His lovemaking was unforgiving. That was the only way she could describe it. Making love to Ajay was easily the most amazing thing she’d ever experienced. It demanded certain emotions from her body. Provoked feelings she’d never felt before. And even though she knew she should be nervous that he had such a hold on her mind and her body, instead she felt liberated. Uninhibited. Enlightened.
She glanced back at Ajay, who was walking behind her. In khaki shorts, a cream T-shirt and white-and-beige polo shoes, he looked good enough to eat. Either that, or she was still thinking about how good he looked naked.
After they’d had sex last night, he had spent the rest of the night massaging her body, collecting on the foreplay that she’d made him skip, causing her to have two more orgasms.
Earlier that morning, she’d found that she’d gotten only two additional texts last night. One from Danni and another from Summer. Both said they figured she was still with Ajay but reinforced the fact that both of them needed to meet the group for breakfast before the hiking competition. She’d confirmed they would both be there, but truthfully, she would have much preferred to stay naked in the bed with Ajay.
“What in the world made them pick a hiking competition?”
“What’s wrong with hiking?” she said with a laugh. During breakfast, Ajay had been grumpy, and when she’d asked what was wrong he told her that he had wanted to stay in bed with her and continue what they started last night. It wasn’t lost on her that he’d had only one orgasm, but she planned on changing that tonight.
“Nothing is wrong with hiking up a small hill, but there is nothing small about this mountain we’re climbing. It’s ninety-five degrees out here.”
He was right. They had already been hiking for two hours. Winter and Taheim had thought it would be a good idea to separate them into teams of two and make it a competition. Along the hike, they had to find different-colored small flags and pick them up. The first team to the top with all ten flags won.
“We only have three more flags to get.” He groaned at her comment. “How about we talk about something to take your mind off the hike? You put in a lot of work last night, so your body is probably just tired.”
“Okay, let’s talk, then.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Um, let’s talk about how sexy you look naked.”
“I’m serious, Ajay.”
“Me, too.” He chuckled. “You look amazing in clothes, like these short blue-jean shorts and tank you’re wearing. But you look breathtaking without a stitch of clothing.”
She smiled even though he couldn’t see her. “Thank you, but I mean it. Let’s talk about something other than me being naked.”
“If you insist. Hmm, let’s see. Since being here, I’ve decided to be a guest speaker for a program in Chicago that aids women released from prison.”
“Oh, really? How did you come to that decision?”
“My mom has volunteered for the program for over fifteen years.”
“Wow. I swear, Mrs. Reed is so fierce. Love that about her.”
“She is. She’s been trying to convince me to speak at the program for years, but I always turn her down. My dad even called and asked me to speak a month and a half ago because he took my mom on vacation so she couldn’t do it. But I wasn’t ready to speak then. Being here has made me reevaluate a lot of things and do some self-reflection.”
“I know what you mean. Bora Bora has had the same impact on me.” She stopped walking and turned to face Ajay. “What does your mom want you to talk about?”
His face tensed. “My life growing up with a mother who was in and out of jail. The program isn’t just for women released from prison. It’s for their families, too. She thinks by sharing my story, I can help the kids.”
“I agree. I think sharing your story with them is extremely brave and has the possibility of helping a child who is currently going through what you’ve been through. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks,” he said as some of the tension released from his face. “I’m not brave. I’m just doing it to try to help others.”
He looked as though he wanted to tell her more, but he was silent for a while. He seemed content to just stand there and look at her. She let him, hoping that she was giving him the support he needed.
“When I turned nineteen, I ran into my birth mom in our old neighborhood. Even though I hadn’t lived there, I still went to visit my grandmother’s friend, who was still living at the time. Immediately, I could tell she was strung out on drugs again. She looked a mess and she begged me to give her money. When I refused, she went crazy and started causing a scene right on the street. I gave her the money just to make her go away. Months later I heard that she got arrested.”
She glanced around at the path they were on and motioned for him to sit next to her on a couple of large rocks. “What did she get arrested for?”
“For armed robbery, which she subsequently did to support her drug habit. I sometimes wonder if talking to her would have changed the outcome. Back then, I felt guilty for being adopted by the Reeds. I hadn’t even thought about her that much until we saw each other in the street that day.”
“She wasn’t there for you like a mother should be. You can’t be upset at yourself for moving on with your life and hoping for a better hand than the one you were dealt.”
“I think that’s another reason why I felt guilty. I’ve felt as if I was a part of the Reed family since I was seven years old. There’s a lot that I block out from my past, but I know my past is what made me who I am today.”
She picked up on words that he hadn’t yet spoken aloud. “But there are some decisions you made in the past that you would change, right?”
“Exactly. Years later, I wish I could take back how I handled the situation when I heard she was out of jail and had been clean for two months.”
Suddenly, she understood all too well the guilt he was probably carrying around. “What happened?”
He sighed and leaned his elbows back on the rock. “My mom had called me a few days after my twenty-fifth birthday to tell me that my birth mother was in the women’s-aid program and she’d asked about me. My mom wanted me to talk to her and encourage her to stay clean, and build a new relationship with her. I went to the aid program that day and watched her through the window. She was waiting in the corner of the room and she looked so fragile. So broken. Years of pain and hurt reflected on her face. And I froze. I realized that I wasn’t ready to talk to her. I wasn’t sure what I would say or if I even wanted a relationship with her. I think I watched her from that window for ten minutes before I finally went back to my car.”
As Ajay rehashed every emotion he felt as he looked through that window, her heart broke for him. He took a break and looked out at the trees blowing in the wind. “Two months after I saw her through the window, she overdosed. I never got a chance to make amends. Never got a chance to tell her how I felt or to figure out if she, too, wanted to make amends. I never got a chance to hear her side of the story and learn what happened in the years we’d been apart.”
She hadn’t even noticed tears had fallen down her face until she felt his hand brush them away.
“I already know what you’re thinking, and I’ve never forgiven myself for losing out on the opportunity to speak with her one last time.”
“That’s not what I was thinking, Ajay.” She wiped a few remaining tears. “My father always told me that you couldn’t unring the bell. All you can do is move forward. That night it wasn’t Ajay, the man, looking through that window. It was Ajay, the boy. The kid who had to grow up way too fast and saw way too much to be so young. You were frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Confused. She’d put you through hell and back and when you saw her through the window, all the emotions you felt came flooding back all at once.”
“I didn’t expect that to be the last time I saw her.” His voice was so low she had to strain to hear him. “I was a grown-ass man, but I cried when my mom told me what had happened. The director of the women’s-aid program had contacted her. I couldn’t believe that I had missed two chances to make things right with her and I’d lost any chance of ever seeing her again. Mom and Dad didn’t even ask me any questions about how I felt. They just consoled me and informed me that they were paying for my birth mother to be buried in the same cemetery as my grandmother. I’ve still never been there. Can’t bring myself to go.”
“Your parents really are amazing.”
“They are. I don’t deserve them.
“Yes, you do.” She adjusted herself on the rock so she was facing him. “You’ve blamed yourself for years, but your birth mother made the choice to do drugs that night. I know you hate that you were never able to have an honest conversation with her, but you’ve carried this burden for ten years and you have to understand that even if you had spoken with her, the outcome may not have been different.”
He dragged his long fingers down his face. “Trust me. I’m working on it. Speaking at the next program meeting is a big step for me, but it won’t change the past.”
“You’re right, it won’t. But it’s definitely a step you need to take to start the process of forgiving yourself...and forgiving your mom. I, of all people, know how hard that can be. But I have faith in you, and as soon as you realize what an amazing man you are and understand that you can’t let the past dictate your future, you’ll be surprised at how much quicker the forgiveness process goes.”
“Did you forgive your ex?”
“I’m still working on it. But I have forgiven my mom. I had to for my own sanity...”
He studied her eyes the way he had earlier, and just like before, she sat there and let him get his fill. “I happen to think you’re pretty amazing, too.”
She felt her cheeks grow warm under his gaze. Separately, they had their share of problems, but together, she couldn’t help but think there was anything they couldn’t overcome. Opening up to Ajay was something she’d expected once she gave in to her attraction. Falling in love with Ajay wasn’t the plan, but she had a feeling that was exactly where she was headed.
He leaned toward her and captured her lips in a kiss. She didn’t know if it was possible, but each kiss seemed to be more passionate than the last. The only thing that would have been better was if they hadn’t been sitting on hard rocks.
“You guys are never going to win that way.”
Reluctantly, they broke the kiss. She lightly shook her head to clear away the lustful fog and spotted Jaleen and Danni standing a few feet away with big smiles on their faces.
“I don’t know about that, Jaleen,” Danni said, crossing her arms. “It all depends on if they are trying to win this hiking game or if they are trying to win something else entirely.”
A witty remark was right on the tip of her tongue, but Ajay chose that moment to gaze into her eyes momentarily, cutting off all the oxygen to her brain. Not only did she read the look in his eyes, but they’d turned from light brown to deep gray. The change was taking her mind to a very naughty place. She wished she had the guts to ask him if he agreed with Danni. Were they playing for something else entirely? Was he playing for keeps or was she just his current fixation?
When his lips curled into a sexy side smile, she bit her bottom lip and moaned.
“I just need one more,” he said before going in for another kiss, disregarding the fact that they had an audience. If anyone would have asked her months ago if she would have been sitting on a mountain publicly kissing the sexiest man she’d ever known, she would have laughed in the person’s face. And now she wasn’t sure she would stop the kiss even if ten more couples showed up to watch.
“Looks as though you’re the lone wolf left in Chicago,” Danni said, patting Jaleen on his back. “Better start planning single bachelor activities for one.”