The minute Dane’s feet hit the beach he knew he should go back and apologize. Hadn’t the fight at the palace and Tal’s dressing down taught him anything? Everyone with a successful plural marriage had told him they had to behave like brothers. Brothers didn’t normally walk away from brothers. Well, his biological ones had, and he’d resented the fuck out of it.
Hadn’t he just done the same to Landon and Cooper? Yes, but they’d taken Alea without him. And he hadn’t really listened to what they’d said. He’d just lost his temper and his fucking mind.
Now he was arguing with himself. Awesome.
Dane planted his hands on his hips and forced himself to suck in a breath, clear his head. What exactly had happened? The whole way up the trail to the lagoon, he’d been hoping that this would be the day. Once he got to wherever Lan and Coop had claimed was paradise, that maybe they would kiss her a little, maybe seduce her out of her clothes. They’d talked about all being there, going slow with her. But he’d wanted to get inside her. He’d wanted to make love to her.
Then he’d discovered that Landon had beaten him to the punch.
When he’d crashed into the clearing to find her, so fucking gorgeous with her head thrown back, taking pleasure from Lan and Cooper, he’d felt dizzy with shock. He’d stood there and watched as she’d given herself to them, and his blood had boiled with betrayal. Terrible accusations had spewed from his mouth. On the way back to base camp, he’d cursed. This wasn’t her fault, or Coop and Lan’s.
It was his own.
While on top of him, Lan had allowed Alea the control she’d undoubtedly needed. His buddies could be gentle with Alea. They could treat her right. They didn’t have perverse needs.
They were better for her than he was.
Cooper and Landon hadn’t been kicked out of the military. Oh, Dane had been allowed to leave of his own accord, but everyone knew he’d been a hairsbreadth away from a court martial. Alea deserved an honorable lover, and he wasn’t that.
He didn’t have a family anymore. They’d all turned their backs on him. He didn’t have wealth or even much of a future. When he really thought about it, he didn’t have a whole fucking lot to offer her. He scrubbed a hand through his hair. He should have kept it together, but no, he’d said some terrible things because he’d felt so damn inadequate in that moment. He’d just known that she’d waited until he was gone and she was alone with Lan and Coop to make love.
He sank down into the sand, his head in his hands. He’d walked into that little piece of paradise and he’d turned into a kid again. He’d been eight fucking years old and his brothers had been taking what he wanted just because they could, so he’d lashed out. How pathetic was he?
“Dane?” A soft voice pulled him out of his misery.
Alea stood looking at him. She was wearing Cooper’s T-shirt, her golden legs bare and her feet sinking into the sand. He’d expected to see rage on that gorgeous face, but she was looking down at him with doe eyes.
And all he could do was beg for forgiveness. “I am so sorry.”
She sniffled a little before sinking into the sand next to him. “At first I was going to throw things at you like a warrior princess. I think I’d better leave the battling to you guys because all the enemy has to do is look sad and I give up.”
Her heart would always be too soft for real war. She proved it by sliding her arm against his. He was willing to take any warmth she would give.
“I jumped to conclusions and said things…” Dane sighed. “I was a complete ass.”
She nodded slowly. “You were. We weren’t trying to shut you out. I know that’s what you think. But for once in my life, I was in the moment. So much of my life is planned out for me—schedules, appearances, even my meals. I didn’t want this to be planned, too, Dane. I was swimming with nature, basking in the sun…and I felt so free. I wanted to keep that feeling. I wanted to share it.”
She hadn’t done anything wrong. He kissed the top of her head, loving how she opened up to him. He’d been the one to fuck up, yet she was still here with him, offering his dumb ass comfort. “I want that for you, too, Lea.”
She pulled back slightly so she could look up at him. Her gorgeous face was so grave, he would have done just about anything to get the softness back. “Are you sure you want this kind of relationship?”
He hadn’t in the beginning. At all. “I wasn’t taught to share, Alea. But, yes, I want this. I screwed up today. I can only say I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.”
“How can you be sure? Dane, I know about your wife.”
“She’s not my wife.” He couldn’t even stand to think about her now.
“Your ex-wife. She left you for your brother, right?”
“My brother turned out to be the better bet. And he didn’t need to tie her up to get off.”
“You needed to tie her up?” Alea frowned. “I mean, like always?”
She sounded daunted by the prospect. “No. Not always, but toward the end I realized I wasn’t in love with her, so sex became a game. There was no making love in that relationship. There was an exchange of goods and services. When I got cut off from the family money, she found another way to tap into it.”
“I can’t make up for what she did to you. But this is the kind of relationship where jealousy just can’t have a place.”
“I wasn’t asking you to make up for what happened to me.” Was he?
“I can’t fix what she did, either. Dane, I believe this relationship can work, but not if you’re going to make me choose. I grew up differently than you. I know this will require a shift in your thinking, but I’m crazy about all three of you. My aunt and uncles were so happy, and I want that for myself. I want that for us. But it can’t work if you don’t believe that I’ll care for you all wholly and equally.”
“I’ve done everything I know to make this work.” The accusation stung. He’d been the one to bring them all together. He’d been the one to pull Lan out of his damn shell and to soothe Coop’s doubts. He’d been the one to get Alea talking. Sure she didn’t like discussing her abduction, but she at least opened up about how she felt now.
For his effort, he should have had her first.
Goddamn it. She was right. Dane cursed. He wasn’t looking at this from a “family” point of view. He’d been selfish and dumb and he’d ruined it for her. He’d been the one to tell her to go with the fucking flow. He’d just been sure the flow would bring her straight to him.
He had forced all of them to try to face their demons, but he hadn’t even started to face his own.
There was a part of him that wanted to slink away. He could go to the other side of the island and not have to deal with any of this shit. He could be alone. It was what he deserved, but was it what she deserved?
What she deserved was a man who was fucking brave enough to tell her the truth. He hid behind his Dom role so often that he forgot she needed a place in this family, too and not just the one on her back. She wasn’t a blow up doll they were going to pass around. If he wanted to know her, really know her, he had to let her know him, too.
Families were so fucking scary. His own had let him down. He would rather face down ten guns than risk heartache again. Unfortunately, when he forced himself to acknowledge the truth, he couldn’t deny that he yearned for a family more than anything. He wanted this family—Alea and these brothers.
“You have,” she agreed. “But…”
“But I’m having a hard time trusting it.”
“Explain that. Make me understand.” She turned her face up, those dark eyes full of sympathy.
Dane knew a whole lot of his friends would have backed off then and there, sympathy equaling pity in their heads, but Dane took it for what it was, an offering from a deeply kind and loving woman. He hadn’t known a hell of a lot of love and kindness in his life. He latched on to it now, taking her hand in his and holding on for dear life. The man his father had created wanted to pick up his shit and run to the other side of the island and let bitterness be his only friend, but Dane knew that would make him miserable. Instead, he was going to be the man Alea needed, the kind who embraced happiness. It was a gamble, and if he lost, well…at least he’d have the consolation of knowing he’d given it his all.
“The whole family thing. I think that’s why I tried to be the one in control of all of it. If you all needed me, then you wouldn’t get rid of me.”
She leaned closer, her skin warm against his, and he felt all the ice in his chest starting to melt. He’d tried to put her in this very position, to need him, but fuck, he needed her.
“I would never get rid of you, Dane. Why would you think that?”
At her sweet words, he relaxed a little, shocked by just how nice it was to talk. “Besides the fact that you’ve been trying to fire me since I got hired?”
“I’m awfully glad I didn’t succeed.” She pressed against him, their hips touching, her arm through his, then she looked up at him for a long moment. “Tell me. It’s about more than just your ex, isn’t it?”
Her perceptive question stunned him, but the beauty of this place and the intimacy of sitting beside her settled him. He’d sat with lots of women, had plenty of lovers, but somehow Alea made him breathe easy. Something about sitting with limbs entwined, the sound of the surf rolling on, brought up a deep well of peace in him. And that made it so much easier for him to talk. He’d thought he would never discuss Kelly with Alea, but she needed to understand. And he was shocked at how good it felt to let go and tell her about his damage.
“It’s not just her, baby. It’s my whole life. My dad was a military man. He believed in running his household like a war camp. He was a Darwinist of the highest order.”
“Survival of the fittest?”
“Yep. He thought getting the shit kicked out of me on a regular basis would make me a man. He didn’t hit me himself, just didn’t really stop it when my older brothers did. And yet I still tried to please him, tried to keep up with my brothers. I got married because she was beautiful and my dad liked her. Said she’d make a fine military wife. I didn’t love her. I thought I did, but I didn’t even know who the hell I was. How could I love her? And then the long deployments started, and my team was shipped to Afghanistan.”
“They kicked you out because of what happened in the Korengal Valley, didn’t they?”
He turned to her, a little startled. “How do you know about that? It’s supposed to be classified.”
There was not an ounce of shame on her face. “I snuck into Tal’s office and read your files. He has a very good relationship with the US. They sent him over a lot of stuff on the three of you that no one should know. You did the right thing, Dane. That CIA agent was an asshole.”
“He was covering his own ass. Things didn’t go down the way they should have. We were working on faulty intel, but make no mistake, Lea. I knew what I was doing and I knew I would be out. I made the decision to get those civilians out of the line of fire thereby blowing an undercover op.”
“You saved them,” Alea said, her cheek against his arm. “I think it makes you a hero.”
“And I blew a multi-million dollar op. When I flew home, I expected my wife to be waiting to drive me home from the airport. I knew it was going to be a rough conversation, but I didn’t even get to say a word. She wasn’t there. I got served with divorce papers the minute I stepped off the plane. They were right there in an envelope with a note from my father disowning me and a key to the storage place where they’d shoved all my worldly possessions.”
Cooper had been standing next to him. He’d been ready to board a plane for Denver to get back home, but he’d stayed with Dane. And eventually they had found Landon, then made it to Bezakistan, to Alea.
To this island where he just might finally get the family he deserved if he wasn’t an insecure prick.
“I want this so badly, but I’m afraid I can’t be what you need.” There it was, all out there for the world to see.
She moved, shifting away from him. He thought for a moment that she would leave, but she cupped his face as she moved, positioning herself between his legs. “Take it easy on me. Let’s go slow and see where it’s heading, Sir.”
Sir? The word caused his cock to tighten. “No, Lea. It’s okay. I’m going to shelve that shit.”
He could do it for her. He wasn’t sure if he could be as passive as Lan had been, but he could try.
“It’s not shit, Dane. It’s what you need. You were out of control all your life. I can see that. Even when you were grown, you were still at the mercy of everyone else. You need one place where you have complete and utter control, and I trust you to take care of me.”
“And you need control, too.” That was the problem with their relationship, the basic, never ending, no-solution-at-all problem. They were both damaged, and he wasn’t sure how to fix it.
She frowned at him. “Not like you mean. It’s different for me. I didn’t grow up scared the way you did. I had a great family. The sex stuff is hard for me, but being here has given me a lot of time to think. You said that how I eventually dealt with this would be the measure of what kind of woman I am.”
He remembered it like it was yesterday. He’d been standing in the background watching Alea with Piper on the evening she became the future queen. Alea had thrown a bunch of bile his way, and Piper hadn’t understood. “I said those things to Piper. You had stomped off in a blaze of rage and sequins.”
A little smile curled her mouth up. “I didn’t stomp very far. I listened.”
“You eavesdropped.” Little minx.
“Another lesson from my childhood. Dane, I listened in on a lot of things. Why do you think I was always in the garden or the hall or wherever the three of you happened to be? Because I couldn’t let myself believe you wanted me and I couldn’t really convince myself that I didn’t want you. I didn’t choose Landon. I went with the flow and made love with my men. This is the way of life in my world. I can’t set up a schedule. I can only promise that I need each of you.”
He didn’t want a schedule. God, not at all. “I guess I’m wondering why you need me. Landon is like your knight in shining armor. Cooper makes you laugh. I just seem to make you mad.”
“You make me think. You make me get off my ass and fight. I’m not dumb, Dane. You’ve been topping me from the minute we landed on this island. Oh, you put it in questions and circle it all back around so it sounds like it’s my idea, but I know what you’re doing and I need it. I think it’s what I’ve been missing for a very long time. I know I’ve pushed a lot of people away and made it hard to help me, but you’ve found a way to do it. If you want something to shelve, make it the jealousy.”
His cock stirred because that last line had been said with a tone of perfectly intended brattiness. She knew exactly how to provoke him.
“I’ll always be possessive.” It was his nature. No amount of beat downs by his brothers had taken that away from him. He’d just gotten good at hiding what he wanted to keep and he’d gotten really fucking good at fighting dirty. But he didn’t have to with Lan and Coop. “Did they send you here?”
“I came myself. To fight the good fight, so to speak. Do you understand what we could be?”
Dane nodded. He understood and deeply desired it. “I was an ass. Forgive me.”
“Make me.”
He felt his whole body go on alert. “Do you know what you’re asking for?
“I know what I’m willing to try. Go easy on me, Sir. Landon was really big and I’m a little sore, but I want you. I want to…play.”
A haze of lust seemed to envelope him. Yeah, he could play. He could play hard and rough, but he had to be careful. “I can handle it, Lea. I’ll get the lube. I’ll go easy on you.”
She stopped, frowned. “We have lube?”
Of course. He was a Boy Scout. He’d had plans that had involved a metric shit ton of lubricant. “Yeah, baby. I’m prepared.”
Her eyes narrowed. “The waves took the condoms but not the lube?”
Fuck. He was the one who had to explain this? “Baby, the waves only took one bag. The lube was in a different duffel.” And thank god Lan had made the right call. The lube was way more important. “If it makes you feel better, he also sacrificed my favorite pair of nipple clamps which are now at the bottom of the sea.”
Her whole face flushed, but the sweetest smile came over her lips. “We have to talk about your priorities, Dane. Condoms are more important than lubricant.”
“You’re wrong.” She’d just given him an all-access pass, and he was fucking taking it. “I want you pregnant. I want to fill you up because you’re my female and I want the family only you can give me.”
He dreamed about her round and soft and full of their baby. His children would have such a different experience. They would know love and peace and joy. They would have four parents to protect them. He wanted this life. He wanted to know that if anything happened to him, his precious wife and their offspring would still be loved and protected by his brothers—brothers who would never take from him, but simply enhance his life, be by his side no matter what. He’d been dealt a shitty hand in the past, but this time he’d come up aces.
“I want that, too,” Alea said quietly. “I thought I would be married by now. I thought I would already have my husbands and I would have kids. I never wanted to wait. I wanted my happy ending”
“Your husbands are right here, Alea.”
Tears pooled in her eyes. “You don’t know everything.”
He shook his head. “I know everything I need to know, baby. I love you.”
“Right here and right now, I believe it. I don’t know that I want to leave this island. It feels like a dream. I don’t want to wake up.”
They would get rescued. He knew it deep down inside or he wouldn’t risk getting her pregnant. He had faith. But nothing had to change. “You’re safe with us.” The “us” came easy now. And so did something else. “Take off that shirt. Show me your breasts.”
She hesitated, but just for a moment, then her hands went to the edge of Cooper’s navy-blue shirt and she started to pull it up, revealing inch after inch of gloriously golden flesh. Her knees. Her thighs. He held his fucking breath as he caught sight of her pussy. She was smooth and golden there, too, with just a flush of pink to show that she’d recently taken a cock. She’d given up her virginity and moved forward, taking another step in her healing.
“Keep going. I want to see everything.”
She pulled the shirt up, her belly button coming into view. He loved her roundness and the way her belly sloped into her hips. So graceful. That was Alea. The bottoms of her breasts showed beneath the hem of the shirt, and his cock sprang up long and thick, tenting his sweats. The fucker seemed to be pointing her way.
Nipples. Hers were sun-kissed brown, and he couldn’t wait to get his mouth on them. But he had control. He needed to have control. For her. For him.
He sat back, aware of every cell in his body coming to life for her as she held the shirt in her hand. “Toss it away and tell me about it.”
“It?”
Like she didn’t know what he meant. “I want to know how it felt to be with my brothers.”
He loved the way she blushed. “It was nice.”
“Oh, that won’t do. Tell me how it felt and I don’t want you to use the word nice. Landon isn’t exactly a small boy.” He shrugged a little, moving his hips to give his cock more room. This was right where he wanted to be. In control. “You live with a guy long enough, you end up seeing more than you’d think or want. It’s not like Coop’s tiny, either. Tell me what you did to them.”
She sat back on her heels, her knees together. “I don’t know if I can talk about this. Can’t you just kiss me?”
He felt his eyebrow arch. She didn’t understand the word submission, but she would. “I could spank you. It’s your choice.”
He loved the way she flushed and her mouth made that perfect little O. “You want to spank me?”
It was said with a breathy little huff that lifted his hopes. She wasn’t disinterested. “I would kill to spank that ass. I dream about it. I want to get that skin just the perfect shade of pink. Come on, baby, give me a reason to put the flat of my hand on your ass.”
“I gave Cooper a hand job. I don’t know why they call it that. It didn’t feel like a job.” She spoke way too fast, her words tripping over each other as she flushed.
“Did you like it, you little vixen?” He hoped she did because he wanted to feel her hand and her mouth on his own cock as soon as possible.
The sweetest smile crossed her face. Fuck, she was beautiful. “I wasn’t sure I would, but I liked the way he pulsed in my hand.”
His cock twitched, his whole body relaxing as he realized she was going to give him everything he needed. She wasn’t running away. She’d come after him, despite his idiotic outbreak. She was smart, his girl. She’d fought for what they all needed, and they needed that kind of courage in a wife. “Did he fill you up?”
“Yes. I could barely get my hand all the way around it.”
Alea’s voice went husky, and he could tell the moment she became comfortable. Besides the deepening of her tone, her body relaxed, her knees spreading wide as though she didn’t realize that she opened her pussy wide and lovely. Damn, he needed a camera because that sight needed to be preserved.
“You must have done it right. He looked happy.”
“I tried to make sure he enjoyed it, but I had never done it before.”
He reached out for her because the insecurity that slipped into her words hit his heart as hard as it hit his cock. He got to his knees and brushed his lips across hers. “I’m sure you were perfect, Lea. You couldn’t be anything but. I have no doubt Cooper loved it.”
“I did,” a masculine voice said.
His brother was here. A feeling of deep rightness flowed over him, and he knew that not only could he handle this—he wanted it. He glanced behind him and saw Coop and Landon waiting there. Cooper had gotten dressed again, but Lea had stolen his shirt. Lan was in his boxers. Damn. If they were here much longer, they would all be nudists.
Alea looked over and her hand almost went for the shirt. “Maybe you guys should go.”
Dane reached out and grabbed the garment, dragging it away from her. No way was he giving this up. “Cooper, tell her how much you liked her hand on your cock. Lan, could you please grab the lube? I think we need to start preparing our woman to take all of us.”
Lan practically ran toward the luggage.
And Cooper sank into the sand beside him, his eyes on their very naked woman. “I loved it. I can’t stop thinking about it. You were amazing, baby. And I think you should suck Dane’s cock while Lan and I start your prep.”
Oh, his brothers knew just what to do.
“Come here, Lea.” His voice had gone super deep. Dom voice. Fuck. He wasn’t ever going to use that voice on any woman but her again. She was the end, the final win. He relaxed back against the log they’d dragged into camp that first night. He spread his legs wide so she had a place to plant that gorgeous body.
She crawled forward. Every sensuous move made his cock jerk. His body felt deliciously heavy.
“Yes, Sir?” Her breasts swayed as she moved on all fours. Fuck. Fuck! He was lucky he wasn’t coming just from the sight of her. Her nipples were hard and pointing down. She looked toward him, those full lips of hers glistening wet as her tongue darted out, sliding across her bee-stung lips.
“Take my cock out.” He could barely speak. His dick ached to jump out of his pants and lurch toward her.
She got to her knees, those breasts settling in and looking so fine he couldn’t help but smile. He spread his legs out as her hands moved to his waistband. He was damn happy he’d gone commando. It left one less layer between them. He pushed his hips up as she dragged his pants down. His cock bobbed free, a sense of deep relief flowing through him.
“Kiss it.” He didn’t measure his voice. She could handle it. He would need to go slow when it came to holding her down, but she didn’t have a problem with commands. His girl would just refuse any order she wasn’t ready for. Everything else was play, just fun and relaxation. Anything serious they would work through, and that gave him comfort.
It was funny. He’d topped women for a long time, the trust seeming to flow one way, and now he realized what he’d been missing. Trust should flow both ways. He trusted Alea to tell him what didn’t work for her. He trusted her to know what she needed when it came to sex so he didn’t have to worry if this was all weighted toward him. He was a service top, a Dom who needed to give pleasure and satisfaction to his submissive. Alea would never accept less. She was his perfect partner.
A little grin lit her face as she leaned forward, letting him know she wanted to play as much as he did. And then her lips connected with the head of his cock, and he stopped thinking about anything at all. Well, beyond how hot her mouth was. Her little pink tongue darted out, laving the sensitive head.
“Lick me.” Today would be just a small taste. Eventually he’d give her a full meal, but not this time. He wanted to get inside her. Needed it like he needed his next fucking breath.
She leaned back down, showing him the graceful arc of her spine and the way the sun kissed her silky skin and brought out the shades of her hair. She fascinated him. And she had him moaning as she ran her tongue over the slit.
Her tongue moved over his cock, rubbing and nuzzling and lighting him up. She explored freely, trying to map his every hill and valley, line and groove. There was nothing fast and hard about the way she sucked a cock. It wasn’t done to get him off in the quickest way possible. Alea loved his cock, lavished it with affection, took her time as she licked around the head and ran her lips across the vein on the underside. He watched her, giving up control for a moment because seeing her find her power was a magical thing.
“God, that is beautiful.” Landon was watching intently on his knees in the sand beside them. Cooper stared, too.
It was beautiful. Dane closed his eyes, letting the moment roll over him. He wanted to memorize every second. The breeze from the ocean, the softness of the blanket under them, a barrier to the ever-present sand, the way her hair tickled across his thighs. The soft sound of her mouth suckling him.
The knowledge that he wasn’t alone, would never be alone again, filled him. He had his wife and his brothers.
He opened his eyes, and Alea stared up him with languid, dark eyes, even as her tongue ran his length.
“You are so perfect.” He reached out and stroked her hair, worshipping her as she worshipped him.
Landon watched, but his gaze met with Dane’s, a question lurking there. He was asking if he could join in.
“Let’s start getting our girl ready for us.”
A smile split Lan’s face, making him look happier than Dane could remember.
“I’ll help with that, too,” Cooper promised with a laugh as they positioned themselves around Alea.
Her head came up. “Prepare me for what?”
He narrowed his eyes and pointed back to his erection. “We’ll prepare you for a spanking if you don’t get that sweet mouth back where it’s supposed to be.”
She frowned, but it was a flirty thing. “Bossy.”
“That’s right, baby,” he groaned as she put her mouth all over him again. He was the boss and that was just how he wanted this to be. Dane relaxed and shifted his hips up. “Play with my balls, Lea. And get that gorgeous ass in the air.”
It was time to get her ready. It was time to share with his brothers.