INTRODUCTION

Jana, Trish and Colette had been friends for many years. They were all sixteen and were halfway through their HSC. They enjoyed partying and although they were high achievers—Trish had topped her class the previous year—they made sure that they had a big night out at least once a fortnight. Colette was usually the one who organised the alcohol, as she had an older sister who would buy it for them. Their drink of choice was vodka.

On the night in question, the three girls were going to a party. They were picked up by Jana’s boyfriend at Trish’s house. Trish’s parents were away for the weekend, though the parents of Colette and Jana didn’t know this. The drinking had started before they left the house. ‘Power drinking’, or drinking as much as you could before you left home, was popular with their crowd. Jana also liked to drink through a straw, believing it would get her intoxicated faster. Although none of the girls necessarily liked the taste of vodka, they all drank it straight, and it wasn’t long before they had polished off the first bottle. By the time they got to the party they were flying and out for a great night. However it soon became obvious that not all was going to plan.

Jana had started drinking before her friends and she had drunk substantially more. She began to feel extremely unwell and asked Colette and Trish to take her outside to be sick. The other two girls, who were also very intoxicated, helped Jana to the back garden, out of sight of the other partygoers. She vomited for some time but it was not until she began to slip in and out of consciousness that her friends became worried. They tried in vain to keep her awake until finally, in a state of panic, Trish went to find Jana’s boyfriend and asked him to drive them back to Trish’s house. By this time Jana was unable to walk and they had to carry her to the car.

The trip back was frightening. Her two friends kept giving Jana water to keep her hydrated, but she immediately threw it back up. She also wet herself and the smell of vomit and urine filled the car.

Although Jana’s boyfriend wanted to stay, Trish and Colette decided to look after their friend alone. As soon as they got her into the house, they stripped her down to her underwear and carried her into the bathroom where they put her under a cold shower. She had now been unconscious for at least half an hour. When the cold water failed to revive her, and slapping her face didn’t bring her around, Trish went to the kitchen and grabbed some slices of bread. Desperate to sober their friend up, the two girls force-fed Jana tiny pieces of bread, mistakenly believing that this would soak up the alcohol. Using their fingers to push the bread down her throat, Trish and Colette kept trying to bring their friend around until the girl’s gag reflex kicked in and she threw up the bread they had been giving her. She coughed and spluttered and showed the first sign of life for some time.

Finally, the girls, who were now in tears, cleaned her up, took the still-unconscious Jana to the bedroom and put her to bed to let her sleep it off.

Thank goodness this story has a happy ending. Even though the girls did one of the most dangerous things you can do with a drunk, unconscious person—that is, put them to bed to ‘sleep it off’—Jana survived.

This story was told to me by Trish and Colette after I had given a presentation at their school about young people and risk-taking. The talks I give to teenagers in my role as a drug educator are full of anecdotes, stories I have been told by young people that I have met, incidents that I have been involved with over the years and, unfortunately, deaths I have heard about through my work. Trish and Colette shared their story with me after I told their class the risks associated with feeding bread to someone who is drunk. The girls were horrified to think that they could have endangered their friend’s life.

‘We thought we were doing the right thing. Why didn’t anyone ever tell us that bread could be dangerous?’ said Trish.

Why didn’t anyone ever tell us? is the number one response I get from young people after I have given my presentation. It’s a particularly difficult question to answer when it comes from a teenager who has just lost a friend as a result of alcohol or other drug use; when a girl they know has just died after drinking till she was unconscious and then choking on her own vomit; or when their best mate got so drunk he fell down on a road outside a party, hit his head and died from brain injuries; or when a classmate just drank so much that he passed out and never woke up.

There may be many reasons why we ‘didn’t ever tell them’. To begin with, there are many things they need or want to know that parents have never even thought to mention because they had no idea of the situations their children were facing. Have you ever discussed with your child how to look after someone who is vomiting after drinking alcohol? Would you even think of talking about the dangers of force-feeding bread to someone who is drunk in an attempt to sober them up?

We also need to take into account the fact that the lines of communication between parents and teenagers aren’t always operating smoothly. Adolescence is a period of intense growth, not only physically but morally and intellectually, and it can be a time of great confusion and upheaval for many families. Teenagers are starting to separate from their parents and become more independent. At the same time, they are increasingly aware of how others, especially their peers, see them and they try desperately to fit in. Accordingly, they may experiment with different looks and identities, which can result in conflict with parents.

It is important to remember that the primary goal of adolescence is to achieve independence. For this to occur, the young person will start to pull away from their parents, often the parent to whom they’re closest. Parents may find that children who previously had been willing to conform to please them will suddenly begin asserting themselves strongly and rebelling against parental control.

As part of their maturing, young people start to think more abstractly and rationally. They’re working out what they believe in—that is, their moral code—regarding a whole pile of issues, including alcohol and other drugs. Where drugs are concerned, things have changed a lot in the last twenty years. We know that those young people who do drink alcohol or use other drugs start using at an earlier age, they take a wider variety of substances, and they use more often. On top of this, there are a wider range of drugs available, and it seems that hardly a day goes by without the appearance of a media story reporting on some bizarre new substance threatening our children. These factors, among others, mean that today’s youth face a wider range of potential problems than those in the past.

So what should we be doing about it? When it comes to helping parents with alcohol and other drug issues, educators and counsellors usually say things like ‘talk to your kids’ and ‘keep the lines of communication open’. But these throwaway lines, although well meant, are really pretty useless unless you know what it is you’re meant to talk about. What do you tell your children? What is it that they really want or need to know?

This book has been written as a conversation starter for parents. It includes many of the questions I have been asked over the years by both young people and their parents, and answers them as honestly as possible. We know that one of the best ways to deal with drug and alcohol issues is for families to have open and honest conversations so that each side can see what the other is concerned about when it comes to this controversial area. However, if that’s not going to work for your family, read through the questions in the following pages and look at what young people want to know. What information are they really after? What is important to them at this stage in their lives?

When you examine the questions I have included from young people you will notice that many of them follow one theme: how can I keep myself and/or my friends as safe as possible? Despite some adults’ negative perceptions about teens, they are often energetic, thoughtful and idealistic, with a deep interest in what’s fair and right. In my experience, they also genuinely care about each other and want to look after themselves and their friends as best they can. At a time when our younger generation are getting a ‘bad rap’ from the media, it is important that we maintain some perspective. In actual fact we have a group of young people who are genuinely interested in collecting information that will help them to look after themselves and each other. Unfortunately, we are so obsessed with informing them about the negative side effects of drugs and alcohol (the information we think will deter them from using) that we are neglecting to give them the information they really want and need.

This book is all about helping families to be prepared. All any parents can really do is be there and do their best. There is no rule book when it comes to good parenting; every family is different and there are a whole range of different circumstances that will dictate how a parent responds to any problem that may arise. You can only do your best at the time—no one can expect you to do any more than that.