I'm floored by what Tora said. She's not only accepting and processing everything that took place on that horrible day, but she's offering her friendship to Blair. I never thought it would happen. I hoped for it, yes. I meant it when I said I love these two women. Now, to take the time and try and mend my relationship with Tora. Just because everything is okay with her and Blair, doesn't mean we don't have work to do. I can't expect her to jump back into a relationship with me, as much as I'd love her to.
We stay at Blair's for an hour or so longer before her eyes start to close, and I realize the anxiety she was feeling about Tora coming over probably caused her not to sleep at all last night. She needs rest. I kiss her on the forehead and take Tora by the hand to silently urge her to follow me. It wouldn't be smart to bring Blair's anxiety up right now and cause her to have another panic attack. Sometimes talking about anxiety triggers anxiety.
Over the years, I've learned a lot about anxiety. Outside of what Blair and her doctors have told me, I spent hours on the computer, researching and learning as much as I could. Everything that I learned had the potential to help Blair or help me understand what she was going through. Anxiety isn't always something you see. A lot of times someone can be going through something difficult and you'd never know. They keep it tucked away inside. But that doesn't mean anxiety is something which should be easily dismissed just because it's not visible. Sometimes the internal pain is worse than anything external.
When we reach my Rover, Tora collapses against the seat and closes her eyes. I start my SUV, but I’m not sure if I should take her to get her vehicle or not. I want to spend more time with her. I want to spend every waking moment with her to try and make up for the years we lost.
"Where to now?" she asks.
I glance over at her and notice her eyes are still closed. I can't resist raking her over, etching every part of her to memory. God, I love those freckles. How I've missed kissing them.
She opens her eyes and her gaze meets mine. I've missed her so much. To have her back with me, her vanilla scent reminding me of the mornings we shared together, when she'd make French toast for us. Every time I ate it after she left, I'd be taken back to happier times before pain sliced through me at having her gone.
Her eyes soften. "What are you thinking about?"
"Breakfast. Remember how you'd make French toast in the morning? How we'd sit at the table and watch the sunrise?"
She smiles. "We always had a hard time sleeping when I stayed over."
"We were too busy to sleep."
I focus on the steering wheel and don't say anything else. I'm still unsure where she's concerned. I want to hug and kiss her. I want to strip her of her clothes and press my lips to every inch of her body. She's changed, and I want to commit the new her to memory. To override the past and focus on the future. We've both matured. There's only us now and the future is full of endless possibilities.
"I can take you home, if you want," I tell her.
"Do you want me to go home?" I shake my head. "Then let's go somewhere else." I'm selfish. I don't want to take her anywhere there will be a lot of other people. I want her all to myself. "Where do you live now?"
"I have a cabin in the woods."
"Can I see it?"
"Of course. Cy and Eve might be there. They have been living with me for a while now.”
"That's okay. They are a part of your life. If we are going to try at a relationship between us, we all need to get along." I smile, loving the fact she wants to talk to my friends since they are so important to me.
I pull out of Blair's driveway and make the drive to my cabin. Tora's eyes go wide when I park in front of my garage.
"This is your cabin?" she asks astonished.
"Yes," I chuckle.
"I was expecting this small log cabin nestled in the mountain. Not this. Although, I should have known better. You have the money. Might as well spend it." Tora knew how I made my money by selling an anti-virus software I created years ago. But did she know about anything I've done since?
I give her an inquisitive look. She blushes. "I may have read an article about you months ago. It talked about what you're currently working on." I remember the article. It was in a tech magazine. But how did she find it? Was she searching for me on the Internet? I smile that she still thought of me. If she's anything like me, she did so all the time.
"I love that you read the article." Her blush deepens. "Cy's truck is gone. Unless he left Eve at home, which I doubt, we have the cabin to ourselves."
Tora points at me. "Don't get any ideas. I didn't want to come over here so we could fool around."
"There's no fooling around where you're concerned. If and when we finally reunite, it will be me making love to you, rediscovering your body.”
My name leaves her lips in a breathy sigh. "Parker."
I shut my SUV off. "Come on. I'll give you the tour."
We first do a lap around the outside of the house, so she can see the land and the tall trees towering overhead. Then we go inside, walk through the living room, dining room, kitchen, and I show her the bathrooms and bedrooms, leaving mine for last.
"And this is where I sleep," I say. She frowns and quickly turns for the door, but not before I grip her elbow gently. "Let me go, Parker."
"Why?"
"I don't want to see the bed you've slept with numerous women in."
I tug her toward me so she faces me. Using my finger, I lift her chin until her eyes meet mine. "I've never brought women back here."
She rolls her eyes. "Uh huh. Sure."
"I'm not going to deny I've been with other women while we were apart, but never once did they come to my home. This is where I live, where I feel the most comfortable. It's not a place to bring a casual fuck."
"You brought me here."
"You never were a casual fuck. You’re my first love. You’re my only love."
Her bottom lip trembles slightly, and I have to fight every urge in my body not to kiss her. Then she leans forward and gives me exactly what I want. Her lips meet mine, and holy fuck, it's like everything in my world is right again. At first, she's hesitant. Her hands lightly touching my chest, her lips only applying slight pressure on mine, but this taste of her isn't enough. I want more.
My hands go to her hips as I hold her in place and press my body to hers. It's been so long since I've felt her. Tora's lips part and it's all the invitation I need before my tongue goes in search of hers. Once they meet, God, it's the perfect kiss. Her hands glide up to rest on either side of my face so she can angle me to deepen our kiss. I bend to skate my palms down her thighs and lift her until those gorgeous legs of hers are wrapped around my waist.
I have her pushed against the wall in a matter of seconds. We don't break the kiss, only stay connected to get reacquainted with one another. We don't need to, however. Four years are gone in the blink of an eye. I find myself as turned on by her as I did the last time we made love. The heat of her body is meshing with my own and I'm hard as a rock against her.
Leaving her lips, I kiss a path down her neck as my hands mold to her ass, pressing her where I want her. What I wouldn't give to shed these clothes and sink into her. To find out if her body still feels as good wrapped around my dick.
She moans. "Parker, we have...oh, fuck that feels so good."
I nip at the skin along her shoulder while I grind my hips into hers. Finding her breast, I tease her nipple through her bra. She's writhing against me, rubbing herself along my length, and I can barely keep myself from coming. There has always been something about Tora that drives me wild with lust. My desire for her is a thousand times greater than for any other woman.
"You have to stop." Her breathing quickens. "Because if you don't, I'm going to strip you bare and ride you hard."
"Oh, God, sweetheart, please do that. I want you so bad."
I lift her shirt and pull the cup of her bra down to suck her nipple in between my teeth. She cries out when I gently bite her. Her nails dig into my shoulders. I want her to come. I want to capture her moans with my mouth, but damn, she wanted us to go slow and here I am pushing her further. With great effort, I release her nipple and lean back to catch my breath.
"Why did you stop?" she asks.
"You want to take this slow, and I’m taking advantage of having you in my bedroom."
"I know—but fuck—I want you."
"I want you, too, but I want to take my time. I want to bury myself inside of you and make love to you."
"I want that, too."
I hold her a few minutes longer, not wanting to let her go. She rests her forehead on mine and closes her eyes. "I can't believe I have you in my arms again," I tell her honestly.
"I know I said I wanted to take it slow, but I'm not sure how to do that. Having you so close to me, everything in my body is screaming for me never to let go of you. I want to pick up where we left off, minus that awful part, but I know we can't."
"You can take this at any pace you want, and I'll follow. I don't want to push you, but I do want to be with you. I want you to be mine again."
"I want to be yours."
"That settles it then," I say with a beaming smile. "No more dating Finn or any other fucker out there. You're all mine, Astoria Livingston."
"We were always meant to be together."