Chapter Ten

Sometimes he loved his job, like when he made a breakthrough in a patient’s case, as he’d done with Melissa Maloney. Additional testing confirmed his lupus diagnosis, and they’d already begun treatment.

But sometimes he hated his job. Like today, when he had to deliver bad news. The worst kind of bad news.

Alex paused and took a deep breath before plucking Edie Cosgrove’s medical file from the rack on the door of the examining room and going inside. Edie sat on the examining table, and Aaron stood beside her, holding her hand. They both looked up when he entered the room, their anxiety palpable, a living, breathing terror.

“Hi,” he said, as he closed the door.

“Hi.” Aaron cleared his throat. “You have the test results back?”

“Yes.”

Alex opened the file and laid it on the small desk in the corner, before turning to face them again. “Edie, the biopsy we took of the lump in your left breast tested positive for cancer cells.”

Aaron shook his head. “No, that’s not possible. For Christ’s sake, Alex, she’s only thirty-three.”

“I know, but unfortunately, that’s what we’re dealing with.” He turned to Edie, who was pale with shock. “I’ve made arrangements for you to see an oncologist in Bangor. He’ll want to run more tests, and you’ll likely need another biopsy that removes more fluid and tissue so it can be tested to determine what kind of cancer we’re dealing with, and whether it’s still contained inside the left breast. Once all those things have been determined, he’ll discuss the best course of action with you.”

She lifted her chin and looked directly at him. “What are my options?”

“In the best-case scenario, you’ll undergo a form of breast-conserving surgery like a lumpectomy to remove the tumor in your left breast, which will leave a minimal amount of scarring. That may be followed with a course of radiation or chemo treatments, or both.”

“And the worst-case scenario?” she asked.

“Depending on the stage at which we’ve caught the cancer, and whether it has spread to the lymph nodes or the chest wall, it could mean a radical mastectomy followed by chemotherapy, and possibly radiation.”

Aaron closed his eyes, his face twisted in anguish. “Jesus.”

“What do you think, Alex? What’s my prognosis?”

He didn’t want to scare her, or Aaron, but he wanted to be honest. They needed to brace themselves for what could be coming. “We don’t have enough information yet to make a prognosis. That’s why I want you to see an oncologist as soon as possible. You’re young and fit, and you’re in good health aside from the cancer. That’s in your favor. But there’s going to be a surgery of some kind in your future, and I’m reasonably sure your doctor will order a course of radiation or chemo to make sure we kill any cancer cells left behind after the surgery. Your surgery will be in Bangor, but we can do most of your treatments at the hospital in Bar Harbor. But you’ll likely have to see your oncologist in Bangor at regular intervals, so you have to be prepared to make that trip often.”

“What about side effects from the chemo or the radiation? I’ve heard they can make people sick,” she said.

“Yeah, that’s a possibility. It all depends on the drugs used, the amount used, and the length of the chemo treatment, but some of the most common side effects are hair loss, mouth sores, either loss of appetite or increased appetite, and nausea and vomiting. There’s also an increased chance of fatigue, bruising, and infection. The main short-term side effects of radiation therapy are swelling and heaviness in the breast, sunburn-like skin changes in the treated area, and fatigue, but most of those symptoms go away in a few months.”

She lifted a hand to her hair and smiled ruefully. “I think I can cope with the other stuff, but I’m just vain enough to be worried about losing my hair. Silly, isn’t it?”

“No, I don’t think it’s silly at all,” Alex said. He couldn’t help but think of Melissa Maloney.

Aaron moaned in agony. Edie wrapped an arm around his shoulders and drew him close.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” she whispered. “It’s going to be okay.”

Alex took a shaky breath as he watched them. How the hell was he supposed to remain objective and calm? How could doctors working in small communities cope with the emotional stress of treating people they knew and cared about? Since he’d joined the ball team, Aaron had become a friend. He was a good guy, someone he liked and respected. He didn’t know Edie as well, but he liked her. Judging from the way she was comforting her husband now, she had an inner core of strength. She’d need to tap into that strength in the months ahead.

And she was a lifelong friend of Julia’s. He grimaced and briefly closed his eyes. She’d be devastated to learn that Edie was seriously ill.

Aaron pulled himself together, pinching his eyes shut with his thumb and forefinger to stem the flow of tears. Edie faced Alex, one hand still rubbing her husband’s back.

“So what happens now?”

“I’m sending you to see Dr. Collins in Bangor immediately. He’s the oncologist I was telling you about. I’ve referred other patients to him, and I know he’s an excellent doctor. Like I said, he’ll want to do more testing, and then he’ll be able to figure out how he’s going to treat the cancer. My nurse has the details about your appointment with him.” Alex took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Edie, we’re going to hit this thing hard. We’ll do everything in our power to get you well again.”

Her mouth quirked in a brief smile. “Thanks.”

He took a sticky note from the desk and wrote down his home and cell phone numbers. Handing it to Edie, he said, “If you have any questions about any part of your treatment, feel free to call me, anytime. I know how confusing this is, and I know you’ll probably have questions when you leave here.”

It occurred to him that he’d never offered his home number to a patient before, but somehow, in this situation, it seemed like the right thing to do.

****

Alex hit some fly balls into the outfield in preparation for tonight’s game. Aaron was in Bangor this week with Edie while she underwent more testing. Softball was the last thing on his mind.

So in Aaron’s absence he’d stepped in to fill his role of manager and chief organizer. In order to make it to the remaining games of the season, he’d had to trade shifts in the ER and make promises to work holidays and weekends until nearly the end of his time in Lobster Cove. But it was worth it to be able to help out Aaron and Edie. And to spend his evenings with Julia.

Alex grinned as he watched her take batting practice, her bat held high and a “don’t mess with me” look on her face. She played ball like she kissed—with everything she had.

Memories of kissing Julia flooded back, arousing him all over again. The thought of her soft skin against his hands, the taste of her kiss, the scent of vanilla and roses that was so unique to her, caused his cock to twitch to attention. He winced in discomfort. Getting a hard on while wearing an athletic cup was damn uncomfortable. He looked away from Julia in an effort to get his body back under control. What could he concentrate on to take his mind off the mind-blowing kiss he’d shared with her? Algebra? The periodic table? World peace? Nothing worked until he turned his thoughts to winter in Lobster Cove. Remembering frigid temperatures, mile-high snowbanks, and icy roads managed to cool him down.

Their game against another team from Lobster Cove ended in a draw after three extra innings, when they were forced to call it because of darkness. As Alex packed up the equipment, he said goodnight to his friends, keeping one eye on Julia. When she started to leave the ball park with her daughter, he followed her.

“Hey, Julia, can you wait up a minute?” he called.

Both she and Ava turned to face him. Ava’s face lit with excitement. “Dr. Alex! Are you coming to our house for a beer?”

He couldn’t help noticing the way Julia flinched and looked around to see if anyone had heard Ava’s question. Her discomfort at having anyone know he came to her house after games jabbed him in the heart. Was she that concerned about people talking about them? Or was it more personal? Would she have objected to the town gossiping about any man she might invite to her home, or just him?

He focused his attention on Julia. “I don’t know, Ava. That depends on your mom. Maybe you should ask her.”

“Mommy, can Dr. Alex come to our house? Please?”

She sent him an annoyed glance. “I don’t know, honey. It’s pretty late.”

“Please? I want to show him my new kitten.”

“You got a kitten?” he asked in surprise.

Julia shrugged. “One of my teachers took in a stray cat she called Fred. It turns out Fred was a Frederica and was with child. Or with eight kittens, as it turned out. She was desperate to find homes for them, so we are now officially pet owners.”

“She’s beautiful,” Ava said, vibrating with excitement. “Please, Mommy, can Dr. Alex come see her?”

Alex saw a flicker of annoyance cross Julia’s face, mostly directed at him, he was sure. But he also saw a touch of fear, and it gave him pause. What was she so afraid of? Was she afraid he’d kiss her again? Was she afraid he wouldn’t?

“Julia—”

“Come see our new addition,” she said. She looked up into his face, her blue eyes steady, as if she’d made a decision.

“Okay.” There wasn’t anywhere else he wanted to be.

Ava grabbed his hand. “Come on, let’s go!”

Alex laughed. “Hold on a minute. I’ve got my car here tonight because I brought the team’s equipment. Do you want to ride with me?”

“Yes!” Ava said, still holding his hand. He looked for confirmation from Julia. She gave a wan smile.

“Sure, why not?”

Alex put the equipment bags containing bats and balls and back catcher paraphernalia into the trunk of his car. Julia buckled Ava into the back seat, then slipped into the passenger seat beside him.

“So how come you’re looking after the equipment? Where’s Aaron been the last couple of games?”

He couldn’t tell her what was really going on with her friends. It was up to them when, and if, they told her about Edie’s cancer.

“He’s been busy. He asked me to help out for a while.”

Julia turned to look at him, a puzzled look on her face. She obviously expected more of an explanation. He didn’t like avoiding the truth, but the short account he gave her was all he could provide. He was grateful she didn’t press for more.

In a couple of minutes they reached Julia’s house. Ava ran up the walk and opened the door, anxious to see her kitten.

“Didn’t you lock your door?”

Julia shrugged. “I guess I forgot. It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal? Aren’t you worried about being robbed?”

“In Lobster Cove? I can’t remember the last time we had a robbery. Besides, I don’t have anything much worth stealing.”

“Tell me you lock your doors at night when you and Ava are sleeping.”

She rolled her eyes. “I promise you I lock my doors at night, mainly because I don’t want to be found in my nightgown if someone comes over for a surprise visit late at night.”

“Geez, Julia.”

“Like I said, it’s not a big deal.”

He thought she was being naïve, but he let the subject drop, for now. Bad things could happen anywhere, even in a small town like Lobster Cove. The illnesses of patients like Melissa and Edie proved it.

He followed her into the house. When they went into the living room, he saw that a corner had been blocked off with cardboard boxes, a plastic filing cabinet, and a baby gate to create a corral of sorts. Ava sat inside the corral, a fluffy white kitten cradled gently in her arms. Alex moved the baby gate and ventured inside. Julia stayed on the outside, watching.

He got down on his knees beside Ava and ran a finger over the soft fur of the kitten’s back. “So this is your new friend. What’s her name?”

“Snowball,” Ava replied. “Because she’s as white as snow.”

“Good name. How old is she?”

Julia answered. “Four months. We had her at the vet clinic today, and she got some shots.”

“She didn’t like it,” Ava said.

“Neither did I,” Julia said. “Veterinary care doesn’t come cheap. And it’s just the beginning. Our vet says that if we don’t want Snowball to have a bunch of little Snowballs in the future, we should have her spayed when she’s about six months old.”

She looked worried, and for the first time Alex wondered about her finances. She’d remarked once about the low pay of a teacher. Was it really that tough? Being a single parent couldn’t be easy financially. Was she getting any child support from her ex-husband?

“Snowball learned to use the litter box all by herself,” Ava said proudly, pointing to a low-sided plastic box in the corner. “She hasn’t peed on the floor once. Mommy says that once she gets a little older, we won’t keep her cooped up in here anymore.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” he said. “When she gets a little older, she’ll be able to jump out of here anyway.”

“Have you ever had a kitten, Dr. Alex?”

“No, I’m more of a dog person. When I was a little older than you, I had dog when I lived in my grandmother’s house. I like cats, but my mom wouldn’t let one in the house. Too much cat hair messing up her house, she said.”

“She was right about that.” Julia moved the baby gate aside and stepped into the corral. She stooped to stroke the kitten, a smile on her face. “You’re going to be a lot of extra work for me, aren’t you, Snowball?”

Despite her words, Alex saw the affection in her touch. She straightened and went to the litter box, grimacing as she looked inside.

“The good news is that she’s using the box, and the bad news is that I have to clean it. I swear, Ava, you’re going to be doing this soon.”

“I will, Mommy. I promise.” Ava probably would have agreed to do anything to keep the kitten.

Julia smiled fondly. “I know you will. Someday. But for now, it’s my job. I’m going to take this out to the garbage can. Ava, a couple more minutes with Snowball and then you have to get in the tub.”

“Okay, Mommy.”

She took the litter box outside to dispose of the contents. A few minutes later, she returned to the living room and refilled the box with clean litter, settling it on some newspapers.

“Would you like that beer now?” she asked Alex.

“Sure.”

Alex gave the purring Snowball a couple of pets before getting to his feet and following Julia into the kitchen. She thoroughly washed her hands at the sink before retrieving two bottles from the fridge. She twisted the cap from her bottle.

“Did Aaron say anything to you about what’s keeping him so busy?” she asked.

Alex shifted uncomfortably. “I didn’t ask.”

“I tried phoning Edie today, but there was no answer. Same thing yesterday. She didn’t say a word about going on vacation. I’m sure she would have mentioned if they were planning to take a holiday.”

Lifting the bottle to his lips, he drank deeply, deciding it was best to say nothing in case he inadvertently let something slip. He didn’t like keeping her in the dark, but he had no choice.

Ava ran into the room, diverting Julia’s attention, for which Alex was grateful.

“Wash your hands, sweetheart, and then you can have a snack. Would you like something to eat, Alex?”

His stomach chose that moment to let out a loud growl, and she laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes. Would you like a sandwich?”

“I’d love one.” He’d missed dinner, having run straight from the clinic to the ball diamond. “But you don’t have to wait on me. I can fix it myself.”

“Sure, go ahead. Everything you need should be in the fridge. Help yourself.”

“You want me to make you one?”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll have an apple.”

They worked side by side at the kitchen counter as he made a ham and cheese sandwich slathered with mustard and topped with lettuce and pickle slices, and she cut up pieces of apple and cheese for herself and Ava.

They took their food to the table and ate in silence for a few moments. When Ava had finished her snack, Julia affectionately ruffled her hair.

“Time to get ready for your bath, sweetheart. Go upstairs and pick out some clean pajamas, and I’ll be up in a couple of minutes to run your bath.”

“Ah, do I have to?”

“Yes, you have to. Say goodnight to Alex and run upstairs.”

Ava slid from her chair and rounded the table to him. She held up her arms.

“Can I give you a goodnight kiss?”

Alex’s heart tripped over itself. He glanced at Julia, but her stoic expression gave away none of her feelings. He bent to put his arms around Ava’s tiny body, as her delicate hands wound around his neck.

“Goodnight, Dr. Alex.”

“Goodnight, Ava.”

He felt her feather-light kiss on his cheek. Then she let him go and ran out of the room, singing to herself as she raced up the stairs. When she was out of earshot, Julia lifted her gaze to his.

“I’m not doing a very good job at keeping the two of you apart.”

“Why do you have to?”

“I told you before, it’s not good for her to get so attached to you when you’ll be leaving Lobster Cove in a few months. I don’t want her to be hurt again.”

“Again?”

“She was only three when her father left. She says she doesn’t remember him, but at the time she asked for him over and over. She couldn’t understand why he suddenly disappeared from her life.”

He remembered what Ava had said about her father living far away. “Doesn’t he ever visit her?”

She looked away. “No.”

She said nothing more, making him wonder what Julia’s feelings were for her ex-husband. Was she still in love with him? Was that the reason she kept her heart so guarded?

“I’d never hurt her on purpose. You know that, don’t you?”

She lowered her gaze and stared at her clasped hands in her lap. “It’s easy to hurt someone, especially a child. You don’t even have to try very hard.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. She was right. Ava had become attached to him, and he to her. He had a hard time imagining leaving her behind when he returned to San Diego. The feeling was almost as strong as his inability to imagine leaving Julia behind. But he couldn’t imagine staying in Lobster Cove, either.

So where did that leave them?

“The other night, when you…when we…when we kissed, I…”

Her voice drifted off. She looked at him, confusion in her eyes. He leaned forward and grasped her hands.

“It was the most amazing kiss I’ve ever experienced,” he said truthfully.

“We can’t do it again,” she whispered.

“Why not?” He wanted to kiss her over and over again, and strip away her clothes to press his lips to every inch of her body. He wanted to kiss her right now.

Agony filled her eyes. “You know why. I told you. I don’t want Ava hurt.”

“Is that the only reason?”

Would she care if he left? Would she think of him when he was gone? He hoped so, because he was pretty sure she’d be on his mind.

“No,” she admitted. “People will talk.”

“I don’t give a damn what people say!”

“I do! I have to live here. You’ll leave and never give this place a backward glance.”

“Is that what you think? That I could forget you so easily?”

“Yes… Oh, I don’t know.” She took a shaky breath. “I wish I were the kind of person who could have a casual affair, but I’m not. And I’ve got Ava to consider.”

“So you want me to leave.”

She closed her eyes, but when she reopened them, they were free of tears and determined.

“Yes. I think it would be best for all of us if you didn’t come over after games.”

He nodded. He knew she was right, but if it was the right thing to do, why did it hurt so much?

He got to his feet and walked to the front door. Julia followed him. Stopping, he turned to look at her. She didn’t look any happier than he felt. At least that gave him some comfort.

“Will I see you at the next game?”

“At the ball diamond, yes. But not after.”

“What will you tell Ava?”

“That you have your life, and we have ours. Your life isn’t here with us.”

“I don’t want her to hate me.” The thought of Ava disliking him or being disappointed in him hurt far more than he expected.

“She won’t, at least not for long. She’ll be okay.”

Alex wondered if she really believed that. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be okay.

“Goodbye, Julia.”

He reached out his hand to cup her cheek, needing to touch her one last time. He thought she might pull away, but instead she closed her eyes and leaned into his hand, turning her face to press a kiss into his palm. Then she backed away.

“You should go.”

He opened the door and stepped through, not wanting to prolong the agony any longer. The soft click of the lock behind him signaled she’d closed the door.

He wished he could close off his feelings just as easily. He was pretty sure this was going to hurt for a long, long time.