Chapter 39
The ride to Zebulon was completed in a car filled with silence. Elise had fallen asleep, and Eric stared out the window the entire hour and a half it took to reach her mother’s house. Faith tried to talk to him, but he was so upset and hurt about what his father had done, that she’d grown tired of the one syllable responses.
Her mother greeted them with warm hugs and fervent kisses. Elise had opened her eyes for a few minutes to smile at her grandmother, but fallen back to sleep. Faith tucked Elise into the bed in the room the two of them would share and kissed her on the forehead before leaving.
Outside the door, she leaned on it, her heart heavy, hoping this reprieve would help her clear her mind and make the right decision for her family. Jonah had gone too far. They had reached the end. He’d almost hurt her child. She had no choices now.
When Faith entered the kitchen, she found her mother and Eric playing UNO. Signs of the earlier damage done by his father, whisked away by the overabundance of love his grandmother had showered on him.
Love does cover a multitude of faults, she thought. But could she make it cover her husband’s? She didn’t believe it could anymore.
Faith joined them in several hands of cards, but when Eric started yawning, she sent him to bed.
“Sometimes I wish we had never left New Jersey,” Faith said, letting a breath she’d been holding escape her lungs.
Her mother stood and walked to the stove for the tea kettle that had just started whistling. “Faithy, if you never left Jersey, you wouldn’t have your children. You can’t go wishing away things that affect other things.”
Faith nodded. “The truth is . . . I miss Daddy.”
Her mother nodded. Faith knew she did too, but her mother changed the subject.
“So tell me. What does Jonah think about this new job?” she asked, pouring hot water into two mugs that held herbal tea bags.
Faith reached mid table for the sugar jar, and after putting two teaspoons in her mug, she responded, “I haven’t told him.”
Her mother stopped cold and gave her a penetrating gaze. “You still haven’t told him? That was almost three days ago. What are you waiting for?”
“Mom, spare me the lecture that’s coming. You’re about to get an earful about what’s been going on in my house, and I need your support, not your judgment.”
Her mother slipped into the chair opposite her at the table. The sun, having gone down over an hour ago, left the moon hanging high in the night sky. Moonlight bounced off the windows in the small kitchen and seemed to compete with the fluorescence from the overhead fixture in the room. The lighting produced a golden haze that filled the kitchen with what felt like sunshine. It contrasted with the darkness that was quickly filling her heart.
Faith blew on the hot liquid steaming in her cup. She took a small sip and burned her lip. Grimacing, she put down the cup and looked up to catch her mother’s eye.
“You always touched things that were hot. Hot drinks, hot stove, hot iron.” Her mother laughed weakly.
“I don’t remember being so hardheaded. You make me out to be a terror.”
“You were just spoiled. Spoiled by your daddy.”
Faith felt tears welling in her eyes. “I need Daddy. If he were here, I’d be able to talk to him about some of the stuff I’m going through with Jonah and Eric.”
“He would be able to help,” her mother volunteered softly.
“It seems like I lost him right when I needed him. Girls need their fathers, not just when they’re children, but when they’re adults.” Faith played with the pattern on the lace tablecloth.
Tears rolled down her face unchecked. “Sometimes I feel so confused.”
“God is not the author of confusion.” Her mother’s words moved through her. She could feel the Spirit of God trying to pull her back from the hurt, but she was afraid to let go of her pain. Afraid to trust what she was feeling in her soul. Forgiveness. I can’t, she almost said it audibly, but then she looked at her mother.
“No, God is not the author of confusion. But God is also not the one controlling my husband,” Faith said firmly, standing and walking to look out the large picture window over the kitchen sink. In the twinkling starlight, she could see her mother’s expansive garden. Both her parents loved to garden. They had hobbies together, things they shared. She didn’t have any of that. How had her life gone so horribly wrong? She shook her head.
“How’s the new greenhouse?” Faith turned away from the window to face her mother once again.
“I should have tomatoes soon. With the greenhouse I get to plant early so they should be coming up.” There was no enthusiasm or excitement in her mother’s voice. Faith knew she didn’t want to talk about her garden. Her mother wanted to know what was going on with her family.
Faith raised her mug again. Seeing the steam had receded she put it back to her lips. “Jonah hit Eric.”
Her mother’s lips turned into a thin line. Silence hung between them for a few seconds.
“Not a spanking type of hit.” Faith’s words were slow and deliberate. “He was drunk. I went to a church meeting. I came into the house and heard Jonah screaming at Eric. I walked into the office and he was shaking him. He threw him down on the floor.”
Her mother whistled low and hard.
“He would never have done that if he weren’t drunk.” Faith continued to shock her mother with her discovery about Joshua, the conversation with Mom Morgan and Jonah’s ensuing silence ever since. “I can’t live with him anymore. It’s not just about him being a lousy husband or a lousy father.”
“Yeah, ’cause in that respect, he ain’t no worse then any other man.”
Faith bit her lip, and after first avoiding her mother’s stern gaze, looked her in the eye. “You don’t think so? What was Daddy, an enigma? He was the best.”
Her mother shook her head. “The best Daddy. He was a bear of a husband, especially in the early years,” she said. “All men have quirks. All of them are full of something, honey. At least Jonah’s a decent man, loves you and the kids, and provides well. So he’s stubborn, and he drinks a little.”
“He drinks a lot, and he drinks because he’s overworked. He’s overworked probably because he’s in some kind of personal battle against pediatric heart disease. He won’t talk to me about that, so it’s a cycle that I don’t have a chance of breaking.” Faith felt like every bit of energy was being drained from her body. She let out a deep breath. “This can only work if he stops working all the time.”
“In his mind, maybe by working, he’s being a good husband and father. That might be his way.”
“Well, I can’t live with his way. There’s got to be some compromise. It can’t all be about what I’m willing to do for the marriage. Jonah has to be willing to do something to make it work too.”
“You have to pray and wait on the Lord. God is faithful. Wait on Him to fix your marriage. Stop talking about what Jonah has to do.”
Faith tried to swallow, but her lips were pinched together from annoyance. Her mother never sided with her. “What about Eric? Don’t you care how this affects your grandson?”
Her mother looked at her like she was stupid. “Of course I care. I’d have to be made of stone not to care.”
“And the drinking? What kind of example is he setting?”
Her mother threw up her hands, and then brought them down in fists onto her thighs. Shaking her head she said, “Faith, I named you that for a reason.” She sighed heavily, weariness in her voice. “Without faith, it is impossible to please God.”
Faith put a hand on her hip and dropped her head. “This is not about me or my faith.”
“It’s always about you and your faith, honey.” Her mother stood and took both of Faith’s hands in hers. “I understand that you’re hurting. You have a right to be angry about how he handled Eric. He had no right getting drunk and shaking him. But God hates divorce and so do children. You have to work this thing out.”
Faith pulled her hands from her mother’s grip.
“Do you believe God is sovereign? That He’s big enough to fix anything?”
Faith was silent. She’d heard this before, from Yvette, and Pastor’s messages. She walked back to the table and slipped into her chair. “Mom, I don’t have the tenacity to keep enduring what you’re asking me to endure, and now that he’s almost hurt my child because he was drunk. How can I trust him?”
“You need to trust the love. The love of Christ, your love for Jonah, your love for Eric. Love covers a multitude of faults.”
Faith took a long sip from her now cool cup of tea. She couldn’t believe her mother had just used that scripture.
“There’s love all over this situation, so in the end, love will fix it. In God’s time.”
Faith put her cup down. “My mind’s made up. It’s my job to protect the kids. I’m going home tomorrow, and I’m asking him to move out of the house. If he doesn’t leave, I’ll pack and move. I’m not going to give him a second chance at my son.”
Her mother shook her head. She picked up a worn Bible that lay on the end of the table, stood from her chair, and walked out of the kitchen. “I’m going to pray,” she said. “Somebody has to.” Then she disappeared into the darkened hallway.