An Afterlife

Although I don’t believe in it,

My hopes for an Afterlife include

The everyday as well as the divine,

Which means that in addition to

Hanging out with heavenly hosts and hostesses,

Plus an assortment of other celestial beings,

I’d spend eternity with the people I love,

And never see those I could spend forever not seeing,

Particularly (please check attached list) my sister-in-law.

Although I’m not expecting it,

My plans for an Afterlife include

The frivolous as well as the profound,

Which means that in addition to

Grasping the ultimate nature of good and evil,

Plus how much of life is free will and how much is fate,

I’d be able to play the piano without taking lessons,

Eat whatever I want without gaining weight,

And get to have sex with Paul Newman without feeling guilty.

Although I wouldn’t count on it,

My goals for an Afterlife include

The down-to-earth as well as the sublime,

Which means that in addition to

Purging my soul of sin and my heart of envy,

Plus ridding my spirit of selfishness and despair,

I’d concede that my friend Irene is better at Scrabble,

Admit that I haven’t quite mastered learning to share,

And get over the fact that Fran Tepper, who—let me tell you—doesn’t deserve this,

Is married to someone who worships the ground that she walks on.

Although I’m not disputing it,

My views of an Afterlife include

The dubious as well as the devout,

Which means that in addition to

My awe at the magnificence of creation,

I’m wondering what the creators were thinking about

When they decided, for instance, to make mosquitoes.

And weren’t there any better options than death?

And why give a chronic skin disease to a darling person like Marilyn and a perfect complexion to a bitch like Beth?

And why leave us never knowing,

Never ever, for sure, really knowing

If there is an Afterlife?