Chapter Twelve

Julia woke slowly, the light creeping in between the slats of the window blinds telling her morning had arrived. She groaned and checked the clock on her bedside table: Six a.m.

The events of the previous evening and night flooded back. Edie. Cancer. Alex.

Alex. Oh, God.

She couldn’t believe what she’d done, how wanton she’d been. What on earth had come over her?

Fear and anxiety swamped her. She’d used sex to try to forget about Edie’s illness, her mother’s precarious health, even the stress of her work. But it hadn’t worked. Nothing could make her forget that her best friend was facing a possible death sentence.

She turned her face into the pillow to muffle her sobs. The worst was that she’d used Alex to assuage her fears and guilt. Oh, God. What must he think of her?

Wiping the tears from her face, she sat up quickly and looked around her room. He was gone; the room empty. Had he gone home? Then she heard the water running across the hall in the bathroom and realized he was in the shower.

Grabbing her robe from the chair where she’d tossed it last night, she quickly pulled it on and securely tied the belt, doubling the knot just to be safe. She remembered the things they’d done to each other during the night, and a flush spread over her body, heating her from the inside out. The sex had been amazing, spectacular, mind-blowing. By far the best she’d ever had.

And they could never do it again.

Maybe it was already too late. What she felt for Alex was already too deep, too strong. It was stupid to feel this way about him, considering the way they’d met and the short time they’d known each other. But he’d been the first person, the only person, she’d turned to after getting the news of Edie’s illness. She trusted him. Needed him.

The thought terrified her. She couldn’t let herself need him. She couldn’t let herself need anyone again.

Losing Russ had been humiliating and gut-wrenchingly difficult. She’d been forced to come to terms with the knowledge that he hadn’t loved her enough to want to stay with her in Lobster Cove. In the end, she’d discovered that everything about their life together had been a lie.

None of this was Alex’s fault. But she had to put a stop to their fledgling relationship now, while she was still able to do it.

He opened the bedroom door and quietly closed it behind him, a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair wet from his shower. When he turned and saw her, his face lit up in a smile, as if she was the one person in the world he most wanted to see.

She sent up a little prayer to Heaven. God, please give me strength.

“Hey, you’re awake.” He stepped close and reached out his hand to touch her face. She moved, evading his touch.

He let his hand drop to his side, his eyes narrowing. “What’s going on, Julia?”

“Nothing. Last night was wonderful, and I appreciate that you…that you…comforted me. But I need to be realistic. We…this relationship…isn’t going anywhere, so I think it best if we say goodbye this morning and go our separate ways.”

“How do you know this relationship isn’t going anywhere? You haven’t given it a chance.”

“What would be the point, Alex? You’ll be back in San Diego in a few months, and I’ll still be here.”

He edged closer, reaching out to caress her arm. “Baby, that’s over six months from now. Why couldn’t we see each other until then?”

Moving away from his touch, she wrapped her arms around herself and paced her small room. “People would find out we were having an affair. It would be all right for you, but I’ve still got to live here after you leave.” She gave a laugh that came out more bitter than she had intended. “I’m supposed to be an example of upstanding citizenship to my students. How much moral authority do you think it would give me if everyone in town knew I’d been screwing the good doctor’s brains out?”

He flinched at her choice of words. “It’s not like that, and you know it.”

She lifted her chin. “Isn’t it?”

“Not for me,” he said softly, “and I don’t believe it is for you, either. Why are you doing this?”

She couldn’t look at him. “Like I said, I think it’s better if we don’t see each other…this way again. I have my reputation in this town to think of, not to mention my daughter’s feelings.”

“For Christ’s sake, Julia, this is the twenty-first century, not the nineteenth. Nobody gives a damn if we’re sleeping together.”

“I care!” she said, her voice louder than she’d intended. She deliberately lowered it, not wanting to wake Ava. “My reputation is all I’ve got.”

For a moment he stared at her, confusion and frustration etched on his face. Then he grabbed his clothes from the floor and headed to the door. With one hand on the doorknob, he paused, not looking at her.

“You can’t deny that there’s something strong between us. I’m not sure what’s going on with you, Julia, but I never thought you were too much of a coward to find out what we could have together. Call me if you change your mind.”

She heard him go into the bathroom to dress. Sitting on the edge of her bed, her hands clasped in her lap, she listened for him to leave the house. At last she heard him go down the stairs and close the back door of her house. She got up from the bed and moved to the window to watch him leave her yard through the back gate. She watched him walk down the back alley until he was out of sight.

Sinking into the chair next to the window, she dropped her head into her hands and cried. She cried for her mother, for Edie, and for the life she could never have with Alex.

****

The day dragged on and on for Julia. She was tired from lack of sleep and worn out with worry over Edie and her parents. And then there was Alex. Had she been wrong in sending him away?

No. It was the only thing she could do. They had no future, and to carry on an affair would leave her open to criticism and attack by people like Ralph Sykes and her former father-in-law. She was a single parent. She needed her job.

But as much as she tried to justify her decision, her heart still cried over and over that she was wrong. So damn wrong.

She closed the lid of her laptop and rested her forehead on top of it. Her world was spinning wildly. Everything was going wrong, and she couldn’t keep up anymore. She wanted to get off this crazy merry-go-round and catch her breath before she spiraled completely out of control.

The cordless phone on her desk rang, startling her out of her melancholy. She saw her former in-laws’ number on the screen and contemplated letting the call go to voice mail, but that was just putting off the inevitable. She either dealt with Wyatt now or later. It might as well be now. Steeling herself, she punched the talk button.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Julia. Lily here. How are you?”

She sagged with relief at the sound of Lily’s voice, and belatedly realized she couldn’t have dealt with any problems from Wyatt today.

“I…I’m—”

To her surprise and distress, she burst into tears. Putting a hand over her mouth, she tried to stop, but she simply couldn’t. Through the window she saw Ava playing outside in her sandbox, and she was grateful her daughter wasn’t nearby to witness her breakdown.

“Oh, honey,” Lily said. “I heard about Edie. I’m so sorry. I know she’s a good friend of yours.”

“Yes.” She managed the word through her tears. Lily and Edie’s mother were friends, so it was no surprise she’d heard the news. Edie’s mother must be worried sick. She should call her, see if there was anything she could do for her…

The tears fell harder.

“Julia, would it be all right if I came over and visited with you and Ava today?” she asked gently. “Have you had lunch?”

Her stomach rebelled at the thought of food, but Ava needed to eat. It was past lunchtime. What kind of mother lets her child go hungry? “No, we haven’t.”

“I can be over in a couple of minutes and make lunch for the two of you. Would that be okay?”

Julia hesitated a moment, torn between the desire to maintain her privacy and her need to have someone look after her today and tell her everything was going to be all right.

Need won.

“I guess that would be fine.”

“I’ll be right there.”

Julia punched the Off button and set the phone on her desk. She reached for a tissue and blew her nose and wiped her eyes, trying to get herself under control. She didn’t want to frighten Ava, and she couldn’t let Lily think she was a basket case, unable to care for her daughter. With that thought in mind, she closed her eyes and concentrated on taking deep, even breaths until the tears stopped.

By the time Lily knocked on her door a few moments later, she felt almost back in control of her emotions. She even managed a smile for Lily.

“I’m sorry about that phone call. It’s been a…a difficult couple of days.”

To her surprise, Lily enveloped her in an embrace. “I know, Julia. I know.”

She held tightly to Lily, surprised at how much she needed support today. Finally, her mother-in-law held her at arm’s length and took a good look at her.

“You look like a girl who could use a bowl of chicken noodle soup.”

That made her laugh. “Oh, yeah? Maybe that’s true, but I don’t think I’ve got any in my pantry.”

Lily picked up a bag she’d dropped by the door when she entered the house. “You’re in luck. I just made some. I brought over enough for lunch.”

“Ava needs something to eat, but honestly, I’m not sure I could keep anything down right now.”

Lily nodded, her face full of empathy. “We’ll see how you’re feeling in a few minutes when the soup’s ready. If not, you can fake it for Ava’s sake. Where is she, by the way?”

“In the back yard, in her sandbox. She’s probably filthy.”

“I’ll bring her in and get her cleaned up, and then we’ll have lunch. Would that be okay?”

She managed a genuine smile. “Yes. Thank you.”

Lily rubbed her arm. “Good. Why don’t you rest for a few minutes?”

“Okay.”

She pulled Julia into a hug once more. “It’s going to be all right.”

Julia let herself take comfort in her mother-in-law’s embrace, grateful to her for being here. She’d needed someone to look after her today. At one time, she would have sought solace from her own mother, but she was afraid those days were over.

She fought back more tears at that thought and pulled away from Lily.

“I think I could use a cup of tea. Would you like some?”

“Sure.”

Julia forced a smile. “I’ll put the kettle on.”

Lily patted her arm once more, then went out the back door to retrieve Ava. Julia padded into the kitchen in her bare feet, glad for the small task. She needed to keep busy, to keep her mind engaged in chores and activities so it didn’t have time to dwell on all the scary things going on in her life.

The kettle boiled, and she took it off the heat. Pouring a little of the boiling water into her teapot, she swirled it around to warm the pot. Then she dumped the water into the sink and threw a couple of teabags into the pot. Adding hot water from the kettle, she watched as the bags released their brown coloring. The fragrant scent of orange pekoe filled her nose.

You can blame my grandmother. She’s Mexican-American, but she has an obsession with all things English. She’s a big fan of afternoon tea.

Julia bent her head, pushing back tears again. Could she not even make tea anymore without it reminding her of Alex?

She heard Lily and Ava enter the back door, and she struggled to pull herself together. Somehow she managed to present a smiling face for her daughter.

“Mommy! Grandma Lily is here!”

“I know, sweetheart. Isn’t that a nice surprise? She’s going to have lunch with us.”

Ava threw her arms around Lily’s waist. “I’m so glad you came.”

A wave of guilt rushed over Julia. She hadn’t exactly welcomed Lily into her home the last three years.

“Let’s go upstairs and get you cleaned up, Sweet Pea,” Lily said with a smile.

“That’s what Dr. Alex calls me, too! Dr. Alex is my friend, isn’t he, Mommy?”

Julia didn’t have a clue how to respond to that. Luckily, Lily took Ava’s hand, distracting her.

“My goodness, look at those dirty hands! You can’t sit down at the table with those. Let’s get you upstairs to the bathroom so you can wash up.”

“Okay, Grandma.”

Before leaving the room, Lily flashed a curious look at her. Had she somehow heard about her and Alex? Her stomach knotted at the thought.

While they were upstairs in the bathroom, Julia busied herself by pouring tea, emptying the dishwasher, and setting the kitchen table. A few minutes later they returned, Ava chattering happily to her grandmother. Lily set about making lunch.

“No, you sit down. I want you to relax,” Lily said when Julia tried to help her. She steered her to the kitchen table and made her sit down with her cup of tea.

To her surprise, she was able to eat her soup when Lily put a bowl in front of her. Her stomach had called a truce, recognizing that she needed nourishment, even if Julia hadn’t. She pushed the bowl away when she’d finished.

“Thank you, Lily, that was delicious. It was very kind of you to make us lunch.”

“It’s my pleasure. It’s lovely to look after my girls.”

Julia blinked and looked away, feeling guilty once more.

She couldn’t bear it. She simply couldn’t bear it.

The doorbell rang, and Ava ran to the front door. One of her little friends from down the street walked into the kitchen with her.

“Can I play with Amber? She wants me to come over to her house.”

“Ava, Grandma Lily came here to see you today. You can play with Amber some other time.”

“That’s okay, Julia. I’ll come visit again soon. Come give Grandma a kiss before you go, Sweet Pea.”

Ava hugged Lily and then, grabbing her friend Amber’s hand, headed to the door.

“I want you home by three o’clock,” Julia called. “Tell Amber’s mom.”

“Okay, Mommy.” The door closed with a loud bang.

“I’m sorry about that, Lily. She could have played with her friend some other time.”

“That’s all right.” Lily sipped her tea. “Like I said, I’ll be back to see her sometime soon. If it’s okay with you.”

“Of course it is. Lily, I’m sorry I haven’t made much of an effort for Ava to spend time with you and Wyatt.”

“I understand. Wyatt hasn’t exactly made you feel welcome in our home the last three years.”

She swallowed. “It’s been a difficult situation.”

“Yes, it has. It can’t be easy for you, raising Ava alone and dealing with a sometimes very stressful job. I remember how it was when Wyatt was principal of the school. I should have supported you more. I’m sorry.”

Julia shook her head, on the edge of tears once more. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Neither do you. Let’s just say from now on we’ll make a bigger effort to spend more time together and to support each other.” She took Julia’s hand in hers. “How does that sound to you?”

“It sounds good.” She managed a genuine smile. “Thank you.”

“Good.” Lily squeezed her hand before letting it go. “Louise told me that Edie will be having surgery in a couple of days.”

A trickle of anxiety rippled through Julia’s body at the thought of her friend going under the knife. “Yes, that’s what Edie told me, too, but I don’t know any of the details.”

“She said Aaron’s taking it hard.”

“Poor Aaron. He must feel so helpless.”

“Men like to fix things, to make things better. But there’s nothing he can do to fix this.”

“He can be there for Edie. I know that just having him with her will mean the world to her.”

Lily frowned. “He’ll be with her during her surgery, but Louise said he can’t afford to take any more time away from work, especially with all the medical expenses they’re going to have.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.” She sat up a little straighter. Aaron was an electrician and owned his own one-man business—one-man except for Edie, who did his books and kept him organized. Being self-employed meant that if he didn’t work, he didn’t get paid. “Does he have medical insurance?”

“No. Louise is also concerned about Edie’s chemo and radiation treatments. She’s not going to be able to drive herself back and forth to Bar Harbor. They’ve warned her the treatments could cause nausea and fatigue. Even though it’s not very far, it would be best if she didn’t drive herself.”

“No, of course not. I could drive her.”

“The treatments won’t start until she’s healed from the surgery. You might be back at school by then. Louise and her husband are going to take some time off work, but they only have so many vacation days.”

“Aaron’s folks work too, don’t they? Doesn’t Aaron’s dad have a heart condition?”

“I believe he does, but he still works at the hardware store.”

“Who’s going to look after the kids while Aaron’s at work and Edie’s in treatment? How are Edie’s parents going to take her to her treatments and look after the kids at the same time? What happens when the grandparents run out of vacation time?”

Lily shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“We should do something.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I can call around and see if I can find other people who may be willing to help with the driving, when the time comes.”

“That sounds like a great idea. I could call my friends. Some of them are retired and have the time to help.”

“That would be awesome.”

“Some of my friends like to cook. I’m sure the Cosgroves would appreciate good food they don’t have to cook themselves.”

“Yes.” Julia stood up and walked to a kitchen drawer where she kept a pad of paper and some pens. She started to write down ideas. It felt good to do something positive, to help someone else instead of wallowing in her troubles.

“Your mother is a wonderful baker. Wyatt buys her pies every year at the church bake sale. We could ask her to make something.”

Julia’s pen stilled, her thoughts screeching to a halt. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Oh? Why not?”

She took her seat at the table once more. “My mother isn’t well.”

She found herself telling Lily everything, from Alex’s suspicions over Ava’s broken arm to his finding her mother wandering in her nightclothes in the middle of the night.

“Alex suspects she has the beginnings of Alzheimer’s disease, but my dad is in denial. I got him to take her to see Dr. Willson for some initial testing. He’s supposed to take her to a neurologist in Bangor, but he’s been putting it off.”

“Oh, Julia. I’m so sorry.” She covered Julia’s hands with her own, compassion in her blue eyes. “It must be so difficult for you. And then Edie’s illness on top of it.”

She swallowed. “It’s been a rough few weeks.”

“It’s a lot for you to handle on your own. I wish you had felt you could come to me. Just to talk, if nothing else.”

“Please don’t say anything about my mother, Lily. My dad would be very upset if he thought people were talking about her. Please, don’t say anything to Wyatt about it.”

“If that’s what you want, I won’t say anything.”

“Thank you.”

Lily patted Julia’s hand before pouring herself more tea. “I’ve never met Alex Campbell, though I’ve heard he’s a very good doctor. My friend Pat went to see him about her arthritis. She found him very helpful, and very sympathetic.”

Julia took a sip of her tea, averting her gaze. “Yes.”

“It sounds like Ava likes him.”

“Yes. He’s very good with children.”

Lily cocked her head to one side. “Do you like him?”

Julia put a neutral expression on her face and answered cautiously. “Sure, he’s a nice guy. We play ball together on Aaron’s team.”

“That’s good. You should go out. After all, it’s been three years since your divorce.”

“We’re not…there’s nothing…we just play ball on the same team.”

She couldn’t talk about her feelings for Alex, especially not to Russ’s mother. And she certainly couldn’t tell her about last night.

“That’s too bad. It sounds like he’s a very special person.”

Julia looked away. Very special.

Lily drank the last of her tea and got up from the table. “I should be going. I’ll start calling some of my friends today and see which of them can help.”

“That would be wonderful. I’ll do the same, and maybe we can put together a list and make some plans.”

“Okay. We’ll keep in touch.” She leaned over and kissed Julia’s cheek. “Don’t worry, dear. Edie’s going to be just fine. We’ll have the whole town pulling for her by the time we’re done.”

Julia smiled and rose to her feet. “Yeah, we will.”

“And you’re not alone.” She took Julia’s hand. “Whenever you need to talk, I hope you’ll come to me. I know we’ve been on opposite sides of the fence in the past, but I hope those days are over.”

“So do I, but I’m not sure Wyatt feels that way. I know how much he dislikes me.”

“He doesn’t really dislike you, honey. It doesn’t help that Ralph Sykes fills his head with nonsense about you.”

“It doesn’t surprise me that Ralph is spreading rumors about me, but I hate that he’s upsetting Wyatt.”

Lily sighed. “He’s still hurting over Russ. Our son has cut us from his life as if we don’t exist. It’s painful for both of us, but my husband is taking it particularly hard.”

This was news to Julia. She hadn’t known her ex-husband had chosen to ignore his parents the same way he pretended his daughter didn’t exist. “I’m so sorry.”

“It hurts, a lot, but what can we do? We’ve reached out to him, but he wants little to do with us. We can only hope his attitude changes in the future.”

“I hope so, too.” Did Wyatt blame her because Russ had abandoned them? She wondered what sorts of things Ralph was whispering in his ear. Was her job in jeopardy?

She walked Lily to the front door. “I hope you’ll come by again soon.”

“I’d love to. What if I come over Saturday afternoon? I can spend some time with Ava, and we can go over our lists, maybe do some brainstorming.”

“Saturday would be great. I’ll see you then.”

“Goodbye, dear.”

She stood in the doorway and watched as Lily walked to her car, gave one last wave, and drove away. Julia went back into the house and closed the door, determined to do something to help her friend.

For the next hour she phoned everyone she could think of, asking them to help Edie and her family. Almost everyone volunteered to do something. Several mentioned throwing a fundraiser to collect money for the family. It was a good idea. She imagined the cost of Edie’s treatment, along with transportation costs, hotel rooms, prescription drugs, and whatever else they were going to need, would be substantial. She’d talk to Lily on Saturday, and see what she thought of the idea.

She shook her head and smiled to herself. She hadn’t expected so much support from her former mother-in-law, but it had felt good to unburden herself about some of her problems. She’d been surprised at Lily’s positive reaction to Alex and the possibility of them dating, but she was sure Wyatt wouldn’t share her open-minded attitude.

It didn’t matter what they thought. Nothing more could ever come from her relationship with Alex.

The thought caused her infinite sadness.