I said, “Life is stupid.”

And Melody said, “Don’t say that.”

I was drinking ginger ale and eating cookies and saying life was stupid and she was telling me not to say life was stupid even though she sat on the steps of her trailer and cried all day and all night and her husband, Harry, was nowhere, just like my dad was nowhere. I’d seen her sitting there after school and for no reason I decided to talk to her and for no reason she got me ginger ale and cookies.

I said, “It is.”

She said, “It’s not.”

I said, “It’s not?”

She said, “It’s not.”

I said, “Today someone threw a hamburger at my head.”

She paused. “A real hamburger?”

I thought about what a fake hamburger would be like. Maybe one of those candy ones?

But it was real so I said, “Yep.”

“Really?”

Then I told her the whole thing. I told her how I sat there.

I told her how I had to go in the kitchen part of the cafeteria while everyone watched or didn’t watch.

I told her about Lisa and Edna with the headgear.

I did not tell her about Bart or Harrison or whoever he was.

She sighed.

Then I kept talking.

It was like I couldn’t stop.

I told her about how I had to go back to school and I hadn’t been going to school but now I had to and it was the worst.

I told her how I was behind and how I had no friends but that I didn’t even try to get friends because it felt tiring and maybe I’d get to stay home again soon. I even told her how I made up a circus for Berkeley and how that was never going to happen. I told her that every day of my life—Every. Single. Day.—of my life was stupid.

It was the first time I opened my mouth and let anything that wanted to just come spilling out.

When I was done.

And I was breathing hard.

And probably sunburned.

When I was done, she was quiet.

Didn’t say a thing.

I waited.

I wondered what kind of perfume she was wearing.

A fly landed on my leg. I slapped at it. It flew away.

Then Melody said, “What if that had been a butterfly?”

I looked at her. “What?”

“Would you have swatted it if it’d been a butterfly?”

“Uh,” I thought about it. Would I have? “Probably not,” I said.

She nodded. Then she said, “Why not?”

“Because butterflies are good. Flies are bad.”

She said, “Are they?”

I took a bite of cookie. Then she said, “Flies can be gross. They can spread disease and infest meat and grain.”

“That’s what I mean,” I said.

“But . . .” She cut me off. “They also pollinate more plants, including food that you would never guess. They do just as much good as the bees do and not only that, they feed hummingbirds, sparrows, and songbirds.”

I had no idea why she was talking about this. Who cared about the dumb flies? Also I didn’t know they did that kind of thing. But still.

She took a cookie off the plate. “People decide things without knowing the whole story. Usually things aren’t all one way or all the other way. Usually they’re a little bit of everything.”

I thought about that for a few seconds while she ate another cookie.

Then she said, “A hamburger?”

I said, “What?”

And she said, “They threw a hamburger?”

And I said, “A hamburger.”

She said, “Cheeseburger?”

I said, “Hamburger. They don’t have cheeseburgers at my school.” I also said, “They may not have been aiming at me.”

And she said, “That’s the spirit.”

Then I said, “Is Harry coming back?”

She sat back and closed her eyes. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

Then she said, “You weren’t going to school?”

I said, “No.”

She said, “Your mom knew you weren’t going to school? Do you guys get money from the government? They can help with day care.”

My stomach started to bubble a little because Mom won’t do anything like that and says we don’t need other people’s money and it’s none of anyone’s business and we can take care of ourselves and here I was telling Melody, which Mom would hate hate hate so I said, “Where does Harry go?”

She sighed. “I don’t know.”

I took a drink of ginger ale. I thought about me. I thought about Mom. I also thought about Harry and Melody.

I wanted to ask if Harry was bad. Or good. Or if he was a little bit of everything.

I wanted to ask if he was the reason she sat out here for hours. Or if she loved him even though he left all the time or if he loved her even when he left all the time or if they talked or if he had a girlfriend that wasn’t her or if she thought about moving to Virginia or if she killed flies in her kitchen or let them lay eggs all over the place and multiply so that they could pollinate food and plants I would never guess and get eaten by songbirds. Maybe her house was filled with songbirds.

Maybe she and Harry loved each other so much.

Maybe she and Harry hated each other so much.

I wanted to ask her everything.

But then I decided not to ask her anything.

Instead we sat in the sun.

Then she said, “I know how to ride a unicycle.”

..............

Dear Dad,

I talked to Melody today. Do you remember her? It turns out she does stunt work and hair and makeup for local movies which there aren’t a lot of but she used to live in LA and she did it all the time there. A stunt person! Plus, hair and makeup. One time she was a double on a superhero movie but she couldn’t tell me which one for privacy reasons. I think it was Thor. Or Batman. But I don’t know.

I told her how great school is going. She also said she could do my hair for free because she’s in between jobs right now and she needs to practice so we might dye it because Mom doesn’t do that anymore. She also said she could permanently straighten it. Like a reverse perm. Should I do that? Mom said I shouldn’t but Mom and Melody are different.

I hope you are good and that you like being a ranger at Bryce Canyon where I know you are. That boy Bart is definitely a liar.

Sincerely,

Your daughter, Olivia

P.S. He’s not dead or abducted.

..............