part0021

Well, Eric had put this beautiful profile picture out online. He was 55 years old, appeared athletic and was nearly 6 feet tall. He had dark hair and dark brown eyes. He sent me a couple of photos and in all of them he was outdoors – in the mountains or just hanging out. I loved his smile. He looked so engaging and kind. He was a widower, a single father, and an independent businessman. He sent me pictures of his son, Kenny, and his sister, Mary. They also had a puppy and I got a picture of him! I received pictures of his house and he described each and every room. He gave me a “walking tour” around the rooms – especially his office and kitchen. He spent much of his time working and then spent a lot of time cooking with Kenny in the kitchen. Their favorite meal was pizza and Eric made a “delicious pie” according to Kenny. Their life just mirrored mine in so many ways and it was easy talking to my new friends. I could see myself fitting into their life and vice versa .

By profession, Eric was involved in brokering hardwood trees, meaning he set up deals between tree plantations and the consumer which was usually a large corporation. Right after we started chatting, he was awarded a huge contract with a company in Malaysia. He was to move thousands of exotic, hardwood trees from Malaysia to India. This job rang true to me because I have investments in hardwood trees in Costa Rica…go figure that! The job was to take him from Houston, where he was living at the time we connected online, to across “the pond” to the Far East. He was only supposed to be gone for a couple of weeks and because this was the holiday season, we expected him to finish up his business quickly and come back to the United States before Christmas. I was so excited as I had made plans to visit my parents over at Innisbrook Golf Resort in Tarpon Springs, Florida. Eric was going to join me there. I needed something “happy” to get me through the holidays because this was the first year without Lou. Eric would be a great distraction and a “heart help”!

Matty and I just watched a wonderful movie...called "Keeping the Faith" with Ben Stiller and Ken Norton...it was fun, thought provoking, and heart touching. It made me realize that sometimes in life we have to take chances. In the movie, Ben Stiller (a Rabbi) had to defy "traditions" and take a chance on love with his long-time friend/girlfriend who was Catholic. It rocked his world, or so he thought, so he broke it off and they were both miserable...until he realized, through the help of his friend, who was a Catholic Priest and also in love with the same girl...that he needed to go for what was important and that was his love for his girl.

Happy endings are always wonderful! It made me realize that maybe I needed to take a chance, too. I wished Eric was around to talk to...it's scary thinking about moving on with another man...especially one who is from London and travels all over the world and one who has a 10-year-old son and a sister who is taking care of that son in London.

It's exciting and scary at the same time knowing that another man could really love me for me...a 52-year-old “hot mama” as Matty and his friends call me (ha-ha). I am putting this one in the Lord's hands...if it is meant to be, it will be and I need to trust that, so tonight I put my trust in God, in His plan for me, and say...let happen what will happen. I look forward to the future and all it might bring to me and the kids, and I know Lou is happy that I have gotten to this point in my life.

I love you, Lou, and I thank you for our life together and I thank you for putting me on the straight and narrow again. I know you want me to feel joy and love again. I know you know that I'm not replacing you and what we had...I'm just changing the plans a little and know that you'll be smiling down on me and will wait for me on the other side. I will love you always.

“This whole time, you are communicating with someone who you never saw live on Skype or in person. Is that correct? ”

That’s a true statement! The whole time Eric and I dated we never saw each other in person. The reason for this is because he was on a business trip overseas, and I thought that he was not in areas that had effective internet service. I must admit, I’m a little naïve as to how even the most third world countries have incredible access to the internet, Skype, Instant Messaging, etc. But because I have not been to Malaysia, or India, or some of the other places where he was working, I had to believe what he was telling me – that there was no internet service or sporadic, at best. I had no reason to NOT believe him, and I trusted that if he could come online and Skype that he would. We spent hours writing on IM and it was as if we were really talking. Most days I didn’t even think about “seeing” him because I had his full attention. He and I typed very quickly and we kept up our conversations for hours and hours without breaks. He was a wonderful distraction from my worldly responsibilities. Our time together flew by and I had a smile on my face most of the time!

“You said that Eric was involved professionally in the hardwood business and that you own investment trees in Costa Rica. Do you think it was by design that he checked you out so well and that he was mirroring you?”

I don’t think he could have known that much about me except for what I had on my profile. I absolutely know that there is so much information available to the public about each of us, but the fact that I had hardwood tree investments wasn’t public knowledge. It’s a little scary to me what people can find out about us with social media and background checks available for a small fee. However, Eric told me about his business before I ever divulged the fact that I owned hardwood trees. I checked out his company and their website. It was a fantastic website and all of the corporate contact information was there. So, I called the company! Here the intelligence training in me came out and I called to see if they had Eric Cole registered as a contractor in their system. I was surprised to hear the person on the telephone line say, “No, we don’t have him listed” and then I thought that maybe independent contractors worked WITH the company instead of FOR the company and there might not be a listed affiliation. I rationalized at that point that there must be a reason for his not being recognized.

“Did you ever make arrangements to meet or rendezvous anywhere, or was your relationship just over the internet?”

Actually, we did make arrangements to meet. From the first month we were writing, we were making dates to get together. He would tell me that he was almost done with business and then we’d plan his travel to Florida. On several occasions I made hotel reservations at the local Hampton Inn. I even went over to the hotel a couple of times to check out suites because he was going to have Kenny and Mary fly here from London for the holidays so they could meet me and my family. I didn’t have enough room at the house for all of them, and I knew they wanted some private time together. The Hampton Inn was accommodating and it was close enough to me but far enough for separate time. I made reservations multiple times but had to cancel them at the last moment as Eric’s travel plans were canceled each time due to business delays.

Once there was a time when Eric was stuck in India, and he was arranging to have the money he was paid for his work shipped via courier to me. It sounded incredible but, instead of his getting paid via wire transfer, the Indian company was paying him in cash. While they were setting up the courier, he encountered a hiccup in the plans and the courier company needed my name on some paperwork. At that point I wanted so desperately to have him finish up that I was willing and able to fly to India to take care of things in person. I told Eric that I’d do that for us and in preparation for the trip I’d need a VISA to enter India. I flew to Houston, Texas, overnight and got a visa stamp in my passport! I had to walk the paperwork through the system and, thank goodness, everyone was very accommodating and efficient. I told them all about my story and they wanted to help me bring my guy home! I flew back to Florida the next day and then made arrangements to be met by members of my church in Mumbai, or Delhi, or wherever Eric wanted me to go. I knew I could trust them to keep me safe and to get me to Eric. I looked into getting a flight to India, and when I expressed my anxiety about the trip, Eric said, “Never mind. It’s too dangerous over here and Peter and I don’t want you in harm’s way.”

Again, I believed him, and I was so relieved that I didn’t have to go. Even though many people travel to India and are completely safe, my oldest son went there on a student exchange and was almost mugged. I remember his saying that was one of the most frightening experiences in his life. I didn’t want to experience that, so stateside I stayed! I did have that visa for six months in my passport before it expired, so I was ready!

I learned so much about international business from Eric. I didn’t do much business on the Asian continent, so he told me everything he was doing and the frustrations he had with the local authorities. Some days I couldn’t understand why he was having so many difficulties, but I used Google to verify what he was telling me – especially about FATF, the Financial Action Task Force, which is an intergovernmental body which develops and promotes policies to combat money laundering and terrorist financing. I got scared that he was dealing with that organization.

“At what point did all of this come to an ‘oh, my gosh’ moment and what did you do?”

I came to the “oh, my gosh” point almost two years into the relationship. It was September 10, 2012, and Eric came online that morning and said, “Deb, we’ve been chatting a lot today, and I need for you to tell me how you feel about forgiveness.” I asked him “Why? Have I done anything wrong?” and he said “Well, I just need to hear what you have to say.”

I put on my spiritual hat and we talked for hours about how I felt about forgiveness. Throughout our two years I had told him about things Lou had done and how I had to forgive him so that we could keep our family going strong. I had to forgive others that had made false statements about me when I was in the Air Force and I’m sure I had either said something or hurt someone without knowing throughout my lifetime so I had to learn how to ask for forgiveness. I went to my scriptures and to many of the books in my library which talked about others forgiving – even Christ as he said we must forgive others to be forgiven ourselves. Eric and I talked FOR HOURS about the subject and then our internet service got disconnected.

The time we were disconnected gave me a chance to regroup and really think about the subject of forgiveness. Had I really been able to forgive others in the past that had done things to me? Had I been able to ask for true forgiveness from those I might have offended? I remember Lou used to get upset with me when he thought I had done something, and I just said, “I’m sorry,” and walked away. I know he didn’t believe my apology was sincere, but I didn’t want to prolong the contention, so a quick “I’m sorry” would usually suffice…or so I thought! I didn’t understand WHY Eric had asked me about forgiveness at this point in our relationship. I thought I had done something to upset him. When he was able to reconnect, he had something to say to me!