This is not a book about morality, cultural beliefs, cultural norms, or religion. It is not written as a challenge to those who enjoy recreational sexuality or “nontraditional” sexuality, either casually or as a lifestyle. As a mental health and addiction professional, it is not my job to judge such behaviors in any way. Instead, I have written this book to help people whose sexual fantasies and activities have run amok to the point where they’ve become a driving life force—overriding their personal goals, beliefs, and lifestyle. In other words, this book is written for those whose abusive and/or addictive involvement with objectified, often non-intimate sexuality, consistently and persistently distracts them from larger personal goals like academic achievement, career development, intimate relationships, recreation, emotional health, and community. Within these pages, I offer understanding, compassion, direction, and hope to those who are too ashamed, fearful, or embarrassed to reach out in other ways.
Although there are many views about whether things like pornography, virtual sex, casual/anonymous sex, and nontraditional sex are right or wrong, good or bad, moral or immoral, it is not the intent of this book to define or address these issues in any meaningful way. I support every adult in his or her right to engage in any solo or mutually consensual (and legal) sexual activity or experience that provides pleasure, satisfaction, and fulfillment. I do not believe that anyone, therapist or not, has the right to judge what turns someone on or how a person pursues sexual activity—as long as that person’s choices do not violate the intrinsic rights and safety of self or others. In short, my work is not focused on what is ethically or politically correct for any individual or the culture at large. With pornography, for instance, I do not promote censorship, nor do I believe that all porn is automatically problematic or exploitative, though some (child porn, for instance) certainly can be.
My primary goal is to assist people who struggle with compulsive and addictive sexual behaviors by helping them to identify their problem as the chronic emotional disorder it is, and to then understand that the problem can be put into remission with proper care and direction—just like alcoholism, compulsive gambling, eating disorders, and/or drug addiction. In a nutshell, I want those who are suffering from sexual addiction to know that their sexual concerns can be addressed without shame or moral/cultural/religious bias. I also seek to offer direction and insight to therapists who may be unfamiliar with the treatment of sexually addicted clients. But most of all, I want to offer sex addicts hope, letting them know that long-term change and healing are possible to anyone willing to invest in the hard work of personal growth and integrity.
—Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S