughter.

‘What are you laughing about?’ asked Sergeant Crowley. ‘This is a very serious matter.’

‘You haven’t got very good crime scene investigators, have you?’ said Friday. ‘Let me guess, you got the two most junior officers on staff to go through my things. You probably weren’t expecting to find anything and were shocked when they did.’

‘So you admit it!’ accused Sergeant Crowley.

‘I don’t admit anything,’ said Friday. ‘That’s my hockey stick. But I didn’t drill a hole in the handle and I didn’t put those beans in there. And even if I did, who cares? They’re only beans.’

‘Beans that can be used to make ricin, one of the deadliest substances known to man,’ said Sergeant Crowley.

‘Electricity is deadly,’ said Friday, ‘and you’ve got two power sockets in this room. No-one is arresting you.’

‘Why did you hide them in your hockey stick?’ demanded Sergeant Crowley.

‘I didn’t,’ said Friday. ‘I’ve been set up. And by someone with a perverse sense of humour.’

‘I don’t see what is funny about a terrorist threat,’ said Sergeant Crowley.

‘It’s funny, because not only is this not ricin – it’s not even the castor seed that ricin comes from,’ said Friday, picking up the packet. ‘These are pinto beans. They look a lot like castor seeds, but are entirely harmless. In fact, if you’ve ever had a burrito you’ve probably eaten them because pinto beans are the main ingredient in refried beans, a feature of Mexican cooking.’

‘How do I know you’re not lying?’ asked Sergeant Crowley.

‘You don’t,’ said Friday. ‘You’ll have to check with a botanist or a Mexican chef. Or you could wait until the counterterrorism unit get here and ask them to run it through their forensic process. You should, it will give them a good laugh.’

Sergeant Crowley drummed his fingers on the desk for a few moments, then got up and walked over to the door. He opened it and leaned out. ‘Harris?’ he barked.

‘Yes, boss,’ replied Harris.

‘Run down to the taco place next to the pub and get the chef back here, pronto,’ ordered Sergeant Crowley. ‘And when I say run, I mean run, now!’

Six minutes later, Jorge, a short-order chef from Guadalajara had cleared Friday’s name by confirming that the bag did, indeed, contain pinto beans. Sergeant Crowley immediately rang the counterterrorism unit and told them to turn back – it had been a false alarm.

‘You can go now,’ said Sergeant Crowley, sulkily.

‘Do you want to make a complaint about wrongful arrest?’ Uncle Bernie asked Friday. ‘We could pick up the forms while we’re here.’

‘No, of course not,’ said Friday. ‘I’ve had a wonderful morning. I want to thank Sergeant Crowley. It’s been very educational. And it got me out of double woodwork. So it was extra educational in that it didn’t fill my head with redundant twaddle.’

‘I can have an officer drive you back to school,’ offered Sergeant Crowley.

‘No, thank you,’ said Friday.

‘I’ll drive her,’ said Uncle Bernie.

‘No, I mean I don’t want to go,’ said Friday.

‘You’re not going to confess to something else, are you?’ groaned Uncle Bernie.

‘No, I want to help Malcolm,’ said Friday.

‘Who’s Malcolm?’ asked Sergeant Crowley.

‘My friend outside,’ said Friday.

‘What friend?’ asked Sergeant Crowley.

‘The gentleman you’ve got handcuffed to the bench,’ said Friday.

‘You mean the escaped prisoner and thief we’ve got handcuffed to the bench?’ said Sergeant Crowley.

There was a knock at the door. The lady police constable ducked her head into the room. ‘Boss, I just got a fax through from the prison. Our suspect doesn’t match their physical description.’

‘Are you sure?’ asked Sergeant Crowley.

‘Our suspect is six foot five and has blue eyes,’ said the lady police constable. ‘The guy who climbed over the wall this morning is five foot four and has brown eyes. Also, he’s only twenty, so that’s about twenty years younger than the guy we’ve got.’

‘Okay,’ said Sergeant Crowley. ‘So he’s just a bum who stole a bracelet.’

‘He didn’t steal the bracelet and I can prove it,’ said Friday. ‘If you take me to the scene of the crime.’

Sergeant Crowley sighed. He would’ve liked to have gone to the pub, or at least the taco bar. All that talk of refried beans had made him hungry. But solving the only other pressing matter on his plate that day would make things easier for him in the long run. Plus, he suspected that if he didn’t cooperate, Friday would only embarrass him again.