Chapter Eight

Lisa

 

When I entered the lounge, I noticed that a few of my colleagues were in deep conversation, huddled in front of the flat screen television that was mounted on the wall. From what I could see, they were watching the morning news, but I couldn’t hear the program over their voices. I was curious about what captured everyone’s attention, but I was already late after spending the first fifteen minutes of my day hunched over the toilet as I puked my guts out. That fifteen minutes translated to me walking into the school twenty-five minutes later than I generally preferred to be there.

I thumbed through the carousel that held the drink pods, forgoing my usual morning cup of coffee for a mellow green tea that would hopefully help to settle my sudden bout of nausea. Making a mental note to stop at Brookshire’s for fresh ginger after work, I took my mug of hot tea and quickly made my way to my classroom. My students begin to enter just five minutes after I slid into my seat, and shortly thereafter, the day began. I was grateful that we were starting a new project because, after half an hour of explanation, I led them to the library where they would research topics in silence. Once they were settled in, I jetted across the hallway, breezed through the office, and popped into the lounge to refill my mug with tea.

Just as my fingers curled around the handle of the library door, it jutted forward, almost knocking me and my tea down.

“Hey!” I exclaimed as I came face-to-face with an obviously distraught Candice. Her hazel eyes were wide as they darted from me to the hallway behind me. “What’s going on?”

I felt a sense of deja vu as she grabbed my bicep and pulled me further into the hall until we were about ten feet away from the entrance of the library.

“Candice, what is it? You’re making me nervous.”

She stepped closer to me until our noses practically touched. “Did you hear?

My brows met. “Hear what?”

“About the shooting?!”

I sucked in a breath and fear seized my heart. “What shooting? Here at the school?” My mind started running through the closest emergency exits.

Candice’s grip on my arm tightened. “No! In Little Rock.”

What? “What are you talking about? You aren’t making any sense.”

“Lisa!” Both hands were on me now and she shook me. Hard. “There was a shooting in Little Rock last night. A crazed man stormed an open house and took his ex-wife and three other people hostage. The news is reporting sounds of gunfire but no one can get into the house to see what happened.”

I exhaled heavily. No matter how often it happened, I would never get used to hearing about violence against women. This was a horrible story that I was sure wouldn’t end well, but I still had no idea why Candice felt like I needed to hear it about it so urgently.

“That is so sad, Candice. Do we know her or something?”

Candice shook her head. “The house. It’s a Hawkins Realty property. They were hosting the open house.”

“Wha—what? What are you saying? Do you think—” I stepped back, pulling out of her grasp as the implication of her words sunk in. “No. Someone would have called me if Jeremiah—” I cleared my throat. “He probably wasn’t even there. He’s probably not even in Little Rock today.”

Skeptical eyes bored into my own. “Are you sure?”

I nodded although I was far from sure. “Girl, of course. Even if we aren’t together anymore, that’s my baby’s daddy. They would let me know, if for no other reason than just so I can be there to support Ja’mya. I’m sure no one I know is hurt.” I nodded again, somehow convincing myself of what I was saying. “I’ll still reach out to Sabrina with words of encouragement, later.”

Candice looking unconvinced but she nodded as well. “Okay…If you say so, I have no choice but to believe you; you would know better than I would.”

I giggled. “You really had me scared there, for a minute. Whew! Keep me posted on what happens. I’d like to know if the woman makes it out okay.” Neither of us said anything for a moment and the silence became stifling and awkward as I tried to avoid Candice’s worried gaze. “Well, let me get back to these kids before they go buck-wild in this library.”

Without waiting for a response, I turned and did as I said, but try as I might, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that something wasn’t right. My phone never rang, no incoming texts caused a chime, and Ja’mya didn’t come to my classroom. For all intents and purposes, everything seemed to be fine. Normal. Everything but that weird feeling that something was off.

And it was weird, right? I was confident that the words I’d spoken to Candice were entirely true. There was no reason for me to believe that any member of Jeremiah’s family would purposely withhold information about his health from me. Right?

Except…

It had been more than a month since I’d laid eyes on Jeremiah. He’d been MIA since that night at the gas station, and while I knew it was necessary, my gratitude for him pulling away was overshadowed by my sadness. I missed him so much, my chest ached. Without him, my life felt off-center and not even Ja’mya thawing out toward me could right my world.

Now that I was thinking about it, it had been a while since I’d heard from Sabrina, also. Pops only texted me concerning Ja’mya—I guess Jeremiah had worked something out with his parents because whenever I picked up or dropped off Ja’mya, it was at Pops and Sabrina’s house. Jeremiah’s truck was always parked in their long driveway, so I’d always assumed he was inside, but just didn’t want to see or speak to me. I wasn’t too mad about it; that was better for the both of us.

As the day wore on, my nerves started to rattle, and I begin to wonder if my assessment was as true as I believed it to be. What if everyone had collectively decided to oust me from their life, as I had done to Jeremiah? What if something truly did happen to him but they were keeping it from me because I’d broken up with him?

What if?

What if?

What if?

My leg bounced and my stomach toiled as I waited for the bell to ring, signifying the end of the day. Once my last student was out of my class, I whipped out my phone and immediately started dialing as I power-walked to my car. Sabrina didn’t answer the phone. I left a short message, asking her to call me back, and ended the call. In one smooth motion, I pressed the button on my dashboard to connect my Bluetooth and secured my seatbelt. I wasn’t even out of the faculty lot before I called my first command.

“Call Pops.”

When he didn’t answer, I pressed a button on my steering wheel to hang up.

It’s fine. Everything is fine, Lisa. They are all just busy right now. Everything is fine.

I attempted to reassure myself as I drove. I’m sure there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for why neither Pops nor Sabrina was answering their phone. Sabrina was probably on a conference call, and Pops had probably switched his phone to “Do Not Disturb” by accident again. He probably didn’t even notice me calling because he was so focused on Ja’mya’s game. I’m sure that was it.

“Call Mya.”

Ja’mya always handed her phone off to one of us during her games, so more than likely Pops held it. He would hear it ring and answer it. Then he would tell me that everything was fine and call me crazy for bothering him while he was spending time with his grandbaby. The scenario sounded great in my head, but when the robotic voice began to tell me that my daughter’s voice mailbox was full, I thought my head would explode. I cut the wheel all the way to the left and made an illegal u-turn in the center of the road.

In less than twenty minutes, I threw the car into park and forced myself to walk calmly up to the Hawkins Realty building. That calm facade lasted all of forty seconds when I reached the door and discovered that it was locked. My chest heaved and my eyes burned.

Where was everyone? Why wasn’t anyone answering their phone?

The ringing of my phone interrupted the beginning of what was surely a panic attack. I swiped my finger across the screen. Before I could even utter a greeting, Trisha was speaking.

“Have you seen the news?”

I walked back to my car and climbed inside, pulling back onto the road. “No, but Candice told me what’s going me.”

“Is he there?”

I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me. “I don’t know, no one is answering their phone! I’m leaving the realty office now and it’s locked up tight. There weren’t even any lights on inside.”

“Damn.”

“I’m heading to his parent’s house and I’m praying someone will be there with some answers.” My phone beeped and I glanced down quickly to see Deena’s name flash across the screen. She was no doubt calling with a bunch of questions that I didn’t have the answer to. I groaned.

“What’s wrong?”

“Deena’s calling me, but I’m not in the mood to talk to her right now. I’d much rather wait until I know something concrete. I don’t like being in suspense like this. There is this crazy feeling in the pit of my stomach and I don’t know how to categorize it.”

Trisha sucked her teeth. “I’m searching online to see if any names of the people in the house have been released, but so far, I’m coming up with nothing.”

I turned onto the street that Jeremiah’s parents lived on and I immediately spotted his candy-red truck sitting in their driveway. Instead of offering reassurance, the sight made me nervous. Something told me that he wasn’t inside that house. I don’t know how I knew, but I just did. On shaky legs, I got out of the car and walked up the path to the front door. I pulled out my phone and dialed the number I hadn’t used in almost two months but knew by heart. Jeremiah’s phone didn’t even ring; I was sent straight to voicemail and my anxiety intensified. I rang the doorbell once, but when no one came to the door, I didn’t even bother knocking because I knew it would be a waste of time.

I stumbled back to my car and called Trisha.

“Was anyone there?” She asked, in lieu of a greeting.

“Something’s wrong, T. I can feel it.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you at the house.”

We hung up and by the time I pulled up to her house, Trisha was climbing out of her car. I rolled down my window and—catching the hint—she walked over and leaned down.

“I won’t be able to sleep until I know what’s going on. I’m driving up to Little Rock.”

Trisha nodded. “I figured as much.” She crossed to the other side of my car and climbed into the passenger seat.

We made the drive in silence. Trisha somehow found the address to the house on one of the news sites and had it queued up on her GPS, the directions the only sound in the car. It directed us to an affluent neighborhood on the eastern side of the city not far from UALR. I squinted as I read the street signs; the sun had set over an hour earlier and the area was becoming increasingly lit by artificial lights. We cruised at ten miles an hour through the neighborhood until we came to a crowd of vehicles. We could hear sirens and see flashing red and blue lights in the distance. I parked in the first available strip of space along the sidewalk and jumped out of the car, following the noise to a large crowd standing outside of what had to be the house.

I pushed through the throng of people until I reached the edge of the police caution tape. The house was a mini mansion; it stood at least three stories high with no less than eight windows across the first two floors. The driveway was a half moon in front of the building that led to a four-door garage on the left side of the building. There were police everywhere and three ambulances in the driveway of the house. My heart raced at the sight.

“What happened?” I didn’t direct the question at anyone, but an answer came from my right. A man stood next to me and volunteered what he knew.

“It was a murder-suicide. The shooter killed everyone in the house before turning the gun on himself.”

I gasped.

He nodded. “Yeah. It’s terrible. There was a family with four kids, two of them babies. He killed them all.”

Tears clouded my eyes and I blinked them away to observe as much of the scene as I could.

“How many people were in there?”

“Eleven people, not including the scumbag shooter.”

“My god!”

“Who you telling?”

“Lee!”

I turned to Trisha, who gripped my shoulder.

“What?”

“Look!”

I followed the direction of her finger and when my eyes made contact, they ballooned. Sabrina and Pops stood next to one of the ambulances in the driveway. They were embracing and Sabrina’s head was thrown back as she sobbed loudly. There was a stretcher in front of them that obviously had a body underneath the white sheet.

“No! NO!!” I ducked under the yellow caution tape and sprinted across the lawn.

“Hey!”

“You can’t be over here!”

“Ma’am stop!”

I was halfway up the driveway when my forward momentum was halted by arms locking around my waist and lifting me into the air. I was turned around and released but the officer kept a strong grip on my elbow.

“You can NOT be on this side of the tape!” The phrase was reiterated multiple times, but I couldn’t hear past the blood rushing in my ears. I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was no way I had given him up for him to die anyway. I fell forward, my knees hitting the pavement so hard I knew there would be a bruise.

“Oh God, NO! Why? Please! JEREMIAH!”

Trisha must have followed me under the tape because I saw her feet in my peripheral.

“Please, officer. Her boyfriend was in there. Those are his parents right there. Can you let her go? Please?”

“WHY?! Oh my god, JAAAAYYYY! Oh baby, please, I’m so sorry!!” My head was pounding as I screamed with everything in me. I started to feel lightheaded and the officer who had grabbed me pulled me to a standing position. My tears were uncontrollable and I could barely stand on my own. Up ahead, I saw two paramedics lift the stretcher into the open ambulance and my feet began to carry me in that direction. I moved as if on autopilot.

“Lisa, wait!”

“Ma’am, stop right there!”

Both Trisha and the officer’s words were garbled, as if I was underwater.

“I just need to see him,” I mumbled to myself. The need to see his face, to lay eyes on the lifeless body of the only man I’d ever loved was so strong, my skin tingled with it. Standing between me and the crop of ambulances was a grassy area that held a ring of waist-high bushes and a life-size topiary in the shape of a buxom woman. I started to cross into the grassy area, when my right foot got caught on the roots of a bush. At the pace I was walking, my momentum continued on and I pitched forward, toward the ground. I placed my hands, palm out, in front of me to brace my fall, but before I hit the ground, my forehead knocked on the stone pedestal the topiary was raised on. It was hidden by the bushes and if I hadn’t tripped, I would have met it with my knees.

Pain exploded behind my eyes as I rolled to my side. I blinked once, twice, then darkness overtook me.

 

♥♥♥♥

I had the mother of all headaches. It felt like construction workers were jackhammering my brain. The harsh fluorescent light shining directly into my face didn’t help. It took a few slow blinks, but finally, my eyes adjusted to the brightness and I was able to observe my surroundings. I was lying on an uncomfortable bed in a small room that had floor-to-ceiling beige curtains on three sides. On my left, Trisha sat in a low chair typing into her cell phone.

“Ah, she’s awake!”

I whipped my head in the direction of the voice and immediately regretted it as I whimpered through the burst of pain.

The heavyset woman wearing a white coat over a pastel green dress pulled the curtains closed behind her and walked over to me.

“Be careful. Sharp movements like that are sure to exacerbate your pain.”

I gritted my teeth. Too late for that warning.

The woman smiled. “I’m Dr. Cindy. I’m the attending here in the ER. What I’m going to do is give you some simple instructions and I need you to follow them to the best of your ability. Okay?”

I dipped my chin once, not trusting a full nod, but that seemed to be enough for her. She pulled a pen light out of her pocket and shined it in my eyes while she instructed me to look in different areas of the room without moving my head. She asked me basic information, like my name, age, the date, and whether or not I knew where I was. I answered everything correctly and she rewarded me with a smile.

“Alright, that’s perfect. Thank you so much for your cooperation. You don’t seem to have a concussion and there is obviously no memory loss. We did an ultrasound while you were out and the baby’s heart rate is fine as well. You will have a headache and a nasty bump on your head for a couple of days, but we can prescribe you some Tylenol for that. Other than that, do you have any questions?” She pulled a pad of paper out of her coat pocket and started scribbling.

My eyes were wide and I glanced behind Dr. Cindy at Trisha, who’s surprised expression surely matched mine.

“Did you say ‘baby’?”

Dr. Cindy nodded as she ripped off the top sheet and handed me the prescription for pain medication. “According to your blood work and ultrasound, you’re approximately seven weeks pregnant.

Tears welled in my eyes and Dr. Cindy’s smile dimmed.

“You didn’t know you were pregnant.” It wasn’t a question but I shook my head anyway. “We had just started to try and now he’s—now he’s—”

Trisha jumped out of her chair and approached me from the other side of the room. “Lisa! It’s not what you think, calm down. Do you have any more questions for the doctor?”

I wiped my damp cheeks. “Nothing but: How can I be calm when life is so cruel?”

Turning to face the doctor, Trisha gave her a wan smile. “She doesn’t have any more questions, doctor. Thank you.”

Dr. Cindy nodded and, giving me one last glance, left through the same curtain she had entered. Through the flowing fabric, I saw Sabrina standing in the hallway. Her mouth was ajar and her eyebrows were near her hairline.

“Sabrina!”

Just seeing her caused a fresh round of despair to rumble through me. This was the woman who gave birth to my unborn baby’s late father. She had just lost a son and had to be devastated. Not only that, she was probably furious with me for breaking up with him, then showing up in Little Rock. Lord only knew what she thought of me. Sabrina came into the room and I could see the exhaustion on her face. The lines around her eyes were deep and there were dried tear trails on her cheeks. She looked at Trisha.

“Did you tell her?”

Trisha shook her head. “I was just about to.”

I looked at the two women before settling my gaze on Sabrina. “Tell me what.”

The woman who I loved as if she was my own mother regarded me silently for a moment before opening her mouth. She released a heavy breath. “Jeremiah wasn’t in that house tonight.”

My face crumbled. “Wha—what? Are you saying that he’s not—” I couldn’t even finish my sentence; couldn’t even say the words.

Sabrina nodded, seemingly understanding my plight. “He’s alive in well. He isn’t even in Arkansas; hasn’t been for three weeks.”

Her words sunk into my psyche and I lurched forward on the narrow bed, sobs of relief flowing from my body. Sabrina engulfed me in an embrace and rocked back and forth.

I sucked in a breath. “Thank you. If he would have died I would have—”

She leaned away from me and gave me an assessing look. “You would have what, Lisa? Regretted breaking his heart? Or leaving him out of the blue, without a real explanation? Oh! Or maybe you might have wished you could go back in time and accept his marriage proposal. That must be it!” Her eyes were narrowed and the corner of her mouth was curved up into a slight smile but her tone was soft and deadly; packing a punch of both admonishment and accusation.

I sank back against the bed. This was a conversation I had expected from her a lot sooner. Foolishly, I had assumed that since she hadn’t brought it up, that it wasn’t on her radar. I mean, Pops hadn’t treated me any differently over the past two months, so I assumed that Jeremiah was keeping the information close to the chest. I had no way to know if that was true or not, but I chose not to question it and just go with the flow. Sabrina’s hot gaze was telling me that, that flow lead me right into a pit of lava.

There was no use in being anything but honest. “Yes.”

She tilted her head. “Yes to what?”

I sighed. “All of it. I would have regretted all of it. I already regret it; have since the moment it happened, but what’s done is done.”

Sabrina moved away from the table and placed her hands on her hips. “Does that include you withholding your pregnancy from him? From us?”

I sat straight up. “Now hold up, I’m not withholding anything! I just found out I was pregnant two minutes before you walked into the room!”

Her arms folded across her chest. “And you expect me to believe that?”

I blew out a breath through my nose, taking the few seconds to get my thoughts under control. As much as I loved Sabrina, I had no intentions of sitting idly by while she fussed at me. “I don’t expect anything from you right now. You don’t have to believe me. It doesn’t matter either way. I’ve already done enough for you to be mad about, what is one more thing? Honestly, I’m just ecstatic that Jeremiah wasn’t in that house. That makes all of this worth it.”

Her accusing gaze softened into confusion. “All of this? What do you mean?”

I shook my head. No one would get an explanation until I laid eyes on Jeremiah and told him just what happened over these past two months for myself.

“Alrighty then, you’re free to go on home!”

All three of us turned in the direction of Dr. Cindy’s cheerful voice. She stood at the edge of the curtained partition with a smile on her face that seemed oblivious to the tense conversation she’d just interrupted. How in the world a doctor who worked in the emergency room managed to stay so chipper was beyond me, but I was immensely grateful for her unintended interference. I swung my legs over the side of the bed.

Apparently, being upset with me didn’t strip her of her concern since Sabrina quickly returned to my side and, along with Trisha, helped me to stand. I stepped into the low heels I’d worn to work and smoothed my hands down my braids. I looked around the tiny sectioned off space loosely called a room and frowned. I felt like I was missing something.

“What’s wrong?” Trisha must have noticed my none too subtle searching.

“Where is my purse? I don’t see it anywhere…”

“Oh, it’s in the car. You never took it out when we arrived at the house earlier.”

“Oh.”

There was an awkward moment of silence while the three of us stood there staring at Dr. Cindy expectantly. It wasn’t until Sabrina cleared her throat, that the woman sprang into action.

“Oh!” She chuckled. “Forgive me, I zoned out there for a minute. This is for you.”

She stepped forward and handed me a colorful folder imprinted with the hospital’s logo on the front. When I flipped through it, I saw several sheets detailing the care I had received. At the very back of the sheaf of papers was my bill, itemized line-by-line with the astronomical prices of every procedure, down to the tablets of Tylenol I was given the first time I had regained consciousness. A simple glance at my watch told me three hours had passed since I’d arrived in Little Rock. How in the world could a short two-hour stay garner a five-digit price tag?

“I put in some suggestions for a couple of obstetricians whose practices are in the business building here at the hospital. They are only suggestions, of course, and you should feel free to use whomever you feel comfortable with.”

Still staring at the bill, I responded idly. “I have an OB already.”

Dr. Cindy seemed in no way perturbed by my otherwise engaged focus. “That’s great! I wasn’t sure since it didn’t seem like you knew you were pregnant, but I’m glad to hear that. Inside your folder, you will also find a higher strength acetaminophen, just in case the first one isn’t doing it’s job fast enough for you. I do caution you with taking anything stronger than those 500 milligrams, though. Anything else might give you an instant relief you crave, but will be very bad for the baby. If in doubt, call up your OB.”

I nodded, finally taking my eyes from the three-page-long bill. “Will do. Thanks, Doctor.”

She smiled brightly. “You are very welcome ma’am. Now go on home and take good care of yourself and that baby. He or she needs you as healthy as possible.”

Sabrina patted me on the back and returned the doctor’s smile. “Don’t worry. We are going to make sure she takes real good care of my grandson.”

The doctor’s eyes widened, as did her smile. “Oh, wow! I didn’t realize you were Mom! You are definitely taking great care of yourself because you don’t look nearly old enough to have a thirty-five-year-old daughter.

Sabrina laughed, and I tried not to roll my eyes at the predictable line; not only because it would cause unnecessary problems, but also because I was sure that the move would inflame my headache and that was the last thing I wanted at the moment.

“Aren’t you just the sweetest little thing! Thank you for that, darling. I’m mother to the father of the baby she’s cooking.”

To the doctor’s credit, she didn’t bat an eye or break her smile. If I didn’t have a bill in my hands, high enough to buy a certified pre-owned car, outright with cash money, I’d suggest she get a raise. But, I did, so I didn’t.

“Well, that is wonderful. All-around support is what every pregnant woman needs.” She backed up and pulled one end of the curtain to the side, revealing the hallway. “If you step this way, I’ll lead you ladies back to the lobby. Ms. Sutton, if you have any questions, I also included my card in your folder. Don’t hesitate to ring me if you’re unsure about something.”

I nodded and we followed her silently through a curtained maze until we reached a set of double doors that opened into the waiting area. She bid us goodbye, and both Trisha and Sabrina stood back as I prayerfully handed my insurance card to the cashier. Within minutes the man behind the counter had a new sheet of numbers in front of me as he explained what I had to pay versus what my insurance would cover. Once I reached the bottom of the now single-page bill and saw a cost that was only a fraction of the initial charge, I breathed a sigh of relief. Now that my payment was only equal to a couple of months of my mortgage payments, I felt significantly more relaxed, and I nearly burst with gratitude that Jeremiah had set us up with a joint emergency savings fund years ago. Being able to swipe my designated card without having to maneuver money around was worth the few dollars skimmed off my check every other week.

Just that fast, I was reminded of all the amazing things Jeremiah brought to my life and how close I had come to losing him forever. I shoved my receipts into the folder Dr. Cindy had given me and brushed my unoccupied fingers over my forehead. A lump the size of a golf ball stuck out above my right eyebrow. Ridiculous. I could have killed my own self, trying to see about Jeremiah. My baby girl would have been an orphan. Now that I think about it, with the way Pops spoiled Ja’mya, she would probably prefer that.

I turned around to see Trisha and Sabrina standing about ten feet away from me. Their backs were to me and they were speaking in hushed tones.

What do they have going on?

Trisha glanced back at me and, noticing that my attention was now on the two of them, whispered something to Sabrina before turning to face me completely.

“Are you ready?”

Thanks to the massive lump on my face, I couldn’t narrow my eyes like I wanted to, but I stared as hard as possible and hoped that Trisha felt the burn. “Are you ready? I don’t want to interrupt this powwow the two of you have going on.”

Deciding not to engage my outburst, Trisha simply shook her head and motioned for me to walk to the door. We walked outside, with Trisha standing close by just in case I stumbled and headed toward the parking lot. There, I deferred to Trisha who led the three of us to where she had parked my car. Trisha opened the passenger side door and held my arm while I climbed inside, then shut the door. I watched her cross to the other side of the car and approach Sabrina. She said something, and Sabrina nodded, then the two of them embraced before Sabrina walked off in the opposite direction. I waited until Trisha and I were settled into the car.

“What’s wrong with her?”

Trisha glanced at me. “Did you forget about the shooting?”

I cursed my minor injury. It was keeping me from giving all of the facial expressions I used on a regular basis.

“No…That’s the whole reason we are here, to begin with. I asked what was wrong with Sabrina, specifically. If neither she nor Pops was hurt, and Jeremiah wasn’t there…” I trailed off. Now that I thought about it, Sabrina’s reaction at the house was what made me jump to the conclusion that Jeremiah had been inside. Her cries were full of the type of anguish I would expect to hear behind losing a son.

I heard a sigh from Trisha. “She lost an agent. He wasn’t her blood, but to them, Hawkins Realty is a family. It wasn’t like hearing about strangers being shot on television. This was someone she knew, whose life story she had heard, a man who she had shared meals with. His life was important too.” Her tired tone held a note of admonishment as if she was explaining something simple to a child.

Oh, right.

I wasn’t even mad. Once again, I was so wrapped up in Jeremiah, that I ceased to acknowledge the rest of the world. Of course, Sabrina would be emotionally affected by the death of one of her agents. If she had been unbothered by it, not affected in the least, I would have questioned her humanity.

“For what it’s worth, though,” Trisha started, then hesitated. I gave her my attention. “Sabrina said that Jeremiah was supposed to have been at that open house.”

I sucked in a breath. The bad news just didn’t stop coming.

Trish continued. “Apparently, the woman who owned the house was his client and he was spearheading the sale, but had been MIA for the past couple of weeks, so he was pulled and another agent stepped up.”

My first thought was of that night at the gas station. It was definitely a couple of weeks ago. Was that why…? I could ask a million questions, but they’d all be pointless. There was nothing else for me to say and I didn’t feel the need to fill the silence with idle chatter. I reached down by my feet and grabbed my purse, rifling inside until my hands closed around my cell phone. I had half of a dozen missed calls on my phone. Two from Deena, and four from Ja’mya. There were also three voicemails. I decided to listen to the messages before calling anyone back.

“Hey, Lee, it’s Deena. I’m just letting you know that Deon called me and said James dropped Ja’mya off at the house. I didn’t want you to worry. Call me back when you get this.”

I closed my eyes. Ugh. I could have saved myself at least one thread of worry if I had just answered the phone when Deena called me. That’s what I get for assuming I knew what she wanted. The second message played.

“Hi, Mommy. I had to leave my game early because Pop Pop said something bad happened in Little Rock. I called your phone but it kept going to voicemail, so I asked him to bring me to Deena’s. Okay, I love you. Bye.”

I looked at my phone in confusion. I didn’t see any missed calls from her. I navigated to my call log. She must have called at the same time that I was trying to reach Sabrina and Pops. That’s the only reason I could think of that her call would automatically be rejected. The third message started and my breath caught at the worry in my baby’s voice.

“Mommy, where are you? I’ve called you like ten times and you haven’t answered once. What are you doing? Call me back and come get me.”

The message was timestamped at nine o’clock, and a quick glance at the dashboard let me know over two hours had passed since then. It was far too late to call, even if she was still awake, so I sent Ja’mya a short text message to let her know that I was okay and that I would see her in the morning.

Where was Jeremiah that our daughter was calling me so late at night to pick her up? Sabrina said that he wasn’t in Arkansas, so where was he? When did he leave, and more importantly, how long would he be gone? This was a testament to how successful I’d been at pulling away from him because I hadn’t even known he had left.

I leaned my head back against the seat and closed my eyes. Had I done too good of a job in convincing Jeremiah that I was through with him? Would he believe me when I tried to get him back? Would he take me back? Did he even still love me anymore? There were so many variables to righting my wrongs, all I could do is hope for the best.