UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE

HarperCollins Publishers

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YEARBOOK WAS MOSTLY PAINLESS, EXCEPT WHEN we had our bi-monthly deadline meetings. Piper Murray, editor in chief, liked to call them “socials” to make them sound more fun, but they were really just deadline check-ins with Chips Ahoy! and Red Bull. The yearbook office was a forgotten room in the basement of Sacred Heart. On any given day, the heat either blasted or was nonexistent and the awful fluorescent lighting made everyone look like zombie apocalypse survivors. At least we didn’t have to share it with another club.

We sat around a long table, noshing on cookies and waiting for Piper, who was busy staring at her bulletin board of multicolored Post-its with the same concentration you would expect from a warlord devising a plan of attack. I entertained myself by continuing a mehndi-inspired floral design I’d started earlier in the day on my back of my hand with a dark brown Koh-I-Noor pen.

I was officially on design staff and didn’t need to be at both monthly editorial meetings, but it was cool hanging out with Jazz and Wren. The three of us were in the running for editor positions next year when we were seniors. Aside from looking excellent on my college app, being in charge of design was something I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into. I figured an interest in every facet of production would help my cause.

Piper grabbed a neon-blue Post-it and planted it on the desk next to me.

It had Sadie Hawkins Dance written in bold letters.

“What’s this?” I finished the vine on my hand with a spiral and looked up.

“Marissa Teller was originally supposed to handle the Sadie Hawkins Dance section, but she’s going on a ski trip with her family. I need you to take photos for the layout.”

Wren covered her mouth but failed to conceal a quickly growing grin.

“This is your doing,” I said, pointing at her. She had already tried to rally both Jazz and me to go to the dance since she was working it for Spirit Club.

“No, swear,” she said, raising her right hand. “I’m writing the copy for the section. Although, I thought Jazz could help too—there should be a sidebar with the history of the dance, don’t you think?”

Jazz glared at Wren over her laptop. Once something was said in front of Piper, there was no turning back.

“When is this?” I asked.

“Next Friday.” A chorus of voices around the table answered.

“I don’t get the whole Sadie Hawkins thing; I mean, technically, since we’re an all-girls school, isn’t every dance a Sadie Hawkins dance?” Jazz asked.

“True, but still—we need this. Between winter and midterms, this dance is the only social event until prom. It’s way better than some Valentine’s BS with balloon hearts,” Piper said. “Maybe you could somehow work that angle in the copy. Wren, how were you thinking of incorporating the theme?”

Wren shuffled through a couple of the pages in her notebook, stopped at one and put her finger on the page. “I was thinking ‘On the Edge of . . . Romance’?”

“Too banal,” Piper said, waving her hand. “Dig deeper, what were you going to write about? I want it to be more than just the basic ‘There was a band and cupcakes.’”

“Of course . . . I planned on interviewing couples to see how they felt about the dance . . . if a girl asking a guy to a dance was even that big of a core-shaker anymore. And I know some girls are making it a girls’ night, so that would be interesting to include too.”

Core-shaker? I mouthed to her across the table. Wren pretended not to notice so she wouldn’t lose face with Piper, who took the yearbook’s theme, “On the Edge,” seriously. The faculty had given us some trouble, thinking it sounded neurotic or like some veiled drug reference. Piper assured them “On the Edge” was positive and meant being on the forefront. I didn’t always understand Piper’s vision, but the challenge of figuring it out was kind of fun.

“Cool. I like it. Have it to me the following Wednesday after the dance, right? Jazz, where are we on the Fathers’ Club layout?”

“Um, well . . . we’re . . . Piper, I have no clue what I’m doing with it yet. Not sure how to make the Fathers’ Club edgy. All I have so far is the fall bowl-a-thon and sponsoring Toys for Tots.”

Piper knocked on the table. “Anyone have any ideas?”

Silence. I went back to working on my mehndi design—brainstorming about fathers was something I could thankfully be excluded from. There was a time when it might have made me feel awkward, but I’d grown out of it. When I was in third grade, my mother had explained it very matter-of-factly—my biological father was far out of the picture by the time she realized she was pregnant with me. He hadn’t been the right person, but it was the right time and there was never a doubt in her mind that she wanted me.

It’s not like I never wondered if he was out there, somewhere . . . but it’s not like I had a gaping hole in my life either. Mom and I were fine; besides, when Wren had sleepovers I lived vicariously with Mr. Caswell doling out Sunday morning banana pancakes or dousing us with the hose when we sunbathed in the yard. I mean, who wanted to go to some lame-ass fall bowl-a-thon anyhow? Puh-lease.

“Well, we have time to figure out how to make bowling edgy,” she said, smiling and moving on to another Post-it.

“So you guys are really going to Sadie Hawkins, right?” Wren asked as we walked to our lockers after the meeting.

“If it involves me asking someone, then no,” Jazz said.

“Come on, Zach can—” I began.

“You don’t need to find me anyone, okay?” She dropped her chem book to the floor and muttered under her breath. Wren and I exchanged puzzled looks.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, crouching down to pick up the book.

Jazz took the book from my hand and slid it onto the top shelf of her locker. “Nothing, I just . . . I hate being put on the spot like that. This ‘On the Edge’ thing is hard.”

“Yes, but one more year, and then we’ll be running the book. And we can come up with a normal theme but nothing banal,” Wren said, mimicking a Piper hair flip with a smile.

“You don’t usually get so upset at this stuff,” I said.

“The meeting ran late and I was supposed to . . . I just missed my run, that’s all,” she said, grabbing her coat.

“Don’t you usually run with your dad at night?” Wren asked.

Jazz leaned against her locker and frowned. She looked between us.

“I really didn’t want to talk about it yet. It’s so new and—”

“Omigod, just spit it out, Jazzy,” I said.

“There is someone I wanted to ask to the dance.”

“Great!” Wren said.

“No, not great—he’s already going with someone.”

“Who?”

“Darby Greene.”

“Um, duh—who were you going to ask?” I was not about to let her off the hook. This was too juicy a development on an otherwise completely boring Wednesday afternoon.

“This guy I’ve been running with.”

I motioned for her to go on but she clammed up. “Do you want us to play twenty questions to get it out of you?”

She laughed then took a breath. “His name is Logan, remember the guy from—”

“Andy Foley’s party?” Wren asked. Jazz nodded.

“What party?”

“In December, you were puking your brains out and couldn’t go. We went to see Gray in Stickey Wicket. Logan played kings cup with Jazz,” Wren explained.

“Oh, right. This has been going on since then?”

“No—I mean, we met that night, but it turns out he runs. I saw him at the park a few weeks back, we got to talking, and, well, we’ve been training together. He says I keep him on pace—we’re both trying to get down to a seven-minute mile.”

“How romantic,” I said.

“So, yeah, I’m kind of bummed about it.”

“No—you need to go to the dance,” Wren said.

“Yes—absolutely. So he can see you there, realize that his amazing running partner is also scorching, and he will fall head-over-Nikes for you.”

“Mizunos.”

“Huh?”

“He trains in Mizunos.”

“Whatever—he won’t be wearing running shoes when you train to do something else in seven minutes.”

Jazz blushed. “Madison, geez.”

“I’m loving this idea. Come on, Jazz—it’ll be fun.” Wren batted her eyelashes. I put my hands together in prayer. We stared Jazz down until she gave in.

“Okay, okay, fine—but where will I find a date?”

“Consider Zach your hookup source.”

“Who’s the guy who went to the movies with us the last time we all went as a group? Zach’s friend . . . the blond, not the one who smelled like pepperoni.”

Wren laughed. “The one you sat next to?”

“Um, Kyle, maybe?” I said.

“Yeah, we had a great conversation about history mash-ups and movies. He was pretty cool. I could handle, um, being fixed up with him.”

“I’m seeing Zach later,” I said.

“No, wait. Just ask Zach if you think Kyle would be into it. Then, I don’t know, get me his number, I’ll call him. That’s how this works, right? Have to get over my nerves somehow.”

“Consider it done,” I said.

It was hard to focus on homework across from Zach O’Keefe. We sat at my dining room table—well, I sat, Zach took up two chairs, his legs draped over the seat of one, his body slunk down in the other, the tip of a pencil grazing his bottom lip as he read from his history textbook. Dark curls fell over his forehead. His hair had been short when we first met, close-cropped to keep out of his eyes during fall soccer. I loved the length now, the wildness of it. The way he owned the space around him was distracting.

While he studied history, I studied him—his angles and edges, the gentle swirls and waves of his hair. How his orange tee fit him just right, not too tight but showed off his chest, his arms. I could spend hours drawing his arms alone, the way his biceps and triceps curved into each other. As a subject, he was captivating.

I was supposed to be working on a dwelling design for the scholarship portfolio. I’d chosen to put an addition on my house—well, at least to draw the floor plans for it. Something functional and beautiful and congruent with the original house design. Right now, all of those words described Zach. Except, I couldn’t get his nose right. He had a small bump near the bridge that I kept turning into a beak. Noses always gave me trouble.

Without warning he snatched the sketchbook from me.

“Hey,” I said. A long, jagged line now went through the picture where my pencil had still been in contact with the paper as he pulled it away. I squirmed in my seat as he looked at the drawing. Zach’s idea of art was the Manchester United flag he had hanging above his bed. I knew he would never say my drawing was total crap—it was of him, after all—but showing it to him made me fidgety.

“Nice floor plan,” he said, smirking and sliding it back to me.

“You’re distracting.” I opened up to a fresh page.

I knew art was a process; trial and error and failing and growing, but anything that came out through my pencil lately looked nothing like the vision in my head. Not being able to translate what was in my brain to paper made me want to hurl my sketchbook across the room.

“You need to chill, like that little shirtless dude over there,” he said, referring to the new resident of our mantelpiece: a Laughing Buddha statue my mom picked up to help her focus on all the abundance in her life while she meditated.

“That little shirtless dude is enlightened, so happiness is his natural state—he doesn’t need to earn a scholarship anywhere.”

“No, I think he’s happy because he’s half-naked.” Zach pulled his shirt off to prove his point. If I thought I could draw his arms for hours, Zach’s torso could keep me occupied for weeks.

“See, you’re smiling already,” he said. “Stop worrying, it’ll get done.”

That was Zach. SAT scores? He’d get an athletic scholarship. Backup schools? Without a doubt in his mind he was going to Rutgers. He’d play soccer for four years, and be in TKE like his older brother. And if none of that worked out? Something else would come along. Nothing fazed him. He was spectacularly uncomplicated, a living breathing, chill pill.

“Please, you have to put your shirt back on. Want a water or something?” I asked, getting up to go to kitchen. He reached for my hand as I brushed past him, and pulled me onto his lap.

“I think we can do better than water.”

My muscles tensed to spring up, but he was so . . . warm . . . and half-naked. Maybe he was right. I needed to loosen up, although the moment his lips grazed my neck every cell in my body snapped to attention. Chillin’ was the last thing on my mind.

His curls brushed my cheek, then my chin, as he kissed my neck. I traced the curves of his arms with my fingertips, buried my face in his hair. God, he smelled so good. Like mint. Some sulfate-free organic shampoo his mother insisted he use. The day dissolved. What floor plans? What dance?

“Oh, hey, Zach,” I said, my voice sounding far away to me.

“Mmmhmm.”

He lifted his face to mine, planting a kiss on my mouth. He looked sleepy, unconcerned.

“Yes,” he said, kissing my cheek.

“What’s Kyle doing next Friday?”

He stopped, stiffened. “What?”

I pulled back from him. “There’s this dance at school and—”

He laughed. “You want to go with Kyle?”

“No, but . . . is he seeing anyone?”

“No.”

“Think you could hook me up with his number? For Jazz.”

“For Jasmine, yeah, sure,” he said, grabbing his phone off the table.

“Wait, do you think . . . He’ll go, right?”

He scrolled through his contacts, copied Kyle’s number, and sent it to me in a text. My phone dinged from across the room.

“Dunno, I guess. Am I going?” he asked, placing his phone back down.

I walked my fingers up his chest. “Maybe.”

“Maybe?” He put his hands on my waist and poked his fingers into my ribs—my absolute worst ticklish spot. There was a dare in his eyes. I wriggled in anticipation.

“Okay, okay . . . sure,” I said.

“Sure what? Are you asking me?” His fingers poised to dig deeper.

“Zach O’Keefe, will you go to this silly dance thing with me next Friday?”

He stared me down, then all-out tickled me until I howled.

“Zach . . . okay . . . okay . . .” I begged. Just before it got more painful than fun, he stopped. I wrapped my arms around him, laughing. It took a few seconds to catch my breath. I rested my chin on his bare shoulder, resisting the urge to give him a nibble.

“Why wouldn’t you ask me first?”

“Huh?” I sat up to look at him.

“Why would you ask for Kyle’s number first? It’s just . . . weird.”

“Your noticing is even weirder,” I said, running my fingers into his hair, gently nudging him to look at me. Zach was a warrior on the soccer field and had that quiet sort of confidence that made people take notice when he walked into a room. But here, in this moment, his brown eyes searching mine, he looked lost. Did not officially being asked really bother Mr. Chill Pill?

“Zach,” I said, kissing the corner of his mouth.

“Would you go . . .” I kissed the other corner.

“To the Sadie Hawkins Dance with me next Friday?” I ended by running my bottom lip across his. He took it between his teeth and nibbled, eyes still on mine. His jaw softened, our mouths dropping open. My tongue found his. Zach’s hands wandered along my waist, my hip, my thigh. His kiss made me want to be somewhere soft. He stopped a moment to look at me.

“You make me—”

“Shh . . .” I whispered, touching my lips to his again. He gathered me in his arms and stood up, stumbling for a moment before getting his footing. I laughed underneath his kiss.

“Madison.”

Our mouths pulled apart, and the realization that neither of us had said my name made us both go wide-eyed. Zach looked up and gently tipped me to standing.

“Mom, I thought it was your late night,” I said, smoothing my skirt. Even though I was fully clothed I felt completely naked. But Zach . . . oh . . . fudge. He stood there shirtless and stunned. How had we missed the door being opened?

“I got off at six tonight, I thought I told you that,” she said, her face flushed as she looked at Zach. He finally grabbed his shirt and put it on. Was she blushing or was it from the cold? Paul was behind her, trying his hardest not to grin and losing. They both held bags of groceries. Long, leafy sprouts and a baguette poked out of the top of my mother’s brown paper bag.

Zach brushed past me.

“Here, let me help you, Ms. Pryce,” he said, taking her bag.

“Thank you, Zach,” she said. Paul closed the door and followed Zach out to the kitchen. I busied myself with pushing Zach’s chair into the table. Straightening up papers. Anything but looking at my mother. The thought of what they might have walked in on had they’d arrived five minutes later made me cringe.

“Why was he shirtless?” she asked.

“He, um, was inspired by the Laughing Buddha.” I pointed to the mantle and tried not to succumb to the fit of giggles that was building in my stomach. Wow, that sounded ridiculous. My mother put a finger to her lips to stifle a laugh herself.

“You really expect me to believe—”

“Mom, you can ask him, I swear, he was doing it to make me smile.”

“You weren’t going upstairs, were you?”

Mom was always candid with me about sex. Not that she was okay with me having any, just that she let me know it was cool to talk to her. We’d had the discussion on house limits when I was old enough to have friends over unattended. She was okay with boys in the house when she wasn’t home but she had a strict no-bedroom policy that, even though I’d thought about it, I’d never dream of breaking. We’d done plenty of damage on the couch, though, but it was different knowing someone could walk in on you at any second.

“No.”

She shrugged off her gray coat. “Good.”

Zach came back to the dining room and collected his books from the table.

“You’re more than welcome to stay for dinner, Zach,” my mother said.

He looked up as he stashed his notepad into his backpack. The way his hair framed his face, the light in his eyes, made my fingers itch to sketch him. He pulled his jacket off the back of the chair.

“Thanks, but I have a scrimmage tonight for my indoor league,” he said, telling what I knew to be a bald-faced lie. He slung his backpack over his shoulder. My body still ached from kissing him.

“Dinner will be ready in thirty, Mads, so clean up.” She disappeared into the kitchen.

I walked Zach to the door.

“Scrimmage,” I whispered, laughing.

“Call me later, we’ll pick up where we left off,” he said, kissing me.

I nodded, and stepped onto the porch, folding my arms against the chill.

“And Maddie . . .” Zach said, stopping at the top step.

“Yes.”

“I’ll go to that dance with you,” he said, before trotting down the steps to the sidewalk. He walked up the block, looking back once to grin. I waved and went inside, jogging upstairs to my room to change out of my school uniform.

I should have been thrilled, and I was, I guess—a dance together would be a new experience for us. I’d get to hang with Wren and Jazz. Buy a new dress. And I suppose it was sort of cute the way he wanted to be asked. What guy does that? There was something about it, though—maybe the fact that I knew he wouldn’t say no because that’s who he was in my life. He was in the hot boy who makes me laugh, turns girl-bits nuclear compartment. I wasn’t sure I wanted any more from him than that or if he could even give it to me.

I stayed up in my room, starting pre-calc until the smell of onions frying became too much to resist. I wandered back downstairs to find that our dining room had been transformed into a place where people could actually have a meal.

The table, half of which usually served as a catchall for junk mail and miscellaneous random crap, was completely cleared from when Zach and I were there earlier. It was set with a wrinkly green tablecloth from some Christmas past and the good china, the flowery stuff that my grandparents left when they bequeathed us the house and moved to Cocoa Beach twelve years ago. There was even a crystal pitcher of ice water on the table.

My mother breezed in with a basket of bread in her hand.

“Wow, what’s the occasion?” I asked.

“Nothing, just dinner. We thought it would be nice to eat in the dining room, with real plates for a change.”

“We have real plates?” I joked. On an average night, mom and I were the takeout queens, even had our favorite, Tandoori West, on speed dial. I followed her out into the kitchen where the delicious, onion-y aroma was even stronger.

“Can I help?” I asked, peering over Paul’s shoulder into the skillet.

“Hey,” he said, blocking me from seeing anything. “You must wait for zee masterpiece.”

“Here,” my mother said, handing me some silverware. I finished setting the table, then took a seat.

The fabulous meal turned out to be tortilla Española—which had nothing to do with flour tortillas and everything to do with eggs, potatoes, onions, and olive oil. Paul claimed it was a little something he’d picked up when he lived in Spain, basically a fancy omelet, or from that moment on, my new favorite food. I ran my last piece of crusty bread over my dish to sop up the olive oil that remained, and slunk into my seat.

“That was amazing,” I said, scarfing it.

“Well, I try,” Paul said.

My mother’s plate was still half-full. She traced the rim of her wineglass with her forefinger. Her auburn bob was freshly sleek and angular and drew attention to her eyes. Bangs. She had bangs now.

“You cut your hair,” I said to her, wondering why I hadn’t noticed before. Getting caught with Zach must have nullified my observational skills.

“Yes, finally, I was getting tired of it always in my eyes,” she said, running her fingers through her new fringe.

“They make you look hot.” I said.

“Ha, funny.”

“No, she’s right, Dana,” Paul said, lifting a glass to her.

She shook her head and waved her hand, dismissing the flattery.

Wait, had Paul just called her hot? Maybe they wanted to be alone.

I inched away from the table.

“I’ll clean this up, you guys hang out,” I said, stacking Paul’s empty plate onto mine.

“I’m still working on it,” my mother said. I carried the pile out to the kitchen.

The sink was almost full with warm, sudsy water, when she walked up behind me and squeezed my shoulder.

“Mads, could you come sit with us? There’s something we need to talk to you about,” she said. We? My stomach dropped to my feet. Was I about to get a lecture on being alone in the house with Zach? With Paul right there?

“What’s up?” I asked, sitting down. I didn’t know what to do with my hands, so I folded them in front of me, then I unfolded them because, duh, what am I? Five? I wished I had my pen so I could distract myself with some more mehndi design on my hand. This had to be about Zach.

“So I guess you’ve noticed that Paul has been here for a few days,” my mother said.

“Um, yeah, I guess.”

“He’s here because . . . Well, do you want to tell her?” My mother took a sip of wine. I looked at Paul.

“I had a bit of a falling-out with the airline. And I’m jobless right now.”

“Is that a fancy way of saying you were fired?” I asked.

“Madison.”

Paul laughed. “No. They’re doing a lot of restructuring and I’m not too happy about some of the new policies, so I decided to jump ship before things got too ugly. I’m through with the politics of the big guys.”

“But, don’t you love to fly?”

“Oh, I’d never give up flying—just doing it on a smaller scale. I have a connection at a smaller, private company and thought I’d give it a shot. It’s based here in New Jersey. So if it works out, you might be seeing more of me.”

“Cool,” I said, looking at Mom.

“There’s something else,” she said.

“While I get settled, I’m going to need a place to hang out—not a permanent thing or anything but—”

“Paul wants to stay with us for a while.”

They both looked at me, searching for a reaction, which on my end felt like something between shock/relief and confusion. This wasn’t about Zach. At all.

“Are you asking me?”

“Of course,” my mother said. “This involves you, obviously; some of your freedoms won’t quite be the same with someone here after school.”

So maybe it was a little about Zach.

“But Paul will be paying rent, so that will help with some expenses.”

“It’s not like I’m going to be here all the time,” Paul added. “I’m just . . . This is home base, until I figure out if I want the job. Consider me a tenant who cooks and brings the good doughnuts. Does that sound okay?”

It felt nice sitting there with them. They say you can’t choose your family . . . but what if I could? What if part of Paul figuring things out including him and Mom getting together? It wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen.

I smiled.

“It sounds fantastic.”