HE DIDN’T seem surprised when he opened his car door and saw me waiting in the faculty parking lot.
“Good morning, Mr. D.”
“Hello there, Brodie. Is this the new normal for us now?”
“I finished reading the book you gave me.”
His eyes widened, brows going way up. “Already?”
“Can we talk about it?”
HE GOT his black coffee and his muffin, this time bran with cream cheese. I’d brought cereal bars from home. We sat in the cafeteria and had this intense discussion about Aiden, the main character in The Gospel of Winter. Aiden was sexually abused by a trusted, well-liked priest at his church. His struggle to come to terms with that led him into all kinds of heavy crap, including pill-popping, alcohol abuse, feeling up an unconscious guy, and getting sexually aggressive with a girl he liked. It was pretty intense stuff, and I had lots of questions about it all. Mr. Dakota seemed glad to go back and forth with me. He was really into it.
But I never got up the nerve to ask the questions I really wanted answered, the questions prompted by the inscription inside the cover.
Who was S?
Why did she—or he—give him the book? (While reading the book, I kept thinking about the rainbow flag Mr. D wore on his tie. Was he gay? Gay friendly?)
Exactly how was Aiden like Mr. D? Had somebody hurt Mr. D when he was a kid the way Aiden got hurt?
Was he better?
Did he need help? Because if he needed help, I wanted to make sure he got it.
But I didn’t ask any of that. I was a loser who couldn’t help my own mom, who couldn’t keep my girlfriend happy. What the hell could I do to help a man like Mr. D?
AT MY locker between third and fourth periods, I noticed Fawn standing down the hall with a couple of girls whose names I couldn’t remember. All three of them were looking at me in this weird way, like when you spot someone you haven’t seen in a while and you’re tossing your brain trying to remember where you ran into them before.
I couldn’t figure what was up with that.
Except… maybe Fawn was over whatever drove her away from me.
That had to be it. She was ready for things to go back the way they were between us.
I closed my locker and turned to her. I waited for her to signal me to come over, or for her to walk up to me.
She said something to the other girls. Then the three of them turned and walked down the hall, away from me.
I SAT on the steps at the back of the gymnasium during my lunch period, trying to catch up on the texts Abel had sent last night. He knew Dad had my phone, but he noted in his first message that he was upset and couldn’t wait to unload.
The funeral arrangements for his grandmother had been made, the services set for this Friday. But the tension between his dad and granddad finally boiled over yesterday. Those two had been going at it for days, over every little thing, from what his granddad should wear for the funeral to what details should go in the obituary. But the biggest blowup came when Abe’s dad pressed Abe’s grandfather about selling his home of forty-one years and moving to Jeddersville. It had been awful, the two men shouting at each other so long and so loud a neighbor called the police.
Abel was scared. That came through clear as anything in his last text: Never saw my dad like this. Don’t know the man anymore.
I texted him back right away once I read that. Sorry I wasn’t there 4 u
Then I sat staring at the screen, hoping he had his phone on and with him, waiting for him to text me back. A few seconds later, my phone rang, and I saw on the screen that it was Abe.
“Hey,” I said, my voice quick and breathless.
“You don’t have to be sorry. You were there, in a way. I got to unload and didn’t have to hold all that twisted shit in.” Abe sounded tired, his voice heavy. “I don’t get my dad right now. I can see that he’s hurting, but Grandpa’s hurting too. Grandpa Hodge keeps telling us he’s not moving out of his house. Why can’t Dad respect that and leave him alone?”
I almost shrugged but caught myself, realizing he couldn’t see my gestures. “Sounds like your dad’s afraid, man. You know, scared for your granddad.”
“I’m scared for Grandpa too. He’s seventy-seven and he’s fucking alone now, and yeah, he gets confused about dates and when his bills are due and stuff. But there’s got to be ways of dealing with that without taking him out of his house. Shit, he’s lost enough already.”
“Man. I never heard you this upset before, Abe. You’re cussing. You hardly ever cuss.”
He laughed, an abrupt huff without feeling of any kind. “Yeah, sorry. Cussing’s more your thing.”
I wanted to hug him. That surprised me. I’d never felt such impulses when it came to Abe before his grandma died. But then this was the first time since I’d known him that his home life had turned upside down. “Say no to the worries, dude.”
He laughed again, this time with touches of humor and sadness in his voice. “Damn. I’m turning into a worrier, Bro. I’m turning into you.”
“Your family’s perfect.”
“What in the world makes you say that?”
“It’s what I used to think about you guys. I was always a little jealous of you because I thought your life was perfect. Now I see that you guys are human just like the rest of us.”
“Welcome to reality, Bro.”
I laughed. Abel had a way of doing that to me.
“Enough about my crazy world,” he said. “Tell me that you’re having lunch with Fawn right now.”
“Wish I could. We’re taking a break.”
“You guys are on hiatus?” He sounded surprised.
“As far as I know, yeah. It was Fawn’s idea. We’re definitely not talking to each other.”
“Okay. I’m not gonna pry into that one. But it sucks nuts, man. Hope you guys work it out. How’s your mom these days?”
Wow. A direct question about Mom. And although it felt good that he asked, he had his own troubles to deal with. “She’s okay, Abe. She’s okay.”
“Cool. Glad to hear it. Hey, I gotta go. I just decided I’m gonna help Grandpa organize his file cabinets. He needs that really bad. Hit me up later, before your dad takes your phone tonight. All right?”
“All right.” Abe was a good guy. I was suddenly very glad to have the gift of his friendship. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but that would have been weird. “Hey, Abel… I’m glad you’re in my life. You know? You’re like a brother to me, man.”
Abe sniffed loudly over the phone. “Don’t get all weird and stuff on me, Bro.”
WITH THE end of lunch period on fast approach, I made my way from the gym back toward the main building. I saw Mr. Dakota cross the faculty parking lot, slide into his car, and drive away.
Where was he taking off to in the middle of the school day?
I WAS pretty sure I flunked the pop quiz in chem class, and I zoned out completely in a couple of my other classes. I aced the test in Mr. Dakota’s class, but otherwise it was a shit kind of day for me.
I’d called Mom’s cell phone twice, right after homeroom and again between fifth and sixth periods. She didn’t answer either time. Standing at my locker after the final bell, I called the hospital. The man who answered said they couldn’t give out information about a patient’s condition over the phone.
Fuck it. I was going to the hospital. Dad could do whatever. I was going.
I ghosted through the crowd of departing kids, the straps of my heavy backpack cutting into my shoulder already. A block away from the school, as I headed in the direction of the hospital, my cell phone rang. I stopped right there on the sidewalk. I couldn’t believe what I saw on the caller ID. “Mom?”
“Hi, Brodie.” Her voice was raspy, but it was the best thing I’d heard all day.
“Mom, Jesus. How’re you feeling? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, baby. Sorry I missed your calls. The doctor had me out of the room, running tests.”
“I’ve been so worried.”
“I know. But you don’t have to be. I’ve just been discharged.”
“Okay. I’m on my way to the hospital now.”
“No, don’t come here, Brodie.”
“But… how will you get home?”
“You don’t have to worry about that, hon. You obsess over my problems even when you can’t do anything about them. I’m fine.”
“But, Mom—”
“No, I mean it. You’re finished with school for the day, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I want you to go straight home. Have dinner, do your homework. Relax. Be with your friends.”
I don’t have any friends to be with right now. “Mom—”
“Do what I ask. That’s how you can best help me, baby.”
More than anything, I wanted her out of that hospital now. If I went over there, maybe I’d jinx things and she’d relapse or something. It was stupid to think that, I knew, but that was just how my luck was going these days.
“Okay, Mom. But I need to see you. I wanna come over to your place tomorrow after I’m done with school.”
“I won’t be home tomorrow afternoon.”
“God, you’re driving me crazy here, Mom.”
“I’ll be at my first AA meeting.”
I froze for a second. “What did you say?”
“You can believe your ears, son.”
“Mom… wow… I’m so glad….” I started choking up. I swallowed hard and took a breath to steady myself. “That’s really great, that you’re going. What made you decide to do it now?”
“A number of things. In part you can thank your teacher, Mr. Dakota. He came by this afternoon. We had a good long talk.”
Dad had tried for years—years—to get her into AA. Mr. Dakota convinced her in one afternoon chat?
“I have to go now, Brodie. The nurse is ready to wheel me out of here.”
“Mom… I want you to be okay.”
“I’m going to work on being okay. That’s my promise. We’ll talk soon. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I tucked the phone back in my pocket, feeling unreal, feeling spacey in the head. Did that conversation actually happen? Was Mom finally going to try putting a stop to her drinking?
I turned around, retracing my steps as I headed for home. I felt so relieved, like I’d been locked up forever and the universe just threw me a key. I wanted to smile. Almost did, but I didn’t, afraid my smile might jinx everything.
AS I passed the school’s main entrance, I saw Fawn walk out of the building. Rod Bisson was with her. Rod, a six-foot-plus, big-shouldered star on the basketball team, was also a member of the Drama Club, two extracurricular activities I never thought I’d see indulged together by a guy. But he was into acting, like Fawn, so it wasn’t odd seeing her with the dude… until he grinned and leaned down to whisper something in her ear as they walked side by side. Close enough to hold hands, if they wanted to. And suddenly I could see that they wanted to. Fawn laughed and bumped him playfully with her shoulder.
Something she only used to do with me.
I wanted to stop, let them catch up to me, so I could kick Rod in his narrow jock ass. Some instinct propelled me forward instead, walking faster, feet slapping hard against the pavement. As the anger pounded in my head, I pulled out my phone and fired off a text to Fawn.
WTF R U DOING WITH ROD?
Her response came back in seconds.
Drama Club Just a friend DUH.
No, I’d seen the dynamic between them, and it was way past friend. If I looked back and saw them again, I’d lose it. I’d start crying or yell or cuss my ass off or do something equally stupid and embarrassing.
I didn’t turn around. I dashed across the street, dodging traffic, and broke into an all-out run.