Chapter Nine

His eyes gritty from lack of sleep, Drew pushed open the door to the flat and crossed the threshold with reluctance. The shadows beyond were inky black and inhospitable, the atmosphere as cold as it had seemed when he’d come here straight from leaving Sidney on the Sunset.

Unable to bear the quiet, he’d stayed only a few minutes before taking off again. He’d gotten in his car and driven north, ending up at some truck stop on the highway. Sleep wasn’t an option so he’d dismissed the idea of getting a motel room. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Sidney standing in the rain, wearing Brody’s coat, and he hurt so bad he felt compelled to move. In the end he’d done nothing more than drink three cups of really nasty coffee before driving back home.

All he wanted to do now was fall into a twenty-four-hour coma.

Avoiding the bedroom, Drew moved on weary legs to the couch. What he saw there made his steps falter to a stop.

The figure on the sofa shifted beneath the threadbare patchwork quilt they used as a throw rug. Her golden curls fanned out on the blue cushion, her face glowing in the predawn light. Despite himself, Drew couldn’t take his eyes off her, relief mingling with the torment of seeing her here when she was no longer his. Taking a seat on the upturned trunk they used as a coffee table, he watched her sleep, feeling like a man adrift, clinging to the faint mirage of land on the horizon.

She must have sensed his presence. After a few minutes she stirred and her lashes fluttered. “Drew?”

Her voice, husky from sleep, made him yearn to climb under that quilt with her and take her in his arms. “What are you doing here?”

“Where else would I be? With Brody?”

A spark of furious energy dispelled his exhaustion. He couldn’t believe she had the audacity to sound peeved. “That’s kind of what I figured.”

“Your powers of deduction could do with a tune-up. I’m here because we clearly need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Sid. I get the picture, why don’t you just admit it? You and Brody need each other.” It was so difficult to say out loud that he nearly choked on the words.

“Maybe you’re right,” she said, and killed him all over again. “At least about Brody needing me, and you. There’s one man who needs all the friends he can get.”

His gaze swung back to her. The ghostly light wasn’t enough to read her expression by, but his wretched heart dared to take faith in the soft timbre of her voice. His pulse quickened. “Friends?”

“We’ve decided that’s what we’ll be, Brody and I. Matter of fact I think he’s quite amused by the idea.”

Her words seemed to indicate they weren’t also going to be lovers, but Drew schooled himself to exercise caution. He’d seen the way Brody looked at Sidney while they’d made love, and the enthusiasm with which she responded to his every touch hadn’t been feigned. They were obviously hot for each other. “You’re not making sense, Sid.”

“I’m not making sense? This from the man who’s apparently willing to throw away everything we have without even talking to me?”

She was angry. She had strayed toward another man and she was pissed at him? “What did you expect?” In a surge of movement, Drew stood and stalked toward the balcony doors. He glared at the pale cerulean view beyond. “I saw how much you loved fucking him. Don’t deny it.”

His heart sank like a lead weight at her admission. “All right. I won’t.”

 

Sidney rose slowly from the couch. The quilt dropped away and the cool early-morning air swirled around her bare legs. She’d been scared to death last night, wondering where Drew was, when or even if he was coming back. All along she’d thought if anyone was going to chicken out of this relationship and skip town, it would be her. Coming home last night and finding Drew gone had been like some cruel, ironic nightmare.

She was no less terrified now at seeing the rigid outline of his shoulders silhouetted against the ethereal light of approaching dawn. She was tempted to lie. Say anything, do anything to keep him. But she found she couldn’t. Now was not the time to hold anything back. She would do no more of that.

“I won’t deny that sex with you and Brody was incredible. It opened up needs in me I hadn’t realized existed.” She thought she heard a strangled sound come from Drew’s throat. When she looked at his reflection in the glass, he was still staring out at the view, his expression vaguely menacing in the gloom. “But do I have to remind you whose idea it was in the first place?”

“Do you think I’m not kicking myself?” he fired. “I feel like the dumbest guy who ever lived. I was arrogant. Even though you’d never said you loved me I still hadn’t thought I could actually…lose you.”

His voice broke on the last words and Sidney’s heart performed a sickening twist. “You can’t lose me, Drew. You haven’t. You wonder why I never said I loved you? That’s my stupidity. I was scared, plain and simple.”

He turned to her at last, his brows hunkering together. “Of what? I’ve never done anything to hurt you, Sid. I haven’t pushed you. I told you how I felt. What was the goddamn problem?”

“You told me how you felt in the throes of passion. I was terrified you didn’t really mean it.”

He stared at her like she might have lost her mind. Then he growled something unintelligible and stalked from the room.

Sidney gaped after him, her breath backing up in her throat. Was he going to leave again?

But an instant later, he emerged from the bedroom and headed toward her with taut strides. “Here.” He grabbed her wrist and slapped something into her upturned palm. “You think I’d get this for someone I merely enjoyed going to bed with?”

Her heart stopped beating when she glanced down and saw a small black box. A jewelry box, but not the kind that housed a bracelet or a necklace. It was most definitely designed for a ring. She opened it slowly, afraid she was mistaken.

The solitaire diamond winked at her from its dark velvet bed. It was square cut and perfect, perched on a shiny white gold band. Its simple beauty and not-so-simple implication robbed the strength from her legs. She sank with a gasp onto the couch.

Drew spoke into the lengthy silence. “It’s what you think it is.”

“When did you… How long have you had this?”

“I’ve had it for months. Months. I’ve been waiting for the right time to give it to you.” His laugh was mirthless. “I figured that would be the minute you felt safe enough to say you loved me, too.”

Unbeknownst to each other, they’d both been waiting for the exact same thing. Sidney realized now that safe moment didn’t exist. Putting your heart on the line was not a risk-free proposition. Falling in love was all about taking that giant leap of faith and hoping the person you wanted to catch you would hold out their arms. Her eyes filled. “I love you.”

When he didn’t respond Sidney sought Drew’s gaze. The pink of dawn had infiltrated the murk and cast shadows across his face. Perhaps now that she’d finally said it, he didn’t believe her. Maybe he thought he’d compelled her declaration with the production of the ring.

Sidney took a deep breath. “I love you. Every time you catch my eye, my heart does a crazy little flip, just like it did the first time I laid eyes on you. I actually look forward to going to work, just because I work in the same place as you. I respect you so much for the success you’ve made of that restaurant. I’m proud of you because people everywhere like you. And when I walk through town and people say, ‘There goes Drew Buchanan’s girl,’ I feel a little proud of myself as well.

“I’m so sorry I’ve been too scared stupid to do the right thing,” she continued when he didn’t respond. “I should have told you how I felt. I was afraid to believe in us. My past didn’t exactly teach me how to conduct myself in a committed relationship. But I’m ready now, Drew. I’m ready to learn.”

“Sid…”

“I want to give you everything you need,” she rushed on, terrified he wanted to stop her confession to tell her she couldn’t fix things between them. “I know I can. I just need practice.”

“You are everything I need.” He took a step toward her, then stopped, his expression inscrutable. “But what I need most is to know I’ve got you all to myself. I didn’t realize how much that meant to me until I invited Brody into our bedroom.”

“I would never have suggested that if you hadn’t done so first. That first night I was surprised and a little tipsy. I decided to fulfill a fantasy because you gave me that permission. If I’d known I was risking our relationship, I wouldn’t have agreed.”

“Oh, Sid.” Drew moved forward and fell to his knees before her, dropping his head into her lap. The tears she had been trying to stem fell to dampen his sweatshirt as Sidney rested her cheek on his back. “I thought I’d lost you. When I saw you and Brody making love, I was so jealous I couldn’t stand it.”

“That wasn’t making love, Drew. You’re the only man I’ve ever really made love with.”

He lifted his head and caught her gaze with the challenge in his. “You were really into it, Sid.”

“And you don’t think that might have had a lot to do with the fact you were watching?” She arched her brows. “Knowing you were next, that you were going to be inside me when Brody was finished… That’s what thrilled me most. On our own, Brody and I have nothing together.”

He cupped her cheek. She thought she saw moisture glistening in the corners of his eyes and her own filled anew.

“I love you, Sid.”

Sidney choked on a combination of tears and joyous laughter. She reveled in the freedom, finally exercised, to reciprocate the sentiment. “I love you too.”

He kissed her, full and hard, and said those wonderful words once more before kissing took priority. They melted together, held on to each other and got their limbs all entwined, ending up on the couch under the old quilt. Drew pulled her close to his chest so she could feel the powerful thunder of his heartbeat. He found the hem of her shirt and tugged at it. “This is mine.”

She’d put it on when she was feeling forlorn, not knowing when she’d see him again. “It made me feel close to you. Do you mind?”

He kissed the tip of her nose. “I like you wearing my shirts.” He trailed his hands over her body through the worn cotton, spreading warmth wherever he touched. They kissed long and deep, love and passion flowing between them until Sidney started to feel the rising heat of a slow burning desire inflame her senses.

She tunneled her hand beneath his sweatshirt and encountered vital, lightly furred flesh. He slipped his beneath the shirt she wore and found the slope of her breast. His breath was hot on her neck. “These newfound desires of yours. I’m going to be the man to satisfy each and every one of them.”

Sidney shuddered beneath his touch and his pledge. “That sounds fantastic.”

“Anything Nash can do, I promise I can do better.”

“Really?” Sidney was done comparing the two men, but the heat inside her turned molten at the prospect that Drew might do the same things to her that Brody had. “You think you might enjoy taking charge every now and then?”

“If you mean tying you up and pleasuring you beyond your endurance”—he settled his hands on her ass and squeezed—“dishing out a little tender punishment, then yeah.” He nipped at her lips with his teeth. “Oh yeah, I can definitely do that. I can be the autocratic sultan and you can be my disobedient harem girl.”

Oh boy. Wetness slid through her channel and spilled onto her cotton underpants. Could they really take this experience and use it to expand their already immensely satisfying sex life? Sidney’s mind boggled at the implications even as her heart raced and her breasts grew tight. She was sure as heck going to try. “I’m glad we have the rest of our lives to explore the multitude of possibilities, because I think it’s going to take that long.”

Drew pulled back and looked at her, a supremely satisfied grin on his handsomely carved lips. “Is that a yes? You will marry me, won’t you, Sid?”

Sidney pretended to consider the question. “How would you feel about getting a dog?”

“I love dogs.”

“Even something big and boisterous and slobbery?”

“Anything for you, Sid.”

Sidney closed her eyes on a smile. Then she asked the more important question. “What about babies?”

He was quiet so long she lifted her lashes with trepidation. But he was gazing at her with a look of such intense love she already knew his answer. “Definitely. At least five.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of two.”

“We’ll negotiate.”

Sidney smiled through her remnant tears. “I love you, Drew.”

Drew’s expression turned tender and warm. “I love you. And Sid? I’m never going to let you go again.”

They laughed and kissed and tumbled together, and with all her heart, Sidney believed him. Drew found the jewelry box on the coffee table and slipped the ring on her finger. At last they came together, joined as one for the first day of the rest of their lives.

Afterward, Sidney turned in Drew’s arms. She felt his warmth and his love surround her as she gazed out the balcony doors and watched the sunrise.