So yeah, GABRIEL’S ROAD is in your hands a few months later than I’d originally planned. That’s on me. A lot of us are writing more slowly than we used to — living in America in the 20teens is exhausting — but I had this sucker all plotted and planned out, so it should have been an easy 6 months in and out.
Yeah. Not so much.
A year ago, I didn't know this story would be so difficult to write. The first draft went fast, but it was…. not right. Probably because, although I knew what happened, I didn't actually know what the story was about.
Lemme ‘splain.
From the very beginning of SILVER ON THE ROAD, I knew that Gabriel didn’t have his shit together, although he had a very pretty façade going. While Isobel was facing a traditional coming-of-age, he was coming up to his Second Chance, the opportunity to stop running and finally put down some roots like a grown-ass adult. And for most of the story, that’s how we played it. Until about halfway through RED WATERS RISING, when I realized that he’d been hiding much worse damage than even I knew.
And you can’t put down roots with that much damage — the first storm that comes along will just uproot you again.
And as I drew Gabriel along this part of his journey, a lot of small, unexpected details both in his actions and his reactions started to feel very familiar to me.
Sometimes the writer lizard-brain hides things from you, to make sure that you don’t trip over your own emotional feet. So there was a lot of sitting back in my chair and going “huh,” happening for a few months, until my front mammal brain caught up with what my lizard brain had been doing.
Sneaky, story-smart, lizard brain.
I’ve written about my own PTSD*. I’ve written characters experiencing PTSD before (FREE FALL, “Apparent Horizon,” and a few others). But I had never written a character going through therapy for it before. But that's exactly what Gabriel undergoes in this story. and as I look back now, I realize I've been writing my own Journey as well.
Neither Gabriel nor I am ‘cured’ or ‘fixed’ or ‘done.’ We never will be. But we’ll be okay.
(By the way, Graciendo is a terrible therapist. 10/10 would not recommend.)
— Laura Anne
*as part of the #holdontothelight mental health essay series, which I highly recommend to anyone wondering ‘is it just me?’