part0011

Back to my story. I posted my profile on a couple of online sites, but the one I thought would be best for me was a faith-based dating site. Several of my friends who were on that site met up with some very nice men, so if they could do it, so could I. Still scared silly, I sent out a couple of “invitations” to guys I thought were cute and good matches for me. However, it seemed that many of the men couldn’t complete a full sentence in spite of having “advanced education/Masters” listed in the education part of their profile, and no one had taught them to use spell check! Nothing grates on me like spelling errors! I could excuse a few but, if there were more than two per sentence, I’d rather pass on that profile. (Please excuse any typos or errors in this book!)

You could set parameters for your search, and I was pretty particular. Lou was a good husband and I wanted to find someone who could match up mentally and spiritually to him. And it would be nice to find someone who was physically “put together” and could run and not be weary! I did NOT want to fight over weight this time around – neither his nor mine.

Male                                                         Doctorate (education)
55 years old                                           Widowed
5' 11" tall
Average build                                           Has 1 child, lives with 1
Black hair - Black eyes               Regularly attends church
Caucasian                                           Served a mission
Very good looking

I am in search of a long term relationship that after a great friendship is developed over time, hopefully it will lead to marriage, but only to the right lady. I'm not desperate or in a rush, but believe in leaving things to higher powers and know that when the time is right things will happen. I am fortunate that I am willing to relocate for the right person as well. Well there's not much to say as I would describe myself in one word as a man of good standards and policies that guides my entire life...I'm a very God fearing person who believes mostly in honesty, truth and faithfulness...I don’t give up easily in everything I do and I've got a big heart for the best things in life. I'm a man of great taste who never settles for less. The keyword that guides my life is FAITH and there's nothing I do without its application...

I seek to get a lady who's truthful, honest, God fearing, appreciative, understanding, humble, and extremely down-to- earth, a good listener and caring. I want one who's an epitome of beauty in heart. I'm not too concerned about the outward looks...All that interests me is the YOU-IN-YOU… I'm willing to give my entire heart to that special lady that fills these qualities...I don’t expect a lady to be perfect but I expect her to be unique in her special way and I'm willing to accept her for who she is.

What I do for fun...

I love cooking and listening to music...All kinds of music except rock...I also love reading and watching movies too except I don’t get to visit the cinemas always cos of the nature of my job...I love to unwind with my boy as he's my only surviving JEWEL...I also exercise for body fitness and that gives me time to engage in sports such as table tennis, running etc...I love dogs too.

Well, this man seemed respectable, good looking and someone who might understand how life was after losing a spouse. I was quickly finding that people who were divorced looked at marriage differently than those of us who were widowed (still hate that word). I would fall hard and fast for the man that fit all of my prerequisites – and that included being tall enough for me to wear high heels again. Lou was 6’ 3” and I, at 5’ 8”, could wear whatever shoes I wanted and he still towered over me! Why was that important? I wanted to look up to my guy, not straight ahead or down, that’s all. He had to be at least as old as I, but I could bend on that by a couple of years. No cougar here! I didn’t want someone with really young children because I had already raised four from birth, and I was getting ready to enjoy life as an empty nester.

I wanted someone kind, responsible, respectful of me as a woman and as a business person, and a real gentleman. Lou had a polarizing personality – most people either REALLY loved him or they didn’t, and there weren’t many in-betweens! I wanted my guy to be liked by my family and my friends. I didn’t want to walk on egg shells when we went to visit family. I didn’t want to make excuses for why my husband wasn’t going to do something that he felt others were demanding of him – who knew doing the dishes was such an imposition.

Thanks for responding to my mails. You know my user name already from the dating site but just for the records, you can call me Eric Cole.

**This was the first thing I remember as being “odd”…why didn’t he say “My name is Eric Cole”? But I chalked it up to his being British!**

I’d like to share a little about me as follows:

Well there's not much to say as I would describe myself in one word as a man of good standards and policies that guides my entire life...I'm a very God fearing person who believes mostly in honesty, truth and faithfulness. I don't give up easily in everything I do and I have got a big heart for the best things in life. I'm a man of great taste who never settles for less. The keyword that guides my life is FAITH and there's nothing I do without its application. The loss of my late wife (Sarah) was a painful experience especially knowing that I was about being a single parent with our son (Kenny). I never thought of seeking for love elsewhere because my mind was empty without her so I know what it feels like when making certain decisions out of proportion. My faith was tested during this period but am grateful to God for extending grace by using Mary who stood by me all the way being a mother figure to my jewel. I like to state here specifically for your knowledge that family is of great importance to me and I don't allow any obstacle to get in the way. Life is too short and all that matters to me is God being first and the people He has blessed me with. My world is revolved around my family and I love to extend this same grace to others by giving love at every given opportunity. There comes a time in a man's life when that emptiness is felt...Mine was deep and the only remedy is finding true love and companionship. Someone with whom you can laugh, cry, dance, walk, cook, sleep and wake, hug, care, help, pray, plan, succeed, excel, achieve, overcome, and build but most of all LOVE. We all need that special someone in our lives to make us complete.

The internet is a wide plain field which is the best and fastest means of networking all around the world so taking advantage of it is a bold step. I joined the dating site as a member and was introduced by my elder sister (Mary). I have heard and seen of couples finding true love and companionship through the dating site and so I thought it wise of seeking for that soul mate that will steal my heart away and guard it jealously. I am not a man who is desperate but believe in friendship built overtime on mutual trust and understanding and I do believe that equal minds think alike so my search is focused mainly on the inner beauty of that special lady. I care less about the physical attributes which could be regarded as a plus but seek more of the inner beauty that glows within. My life is incomplete without my faith and it has been a driving force that has helped me over the years so am believing that God will lead me to that special lady I truly deserve. Working as a general contractor for 30 yrs dealing majorly in supply of timber log products has been very profitable even though time consuming but I always get by because I have got passion for what I do provided it puts food on the table and pay the bills....LOL .

Just like everyone else we all have dreams. My dream is to reach out to the less privileged, poor, homeless, lost and needy all over the world winning them to Christ and impacting into their lives knowledge that will help them grow positively and making them responsible and useful to their world of contact thereby giving their lives a new meaning. Having all the wealth in this world cannot be measured by its numbers but true success is only measured by how many people one can affect positively and this is what we owe our world. I hope we can talk more extensively about this in our subsequent letters.

Well, here I am again, technology challenged so I said, “Sure…just show me how to do it!” He got me onto Yahoo chat and from that point on we could talk all night long if we wanted to. Honestly, we chatted at the craziest hours because I’d be working all day at the school and home, and he was halfway around the world, so with the differences in time zones, night chats were “just what the doctor ordered!” There were many nights, around 2:00 a.m. or so, when I’d be just dozing off to sleep and I’d hear the ding, ding, ding of the Yahoo chat. My heart skipped a beat and I would literally run to the computer across the house to accept the call. We’d sit there and chat for an hour or two and that would get me through the alone times I felt while lying in bed.

Every now and again we’d talk on the phone and I heard his British accent – what a lovely accent it was, but he didn’t stay on too long. I felt like I had my very own handsome, intelligent, and successful Brit, and that was delightful! I daydreamed of visiting his home in London and of going to see his extended family in Scotland. Wow, I allowed my mind to wander. Long distance would normally be a problem for a relationship, but it was actually safe for me. I had the excitement of falling in love again, but no pressure of developing a quick physical relationship. I felt like I was 15 again when I fell in love for the first time. I felt like my heart was going to burst through my chest, and butterflies raced through me when we chatted. I just needed to be appreciated and he made me smile – really SMILE!

I was a prolific writer and he would always write back – daily if possible, but always within two days. One of the most fun days we had was Thanksgiving Day, 2010, when my parents were here visiting for the holiday. “What a blast,” I thought, “it would be describing the whole American Thanksgiving event to a man from London!” My dad was out and about cleaning up my garage for much of the day and my mom was in the kitchen chopping, sautéing, and preparing everything for our delicious and abundant family feast. I was on the computer for most of the day, in and out of the kitchen and it was so much fun sharing Thanksgiving. Try describing sweet potato casserole and stuffing a turkey to someone who doesn’t cook and has not ever eaten such food! We spent almost eight hours on Yahoo chat, and that day we entered each other’s lives in the most profound way and for the next two years we wrote our family histories together!

Eric and I spent nights together…hour upon hour writing through Yahoo messenger. We talked about everything that was happening in our lives. My daily life was rather routine with work, taking care of Matt and running Benfotiamine.Net, Inc., the best I knew how. His life was full of business ventures, trips to the ports in Malaysia, meetings with tax authorities, and anyone associated with moving his project forward. Our conversations were my only real social life.

I didn’t fit into the “single” category and, like I’ve said, I hated the word “widow” and didn’t want to be part of that group, although I was in spite of my wishes. I didn’t fit into the “family” category at church anymore although technically I was married with children, but family to me meant mom, dad, and happy children.

Things were more comfortable with Eric and our online life. I talked to him about everything. He essentially became my confidant in all things. I suppose if I were to have seen a therapist to help me get over Lou’s death I would have confided the same things I told Eric…I just saved myself thousands of dollars by talking to him!

Reflections: Journaling is a fantastic form of therapy and an incredible way to chronicle your life – a family history will be enjoyed by generations to come! I kept extensive journals because I felt I was writing my family history. I copied and pasted every instant message and email received from Eric for almost two years into my online journal, and I had these journals printed into hard copy books. I have over 4,100 printed pages. They are incredible!!