After Giving the Matter
a Great Deal of Thought

After giving the matter a great deal of thought,

I’ve decided not to live longer than my husband.

Nor do I want him living longer than me,

Married to some younger woman who will want to redo my kitchen,

And bribe my grandchildren into being crazy about her,

And probably know a few sex tricks I’ve never heard of.

After giving the matter a great deal of thought,

I’ve decided life wouldn’t be fun without my husband,

Nor would I want to start in with some other man,

With his whole new set of ailments,

And his whole new set of irritating habits,

And his difficult sons and daughters I would have to pretend to like,

No matter how definitively I didn’t.

After giving the matter a great deal of thought,

I’ve decided my husband and I should die together,

Pleasantly and painlessly,

Of natural causes, of course,

And at a ripe old age, whatever that means,

Leaving behind our children to deal with the taxes,

The health insurance reimbursements,

That mess in the basement we planned to, but didn’t, clear out,

And leaving them, too, to remember a marriage

Both wonderful and strenuous,

Actually, far more wonderful than strenuous,

Or so I have finally decided,

After giving the matter a great deal of thought.