Walking into church for the first time in nearly fifteen years wasn’t as hard as Josie had anticipated. Myrna Smeathers, who had taught Josie in Sunday school, was one of the greeters at the door and was handing out the programs.
“Josie. So good to see you,” she said, enveloping her in a rosewater-scented hug.
Funny, the older woman, who had always brought such cheer to Josie over the years, still smelled the same.
“Myrna. I’m so glad to see you as well. How is your family?”
Myrna beamed. “Jack Junior is still in the army, and he’s up for a promotion. Still single, though, but I’m not losing hope. Who knows? Maybe you two will find a connection next time he’s home.”
Still the same old Myrna. The self-appointed town matchmaker, she’d taken responsibility for many of the happy marriages in town. Five years older than Josie, Jack Junior had never run in her circles, though many of her friends had often sighed over how handsome he was.
“We’ll see,” Josie said. “I’m much too busy for dating right now. Between trying to save the stables, and my own life in Denver, I am not sure I can fit a man into the equation.”
A warm smile filled Myrna’s face. “I heard that you were going to give it a go. Now, I’m not one for butting into other people’s business, but I think it’s a terrible shame you and Big Joe couldn’t agree while he was still alive. If you ask me, he’s needed you here for quite some time.”
Josie hadn’t asked, but that was the way of life in a small town. Everyone knew everyone’s business, and they all had opinions about how things should be handled—part of why she’d dreaded coming to church.
“He had Brady,” Josie said. “I wish he had relied more on him because Brady knows what he’s doing. He’s a smart man with a big heart for the stables. Honestly, if anyone saves the stables, it will be Brady.”
Myrna nodded sagely. “You always were sweet on him. You know, he’s still single as well.”
Oh, boy. Josie had walked right into that one.
“I think there’s been too much between us for me to have a future with Brady. You would have a better chance fixing me up with your son.”
Before Myrna could answer, a man cleared his throat, and Josie turned. Brady.
On one hand, it was slightly embarrassing that he’d overheard her saying that. But on the other, it was good for him to know where he stood. She had confessed all kinds of embarrassing things about her feelings and broken heart to him. It wouldn’t be right for him to think she was still carrying a torch. While she knew she had to build some kind of relationship with him, she could never trust him enough again to consider being romantically involved.
“I appreciate your vote of confidence,” Brady said. He shifted his weight slightly. “But you know, I don’t think I can do it alone. I’d been helping Joe all these years, trying my best, but obviously, it wasn’t enough. The stables are in dire straits, and I should have seen it sooner.”
It hadn’t occurred to Josie that Brady would feel responsible for all the things going wrong. “You know how stubborn my father was. You’ve pointed out several things you’ve wanted to change, but he wouldn’t let you. I think, if we let you implement the different changes you had in mind, the stables will be better than ever.”
“I agree,” Myrna said. “You know who you need to talk to?”
Josie shook her head.
“Maddie.” Myrna’s face lit up. “She works over at the comfort care nursing home, and though I’m ashamed to say that that’s where we have my mother, on account of her dementia being so bad, I’ll tell you, Maddie puts on the best programs for the residents. I’m sure she would have some great ideas for this benefit I hear you’re going to be putting on.”
Myrna used to be one of the people always pushing Maddie and Josie to get along. And here it was, Josie’s first day back at church, and she was already being told to date Brady and work with Maddie. If it wasn’t for the fact that Myrna was the sweetest, most well-meaning human being on the planet, Josie would have gagged and rolled her eyes.
But instead, she smiled and said, “That’s something Brady and I can talk about. I’m not sure Maddie would be willing, but it wouldn’t hurt to try.”
“What do you think you’re doing, speaking for me?” Maddie demanded, stepping into their group.
Okay. Lesson learned. Josie just needed to keep her mouth shut. “Myrna mentioned what a great job you do putting on programs for the residents at the nursing home. She suggested we talk to you about some of the ideas for our benefit and see if you’re willing to help.”
“So you just assumed I wouldn’t.”
Brady held out his hands. “No. She didn’t. She said she wasn’t sure, but she was willing to try. I like Myrna’s suggestion. Half the town tries to score invitations to the programs you do at the nursing home because they’re so wonderful. You have a gift and would be an asset to any fundraiser we put on. But you need to stop assuming the worst of Josie. Coming back here, facing the pain of her past, is hard for her. And we need to step up and show her some grace and love instead of making her the enemy.”
Tears pricked the back of her eyes at Brady’s defense. Back when they were kids, Brady defended her all the time. But that seemed to stop once he took up with Maddie. It was silly of her to put so much stock in this one moment, but hearing Brady’s acknowledgment of the difficulty of her situation made her think that maybe she wasn’t so alone.
Myrna reached forward and gave Josie another hug. “Of course, this is all hard on you. You just lost your father, and while I know things weren’t good between you, he was still your father, and there must still be a huge hole in your heart. I’m here for whatever you need. Once you come up with a plan, I’m going to invite you to the women’s group to talk to them about volunteering and giving what they can to make your fundraiser a success.”
When Myrna released her, Josie found a new sense of strength. She held dozens of fundraisers for the youth program she managed back home, but no one had ever so fervently given their support. And such a reassuring hug would have been considered unprofessional. But as Josie stepped into the sanctuary and took in the familiar sights of a place that hadn’t changed in fifteen years, it almost felt like maybe she was coming home.
At the end of the service, Josie felt a deep sense of peace, unlike anything she had ever known. Though Pastor Cline couldn’t have known her unease about attending when he’d planned the sermon, being reminded of the prodigal son and the importance of restoration had touched her heart. She hadn’t wanted to come, but now she knew it had been exactly what she’d needed. Now she needed to take the steps toward reconciliation with the people she’d left behind.
After church, Josie greeted old friends and neighbors in the courtyard. Other than the fact that they welcomed her back, it was like she hadn’t left at all. Everyone was so happy to see her. There was none of the uncomfortable feeling she’d had at her father’s will reading. So many old friends surrounded her, and Josie’s heart ached at the realization that she’d simply turned her back on all of them. After many quick hugs and exchanged phone numbers, as well as promises to get together as soon as she had time, Josie started toward the parking lot, where she saw Maddie getting into her truck.
“Maddie. Wait,” Josie said. “I was sincere about wanting your help with the fundraiser. I trust Myrna and Brady’s judgment that you do a great job at the nursing home. And, since your daughter has been part of the organization for so long, you know the families way better than I do. Would you be willing to give some thought to things we could do?”
Maddie stared at her for a moment. “Do you really want my help, or are you just trying to butter me up so I don’t stand in the way of you getting back together with Brady?”
Back to this. Josie took a deep breath, trying to find the words to make Maddie feel more secure.
“What Brady and I had was a long time ago. I’m not here for a relationship with him. Even if I was, because I spend so much time working with youth, I know how important it is for them to have a stable family life with loving parents. I would never do anything to jeopardize the way the two of you co-parent Kayla.”
Maddie glared at her. “You did a few weeks ago at the arena.”
Josie took another deep breath, reminding herself of all the ways she had been trained to deal with difficult parents. This situation was harder because of her personal issues with Maddie, but at the heart was still a child who needed the very best from them all.
“My intention was not to undermine you as a parent. However, there were some very real safety issues, and my goal is to keep Kayla and the other children as safe as possible. I’m sorry if you felt I was undermining you. Now that we’ve had some time away from the situation, I’m happy to talk to you about how we can do better in the future.”
Josie took out her phone and pulled up the folder of pictures and ideas. “I redid the show schedule because I remember how hard it was for people to change between some of the acts. We weren’t in all the same specialty acts, so maybe you could take a look at it and make sure I covered all the bases.”
She handed her phone to Maddie, who looked at it like it was a snake that was going to bite her.
“You really want my help?” Maddie asked.
“Yes.” Josie gestured at the screen. “Feel free to scroll through the whole file. There are also some pictures of the old costumes so we can think about how to repurpose them since there isn’t money for many new things.”
Instead of looking like she was ready to work together on a solution, Maddie’s eyes filled with tears. “Still trying to one-up me by being the better person.”
“No,” Josie said. “I don’t think either one of us is better than the other. It’s clear you love your daughter and want her to succeed. I know I had Abigail, but to have had a mom cheering me on would have been amazing. I would never want to take that from her. Can we please put our differences aside and work together for the best interests of Kayla?”
Maddie nodded slowly. “You asked me that before. And today, after what Pastor Cline said about living in peace with our brothers and sisters, I can’t ignore the call to do better.”
So God had been speaking to them both through the sermon. As much as Josie didn’t want to admit it, she had been wrong to stay away from church for so long. She needed this precious time with the Lord.
With a quick, silent prayer that felt uncomfortable after so many years of unuse, Josie asked God for His help in bringing reconciliation to her and Maddie.
Maddie finally looked at the phone Josie handed to her. “This schedule is so much better. I didn’t think you cared that I never had enough time to change between trick and dressage. A few of us thought that you got your father to do it that way just to make me look bad.”
Wow. Funny how she’d been blamed all these years for something she had no control over. “You give me far too much credit for being vindictive, or for having any influence over my father. I always got in trouble for taking too long between ropes and trick. Instead of changing the schedule, he told me to get faster.”
“We all thought you had it made, with Big Joe as your father.”
Josie had fought against that idea her whole life. But she’d never had the chance to set anyone straight. “I wish,” she said. “He was really hard on me, pushing me to be better because I represented him.”
A thoughtful look crossed Maddie’s face. “As hard as it is to admit, you were the best.” She scrolled to one of the pictures. “I loved this costume on you. I was so jealous that you got the best costume.”
Josie looked at the picture. “Don’t be. It was so itchy. I thought you had the cutest costume.”
“It dug into my shoulders too much.” Maddie laughed. “How funny that we both envied each other’s costumes and never realized it until now.”
Though it seemed like a simple comment, Josie wondered if that was the heart of why they’d always failed to get along.
Then she said, “Is that why you hate me so much?”
For a moment, Maddie looked thoughtful, like she couldn’t even remember why she cherished this animosity against Josie. Their grudge had gone on so long that it was almost a bad habit more than anything else. Hopefully, they could find a way to move forward.
“You had everything,” Maddie said. “And I lived in this dumpy trailer with a mom who was never home, and I didn’t know my dad. I thought you had everything with Big Joe as your dad. I would have given anything to have even known who mine was.”
The expression on Maddie’s face softened, and for the first time, Josie recognized the pain in the other woman’s heart. She would have never thought she could have this much compassion for her worst enemy, and she knew such grace could only come from God.
“And I wished I had known my mom,” Josie said. “I can’t believe it took so long for us to realize how alike our situations were. We could have supported each other better.”
They spent a few minutes reminiscing about past incidents, and it amazed Josie to see how many times they ended up laughing at how it was all a big misunderstanding.
After Maddie shared a story about how she thought Josie had intentionally left her behind at a show, Josie shook her head.
“We let a lot of silly stuff come between us. Instead of talking about the issues, we made assumptions that led to us being enemies, when we could have so easily been friends.”
Maddie nodded. “You’re right. We had a lot in common, but we were too busy hating each other to see it.”
“Maybe we have an opportunity to redeem that,” Josie said, gesturing at the phone. “Myrna thinks you have a talent for putting on events. What can you do for ours?”
After studying the pictures for a minute, Maddie said, “The ladies at the nursing home have a sewing circle. They’re always looking for sewing projects to benefit charities. When I bring Kayla for her next lesson, I’ll stop by and get one of each of the costumes, then talk to the ladies to see if they can do anything with them.”
After all this time, Josie couldn’t believe she and Maddie were having this conversation and looking at ways of working together. Josie’s heart felt lighter than it had in years.
That was the freeing power that God gave them with forgiveness.
Then she held out her arms to Maddie. “I’m sorry I didn’t give you more of a chance. Can we please start over?”
She half expected Maddie not to hug her back, but Maddie did. “I would like that. I’m sorry I always saw the worst in you. I guess we both made our share of mistakes. And I’ll admit that I don’t always see clearly when it comes to my daughter or Brady.”
Brady. That was the other thing between them.
“I don’t know what happened to you guys, but if you still love him...”
Maddie shook her head. “I don’t think I ever did. That’s the messed-up thing about it all. At first, it was just funny to take something you wanted, but that changed when I had to grow up real fast and become the mother of a baby I wasn’t prepared for. Brady was amazing—is amazing—and I couldn’t do it without him. I guess I do get a little protective if I think that anything is going to take his focus off our daughter.”
Even though it was good to have finally found some healing over their past, Josie was glad to bring the conversation back to the present, where they could solve their problems and make things better.
“I can understand that,” Josie said. “And I hope I’ve put your mind at ease because for me, no matter what, Kayla is what’s most important.”
Maddie nodded. “So, am I still banned from the arena?”
Josie shrugged. “Are you going to be able to stop yelling instructions at her?”
Maddie laughed. “Okay, I guess I do get a little overenthusiastic. The others were right. It’s not the first time I’ve gotten in trouble for being overzealous. I will try to keep my mouth shut.”
“Then I’m willing to give you another chance there, too.”
They hugged again, and it felt like something significant had shifted in their relationship. It seemed almost surreal. Josie would have never thought it possible to connect with Maddie on such a deep level.
Though Brady had told Josie that he needed her to help plan the fundraiser, Josie felt somewhat inadequate because she hadn’t been around for so long. While many people in the community were familiar to her, she no longer knew the families the way she once had. She certainly didn’t know the kids. But Maddie did.
A small shiver coursed through her as Josie wondered if all of this was happening as part of God’s work in their lives.
When they released their embrace, Josie said, “Thanks for taking the time to talk to me about all this. There’s no way I can save the stables on my own, but if we all work together, I believe we can do it.”
“Okay,” Maddie said. “Let me see what I can do.”
As Maddie drove off, Josie felt a deep peace in her heart that she hadn’t known in a long time. It was unbelievable to think that she could have reconciled with someone who’d tormented her for so long with such a simple conversation. But the truth was, the simple knowing of why and how they both envied each other for similar reasons made it easier to get past those hurts. So completely unexpected, and yet, Josie knew that this had to be God touching their hearts.
Long ago, she would have said exactly that. As much as she’d wanted to leave old Josie behind, she was glad to have finally rediscovered her.
Brady came jogging over. “Did I just see you hug Maddie?”
Josie nodded. “It does seem improbable, doesn’t it? It’s funny, I knew that it was Maddie and her mom alone together, but it never occurred to me that she and I were living very similar lives. Me, longing for a mother, and her longing for a father.”
Brady nodded. “It’s why I couldn’t abandon her when she found out she was pregnant. I mean, I wouldn’t be able to abandon my own kid anyway, but I always felt bad for Maddie, not having a supportive family the way I did. I didn’t want my child to grow up without that.”
Josie smiled at him. “I feel bad. We haven’t talked about your family since I’ve been back. How are they?”
A wide grin filled his face. “Great. You would have seen my mom and dad today, but they’re off visiting my brother Sean. He’s married now and running a big ranch in Texas. They just had their first baby, and Mom is over the moon at having another little one to spoil.”
Growing up, if Josie had any free time when she wasn’t doing stuff for the stables, she was always at Brady’s house. His mom had filled in the gaps where Abigail didn’t quite understand how to mother a child when she was still a child herself. There were times when Josie would have loved to have been able to pick up the phone and give Brady’s mom a call, but that would have been weird considering the circumstances.
Now that Josie was coming to terms with the past, she was starting to remember all the good things she left behind. She’d focused on the negative, even used it to fuel herself during rough times, when she was desperately trying to move on with her life but felt so alone. Being in church today reminded her of that. That even in her loneliest moments growing up, she had the people here to comfort her, check in on her and ask her how her day was. When she’d left, she thought she had no other choice. And maybe she hadn’t. But now, as much as she’d promised never to come back, she was grateful she had.
She just hoped that if they couldn’t save the stables, everyone wouldn’t hate her for her failure.
It would be a shame to come back and reconnect, only to let them all down again.
“I’m so glad to hear that your family is doing well,” she finally said. Josie would have to trust in God and His plan and that no matter what happened, there had to be a good purpose behind it all.
“Me, too.” Brady grinned. “Even though Sean is far away, he’s going to do what he can to help. The ranch he runs sponsors several horsemanship events, so he’s promised to talk to the owner and see what they can do for us. He’s got a lot of good memories of this place, and he doesn’t want to see it die.”
Maybe that’s what Josie needed to do with her memories of the stables. If her experience here at church could show her that a community of wonderful people had once surrounded her, could she also remember the good things about her experiences with the stables? Her therapist used to challenge her on the notion that everything here was all bad. She was right. Josie had already been planning on making an appointment when she got back home, but it felt good to realize that it wasn’t just going to be about how broken she was once again, but about the growth she had been having.
Brady gestured at a group of people who had gathered in the parking lot. “A bunch of us go for brunch after church, and I thought you might want to join us. Some folks you probably remember, others are newcomers to the area, but they’re all good people, and I think you would enjoy it.”
Josie hesitated. While she couldn’t deny all the positives that came with being back, it also felt overwhelming. She’d already dealt with so many difficult emotions; she wasn’t sure she could handle much more today.
“Thanks, but I promised Abigail I’d spend some time with her today. I need to drive home tonight so I can work in the morning. I’ve been so busy with all the stable stuff that I haven’t given her a lot of quality time.”
He nodded slowly, but she could see the disappointed look on his face. She hated letting him down, but the whole reason she was doing this really was for her cousin. She had to remember her relationship with Abigail was her priority, so that, even if the stables failed, she still had her cousin. Josie had neglected their relationship a lot these past years, and the biggest lesson she’d learned in all of this was that she could no longer take Abigail for granted. Okay, maybe it was that she couldn’t take anything for granted anymore.
The only trouble with deciding to open her heart again was that it was going to be hard not to let back in the man who was walking away looking slightly dejected. Yes, she was learning a lot about forgiveness and reconciliation, but she also needed to guard her heart so it wouldn’t get broken again.