She screamed.

Carlene screamed.

I said, “Don’t move! Don’t move!”

But Bonnie didn’t listen. She was jumping up and down and throwing her arms all over the place and the big fat black mamba opened its big fat black mouth and bam, bit her right in the forehead.

This was very sad because black mambas are the most venomous snakes in the whole world. Native to Africa, this one was probably an illegal pet to the man with the buzz cut who moved into the pink trailer with the motorcycle who I haven’t met yet. Most people don’t realize that you’re a goner if a mamba gets its teeth into you.

Bonnie fell to the ground.

Carlene was still screaming and though some would think I should have helped Bonnie, I knew better. Her face was already bloating and she was turning purple. She was a goner. RIP.

So instead of Bonnie, I jumped for the snake, barely grabbing his tail before it slithered off into the bushes and had babies and infested the entire neighborhood.

We wrestled for a bit and he gave me a gigantic fight and people came out on their porches. And some were crying and others were yelling to call animal control and even more were saying, “Is that Olivia?”

Yes, it was me. It was me. Just me.

And even as the jaws of the deadly animal were about to bite my butt off, even then, I maintained my composure, kept the thing at arm’s length and managed to contain it in a soon-to-be-recycled Tang jug.

Everyone cheered.

Bonnie was dead.

And Carlene came and hugged me.

Bonnie stared.

“What’s wrong with you,” she said.

I said.

I said . . . I tried to say something.

“Do you have a mental disorder?”

I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Then she said, “Lala said your dad is a LOSER and that he just took off and that he made a bunch of people mad.”

A LOSER.

I looked at Carlene who was looking at her hands. I had never heard her or Lala say anything like that.

I thought I was going to throw up and I probably was going to.

When Dad left, everyone was nice to us, and Tandi got us a gift card for Dominos and came over, and Mom cried and I said, “He said he’d be back. He’s just gone for a bit.”

But Mom kept crying and Tandi said, “Go on to your room, honey.”

A LOSER.

I looked back at Bonnie who had bad breath and I said, “He’s coming back. He’s in Bryce Canyon is all. He’s coming back.”

Bonnie blew a bubble and popped it. Then she said, “Is that where his girlfriend lives?”

“His girlfriend?” I looked at Carlene.

She wouldn’t look at me.

“What are you talking about?”

Now Bonnie was looking at Carlene, too. “She doesn’t know?”

Carlene said, “Lala was just being stupid. She makes stuff up.”

My heart was pounding. What did Lala say? What was going on?

“That’s not what you said yesterday,” Bonnie said.

We both waited as Carlene did nothing but pick at her fingers and then cough. And cough and cough.

Finally, I said, “He doesn’t have a stupid girlfriend. He just went away for a job and he’s coming home.”

Bonnie nudged Carlene. “Tell her what Lala was saying.”

I looked at Carlene. “What was Lala saying?”

Carlene was bright red now. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

But Bonnie kept going, she said, “Lala said your dad was trashy. She said your dad was trashy trashy trashy.”

Carlene looked at me and I was trying not to cry. I was trying not to do anything.

“And gross,” she said.

Bonnie looked almost happy that she was saying all this. That she thought she knew something that I didn’t and I didn’t even know Bonnie so why did she care? And my dad didn’t have a girlfriend.

He was my dad.

He was married.

To my mom.

And he went to Bryce Canyon.

He was in Bryce Canyon.

By himself.

Bonnie started to say something. I don’t even know what because before she could get out a word, Carlene said, “Shut up, Bonnie.”

Just like that.

Shut up, you dumb-bum Bonnie.

~

Bonnie looked stunned and I was kind of surprised, too, because Carlene didn’t usually say things like shut up. Carlene had sweat beads on her forehead and she was breathing through her nose.

Bonnie’s face turned hard, like you could see her eyes get black and she said, “You shut up.”

She stood up.

So then Carlene stood up.

“This place sucks,” Bonnie said.

And Carlene said, “Sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

And Bonnie said, “I knew I shouldn’t have come here. It gives me the creeps.”

And Carlene said, “I’m so sorry.”

And she said, “I’m calling my mom.”

And Carlene said, “We have Ding Dongs. Do you want a Ding Dong?”

Bonnie ignored her. She stalked into Carlene’s house with Carlene begging her not to leave.

I sat there.

A girlfriend?

Did he have a girlfriend?

Was he trashy?

And gross? What did that even mean?

I took a breath.

He was not trashy and this is what was happening to me in the middle of Saturday and Berkeley and Mom were on errands and I was alone and Dad was in Bryce Canyon.

~

Please, Dad. Be in Bryce Canyon. Riding around on horses. Going on hikes. Helping people.

Please don’t be gone because you’re trashy and gross.

~

And a loser.